Unchained Memories

by Karen D. Badger

  Billie’s OT went well. Before the therapist left, she indicated their sessions were about to end, as Billie’s progress was rapidly becoming self propelled. During OT, Cat curled up on Billie’s bed and fell asleep. Billie watched her with interest as she waited for her lunch to arrive. Something felt so familiar about her, yet so foreign. Billie felt more and more comfortable with her as time went on. No one had mentioned their marriage for a couple of days, but the nagging thought was always there at the back of her mind. She said I was beautiful. I can feel her love for me. Why can’t I feel anything for her? Who are you, Cat? Who are you?

  Billie pondered these questions as her lunch arrived. Without Cat to wait on her, she found it a little more of a challenge, but soon, she managed to open her milk carton by herself and spread the mayonnaise on her turkey sandwich without making too much of a mess.

  As promised, Laura arrived when lunch was over to help her into bed. She wheeled the chair over to her, locked the brakes, and held her hands out to Billie. Using Laura as an anchor, Billie struggled to her feet, pivoted her body, and lowered herself into the chair. “You’re getting pretty good at that, girl.” Laura wheeled her over to the bed.

  Billie stopped Laura from waking Cat. “No, leave her.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, up you go then.” She helped Billie to her feet and lowered her to the bed. “Pleasant dreams, Billie,” Laura said as she left.

  Billie lay back carefully, so as to not awaken Cat. Cat’s hair spilled over onto Billie’s pillow. Billie raised a lock of hair and held it. So soft. She rolled onto her side, spooned behind Cat, and draped her arm around Cat’s middle. Moments later, she joined her in the arms of sleep.

  Cat shifted in her sleep and felt a familiar weight around her waist. She rolled part way over and peeked over her shoulder. Her heart flip-flopped when she saw she was wrapped in Billie’s arms. Is this really happening? She shifted a little more and felt Billie’s arm tighten around her and pull her closer. Oh yeah, this is definitely happening. Cat snuggled into the embrace and allowed herself to gather warmth and comfort from Billie’s arms before falling back to sleep.

  Laura shook Billie’s arm. “Ladies, ladies, time to get up. Wakey, wakey.”

  “Huh?” Billie rolled onto her back. When she pulled away from Cat, she felt a tremendous sense of loss and separation. Confused and disoriented, she glanced at Cat, who was still sleeping, and back at Laura.

  “You okay?” Laura asked her.

  “Yeah, I think so.” She glanced again at Cat.

  “Should we wake her?” Laura asked.

  “If we don’t, she’ll be upset that she missed the PT.”

  “Do you want to do the honors, or shall I?”

  “I’ll do it. She’s hard to get up sometimes.” Now how did I know that? Billie thought as she shook Cat several times before she roused from sleep.

  “Whaa...? Oh, is it time to go?” Cat rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

  “Yes, ma’am,” Laura answered. She moved the wheelchair within Billie’s reach. “Come on, Billie. Ivan will get impatient if we’re late.”

  “Okay, Billie, now that you’ve mastered pulling yourself up out of the chair, let’s see if you can take a few steps,” Joseph said.

  Billie stood between the parallel bars with Joseph in front of her. Laura was behind her, grasping the belt around her waist. Once again, Cat was relegated to the sidelines, with strict orders from Joseph to keep her mouth shut.

  “Try to move one of your feet,” Joseph said.

  Billie felt like her feet were glued to the floor. Using her hands for support and Laura’s touch on the belt for balance, she struggled to move her right foot forward. Suddenly her knees gave out and she almost went down, save for Laura’s strong arms around her waist. Laura helped her back to her feet and whispered words of encouragement in her ear as Billie regained her balance. This process was repeated for an hour, with Billie stumbling several times.

  Angry, humiliated, and frustrated beyond all comprehension, she lashed out at Joseph, and even at Laura, as tears streaked down her face. Partway through the session, Cat fled the room.

  When Billie was on the verge of giving up, Joseph assisted her with simulated leg movements and helped her take several steps along the length of the parallel bars to her wheelchair.

