Unchained Memories

by Karen D. Badger

  “I guess so. We’re having lunch with them today anyway. Seth, could you tell Jen we’ll be there around noon? Oh, and Tara, include your sister, okay? You and Karissa have a tendency to shut her out.”

  “All right, Mama.” Tara took Skylar’s hand and dragged her along as the kids ran out the door.

  Cat punched Billie in the arm.

  “Ow! What was that for?”

  “For giving me that cute little pouty face. How can I be the disciplinarian when you look at me like that?”

  Billie grinned. “You thought it was cute?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

  “What am I going to do with you?” Cat said. Seeing the suggestive leer on Billie’s face, she added. “Don’t play with fire if you don’t want to get burned, Billie. Come on, we’ve got work to do.”

  “I’m thinking a little heat might not be a bad thing.”

  “Be careful what you wish for. Don’t make me do something you’ll regret later.”

  “Who says I’ll regret it?”

  Cat faced Billie and placed both hands on her hips. She cocked her head to the side. “Billie, I’d like nothing more than to heat things up between us, but be sure you’re ready for that before you tease like this. I don’t know whether to take you seriously or not, so I’m going to chalk this one up to your good mood this morning.”

  Billie had no trouble negotiating the stairs, thanks to the rails Fred and Jen installed. She climbed and descended them twice, before climbing them a third time with the intention of exploring the second floor. She stopped at the top of the stairs and faced the hallway. Her eyes widened and she grasped Cat’s arm. “Cat, this is familiar!” Pointing, she said, “That’s Seth’s room, that’s Tara’s, and on this side is the bathroom, and Sky’s room, and our room at the end.”

  Cat smiled. “Yes. You’re right.”

  Billie took the crutches from Cat and moved down the hallway, stopping in each room as she went. Her eyes became fuller and fuller with unshed tears as the memories of the house came flooding back. When they reached the master bedroom at the end of the hall, her hand shook as she reached for the doorknob.

  She pushed the door open and stepped inside. Intense feelings of déjà vu overwhelmed her. “I can sense it, Cat. I belong here.”

  “God, I’ve waited so long for you to realize that. What else do you remember? Who else do you remember?”

  “I’m sorry. I remember the house, but I still don’t remember you, at least not all there is to remember about you.”

  Cat narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean by ‘not all there is to remember’?”

  “I had another recall. I saw a vision of you and me in a hot tub. We were talking about Seth being in a coma, and you were pissed at me.”

  “I remember. I was so angry with you for not trusting me, for not believing I could handle Seth’s condition, no matter what.”

  Billie nodded. “Yes, that’s it.” She allowed a heavy pause to fall between them. “Cat?”

  “What?”

  “Are we still in this together? I mean, all I ever seem to do is disappoint you. I’m so afraid you’ll decide one day you’ve had enough.”

  Cat put her hands on either side of Billie’s face. “When we got married, I pledged my love and my life to you until the end of time. I meant that. I still mean it today.”

  Billie stared intently at Cat as the ringing in her ears intensified.

  “Billie, are you all right?”

  She took a few steps backward and leaned against the wall. “I’m okay. Just give me a minute.”

  “Billie and Caitlain have written their own vows that they’d like to share with you now. Caitlain, you may begin.”

  Cat cleared her throat and began to speak. “Billie, I have loved you for all eternity. I believe we were destined to be together through all time, through many lives, past and present. You are my reason for living, the keeper of my heart, and the other half of my soul. You are my lover and my protector. You are in my thoughts from the moment I rise, until I lay my head down to sleep at night. You fill my dreams with sweet music. You lift my soul to the very heights of heaven. I will love you until my dying day and beyond. I pledge my love and my life to you until the end of time. Billie, I love you with all my heart, and I’m honored to be your wife.”

