Sum of the Whole

by Brenda Murphy

  “Please. Ahh. Please.” Sarah’s face was a mask of struggle and her breath came in short pants. “Please, Mistress, let me come for you.”

  “Come as you wish.” Jaya leaned down and sank her teeth into Sarah’s shoulder.

  She shook violently and buried her face in the mattress, her cries muffled as she broke. Her body opened to Jaya, giving way easily as she thrust harder. She drove Sarah over the edge and she came again, with no sound. Her hips stilled as she filled Jaya’s hand with liquid silk.

  Jaya eased her hand from Sarah. She flipped her over and pinned her to the bed. Kissing her mouth, she drank in the remnants of her pleasure. Sarah wrapped her arms around Jaya, raking her nails up her back, and Jaya shivered under her touch.

  “Let me please you, Mistress.” Sarah dug her nails into Jaya’s shoulders and nipped at her neck. Jaya trembled under the sharp sting of pain. She rose up, pushing Sarah’s arms down and using her legs to pin her as she straddled her face. She lowered herself to Sarah’s mouth and flattened her hands on the wall to steady herself.

  Sarah’s tongue swept over her before entering her and Jaya let her head fall back. This. I need this. Want this. Want Her. Mine.

  “Yes. More. More.” She rotated her hips over Sarah’s lips, pressing down. Sarah’s tongue found Jaya’s rhythm, and the pleasure spiraled out from Jaya’s core until she could not hold back and she came over Sarah’s face. Shuddering pleasure rolled over and through her body, filling the Sarah-shaped place inside her soul.

  Jaya raised herself and settled next to Sarah. She kissed her face. Tasting herself on Sarah’s mouth and lips and Jaya dropped her dominant role, letting the scene fall away. She savored the closeness of Sarah’s flesh. She rested her cheek against her shoulder and Jaya sighed as Sarah’s weight settled against her. Sated. Cherished. Love. I want to stay in this small, dingy room entwined with her forever. Love. Damn it.

  She rubbed Sarah’s back and shoulder. Her fingers stopped when she traced over raised flesh. Scars. Five round, prominent scars. On Sarah’s shoulder. She ran her fingers over the puckered surface. Burns. Cigar burns. Five. Someone’s mark.

  “What are these?” Jaya’s fingertips rested on the burns. They were well healed and spaced in a pattern too deliberate to be random play. Who the fuck marked her? White-hot jealousy gripped her.

  “Burns.”

  “I know what they are. What do they mean?”

  “I can’t say.” Sarah’s raised her head to look into Jaya’s eyes. The light blue had gone dark.

  “Can’t or won’t?” Jaya took the edge out of her voice and softened her face.

  “It was a hard lesson I’d like to forget.” Sarah dropped her head and buried her face in Jaya’s shoulder.

  Jaya brushed her hand down Sarah’s back, pushing away the jealousy and anger that welled up in her and threatened to break her control. She smoothed her hand over Sarah’s back and pulled her closer against her body. The sadness in Sarah’s voice shook her to her core. She tried not to imagine what or who had marked her.

  “Hard lessons are best remembered. If you forget, you make the same mistake again.” Jaya softened her voice to whisper. “I’m here, Sarah. I won’t judge you. I wish you had left with me…” She traced a finger over the burns. “Before your lesson.”

  “It wasn’t what I wanted.”

  Her words were an ice pick to Jaya’s heart. And now? Jaya stilled. She left the words that threatened to spill out of her mouth unspoken, fearful of the answer.

  “Will you tell me?”

  “If you command me.” Tears welled in Sarah’s eyes and rolled down her cheeks. “Mistress.” Her voice was rough. Jaya wanted to wipe away Sarah’s hurt with the ache and pain of desire. She wanted to ask Sarah to wear her collar, to beg her as she had at Rowan House. What if she says no? Her desire unwound as thoughts of Sarah refusing her again—or worse, saying no because she belonged to another—undid her. Jaya swiped at Sarah’s tears with her thumbs, cradling her face in her hands.

  “No. I wouldn’t ask that of you even if you were mine and wore my collar.” Jaya kissed her mouth, keeping the kiss soft and gentle. “I don’t want that kind of relationship. Surrendering to me in the bedroom is one thing. Forcing you to do something you truly don’t want to do? No. That’s not how this works. At least not with me. It’s not what I want.” Please tell me. Please want to tell me. Jaya carded her fingers through Sarah’s hair.