  Laura wheeled her back to her room, where Cat sat staring out the window. Laura helped Billie into bed. She massaged the knots out of Billie’s tired muscles, wished the women a good evening, and left them alone.

  “I’m sorry,” Cat said.

  “For what?”

  Cat faced her. “For deserting you in there. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart was breaking for you.”

  “I understand. I wish I could have gone with you.”

  Cat approached the bed. “Do you still want me to go home tonight?”

  “No.”

  Cat nodded.

  “Cat?”

  “Yes?”

  “We’re married, right?”

  “Yes, we are. You fought very hard in court for the right to make it legal.”

  “Will you tell me about it—about us? Will you tell me about our life?”

  Cat took Billie’s hand in her own and raised it to her lips. She kissed her knuckles and held the hand close to her heart. “Of course I will, love. Of course I will.”

  Billie moved over on the bed to make room for Cat to lie next to her. Cat climbed in and lay facing Billie. Their noses were only inches part.

  “Once upon a time, there was a beautiful dark-haired aerobics instructor and a very clumsy redhead...”

  Part III:

  Unchained Memories

  Chapter 28

  Billie opened her eyes the next morning and found herself looking straight into twin emerald orbs. She was lying in the same position she had fallen asleep: on her side, hands tucked under her cheek, facing Cat. The same held true for her companion. Their faces were mere inches apart as they kept their gaze. Neither of them seemed willing to break the spell that held them captive.

  Who are you, Cat? Out loud, Billie said, “Your story last night was incredible.”

  “Our story. Yours and mine, and it’s all true—every word.”

  “I believe you. I’m sorry I can’t remember.” Billie rolled onto her back and covered her eyes with her arm.

  “But you remember you, right? You remember you’re attracted to women?”

  Billie nodded without removing her arm from her eyes.

  Cat propped herself on her elbow. “Billie, I know this scares you. It scares me too.”

  Billie removed her arm from her face and narrowed her eyes at Cat. “Why are you scared? Your memories are intact. You know who you are and what your dreams are. What have you got to be afraid of?”

  “You’re kidding, right? You want to know what I have to be afraid of? I’m afraid you’ll never remember me, that you’ll never remember us. I’m afraid of facing a future without the one person who completes me—who makes me feel whole. I’m afraid the day you leave this hospital, you’ll walk out of my life forever, and you’ll take my son away from me when you go. I’m afraid I’ll never again wake up in the morning and see those beautiful blue eyes looking back at me. I’m afraid we’ll never experience the joy of seeing our children marry, or witness the birth of our first grandchild together. I’m afraid of facing each and every day with the memory of your touch, your smile, and your kiss lingering on my mind, but beyond my reach. I’m afraid of lying on my deathbed longing for your love and knowing it would never be mine again. My entire future is centered around you, Billie. I’m afraid that future is but a fleeting hope, which is losing its grip on reality. These are the things I’m afraid of.” Cat closed her eyes, releasing the tears teetering on her lids.

  Billie was not so lucky. As she listened to Cat expose her heart, the tears flowed unchecked. When it became obvious Cat had finished, she reached out to touch
her cheek. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could remember, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  “Just know I love you, Billie. I’ll wait for you, and I hope and pray you’ll come back to me someday. No matter how long it takes, I’ll be waiting.”

  Tears rolled down the sides of Billie’s face to the pillow. She allowed Cat to wipe them dry and place a tender kiss on her forehead

  “A nice strong cup of coffee sounds real good right now. What do you say?” Cat asked.

  Billie nodded.

  “Okay, I guess we’d better get up then. I’ll go see about that coffee while we wait for your breakfast, then I’ve got to take a shower. I’ll be right back.”

  Moments later, Cat returned, helped Billie into a sitting position, and left to get a shower.

  Billie thanked the cafeteria attendant who brought her breakfast, along with an additional cup of coffee for Cat. As soon as the attendant left, Billie’s attention was drawn to the doorway by the arrival of Jen, who walked into the room carrying coffee and donuts.

