Almost Official

by Ruby Reade

  Trying my best to hold my trousers together, I hobble over to the back door. And of course, running along with the theme of the day, the door is locked and no windows are open. I drop onto the step and start crying.

  Tap. Tap.

  I turn around and my mum is at the window waving at me.

  'Why didn't you knock?' She asks opening the door for me, stepping back.

  'I thought you was both at work.' I say before crying again. I think I have turned into a typical emotional female, which isn't something I had ever planned on becoming.

  'Come here you idiot.' She says and pulls me in for a hug.

  'If it's this thing with that moron Kevin, then I can tell you he is very silly for treating you the way he did and letting you go. I think if he could see you now then he would change his mind and see just how silly he has been.' She rubs my back and I feel like I am six again with a grazed knee.

  'Go on, run a bath and I'll make you some tea, and then if you want, we can have a proper chat about it all.' She nudges me out of the kitchen. How can I tell her about my job now?

  While I'm de-stressing in the bath, Laura leaves me a message letting me know that Satan has been walking around the gym looking as though he is chewing on a wasp since I left. She also wants to know what time we are meeting later to celebrate my escape. I'm not sure escape is the right way to look at it when I have no money, no future and no idea what the hell I am going to do with my life now.

  I have received three texts from Satan himself asking where I am, in each one he sounds even more annoyed than the last. Finally, Kate is shrieking down the phone at me in a message asking where the hell I am, what the bloody hell is going on and why is 'that twat who thinks he owns the gym' saying that you no longer work there. I get an order to ring her immediately before she hangs up.

  I re-wrap the towel around my head, grab the tea my mum has left on the side and climb onto my bed. What a day.

  I dial Kate first before she has a coronary.

  'What is going on then?' She asks without letting me speak or say hello.

  'Hello Kate.' I say smiling.

  'Don't you hello me missy. I'm meant to be your best mate, and you, can't even give me a bell to tell something as important as this.' I can literally see her face all screwed up where she is pissed off with me.

  'Stop overreacting, let me get a word in and I'll tell you.'

  'Oooohwe.'

  'First off, I walked out of the gym because Satan basically told me that if I didn't keep sleeping with him, then I would be out of a job anyway.'

  'Bastard. You can sue him for that. I'm sure you can. I'll ask one of the guys at work. God, you should have called me before you did that because it might affect your case, but.'

  'Kate. I'm trying to explain here.' I remind her before she has a whole case planned and a court date set.

  'Sorry, carry on.' She apologises.

  'Anyway, I'm not going to sue. It's only my word against his, and frankly, I can't be arsed with the hassle. I've wanted to leave for ages. This is the perfect catalyst, so I want to forget about it and move on.' I tell her to try to stop any ideas that she might have.

  'Hmmm. Well, we can talk about it more later. What's going on with you and Kevin as well? I heard second-hand, again, Drew emailed me earlier. Who is this Amy bird anyway?' She asks, and I can tell her eyebrows are raised wondering why I hadn't told her this either.

  'I don't have a clue. She is just some other girl that he has apparently started messaging, and seeing, behind my back. It's been a bit of a downward spiral and I haven't had a chance to think since all that happened. Bloody hell, I can't believe that was only yesterday.'

  'He was what? Wanker. Drew never said that, all he said was that this other girl was on the scene and you had broken up. I thought you had gone all jealous and paranoid and broke it off. What did you say to him?' She asks, trying to take it all in.

  'Well, to be honest he found out about that night with Satan, so I couldn't exactly say very much could I?' I shrug finishing my cold tea in two gulps. Shuddering at how hideous it tastes cold.

  'I guess not.' She says without a solution for once.

  'Look, me and Laura are going out to celebrate my great escape as she puts it. Why don't you come along and we can chat properly?’

  'Sure thing, see you at the Dogs around, say, eight? I assume you are going to the Dogs?' She asks.

  'Eight is fine and yes we are. See you there baby girl.' I agree.

  'Bye, bye, bye, bye.' She says ending the call.