  Billie composed herself and prepared to deliver her own vows. She took a deep breath and began. “Cat, you came into my life at a time when I was emotionally destitute. You healed my soul and lifted my heart to new heights. You have given so much of yourself to me while asking so little in return. You are everything I could ask for. You are bright, intelligent and beautiful. You are the mother of my children and my true soul mate. You complete me, Cat. Like you, I believe our destiny was linked many years ago. For that, I will forever be grateful. I offer to you everything that I am. I promise to love you and protect you until the end of time and beyond. You are my one true love. I am honored to be your wife. Thank you for loving me.”

  “Well,” the minister said, “I believe there’s no doubt as to how these two women feel about each other, so without further ado, Caitlain, please present your offering to Billie.”

  Cat held the ring in front of her. “Billie, this ring signifies our bond. It is a never-ending circle of commitment. Please accept this token as your consent to be my wife.”

  Billie offered her hand and Cat slipped the ring onto her finger.

  Billie held Cat’s ring tightly in her fist until her knuckles were white. “Cat, I hold our love close to my heart, as I now hold this ring. I will fiercely protect you and our family, and I ask you to accept this ring as a symbol of that love and protection and as your consent to be my wife.”

  As Billie slipped the ring onto Cat’s finger, their hands interlocked and their eyes met in an unwavering gaze of love.

  The minister held her arms out wide. “In the eyes of this church and our God, and in the presence of their friends and family, I declare Billie and Caitlain to be joined as one for all time.” Then, she turned to them and said, “You may kiss the bride.”

  “Billie, are you all right?”

  Billie opened her eyes. “I remember our wedding.”

  “You do? That’s wonderful!”

  “I’m sorry, Cat. I’m sorry for putting you through this. It’s so close, just beyond my grasp. I’m sorry for not remembering more.”

  Cat grabbed Billie’s arms. “Damn it. Stop that. You’ve done nothing to apologize for.”

  Billie nodded and looked around the bedroom again. “I think I’ll take a shower as long as we’re here. I’m kind of sweaty from all that work on the stairs. Okay?”

  “Sure. I’ll just be downstairs. Please don’t come down the steps by yourself. I’ll be close by. Call to me when you’re ready. Agreed?”

  “You’ve got it, Sarge.”

  The master bath was large and contained mirrors on opposite walls to provide the right angle for looking at the back of an outfit. Billie stepped in between the mirrors and took off her T-shirt and shorts. Out of curiosity she glanced in the mirror. Her world came crashing in on her. Pain tore through her head and drove her to her knees. She grabbed her head and fell to the floor, pulling her body into a fetal position.

  Cat was in the living room, folding the blankets she used on the couch the night before, when she heard a painful keening sound. She took the stairs two at a time and made her way to the second floor master bedroom. She found Billie curled up on the bathroom floor. Her body visibly trembled and wretched sobs tore from her throat.

  Cat fell to her knees and lifted Billie’s head into her lap, cradling her like a baby. “Billie, what happened? Did you fall? Tell me, please.”

  Incapable of coherent speech, Billie just clung to Cat.

  “I’ve got you, love. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

  A short time later, Billie calmed down enough to take a deep breath and continued to draw in short, hiccuping gulps of air. After a time, she spoke.

  “I… I r
emember the welts on my back… Brian… the man at the bar…” Billie was unable to continue as she clung to Cat once more.

  Cat held Billie for a long time before she was able to convince her to lie down for a nap. Cat helped her to her feet and walked her into the bedroom. She drew down the covers on their bed and tucked her in. She reached for the telephone.

  “Hi, Jen, it’s Cat. Billie and I won’t be making it for lunch. No, she’s all right. She had another recall, a painful one from her first marriage. She’s in bed right now. I’m going to stay with her for a while. She’s pretty wrecked emotionally. What’s that? Sure, if you don’t mind. Okay I’ll pack their pajamas and clean clothes for tomorrow and run them over to you after Billie’s asleep. All right, and Jen, thanks. I’ll see you in a while. Bye.”