  “Good morning, tough guy. Wow, I’m impressed. You’re sitting up on your own.” Jen wrapped her arms around Billie and kissed her on the mouth.

  Billie was startled at her boldness. A blush rose rapidly to her face.

  Jen laughed. “You look pretty in pink.” She scanned the room. “Where’s Red?”

  “In the shower. You’re our neighbor, right?”

  “That would be me. Neighbor extraordinaire. I can’t wait for you to come home. I kind of miss running with you in the morning. Without those long legs of yours giving me a challenge, I’m afraid I’m getting soft.”

  “I run with you?”

  “Every morning.”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t remember.”

  Jen sat next to Billie and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Don’t worry, it’ll come back. It just takes time.”

  Cat came out of the bathroom in time to see the little tête à tête. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask Jen if she was putting the moves on her woman, but she thought better of it, afraid a comment like that might scare Billie. So, instead, she opened her arms for Jen, who quickly rose from the bed and embraced her tightly. She held her for long moments with her head resting on Jen’s shoulder while Jen rubbed her hand up and down Cat’s back.

  Jen released Cat. “I brought some coffee and donuts. Eat. You need to keep up your strength.”

  Cat accepted the coffee that had come for her with Billie’s breakfast and the one Jen brought, but she declined the food.

  Jen took the chair by the bed while Cat sat next to Billie and sipped her coffee. Billie reached a hand over and placed it on Cat’s thigh.

  “Cat,” Billie said. “Please eat something.”

  “I’m not hun—”

  “Please.”

  “Okay, okay.” She took one of the donuts.

  “So, what’s on the agenda for today?” Jen asked.

  “I’ve got to check in with Anesthesiology to see if I’m scheduled for any operations this week,” Cat said.

  “You’re a doctor?” Billie asked.

  “I’m an anesthesiologist, Billie. We chatted about this just a short time ago. I work here at this hospital.”

  “I must have forgotten. I guess that explains how you know so much about my condition.”

  “What’s on the schedule for you today, Billie?” Jen asked.

  “I have physical therapy in about a half hour.” Billie frowned.

  “That’s not one of your prettier faces, my friend. Something tells me you’re not fond of your therapy,” Jen said.

  “Not fond of her therapist is more like it. The man’s a slave driver. I’d actually like to deck him myself,” Cat said.

  Billie laughed. “You’ve already tried that.”

  Jen pushed Cat’s shoulder. “Get out of Dodge!”

  Billie’s eyes sparkled with mirth. “He and I had a little disagreement about my therapy. Cat tried to make him see the light. He took exception. Cat ended up on her back.”

  Cat poked Billie in the ribs with her elbow. “It wasn’t funny. He tossed me around like a rag doll. He threw me over his shoulder, carried me out of the room, and plunked me down in a chair in the hallway. I was banned from therapy for the rest of the session.”

  Jen laughed out loud.

  “It wasn’t funny,” Cat said.

  “I’m sorry, but I can just see you trying to defend your lady’s honor against the dragon. It’s a pretty funny image.” Jen chuckled and Billie joined in.

  Cat raised her hands in exasperation. “What am I going to do with the two of you?” she asked.

  “Do you really want to know?” Jen asked.

  “Don’t go there, girlfriend,” Cat said, causing Jen to laugh and Billie to frown.

  Changing the subject, Jen asked Cat how the kids were.

  “They’re fine. I talked to them on the phone last night. They miss us of course, but Mom and Dad are spoiling them rotten.”

  “I’d like to see them again,” Billie said.

  “Of course. How about tonight, after dinner?”

  “That sounds good.”

  “Tell you what,” Jen said, “I’ll pick them up and bring them to visit. Afterward, they can come and spend the night with Stevie and Karissa.”

  “You have children?” Billie asked.

  “Sure do. A boy and a girl. They’re pretty close in age to Seth and Tara.”

  “Are you sure you won’t mind having five kids in the house?” Cat said.

  “You know I love the little rugrats like they were my own. It’ll be fine. And besides, it’ll give your parents a break and let them spend quality time alone.”

