Tier Trilogy: Books 1-3

by Cindy Gunderson

  “Maybe we both are. I don’t know, Nick. I am unsure about a lot of things right now.”

  “What is your plan?” he asks crisply.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t had a chance to talk with Eric about the next step. I know we will have to talk to the Committee. I am not looking forward to that,” I chuckle. Nick doesn’t.

  “I am obviously extremely upset about all of this, Kate. I don’t understand it. I think I need to go.” He stands to leave but looks lost. He eventually goes right, and I watch him begin to walk away.

  “Nick!” I call. “If we had met under different circumstances—”

  “Don’t.” He cuts me off. “Goodbye, Kate.” He turns and walks further into the garden.

  I stand, shaking, my pants wet from the bench. I walk quickly back the way we came, then toward the balloon rides.

  Chapter 38

  The lines for rides come into view, and I start scanning for Eric and the boys. I look up and down each line but don’t see them. I am already feeling extremely on edge, and my hands begin shaking even more intensely. When I scan the first line again, my stomach drops. I see two faces staring directly at me. Shari and Grace. They start moving my direction. Why would they be here right now? Why are they even together? I know Shari doesn’t particularly care for Grace, but they have worked together multiple times. Maybe they came together for the celebration?

  Despite my interpretations of the situation, my gut tells me that something is terribly wrong. Where is my family? Cognitive processes end, and I turn and run. I don’t know why I am running or where I am going, but my legs continue pumping. I bolt directly away from Grace and Shari and have only gone a few steps when I feel something hit me in the shoulder blade. It stings. Before I can see what it is, my vision recedes slightly, and I fall to my hands and knees in the grass. The soft earth shifts under my fingertips and I wonder why I haven’t inspected grass up close before. Its color is variable, not just pure green like I thought. I allow my face to sink into it and close my eyes. Just for a minute...

  Chapter 39

  I hear humming. A low, consistent humming. Is it the car? Did I fall asleep in the car again? I open my eyes and stretch my jaw, feeling mucous crusted to my lips and the edges of my mouth. I move to wipe it away, but can’t. My arms won’t move. Looking down, I see that they are restrained. The chair I am propped up in is slightly reclined. Everything is soft and comfortable, considering. My eyelids feel like lead, and I still can’t keep them open long enough to figure out where I am or why I am here.

  I hear a door open and a woman walks in. It’s Shari. She walks to the chair, sitting close to me, and uses a damp cloth to wipe my lips before brushing the hair from my eyes.

  “Shari, where am I?” I ask. My voice is thick and slow. I clear my throat.

  “Hey, it’s okay. Just breathe. I will explain everything in a few minutes. Just let yourself fully wake up.” She smirks. “I don’t want to have to repeat myself.”

  I do what she says. I breathe. Suddenly, I remember, and my body jolts.

  “There it is,” Shari says wryly.

  “Shari! Eric and the boys, I don’t know where they are! I was talking with Nick and then...then I saw you and Grace. What is going on?” My heart is racing and I am pulling furiously on the restraints. My legs won’t move, and I see that they are fastened as well.

  “I know, Kate. I know. It’s okay. I promise we are going to talk about all of that, but you need to calm down. Eric and the boys are safe.”

  She should have led with that. “You’re sure? Why weren’t they in line?”

  “I’m sure. Just calm down and we can talk about everything.”

  I try to calm my heart rate. I take deep breaths, hold, and then release, focusing on calming images in my mind. It’s extremely difficult, but I trust Shari. If she says they are safe, I believe her.

  “Good job, Kate. Your vitals are normalizing. Just a minute more and we can start.”

  I continue to breathe, forcing my questions to the back of my mind. Shari pulls up a chair close to me, my body feeling cold on that side as she shifts into it, taking her warmth with her.

  “Okay. Ready?”

  I nod.

  “Do you want me to start?” Shari asks.

  I nod again. I don’t even know what questions to ask.