  Sarah’s silence was loud in the quiet of the room. She lay back and pulled Jaya next to her. Shivering, Jaya reached down and pulled the comforter over them. In the unsaid words between them, Jaya’s thoughts unspooled and the moment passed, leaving her restless.

  “Will you stay the night, Mistress? I’ve missed you.” Sarah turned to face Jaya and rested her leg over Jaya’s hips. Back in her role. Where she’s safe. Her weight was comforting and her nearness filled Jaya with want. She cupped the back of Sarah’s neck. She traced a finger over Sarah’s thigh and down the crease to her core. A small sigh escaped Sarah’s lips and she pressed herself against Jaya’s hand. Sarah ran her hands over Jaya’s breasts, teasing her nipples into hard peaks. Jaya wrapped her hand in her hair and arched her head back to trace kisses along her throat. Jaya lifted her head to hold Sarah’s gaze.

  “You’re not spent. Not by half. Go to my coat and bring me what you find in the left pocket.”

  Sarah shifted back into her role seamlessly. She padded to the chair and lifted Jaya’s coat. Holding it by the collar, she reached inside the pocket. She pulled Jaya’s brush from the pocket. Sarah ran her hand over the stiff bristles before she held it close to her heart for a moment and met Jaya’s gaze. Sarah sat behind her on the bed. Jaya took the pins from her hair, letting it fall down her back, and shook it out. Without speaking, Sarah began brushing her hair. The tug and pull of the brush sent electric shocks of pleasure to Jaya’s clit. She moaned as the bristles scraped her scalp. Sarah swept the brush through Jaya’s hair, settling into a rhythm and following the brush with her hand, smoothing the hair between strokes.

  Jaya reached behind her, teasing Sarah’s soft folds. She was rewarded with a soft “oh,” and she closed her eyes against the pleasure and desire that wrapped around her heart. Jaya paced her caresses, timing them with the brush strokes. Her thighs wet, Jaya ached with need.

  “Stop.” Sarah stopped brushing and placed the brush in Jaya’s hand. Jaya set the brush on the bedside table. She patted her lap and Sarah draped herself over Jaya’s thighs. She slicked her fingers with Sarah’s wetness. Touching and teasing, she forced a deep groan from Sarah. She worked her fingers in, out, and around, edging Sarah until they were both sweating.

  “Please.” Sarah’s voice was ragged with need. Jaya stopped. She smiled at Sarah’s disappointed moan. Sarah’s ass was still red from the belt, and Jaya rubbed her hand over her skin before she raised the hairbrush and brought it down hard. Sarah’s hips lifted with the blow and she pushed herself against Jaya’s thigh. She squirmed and Jaya brought the brush down again, following the blow with a flick of her clit. Sarah thrashed harder, grinding herself against Jaya’s hand, and moaned. Jaya spanked her with the brush as she worked her clit, mixing pain and pleasure in equal measure.

  “Please, please, please, please, Mistress.” Sarah’s tears fell, wetting the sheet.

  Jaya shivered. Sarah’s pleading washed over her, and she drank in her pain and surrender. She rolled Sarah off her lap. Sarah stood panting at the bedside. Jaya rose and pushed Sarah back on the bed, draping her hips over the edge. She knelt between Sarah’s splayed legs and rested Sarah’s heels on her shoulders. She buried her face in her salty sweetness, drinking in all her pleasure. So sweet. Give it to me. Surrender to me. She rolled her tongue over Sarah’s clit, falling into a rhythm with the rise and fall of her hips.

  She raised her head. “Now. Give me what I want now.” She wrapped her arms around Sarah’s legs, her fingers digging into her thick thighs, and held tight as Sarah forgot th
e thin walls and shrieked her pleasure. Jaya soaked herself in Sarah’s moans, quenching her need with her satisfaction. She wrapped her hands in Jaya’s hair, holding her in place as she curled up and rocked. Her hips thrust into Jaya’s mouth as she came hard and long. Falling back, she relaxed her grip on Jaya’s head.

  Jaya helped Sarah into bed and tucked the covers around her. Everything. She is everything. She gives everything. She sat on the edge of the bed and twined her fingers in her red-gold curls as she looked into Sarah’s eyes. Stay or go? She shifted her weight and looked at the clock on the nightstand. She blew out a breath.

  “You’re going, aren’t you?” Sarah’s lips were a thin line and her delicate brows knitted in a frown.

  “I have an early meeting.” Liar. Jaya fidgeted with the sheet.