  She looked at Billie and found blue eyes staring back at her. Cat reached over and ran her palm down the side of Billie’s face. “Jen’s going to keep the kids tonight.”

  Billie nodded. “Can you hold me?”

  Cat was under the covers with Billie in seconds, pulling her into the circle of her arms.

  Billie slept well into the afternoon. Cat packed an overnight bag for the children and ran it over to Jen’s. Jen wouldn’t let her leave until she sat down and told her all the details of the recall.

  “There isn’t much to tell. She remembered the beatings at Brian’s hands and the guy who beat her up in the alley behind the bar a few weeks ago. She was devastated. I’ve never seen her so terrified of anything in my life.” Cat rubbed her forehead. “On the plus side, she’s recalled memories of our wedding. Can you believe it? Unfortunately, she remembers everything about the ceremony except how she felt about me. Go figure.”

  “Billie is such a lucky woman to have you. How you’re managing to stay strong through all of this is beyond me. Just know you don’t need to go it alone. We’re here to help, okay?”

  “You’re already helping. Keeping the kids for us is a godsend.” Cat looked at her watch. “I want to be there when she wakes up, so I need to get going. Kiss the kids for me when they come back from the park. Tell them I love them, all right?”

  “I will. Now go take care of your lady, and call me if you need help.”

  * * *

  Dinner that evening was very quiet. Billie awoke late in the afternoon with no intention of doing further therapy that day. After dinner, she insisted they both return to their room for the night. For a long time, she lay in Cat’s arms in silence. Finally, she spoke.

  “Cat, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I did to deserve the abuse. I just don’t have an explanation for it.”

  “It doesn’t warrant an explanation because there isn’t one. You did nothing to deserve it. You were the unfortunate victim of a sick mind. Nobody asks for that kind of abuse.”

  “I can’t help but think… if only I was a better wife, or better mother.”

  “Stop it. Stop it right now. This isn’t about how good or bad you were. It’s about how sick and twisted and controlling Brian is. This is about power and control, not about levels of goodness. And by the way, I happen to think you’re a wonderful wife and mother.”

  “I don’t know about that. I don’t feel worthy of you right now. You’re putting up with so much shit from me and because of me.”

  “Billie, when I look at you, I see the most wonderful, beautiful, worthy individual I’ve ever known. You’re perfect. You’re good. Please don’t ever change. I love you just the way you are.”

  Billie held Cat while she cried. And cry she did, releasing all the emotions she’d kept in check since the beginning of Billie’s illness. A full quarter hour later, the sobbing reduced to whimpering, and then to even breathing, and ultimately to sleep.

  Chapter 40

  Billie woke the next morning with a splitting headache. She maneuvered herself into a sitting position against the headboard and took a few moments to orient herself. Her eyes scanned the room until they fell on Cat sleeping beside her. Billie studied her for several moments. Why do you love me, Cat? You’re so smart and so beautiful. Why have you chosen me?

  Billie leaned her head back and closed her eyes. A wave of heat began to rise as the ringing in her ears increased, accompanied by the expected panicky feeling. She willed herself to relax as a memory surfaced.

  “Billie, I have never been happier in my life. All through my teen years, I was ridiculed for my preferences. My so-called friends had me convinced I would never have a normal, happy life, never have children or a stable family. Then you came. You changed my life forever. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. I’d die for you, you know.”

  Billie opened her eyes and closed them again against the intense pain. She struggled out of bed and made her way to the bathroom in search of painkillers. While she searched the medicine cabinet, she heard Cat call out her name.

  “I’m right here.” Billie stepped into the bedroom. “I have a headache. I needed to find something to get rid of it.”

  Cat held her arms out to Billie. “Come here.”

  Billie made her way over to Cat and laid the crutches on the floor before crawling across the bed and laying her head in Cat’s lap. Cat massaged her temples until the pain subsided and the painkillers started to take effect.

  Billie lay there, on her back. “Cat, when did you know you loved me?”