  Cat hugged Jen. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

  Billie narrowed her eyes at Jen.

  Their attention was drawn to the doorway by the arrival of Laura pushing the wheelchair in front of her. “’Morning, ladies.”

  “Good morning,” Cat said. “Laura, this is our friend and neighbor, Jen Swenson. Jen, this is Laura, friend and savior. Laura is the therapist’s assistant. She does a good job cleaning up after the dragon has made mincemeat out of Billie. She works wonders with Billie’s muscles after a tough session.”

  Laura took Jen’s hand in her own for a firm handshake. “Nice to meet you, Jen.” She looked at Billie. “Are you ready to go to work? We don’t want to make the dragon angry at our tardiness. He just might decide to eat you for breakfast.”

  Billie grumbled, but held out her hands for Laura to help her up. Moments later, she was secured in the wheelchair and ready to go. She touched Cat’s arm. “Are you coming back?”

  “Yes, I am. I need to check the OR schedule and let Anesthesiology know where I’ll be in case of an emergency. I’ll be along after that.” She kissed the top of Billie’s head.

  “All right. See you soon,” Billie said, and Laura wheeled her away.

  Jen placed her arm around Cat’s shoulder, and Cat’s arm found its way around Jen’s waist. “Come on,” Jen said, “Walk me to the elevator.”

  Billie frowned as she watched Cat and Jen walk down the hallway.

  Laura stopped the chair and came around to face Billie. “Don’t like that much, do you?”

  “She says she loves me, but she acts so casual with Jen.”

  “Is Jen gay?”

  “It’s my understanding she has a partner.”

  “So what do you have to worry about then?”

  “Having a partner doesn’t mean she’s faithful.”

  “Point taken.”

  “Sometimes I wonder if Jen’s in love with her. Sometimes I think she’d be better off with her.”

  Laura placed her hands on her hips. “Don’t let Cat hear you talk like that. She’ll have your hide.”

  Billie’s misty gaze met Laura’s. “It’s true. Jen and Cat already act like they’re a couple. At least Jen wouldn’t be a burden to her.”

  Laura lifted Billie’s chin to make eye contact. “I don’t th
ink Cat is worried about you being a burden. She loves you very much. Never doubt that.”

  Billie looked down and somehow managed to hold her tears in check.

  “Now, let’s concentrate on working hard this morning. The quicker you recover, the quicker you’ll be able to go home—with Cat.”

  Chapter 29

  Billie stood between the parallel bars with Laura grasping the belt around her waist. Joseph was in front of her.

  “Come on, lift your foot. Try harder,” Joseph urged.

  “Damn it. I’m trying as hard as I can.” Sweat ran down Billie’s back.

  “Concentrate. Use your mind as well as your muscles.”

  Cat slipped into the room and stood against the wall near the door.

  Billie closed her eyes and grasped the bars. She channeled all her willpower into her legs and grunted with effort as she moved her right foot forward a full step. Her eyes snapped open as she looked at Joseph.

  “That’s it, Billie. You’re doing it. Now come on, try it again with the other foot.”

  Billie shifted her weight to her right foot and moved her left foot forward. Now it was her turn to grin. “I’m doing it! I’m really doing it.”

  “Yes, you are,” Laura said from behind her.

  Again, the right foot moved forward then the left. Billie’s muscles trembled with the effort.

  “Okay, that’s enough for this morning,” Joseph said.

  “No. I want to keep going.”

  “If you overdo it, you’ll only set yourself back. We don’t want that.”

  “He’s right,” Laura said. “You need to rest. We can try again this afternoon.”

  Billie gave in and allowed Laura to lower her into the wheelchair. They wheeled around and came face-to-face with Cat.

  Cat leaned over and placed a tender kiss on Billie’s lips. “I’m so proud of you.”

  Billie grinned and said to Laura. “Home, James.”

  Laura chuckled as she wheeled her back to her room.

  Laura left Billie sitting in the straight-backed chair by the window while Cat lay on her stomach on the bed, facing Billie.