  ***

  As I push the heavy door open to the pub, I can't help but worry Satan will be here. My stomach flips over, making me feel sick. What if he tries to talk to me? My eyes quickly search the room just in case I need to make a hasty exit. I relax when I know for certain that there is no sight of him. Taking a deep breath in, the sick feeling vanishes.

  I see Laura and Kate already at the bar chatting to Bill. I make my way over to them. I really shouldn't have worn heels. I don't know why I do it to my poor feet. They just can't cope with the pain and torture.

  'So whose round is it? Surely not mine seeing as I am the only jobless one here?’ I ask hobbling closer in no small amount of pain. 'I want to get completely smashed tonight ladies.' I inform them with a grin.

  'I damn well think it should be you paying, you deserter.' Laura says wagging her finger under my nose but she has a smile on her face, obviously pleased that at least one of us is out of that hellhole.

  'Yeah, yeah. Whatever darling, I'll have a Malibu I think.' I try my luck with a wink.

  Kate turns around with a tray of drinks I hadn't even seen her order. I wonder who else is coming when I see how many she has brought.

  'What?' She asks shrugging and nearly losing several off the edge.

  I start looking around me, under the stool and behind both girls.

  'What are you doing you freak?' Kate asks frowning at me.

  'Looking for the other twenty people that you have clearly ordered drinks for as well.' I say grinning.

  'Hey, you're the one who said that you wanted to get smashed, and I hate queuing.' She tells us heading over to a table to rest her arms.

  'You are in a whole other league.' Laura says, bowing down repeatedly.

  We bag the last high table, which will be a problem for us later when one of us is bound to fall off the stalls. It's a bloody long way down. I can say that from previous experience.

  'I can't believe you did it. You should have seen Matt's face when he finally realised you had actually left. Priceless. He went around asking everyone what you had said before you walked out. Obviously worried in case you spilt the beans on his disgusting behaviour.' Laura says hopping up onto a chair and trying to make herself comfortable without flashing half of the pub. It makes me grateful I wore jeans and jealous that my legs don't look like that. Maybe if they did, I wouldn't care and wear a pointless skirt as well.

  'He should be worried that people might find out. He needs to know that you can't go around behaving like that and get away with it.' Kate says whilst dishing out an assortment of drinks each. I'm scared to ask what some of them are.

  'He only ever thinks of himself, so I'm not surprised he was asking.' I say picking one up and examining it more closely. I look up at Kate and back to the drink.

  'Okay we have a B52, Swamp Thing, Dragons Brain Damage and my personal favourite of Bill's Wicked Brew, just don't ask what's in it.' She warns, and I put it back down again. That one might be best saved for last. In the middle of the table is a bottle of champagne, god knows how long that's been sitting behind the bar and a fishbowl filled with Black Russian cocktail to go with the shots.

  'Right. Tonight, we are celebrating Lucy's lucky escape and the fact that we are all single independent women with a trolley load of drink, and maybe some dancing when we are truly on our way.' Laura toasts holding up what I think is a Swamp Thing.

  Me and Kate pick up our matching drinks and chink the
m together shouting 'Cheers.'

  We make several more toasts to men getting their just deserts, women taking over the world, never needing a man in our life, and just how much we genuinely love each other.

  Shot glasses are stacking up, the champagne has gone, and we have moved onto the fishbowl. I'm not actually sure I can make it through all the toasting to the bottle of wine that has appeared at some point. I have a feeling it might tip me over the edge of no return.

  We start making random statements that only make sense when your brain has gone on holiday for the night and left you in the hands of alcoholic monkeys.

  'Lesch go Chaos and pull uhgly shmen, I mean, men.' Laura says, sliding off her chair while her skirt moves in the opposite direction.

  'Could we not at least try to find the good-looking ones?' I ask, still managing to speak normally. It's just my legs that are affected so far.

  'Ha. Why change the habit of a lifetime Luce? Your only good-looking one was Kev.' Kate helpfully reminds me. I look at her holding onto the table and decide that now is not the time to bring up her disasters on the man front. I'll save it for tomorrow when she is hungover.

