Two Words I'd Never Say Again

by Remi Carrington

  “I know. The dispatcher told all of us not to worry if we saw you or Haley out here.” His gaze cut to Cami. “I recognized your car and wanted to . . . um . . . say hi.”

  He was smart, not exactly smooth, but very smart. “I’m glad you did. Have you met my friend Cami?”

  “No, I haven’t.” He stuck out his hand, and that knee-buckling Gallagher grin spread across his face. “Eli Gallagher.”

  Her head bobbed up and down, and she smiled. “Hi.”

  “I can see y’all are busy with pictures. I don’t want to interrupt.”

  I gave him a quick hug. After all, he was practically—almost like—family. “Thanks for stopping.”

  He tipped his hat, and Cami sighed.

  It wasn’t even spring, and love was in the air. Ugh.

  “Mama, it’s me.” I knocked on the front door as I pushed it open.

  Laughing echoed from the kitchen. “I’m in the kitchen, but don’t come in here. Stay where you are.”

  What was going on?

  She walked into the living room and handed me my phone. “Need anything else? I have company.”

  “He’s here, isn’t he? I didn’t see his truck.”

  She waved her hands. “Shh. You’ll scare him off. He’s helping me with my garden.”

  “You don’t have a garden!” I moved to step around her.

  “Mijita, don’t cross me.” She rarely used a sharp tone with me.

  I backed up. “You’re making me leave so that you can talk to him?”

  “Yes, I’m glad you understand. We’re planning my garden.” She peeked into the kitchen and waved.

  “Fine. I’ll leave.” I trudged out to my car. I didn’t want to tell anyone about tonight. It was too embarrassing. My own mother chose my ex over me because he mowed her grass and promised her a garden.

  Haley had Zach. Hank had my mother. That sounded all wrong. And Cami was well on her way to having Eli hooked. Who didn’t have anyone? Me.

  Growing up, I heard every Nacho joke middle school kids could dream up. They didn’t even sound right substituting Nacha, but the kids did it anyway. And now so many seemed to fit. I’m Nacha friend. Nacha girlfriend. Nacha wife.

  I spotted his truck parked a few houses down. He’d set me up. Again.

  Chapter 7

  After two weeks of avoiding my mother and trying to run the photography business alone, I was irritated and ready to unleash my frustration on Haley. That would have to wait until tomorrow when she’d finally be back in the office.

  I washed out my bowl and tucked my dishes in the dishwasher. Cooking wasn’t one of my talents, so I stuck with salad kits and instant oatmeal.

  The doorbell rang, and I hurried to the door. Who would be showing up on a Sunday evening?

  Aunt Joji stood on the porch wearing cuffed jeans and a Raid Area 51 t-shirt. “I come bearing gifts.”

  “Hi!” My tongue felt knotted. “I, uh, didn’t expect to see you.”

  Aunt Joji shifted an elaborately wrapped package on her hip. “May I come in?”

  “Sure.” I stepped back to let her enter. “Can I get you coffee or something else to drink?”

  “Yes. Coffee would be great. As long as you don’t poison me with it.” Her infectious laugh filled the room. “But maybe I deserve that.”

  “I’d never—”

  “I know, dear.” She rested a hand on my shoulder. “And please take this with all the love that’s intended. I think you have a long list of nevers.”

  The truth of the words stung, but the audacity of her words set my brain on fire.

  “If you just came to mock me, you can leave. I’ve had plenty of that.” I crossed my arms, breathing in deep, wishing that my insides would stop quivering. I was mortified at my rudeness and proud that I’d spoken up for myself. Why did setting boundaries and being polite feel in opposition to each other?

  Aunt Joji continued toward the kitchen, and I followed.

  Since she wasn’t leaving, I rinsed the carafe and filled the coffee maker with water.

  She set the present on the table and sat down. “I’m not mocking you, Nacha. I used to be you.”

  The glass carafe slipped out of my hand, but I caught it before it smashed into the counter. “You what?”