  “I obviously know how hard the last few months have been for you, Eric, and the boys. I was really impressed with how willing you were to adjust and move forward with Nick, once you understood the situation. I surmised that Eric had told you everything after he came back after the ceremony. It didn’t make sense that he would suddenly want to come home for a night, just to support someone he knew he couldn’t be with. You acted strong that next week. I assured Grace and the rest of the Committee that you were well on your way. They are completely committed to these pairings and were very concerned about yours in particular. There were only a few pairs that were taken from existing pairings. A majority of the matches they found were between young or single individuals.”

  “There are other pairs like mine?”

  “Only a few, but yes. Not in this territory.”

  I motion for her to continue.

  “I was sure that everything would go perfectly, as long—” she sighs and looks down at the blanket over my legs. “As long as Eric was committed, too. I knew that you would fiercely defend whatever you thought was best for him. As soon as you asked for that meeting with him, I was worried.”

  “Worried about what?” I ask, my voice still hoarse.

  “Worried that seeing each other would make him—or you—reconsider.”

  “Why is that such a terrible thing? I mean, I know it’s definitely not what the Committee would deem best for society, but how do they know for sure? What if Eric and I have some other purpose we need to fulfill? What if our kids need us and they have another path to walk? How can they be sure that gene propagation is the only best interest?”

  “I hear you, Kate, but you already know the answer to that. This system works. It has created peace, safety, health, all of it. We are so much better off now. You can’t expect everyone to throw that away because one pairing isn’t as cut and dry,” she replies, her voice biting.

  Yes, this system works, but it’s been so long since we tried selection like this. It seems like moving forward with caution would be recommended in this situation. It is completely different from past initiatives. I don’t understand how the Committee isn’t seeing this.

  “Kate?” Shari asks.

  I realize I have been staring past her.

  “Are you alright?” she puts her hand on my shoulder.

  “Yes, sorry. Just thinking.”

  “Should we take a break?”

  “No, I really want to continue.”

  “Okay. So, rewind. As soon as you set that meeting with Eric, I was extremely nervous that something would derail. I recommended that we record the meeting.”

  I open my mouth, but Shari cuts me off.

  “I know. I know that probably makes you upset with me, and I wish I could say that I’m sorry, but Kate. Look what happened! Eric passed you a note, yes?”

  I stare at her. “Yes.”

  “We couldn’t see what it said, but after hearing your conversation— ”

  “You have been listening to us?”

  “We had no choice!” she nearly shouts, exasperated. “You haven’t been completely upfront with me. Or Grace. Or Nick. What were we supposed to do?”

  I am absolutely shocked. This is not the world I know. People who have done their conditioning and are compliant with continued training have complete flexibility in Tier 1. We fulfill our societal responsibilities and are then expected to take care of ourselves, work on projects we are interested in, raise our children, and find new ways to contribute. Never would I have guessed that someone was spying on me—or anyone, for that matter. I thought Eric was being paranoid. Apparently not.

  “You were supposed to t
rust me!” I blurt out. “You, of all people, should know how I felt, the kind of stress I was under. You should have been my advocate, not recommending that the Committee invade my privacy!”

  “Kate. I am your advocate. I advocated for you up until I felt like you were distancing yourself. I stepped in to help. And if you felt like someone’s actions were endangering society, I know that you would have stepped in as well.”

  “How am I endangering society, Shari? By wanting to stay with my pair and raise my children, I am a danger?” I try hard to keep the emotion out of my voice, but I am not entirely successful.

  “Yes. Exactly. You and Eric both know what’s at stake here, and you are moving toward an easier path. A more comfortable option. That attitude is a danger.”

  “Just the other day, you were telling me that our differences are a strength. Our actions are determined by our genetics and social inputs, right? So Eric and I are acting in the only way we can act. When Eric couldn’t move forward, I couldn’t continue either, knowing that he was suffering. It is what it is. We aren’t strong enough, we haven’t had enough societal preparation. Or our bonding is strong enough that it overpowers the conditioning we do have. Or we are faulty! I don’t know!? You tell me!” Now it is my turn to shout, and I immediately regret it. I know Shari is trying to help.