  “I’m up early every day.” Sarah sat up. She laced her fingers through Jaya’s.

  So easy. It would be so easy to stay. Too much and not enough. “I… I have to go.” Before I say it. Before I say I love you and you hesitate—or worse, don’t say it back. Before you tell me about the damn torque and the burns and that you belong to someone else.

  “I’ll walk you out.” Sarah picked up her robe.

  Chapter Eleven

  UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE display of her wealth, Jaya waited until Sarah was inside before she called the car. She could drive but hated city driving and always arrived at her destinations angry. She stood in the shadows of the building, waiting to be collected. She watched the rats playing in the darkness across the street in a neglected lot. They were big and unafraid, their eyes shining as they scampered back and forth across the yard. Loud voices broke the quiet and the rats scattered.

  A man and woman approached Sarah’s building. Staggering drunk, they clung to each other to make their way up the stairs. Jaya pulled her phone out to check the time. What the hell is taking Julie so long? She glanced up. The lights were still on in Sarah’s room. She texted her.

  –Still up?

  –Change your mind?

  –Waiting for my ride.

  Jaya kept her eyes on the window and Sarah raised the blinds. She waved and Sarah waved back. She stepped away from the window.

  –Ugh, my roommate is fighting with her boyfriend again. He’s an ass when he’s drunk.

  –Lock your door.

  –Always.

  –Night.

  The car arrived and Jaya stepped from the shadows. Julie moved to get out and Jaya waved her off. She tugged the car door open. A single, sharp scream split the stillness and abruptly stopped. Sarah. Fuck.

  “Call 911.” She slammed the door and sprinted back to Sarah’s apartment. The apartment door was ajar and Jaya slammed through it. She charged down the hall to Sarah’s room. The drunk from the street was over Sarah with his hand around her throat. Her hands were wrapped around his wrists. Her robe had pulled open, and her legs were a blur as she kicked at him. His hand fumbled between them.

  Jaya locked her arm around his throat and grabbed the back of his jeans. She hauled him off Sarah. He stumbled and she threw her weight against him, sweeping his legs from under him, and dropped him to the floor. He groaned. Jaya lifted his head by the hair and he flailed, trying to dislodge Jaya’s grip. She punched him in the face, the sharp contact splitting the skin over her knuckles. She heard the crunch of bone and was satisfied she had broken something. She punched him again before she slammed his head against the floor. She rolled him over and placed her knee in his back.

  The world dissolved around her, the edges of her vision going black. Jaya wrapped her hand tight, gripping his greasy, long hair. She grasped his jaw with the other hand and tensed her arms. Rapist. One simple twist. Fucking asshole rapist. Small hands tugged her sleeve. Screaming. Who’s screaming? She looked up into Sarah’s face. Sarah.

  “Stop. Don’t kill him. Stop!” Sarah rested her hand on top of Jaya’s. “It’s me, Jaya. I’m okay. Don’t kill him.”

  Jaya relaxed her grip on his head, letting it hit the floor again. She kept her knee pressed into his back. She yanked his hands behind him, gathering them between hers.

  “Get me something to tie him with.” Sirens sounded in the distance. Police. She knew how the police would handle this. Got to get him out of Sarah’s bedroom. Sarah handed her the belt to her robe, and she looped it around his hands. She pulled him to his feet. He sagged against her, his eyes glassy. She surveyed his face. Nose broken. Maybe his cheekbone. Deep bloody scratches crossed his face.

  “Did he…?” She let the question she hated to ask hang between them.

  “No.” Sarah pulled the robe tight and wrapped her arms around herself.

  “He was never here. He fell down the stairs.” Jaya dragged him out of the apartment, ignoring the woman passed out on the couch. The sirens were closer now, and Jaya was sweating as she dragged him down the stair. Heavy bastard. She made it to the landing. At three in the morning, the street was empty. She slipped Sarah’s belt off the man’s hands. She turned him to face out and shoved hard. He crumpled and tumbled down the steps before crashing to the sidewalk. She stepped around his broken and bloody form and strolled to her car. Julie handed her a bottle of water. Jaya’s bloodied knuckles stung.

  “You want to wait for them?” Julie tipped her chin in the direction of the wail of the sirens.

  “Pull out slowly and take the side streets.” Jaya slipped inside and closed her door.

  Julie guided the black car down the street, and they turned the corner as the first police car arrived.

  –YOU OKAY?

  –A little freaked. I thought you were going to kill him.