  The only sound in the room was the rumbling and burbling of the coffee maker.

  “I’ll tell you about that another day. This evening, I stopped by to bring you this”—she tapped the pretty package—“and to apologize.”

  I filled two mugs, then shuffled the cups, sugar, and half and half to the table. “You don’t have to—” I stopped myself from dismissing her apology. “Who else knew about the plan?”

  Aunt Joji added milk and sugar to her coffee. “The plan was all mine. Haley told me about the divorce. She said it made her sad because it was clear you and Hank still loved each other. She had no idea about any of the rest.”

  I blinked away the sting of tears. “I didn’t know she thought that.”

  “Lots of people think that.” She sipped her coffee, then added another cube of sugar. “Neither Haley nor Hank had any idea that I booked all the other rooms or that I intentionally put the two of you in the same romantic honeymoon cabin. Haley and Zach weren’t going to use it. It seemed a waste to let it stay empty.”

  Aunt Joji’s transparency made it easy to be honest with her. “I’ll always love Hank. But sometimes love isn’t enough. I need to be able to trust him, and I don’t.”

  She nodded and drank more of her coffee. “Anywhere in the world—where would you go?”

  “You don’t have to give me anything because you weren’t here for the wedding. I don’t think you are playing favorites.” I sipped my coffee. “I accept your apology.”

  “Where?” She tousled her red curls. “Easy question.”

  I didn’t have to dream up an answer. There was one place I’d wanted to visit for years. Why put off telling her? “Madrid.”

  Smiling, she slipped an envelope out of her purse. “Two tickets to Madrid. The arrangements and accommodations are all listed in here. The dates can be changed to suit your schedule.”

  “I don’t—how did you know?” As soon as the question left my mouth, I knew the answer. “Hank told you.”

  “After he shouted a few choice words at me—which I won’t repeat—I asked him where’d you want to go. He said Madrid was where you’d talked about going because you wanted to photograph the city and because your grandmother had traced the family line back to that part of Spain. After telling me, he walked out of the room and slammed the door. I haven’t talked to him since. Not for lack of trying.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you apologizing? I’m the one who caused this mess. I should have just been honest, then locked you in a room together.” Chuckling, she finished off her coffee. “I see what Haley talked about.” Aunt Joji brushed away tears, then clasped my hand. “Love doesn’t come around every day. Especially the kind you share with Hank. When it’s gone and you can never get it back, the regret is suffocating. I don’t want that to happen to you.”

  I resisted the urge to pull my hand away. It wasn’t as if I could flip a switch. There was no magic that could make my heart not hurt. “I wish it were so simple.”

  “When you can’t have what you wanted most, you learn everything is simple.” She popped up. “Thank you for the coffee.”

  “I think maybe it’s already too late. Suffocating describes how I’ve felt these last few weeks.”

  “Both of you are still alive. It’s not too late.” She dropped little teasers that made me want to know more of her story.

  “I’d really like to hear about how you used to be like me.”

  She laid a card on the table. “This is my number. Call me, and we’ll schedule dinner. My treat.”

  I flipped through the calendar in my head. “I’m free Thursday.”

  “I’ll be out of town until just after Thanksgiving, but we’ll find a date.
” She opened her arms. “Will you forgive me?”

  I hugged her. “Of course.” I picked up the tickets, ready to hand them back. “Would you give these to Hank?”

  “Nope.” She patted my cheek. “I won’t interfere again, but I also won’t make it easy for you to make a huge mistake.”

  “I’ll call you.”

  She waved and walked out the front door.

  Mind whirling, I peeled the tape off the present and unwrapped the shoe box. Inside was a new pair of heels that exactly matched the ones ruined by my tumble and dip in the pool. Tucked underneath them was a gift card to a shoe store.

  I stared at the beautiful shoes that looked exactly like the ones that caused me pain when I wore them. It didn’t stop me from putting them on whenever I had some event that required me to dress up.