  “Exactly, Kate. Exactly,” she nods, her voice calm. “Eric’s actions and your response made it very apparent that you did not have the conditioning and subsequent mental and physical strength to be able to handle this.” Shari’s voice becomes strained and, for the first time, I notice that she also has dark purple circles underneath her eyes.

  “What does that mean, then? Eric and I are open to possibilities. We knew—or at least I knew—that there wasn’t much chance of us staying in Tier 1 once we were back together. It would be blatantly disregarding our societal responsibility. So, what do we need to do?”

  Shari looks at me unblinking.

  “Can we take off the restraints and discuss this?” I ask.

  “No, Kate. I feel horrible that you have to be in this condition, but I do think it’s for the best.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask, my voice a mere whisper. “Where is Eric? Can we discuss this together?”

  “The Committee has decided that in order to proceed, we will need to do reversal therapy on you and Eric. We can take you both back to a point where you remember each other, but not as deeply. It will help with the transition.”

  My body tenses. “What transition? Shari, are they seriously going to try and force us to move forward with this? I already told Nick. There’s no way he will want to proceed now. He knows how I feel. Not to mention that this is completely violating my freedom to act.”

  “It is not a violation. You are not willing to fulfill your societal obligations, and that alone is enough to justify action by the Committee.”

  “What if our ‘obligations’ are not agreeable? In every other aspect of my life in Tier 1, I was given flexibility to find the path that suited me. Flexibility to learn from my own actions and results that come because of them. How is it justified that I would be forced into a pairing? Forced to procreate? All of that should be determined by my brain and my body.”

  “I hear you.” Shari smiles wanly. “I know that it doesn’t sound right. But, in situations like these where there is so much riding on a specific action, Berg is not willing to leave that solely up to you and Eric. They see this push-back as a failure on their part. How did two Tier 1 individuals act in their own self-interest over the whole?”

  It’s a valid question. We have been taught and trained since the day we were born to protect the whole over self. What went wrong? Did our family become ‘the whole’ in my mind? I feel more strongly about doing for them instead of doing for society? Maybe it feels too disconnected? I have let everybody down, including Eric. Yet, I am still fiercely against this plan of action.

  “Shari, you can’t believe that this is the best option. I don’t know much about reversal therapy, but I do know that it isn’t as effective when someone is unwilling.”

  Shari sighs. “Kate, honestly. Can you not see that we are trying to help? Something has gone wrong and I, along with the Committee, am trying to fix it. To put you in a situation where you can be successful.”

  “But it’s success on their terms!” I plead.

  “No, it’s success on everyone’s terms. We have all agreed that this is the life we want to protect.” She stares me down. “You have to accept that your logic is flawed. Let me help.”

  My eyes fill with tears. This is unimaginable. These last few months have been unimaginable. Where did I go wrong? What did I miss?

  “Please,” I say. “If this is going to happen, can I please see Eric and the boys one last time?” Before she protests, I continue. “It shouldn’t change anything. You are going to reverse it anyway. If I can see them, I will do it. Willingly. I won’t fight. It will be more effective that way, and Berg should be happy.”

  I can see that she is considering. She taps her sensor and sends a message.

  “I will ask, Kate. I can’t promise anything.”

  Chapter 40

  I wake up to continue staring at a blank wall. My room is comfortable, but bland. It is basically a glorified holding cell. I still have no idea where I am. Shari said we are within Tier 1 boundaries, but I am at a loss as to where this facility could be located. There are a lot of things that I have no idea about, apparently, but I didn’t ever think to question.