  “From the first moment I saw you. That fateful day when I walked into your aerobics class five years ago.”

  Billie closed her eyes as a pressure started to build behind them.

  She had red-blonde hair and a well-toned build, china-doll features, full lips, and the most startling emerald green eyes Billie had ever seen. “My God, I wonder if the woman knows how striking she is.”

  “Now, on the count of four,” Billie said, “we’re going to take this two steps to the right, then two steps left, Okay?” Billie once again came up behind Cat. She wrapped her arm around Cat’s waist and pulled her close, locking her in place against her chest. Watching the two of them in the mirror as they moved together looked so right. Billie’s arm wrapped around her waist, Cat’s head rested on Billie’s shoulder. Soon her eyes were closed as they floated back and forth across the room.

  Billie opened her eyes and saw the concern on Cat’s face.

  “You went away there for a few moments. Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine.” Billie rolled herself up into a sitting position.

  “Is your headache gone?”

  “Almost. We’d better get to work on my therapy.”

  “Are you sure you’re all right?”

  “Damn it. I said I was fine.”

  “Okay. You don’t have to be such a grump about it,” Cat said as she climbed off the bed.

  Billie, feeling guilty from her treatment of Cat, declared a refreshment break right in the middle of her stair climbing therapy. While Cat went to get two tall glasses of ice water, Billie sat at the bottom of the stairs, thinking of a way to apologize for her thoughtlessness.

  Cat handed her a glass of water and sat next to her on the stairs. “Thanks,” Billie said, leaning sideways to bump shoulders with Cat. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. I don’t know what came over me.” She flashed a crooked smile at Cat. “Still love me?”

  “Of course I do.”

  Billie gasped as memories flashed through her mind. She looked at Cat and quickly regained her composure. “Well, I was acting like a fool. I’m sorry. I do love you, you know.”

  A pain shot through Billie’s head. She reached up with one hand to quell it. “Oh God.”

  Cat took Billie’s glass from her. “Billie, what is it?”

  “My head. Still hurts.”

  “Billie, maybe you’re overdoing it. You’re not Superman, you know. You need to rest.”

  Billie lay in the hospital bed, her head swathed in bandages. She opened her eyes to see Cat sitting beside her. Her face was a mask of worry and concern.

  “Hey, love,” Cat said.
“Thank God you’ve come back to us.”

  Billie tried to focus through the haze of sedatives. “The kids?”

  “Brian broke Seth’s arm, but otherwise, the kids are okay, thanks to you.”

  “Brian?”

  “The police have taken him into custody. He won’t be able to hurt you or the children anymore.”

  “Good. How serious are my injuries?”

  “The bullet lodged in the frontal lobe. Daddy is hopeful for a full recovery. Don’t think I’m not grateful, Billie, but you could’ve been killed.”

  “You and the kids were in danger. I had to do something.”

  “Well, the next time you need to stop a speeding bullet, call Superman, got it?”

  Billie closed her eyes and shook her head to clear the confusion. “Maybe you’re right, Cat. I’m going to lie down for a while.” She reached for her crutches.

  “Do you want me to carry those for you while you climb the stairs?”

  “No, I think I’ll just lie down in the guest bedroom. It’s closer,” she said as she headed to the guest room for a short nap.

  Cat remained sitting on the stairs for some time, contemplating Billie’s strange behavior. She was still there when the kids came home around lunchtime, followed by Jen.

  After lunch, the kids retreated to the backyard to play with Stevie and Karissa. Cat and Jen sat at the kitchen table, enjoying glasses of iced tea.

  “So how’s it going?” Jen asked.

  “Something’s happening. I can feel it. Billie’s been acting strange all morning.”

  “What do you mean, strange?”

  “Well, she keeps blanking out and staring into space. She has a headache that seems to come and go. I’m betting it’s more memory recall, but she isn’t saying one way or another. I’m worried about her.”

  “Worried about who?” Billie said from the kitchen doorway.