  My chest tightened as I thought about what she’d said. She wasn’t there when I’d told Hank it was over. She didn’t see the light in his eyes stamped out by the finality of my words.

  I tossed the rest of my coffee down the sink.

  Somehow, I had to figure out how to battle regret’s suffocating grip.

  It was too late.

  Aunt Joji’s comment about being like me didn’t make sense. Nothing about me was like her. She fluttered through life not caring what people thought. Other people’s opinions guided my every step.

  When Hank left to take that job, I was sure people would think he cared more about his job than he did for me. Those presumed opinions, combined with issues about being left by my father, drowned out Hank’s assurances that our relationship could handle being apart for a short time.

  What was wrong with me?

  I set the shoes in my closet, changed into Hank’s t-shirt, and curled up in bed with my tablet to read something that would make me laugh.

  Two chapters in, I gave up.

  Anger and embarrassment had blinded me. If Aunt Joji hadn’t shown up tonight, I’d have permanently damaged my friendship and business relationship with Haley. I’d scripted my complaints about her ruining my life and had been prepared to lob them at her in the morning.

  The truth was, I’d ruined my marriage. And it was too late to do anything about it. It’s over weren’t words that could be taken back.

  Monday morning, I made it into the office early. I’d picked up breakfast tacos, doughnuts, and coffee on the way.

  Haley was back from her honeymoon, and her short text said she planned to be at work today.

  Not long after I arrived, Cami strolled in.

  “Morning. I’m hoping your author friend needs lots of pictures because I quit my job.”

  “You what?” I pointed at the food, thankful I’d grabbed extras. “Help yourself.”

  Haley floated into the room, beaming. “Good morning!”

  I hugged her. “Your smile is so bright, I might need to dim the lights.”

  She rolled her eyes, then zeroed in on the food. “Thank you for grabbing food. I was nearly late this morning and didn’t have a chance to eat.”

  Asking why wasn’t necessary. “Coffee’s on your desk. Cami was about to tell me why she quit this morning.”

  Haley threw her arms around Cami. “Yay! I’m glad you aren’t working with that creep anymore.”

  “Me too. He asked me out again. But he’s still seeing the new assistant. I’d rather sell French fries than work with him.” She bit into a doughnut. “I met your husband’s cousin. Is he single?”

  “Eli? Totally single.” Haley unwrapped a breakfast taco.

  The phone rang, and I jumped up.

  Haley shook her head. “I’ll get it.” She ran into her office.

  Cami dropped into a chair. “The bad thing about quitting—I’ll probably have to move back home with my parents. Ugh. I hate the thought. I don’t really want to leave San Antonio, so if you know of anyone who is looking for a roommate, let me know. That would be a way better option.”

  “If I hear of anything.” I had plenty of room, and a little bit of rent money would add breathing room to my budget. Keeping the house meant paying the mortgage, and all alone, that was stretching me.

  “We have another booking. I’m hoping the calendar is up to date.” Haley picked up a doughnut.

  “It is.” I inhaled half my cup of coffee. “While you were gone, I hardly got anything done. I spent most of my time between shoots answering the phone and returning calls. To get the calendar updated, I stayed until midnight on Friday.”

  “Midnight? On a Friday?” Cami shook her head. “That’s crazy. You should be out having fun.” She whipped around and faced Haley. “Know any hot guys Nacha might like?”

  “Cami!” I threw a napkin at her. “I don’t need a hot guy.”

  Haley’s smile fell away. “I should get to work.”

  I didn’t need to ask how Hank was doing. Thanks to Cami and Haley’s reaction, I knew Hank wasn’t doing well.

  Cami slapped a hand over her mouth and gaped at me. “Oops! You were . . . married to her . . . brother. Sorry about that. I think I made it weird.”

  “You totally did.” Haley gave a brusque nod. “Talk to you later.” Her door closed, and the air chilled.

  Cami followed me into my office. “I’m sorry about that. Sometimes I don’t think about what I’m saying.”

  “I know.” I shuffled through papers, trying to mentally prep for the week.