  I have never encountered someone who was in this position before. But then, I guess I wouldn’t ever know if I had. My friends at work won’t ever know it happened to me. Will they? Will I forget about conversations I’ve had or things we’ve done? Would anyone even notice if I did? Shari will notice, but obviously that doesn’t make a difference, she will also know why I have forgotten. Eric. Eric would notice.

  My eyes start to sting. Nobody outside of those core people really knows me well enough to have the chance to recognize that I have changed. Maybe people who don’t have children have stronger relationships with other adults? If connection is one of our goals, then how is it possible for me to feel this lonely in a moment like this? I make a mental note to ask Shari. Of course, I may not remember her answer.

  I lie there and think about the boys. I remember the first time I gave birth. The incredible pressure that suddenly gave way for me to grasp a new little human. A slippery, squishy bundle of flesh. I was in shock and awe holding Tal. Theoretically, I knew that he was alive inside me, but until I saw him. Touched him. It didn’t seem real.

  I remember our ride home. Eric and his goofy grin, his tired eyes. Pure, terrified bliss. My mind is definitely skipping over all of the hard parts. The lack of sleep, the problem solving that never seemed to end, the feelings of inadequacy and failure, the constant worry. I think only about the smiles, the milestones, the joy I felt the first time his tiny arms closed around my neck. Then Bentley with his contagious energy. I laugh to myself about all of the times he has taken me by surprise or made me smile with his sweet innocence.

  When I was willing to go forward with Nick, I still had the boys. I wasn’t losing them. I now understand what it must have been like for Eric. I couldn’t have lasted even close to as long as he did. I know that he had his research as a distraction, but still. That man. I honestly do not understand how anyone could be strong enough to deal with what Berg has asked of us. Shari said there are other pairs. I wish I could talk to them. Understand how they have been better prepared. Berg knows those answers, but I haven’t been given any helpful information, nor do I understand what our family will look like after these procedures. Will I have the boys? Will Eric? The uncertainty eats at me from the inside out.

  A knock sounds at the door, and a few seconds later, a woman enters. She greets me with a smile and motions for me to follow her. Her hair is in a tight bun, and she is walking quickly, making it difficult for me to keep up on my stiff le
gs. Making it to the end of the hall, we turn the corner. Shari is there, and she smiles at me. I want to smile and embrace her, but everything feels different now. She is the corrective parent, and I am the petulant child. She is not on my level anymore.

  “Hey,” she puts her arm out and brushes my shoulder. “You can see Eric and the boys.”

  My heart leaps. “Thank you,” I say, my voice barely audible.

  “It’s only for a little while,” she reiterates. “Then we will go down the hall for therapy. This is it, Kate.”

  I start to ask one of the million questions I have, but she holds up her hand to stop me, her eyes warning me to take what I can get. Right now, I can only focus on these minutes. I nod, and she points me toward a room on her left. I walk hesitantly to the door, turn the knob, and step in.

  Chapter 41

  Eric, Tal, and Bentley are sitting on soft chairs along the wall. The room is small and simple, but not overly cramped. When I enter, three heads jerk up in unison and the boys run to greet me. I hold them tightly. I feel Bent’s disheveled hair and Tal’s strong shoulders. It’s been only a day, but I swear they look older. They are both sobbing. I am sure they are terrified. Eventually I release my grip, noticing Eric as he stands.

  He holds me. His steady arms completely envelope me, and I want to stay there forever. I feel his chest rising and falling, so comforting. So familiar. I laugh through my tears when Bentley worms his way in between us, so he can be in the hug as well. I look at Eric, taking him in as he smiles at Bent. I hate this. All of it.

  We sit down and the boys move close. Even Tal, who is usually too big to want to snuggle.

  “What happened yesterday?” I ask.

  “I shouldn’t have told you to go,” Eric says in a rush. “I was trying to be considerate of Nick, which I still think was the right thing to do, but I had no idea the Committee was aware of what we had in mind. I thought we would have more time to figure something out. That we could go to them with a plan.” He looks down. “I was completely naive.”