  On unsteady legs, we make our way towards Chaos, more alcohol, and apparently, ugly men.

  We link arms and are doing the hocus pocus walk down the high street cackling as we go. We are catching up with the couple in front. When I see who it is, I stop dead making Laura and Kate stumble forwards.

  'Hey.’ Laura says correcting her footing.

  I don't say anything. All I do is stare at Kevin and the other girl.

  'Oh.' Is Kate's response.

  He has stopped as well now and is just looking back at me. The girl realises that he isn't next to her and spins around.

  'Kevin. Kevin, come on.' She calls him like a dog, but he doesn't move or break eye contact with me.

  I look over at her. Taking in the perfect blonde curls, immaculate make-up, dripping wet glossy red lips, a body I would kill for, and I hate her even more. She looks me up and down, clearly finding me lacking. It could be because I'd pulled my top down earlier to show off my new sexy pink bra and then forgot to pull it back up again.

  No one is moving. I feel like I am in the middle of an old western show down, wondering who will pull a gun first. Right about now, barrels of hay should be rolling past.

  I wish I had a gun.

  Chapter 6

  Kevin

  I don't believe this. I knew I should have taken her out of town for a drink.

  'Well, I assume you're, the man stealing hussy.’ Lucy fumes squaring up to Amy.

  This is not a good situation to be in, at any second they could turn on me like two wild cats going for the kill.

  'I seem to have made it an easy choice for you, didn't I?' Lucy flicks her eyes over to me. I can feel the heat.

  'What is she talking about Kevin?' Amy demands.

  'Good luck with him darling I just hope you know who you are getting yourself mixed up with.' Lucy says to Amy stepping closer. This is a nightmare. A complete, and utter nightmare. I thought two women fighting over you was the ideal fantasy. I can safely say, it's not mine. Not at all.

  'What the hell are you going on about? Kevin?' Amy turns to me again looking for answers. My brain and mouth seem to be temporarily disconnected so I shrug instead shaking my head.

  'Do you know what? I might have actually taken you back before this.' Lucy says flinging her arm up and down in Amy's direction. Amy to her credit is holding her mouth but looks far from happy. 'I don't even want to look at you anymore. Come on girls, let's go.' With that, the three of them storm past giving me the filthiest look imaginable. How do girls do that? It's as if they have had classes in evils.

  I watch them walking off and I'm torn whether or not to stop her. This whole situation is fucked up.

  'So, would you like to explain that to me?' I turn around sighing. I really do feel too old for this shit. God knows how my dad still manages it after all these years.

  'Well?' She is actually tapping her foot at me. I thought people only did that in really crap films. Pull yourself together you prick. Okay.

  'Do you know what babes. I don't even know who she is.' I say laughing and putting an arm around her. I am such a bad person.

  'Kevin.' She says, warning me with my name.

  'No seriously sweet cheeks, it keeps happening to me recently. People keep mistaking me for someone else.' Please buy it. Please buy it.

  'And that is your excuse is it? That you have an evil twin running around breaking girls’ hearts, and that he miraculously has the same name as you?' She raises her eyebrows challenging me. Her foot is still going to town taping away like a clock ticking.

  'Come on babes, she would have heard you say my name, let's just forget about her. She was obviously some drunk girl who has probably been dumped and wanting to cause trouble for any other happy couple.' I say putting my arm around her. 'Come on.' Just swallow it woman.

  'I guess.' She still looks unsure and twists around to watch Lucy disappearing up the road. She looks back at me and I can tell she wants to believe me.

  'Here, let me drive you home and then tomorrow I will take you shopping.' I promise pulling out my trump card. Shopping. The magic word that is your get out of jail free card. Depending on how bad your mistake is, it directly reflects on how much your wallet takes a pounding.

  'We could do, I've not got work.' Ahaa, breakthrough is in sight. She cuddles into me and I smile to myself.

  'Perfect, I'll pick you up at ten and we can make a day of it.' I tell her kissing her hand.

  'Great.' I'm home free. I can't wait to get home now and just stare blankly at the box, giving my brain a rest.