  “But it sounds like he isn’t doing great. Like maybe he misses you.”

  “Or he’s mad at me. I’ve made several people upset.”

  She came around the desk and hugged me from behind. “We all love you, Nacha. You just don’t make it easy. Thanks for breakfast. I’m going to crash at the coffee shop down the street and look for job openings.”

  “Bye. Good luck.” I couldn’t imagine what she meant about it not being easy to love me. Guarded wasn’t the same as unlovable.

  I spent the next two hours on and off the phone. Haley stayed in her office the whole time.

  Just before noon, she knocked at my open door. “Want to grab lunch?”

  “Sure. Is this business partners getting out of the office or friends needing to talk?” I picked up my purse.

  “A little of both. I’m buying.” She locked the door as we stepped outside. “But I’m not breaking up with you.”

  “That’s a relief. Neither my emotions nor my pocketbook could handle that right now.” I walked toward my car. Most of the time, I drove when we went anywhere.

  Haley shook her head. “I’m driving today.”

  “Okay.” I slid into her passenger seat. “What’s up?”

  “I don’t want to be trying to edit photos at home every night. But the phones have gotten so busy, working at work is difficult.”

  “I’d love to hire someone, but with what we pay in rent for that space, we can’t afford to bring anyone on. I’m barely making it right now as it is.” What was with my impromptu honesty?

  “Our lease ends soon. What if we found a different space? Something more affordable?”

  “I’m open to that.”

  She merged onto the highway headed out of town. “And maybe you should consider renting out a room. That would help with your financial situation.”

  “She’ll probably make me crazy, but maybe I’ll ask Cami. She mentioned needing a roommate.” I mustered up my courage for what I had to say next. “I spent the last two weeks furious with you and trying to figure out how to divvy up our business.”

  Haley stared at me, then snapped her head forward to look at the road. “Why? What happened?”

  “I’m not mad anymore. At anyone. But I blamed you for what happened at the wedding. Aunt Joji booked every room so Hank and I had to stay together. You can imagine how I felt when I overheard her laughing about it at the front desk.”

  “I had no idea.”

  “I know that now, but I should have known that then. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.”

  Haley reached over and grabbed my hand. “Apol
ogy accepted. I did tell Aunt Joji I thought you and Hank should be together, as in, be a couple. Not meaning you needed to share a room. I guess that explains why Hank is walking around acting like his dog died.”

  Hearing that only made me feel worse. “I said some things.”

  “He told Zach.”

  “So you know.”

  She nodded.

  I glanced up when she exited the highway. “Where are we going?”

  “Lunch. And I want to show you a vacant space.”

  “In Stadtburg?”

  She nodded. “If you don’t want to see it, I understand. It’s not close to our other location, but I saw it driving around. I thought I’d at least mention it.”

  “Let’s see it.” My plan to never set foot in this county again wasn’t working out too well.

  She turned into her favorite barbeque place.

  “You want us to work in the back room of a barbeque joint?” I glanced around, hoping maybe Hank would make a surprise appearance. After all, he lived only a few blocks away.

  In this town, almost everything was a few blocks away.

  “No. Gosh, I wouldn’t get anything done. I’d eat until I couldn’t move.” She pointed across the street. “That little shop is empty.”

  “Who do we have to call to get inside?”

  “He’s meeting us after lunch. His office is over there.” She pointed at the end of the line of shops. “Convenient, huh?”

  “Seems almost too good to be true.”

  Chapter 8

  Two days before Thanksgiving, I gave up boycotting my mother. I craved her cooking, and I didn’t want to be alone for the holiday this year. As I approached the house, I scanned the street for Hank’s truck.

  Disappointment rattled in my chest when I pulled into the driveway without seeing any sign of him.

  “Mama, it’s me.”

  “In the kitchen!” She was almost always in that room.

  She glanced up from her pie crust and waved her rolling pin. “You came back.”

  “I missed you.” I dropped my purse in a chair and washed my hands. “How can I help?”