  –How’s your roommate?

  –Still passed out on the sofa.

  –It’s not safe there.

  –It’s what I can afford.

  –I want you out of there.

  –I make my own decisions.

  Jaya tossed her phone down. Stubborn. Hardheaded, stubborn woman. White-hot anger. Frustration. Fear. She didn’t respond to Sarah’s text. She stuffed the hurt inside. What the hell is wrong with her? Jaya had had women at her feet, begging for her to keep them. Damn it. The one woman I want is stubborn and pigheaded and in danger and won’t let me do a damn thing about it. She shuddered, thinking about what might have happened if she had not had to wait for her car.

  –See you in the morning at the park? Jaya hit the keys hard.

  Face to face it will be different. Face to face she’ll understand. Be reasonable. Jaya paced. I’ll go back. I’ll insist. She’ll come back with me for tonight or what’s left of it. The phone buzzed Sarah’s reply.

  –K.

  Jaya resisted the urge to toss the phone against the wall. She ran her hands through her hair and tried to imagine how the hell she was going to sleep. She washed the blood off her hands and dabbed antiseptic over her torn knuckles. Picking up water on the way, she entered her studio. She sharpened her pencils and started in on the piece she had left taped to her table. Her eyes burned and she smelled like sex and sweat and anger, and she let the feeling flow as she worked on her drawing. The scratch of the pencil on the paper soothed her. Anger and sadness worked its way out of her fingers and onto the paper. The drawing before her accepted her marks, her pain, and her fear, welcoming her like a lover. She worked until dawn; not the first time but the first in a long while. The first since she had left Sarah behind on Skye.

  SARAH TOOK THE coffee from Jaya’s hand. The dark circles under her eyes were deeper and her face was drawn.

  “You sleep?”

  “No. I kept listening for the asshole to return.”

  “I think he might be in the hospital for a bit.” Jaya tried not to sound too pleased with herself. “Thank you for stopping me. I let my anger get the best of me.”

  “I hope I never make you angry.” Sarah’s brow furrowed.

  The fear in Sarah’s eyes undid Jaya. She’s afraid of me now. Afraid of the part of me that rages beneath the surface. She pressed her lips tight together
, working to keep her face neutral.

  “You’d have been arrested.” Sarah looked away from Jaya’s eyes.

  “He was hurting you.” Jaya gulped her coffee, praying the caffeine worked its magic soon. “I lost my head.”

  “That’s not true, Jaya.” Sarah turned to look in her eyes, “You were calm. You knew exactly what you were doing. I’ve never seen anyone so calmly beat someone almost to death. You were like a machine. If I hadn’t stopped you, you’d have…”

  “Rid the world of a rapist,” Jaya interrupted, the lack of sleep making it hard to keep the edge from her voice.

  “Murder is a hard limit with me.” Sarah raised an eyebrow and quirked her mouth, defusing Jaya’s anger. Exhausted and struck by the ridiculous turn of their conversation, she laughed. The sound startled the birds. Sarah joined her and they stood together on the path, laughing until tears slid down Sarah’s face. She shifted closer, tucking herself under Jaya’s arm, and wrapped her arms around her waist. She held her tight, burying her face in Jaya’s chest. Jaya’s heart cracked open a little more. Not afraid of me. Afraid for me. They stood entwined, each lost in their own thoughts, drawing strength from each other, not speaking until it was time for Sarah to leave.

  “Text me later let me know you got home.” Jaya wanted to camp out in front of Sarah’s door to know she was safe. She wanted to escort her everywhere or hire someone to do it. She considered it and then remembered Sarah’s fear of being outed. Trying to explain a bodyguard or Jaya’s constant presence would be hard.

  “I will. I have a meeting with my advisor and then I’m going to crash.” Sarah kissed her cheek. Jaya watched her walk away and went home. She called and canceled the few appointments she had set for the day. Then she undressed and slept.

  Chapter Twelve

  IT HAD BEEN three days since the incident at the apartment, and they had been together every night since then. Jaya wrapped her fingers in Sarah’s hair, enjoying the texture and soft catch of Sarah’s breath as she melted into Jaya’s kiss. She took her mouth with greedy lips and hard tongue, drinking in her submission. I’ll ask. She touched the smooth silver torque gracing Sarah’s neck. It opened in the back, meaning she did not wear it all the time. I have to know. She broke their kiss. Holding Sarah in place, she looked into her eyes, willing herself to meet Sarah’s gaze.