  Beep. Beep.

  I pull my phone out and hold it down by my side. Unsurprisingly, it's a message from Lucy.

  'Thanx 4 been basARd u crap!'

  She always did have a way with words.

  'Who was that?' Amy asks, trying to look at it herself. I lock it and pull her into a hug.

  'Oh, it was only Drew wanting beer from the shop. You'll have to meet him soon.' I smile down at her because that is never likely to happen.

  'Really? You want me to meet your friends?' Her smile gets wider, because in girl's eyes, this is a fairly big commitment. She doesn't know that I don't mean a word of it.

  'Course Ames, and I want to say again, you look beautiful tonight.' I cup her face and bend down for a kiss.

  I'm disappointed each time. She is too soft, and there is no passion there, not like kissing Lucy. That's the problem with girls like Amy, when they are beautiful, they think they don't have to try.

  When she was at school, I bet the boys would only have to look at her and they would explode. She doesn't realise men expect a bit more than a pretty face when we learn to control our cocks.

  'Come on, let's go.' I say pulling away.

  'Oh, but I was having fun.' She pouts at me. You might be, but I, on the other hand, wasn't.

  'But we can have more fun tomorrow.' I wink at her and pull her in not the gentlest of grips in the car's direction.

  ***

  'Hey honey, I'm ho-ome.' I shout out to Drew.

  'Hey big boy, come and get me.' That can't be. I jog into the front room, and it is.

  'Luke. When the hell did you get back?' I ask diving at him.

  'Ooooh daddy if I had known you would be this pleased to see mummy, then I would have come home sooner.' Luke answers, slapping me on the back.

  'Bloody hell, I didn't think you and Pete would be back till next month.' I can't believe it's been nearly six months already.

  'I got back this afternoon, thought I would pop in see my best mate. Only to find, he has vanished out with some bird' He reminds me of Amy putting his hands on his hips and pouting.

  'Yeah, well, you know how it goes.' I say, trying to dodge that one for now.

  'I do as it goes. Drew has been filling me in, so I know exactly how it goes, you slag.' He says grinning a
t me. 'I think you have got some explaining to do darling.' He says, jumping back onto the sofa and making himself comfy.

  'So, what's up with the early return then? Surely you didn't mess up the second time in a row?' Drew asks, finally showing his face and chucking me a Bud.

  'Hey, it seems to be a re-occurring theme in my life at the minute which makes all women cause me grief.' I tell them, popping the lid and taking a well-deserved mouthful.

  'I think it's called karma catching up with you sweetness. I hate to say it, but hey.' Luke says and shrugs as if that is just the way it is.

  'Catching up with me? It has come along and taken a huge chunk of my arse.' I say, pointing at it. 'Anyway, cheers to your return. What happened to Pete? Did you sell him off for air fare?' I want to know.

  Drew dishes out more beers to save us moving for a while and takes a seat on the floor.

  'Nah, Pete's back next week, or the week after depending. I'd just had enough to be honest. There is only so long I can live like that, but I can say that I have been there and done that now.' He shrugs it off. 'So,' Luke pauses for a mouthful of beer. 'We know that Lucy has a price on Kevin's head, Leah went AWOL on Drew but what's going on with Kate?' He asks the last part looking down at his bottle. Kate might be Lucy's best mate, but she is also his ex.

  'Well, she was out tonight with Luce and Laura completely trashed. I thought she would go all Hulk on me when she saw me with Amy.' I admit.

  'Yeah, I umm, well, I emailed her earlier to give her a heads up about Lucy.' Drew confesses.

  'You did what?' I don't fucking believe this. Not after everything I did for him after Leah left. Prick. Absolute arsehole.

  'I know how it must look but I wasn't trying to go behind your back, I just thought she might need a friend.' He can't even look me in the eye.

  'That's not what I want to hear.' Luke interrupts. 'Is she seeing anyone?' He is staring at us more intently.

  'Not since you mate.' I reassure him and the smile reappears.

  'Well, now I am back I'm ready to settle down. I want her back.' He announces looking pleased with himself.