Matthew Del Negro - 10,000 NOs

by vHow to Overcome Rejection on the Way to Your YES (pdf)

  Thepointinbringingupafewofmyrolesistoprovideexamplesofmyowntransformationsthatdidn'talways feel liketransformationswhileIwasmakingthem.ForeachoneofthemIcanrememberasenseoffeelingoverwhelmed atthestart,whichdoubledasexcitement.Butthissentimentwasquicklyreplacedbysolidstepstoward transformation.InnearlyeveryinstanceIwishedIhadmoretimetoprepare,soI'dhavetohaveatleastaportionof self-forgivenessthatitwouldneverfullyliveuptowhatIwantedtodoinmymind.Regardless,Iwouldbeginthe work,knowingthateachstepItookwouldbringmeclosertothecharacter.

  ThewayIworkistostartbyfiguringoutmyjumping-offpointwiththecharacter.Asoneofmyactingcoaches,Kim Gillingham,taughtmetoask,“Whydidthisscripthurtlethroughtheuniverseandlandinmylaprightnow?”That questionencouragesmetoaskmyself,whatamIgoingthrough rightnowthatcanbeinfusedintothischaracter?

  AndwhatcanIlearnfromthischaracterandhisjourney?Thesequestionsstarttoshiftmyawarenessofthe characterfrombeing outtheretobeingapartofme.

  Thisisnotabookaboutactingspecifically,soIwillnotgointodepthaboutmyownparticularprocess.Thereis somethingtolearn,however,fromhowactorscanrepeatedlytransformthemselvestothepointwhereyoucan watchtheminseveraldifferentrolesandbelieve,onsomelevel,thattheyaresomeoneelse.ThereasonIbroughtup SamRockwellwastoexplainSaladino'spoint:smallincrements,overtime,yieldextraordinaryresults.Had Rockwellaimedforhisopening-nightperformancefromthefirsttimehecrackedopentheplay,hewouldneverbe ableto fullytransform.Likewise,ifyouconstantlyfocusonaspectsofyourbusinessthat appeartobe“official,”like businesscardsorawebsite,butyoufailtoinvestyourtimeandeffortsintothe substanceofwhatyourbusinessis about,thechancesyou'llfallshortofthemarkincreaseexponentially.

  Ontheotherhand,eventuallyallofthoseancillaryadd-onswillbeneededtocompletethetransformation.Justas mostgreatbusinessesendupwithbusinesscardsoreffectivewebsites,anactorneedstheaidofotherprofessional storytellerstoreallypullofftheirmagictrick.Beginningwithagreatscript,anactorisreliantonthematerialthey areinterpreting.Thisiswhyit'sraretoseeanAcademyAwardgivenfortheportrayalofacharacterthatwasnot interestingonthepagetobeginwith.Likewise,anincrediblewardrobeheadorhairandmakeupartistcantakean actor'sperformancethatisexcellentonitsownandpushitoverthetopbyapplyingthesamespecificityandcareto theroleastheactorhasdone.ThisgoesforeveryaspectonafilmorTVproject,fromthelighting,tothesets,tohow theshotsareframedandhowthescenesaredirectedandlateredited.Thereisareasonthatwhenyou'vesat throughatwo-hourfilmthatmovesyoutotearsorbellylaughs,itisfollowedbyalistofcreditsamilelong.Justas thecaterpillarcannotbecomeabutterflywithouttheaidofsunlight,time,andtheprotectionofacocoon,noone canmakeacompletetransformationontheirown.

  BreathinginRarefiedAir

  IhavebeengoodfriendswithactorChrisMessinaforovertwodecades,andourfriendshiphasgivenmethebenefit ofhoursandhoursofconversationsaboutthecraftofacting.Ithasalsogivenusthebenefitofaverycomplex understandingofoneanother'swork,becausewehaveseeneachotherinsomanydifferentprofessionalprojects andpersonalcrisesovertheyears,aswellashelpedeachotherprepareformanyofthoseprojects.Sowhenhewas workingon LivebyNight,writtenanddirectedbyBenAffleck,andwouldcallmefromsettorelaythelatestchapter inourActor'sJournal,whichexistsinourheadsonly,hewouldendmostconversationsbysaying,“Thisisrarefied air.”

  Thatreferencewastothelevelofextremetalentonthatset.Notonlythenamesyoumaybefamiliarwith,like Affleck,butothermastersoftheircraft,likethree-timeOscar-winningcinematographerRobertRichardsonand CostumeDesignerJacquelineWest,whohasbeennominatedforthreeOscars,amongothers.Inadditiontothe unbelievableamountofpreparationMessinadidfortherole,includingaddingover40poundsoffattohisframe,he feltlikehewasingreathandswitheveryonewhobroughttheirownlevelofexpertisetohisportrayal.Evenstill,the filmendedupbeingadisappointmentattheboxoffice.Whenthathappens,peopletendtowritethewholeproject off,butitdoesn'ttakeawayfromallofthehardworkbytopcraftspeoplethatwentintoit.Yes,evenmoviestarslike BenAffleckcannotescapetheir10,000“no”s.

  Whileeveryoneofmyroleshasreliedupon,andbenefitedfrom,helpfromothers,twospecificinstancescometo mind.ThefirstisthehelpIreceivedfromourtechnicaladvisoronthefeaturefilm WindRiver.Whilemyrolein WindRiveronlyrequiredalittlemorethanaweekonset,themajorityofthatworkrevolvedaroundamassive shootoutinthesnow,includingmycharacterandanothercharacterriddlingeachotherwithbulletsbeforeboth dying.Luckily,wehadanex-ArmyRangertoadviseusonthetechnicalaspectsofshootingandwarfare.Most peopleassumeanactortakesalloftheirdirectionfromthedirector,butinthiscase,thefilm'simmenselytalented writer-directorTaylorSheridanhadmanymorethingstoworryaboutthanmyparticularabilitytohandleagun.

  WhileSheridanwasveryhelpful,Ialsospentalotoftimepickingthebrainofouradvisor,tothepointwherewe havecontinuedthefriendshiptothisday.Technically,heshowedmehowtoloadandreloadmyGlockinaquick andseamlessfashionwhileunderduress.Wediditoverandoveragain.Ialsospenthoursaskinghimabouthisown combatexperiencesandoneparticularstoryhesharedgavemeincredibleinsightintothethoughtsandactionsmy characterwouldbeengagedinduringthefirefight.Noonemayrealizeitfromthecredits,buthewasanintegral partofmyperformance.

  Aquickasideabouttransformationisastoryfromthehairandmakeuptraileron WindRiver.Whileapplyingthe scratchmarkstomyfacethatrelatedtothestoryline,themakeupartistsaidthatIlookedfamiliar.Ihadbeen workingon Scandalatthetimeaswell,whereIplayedthesexworkerwhowasengagedinasame-sexrelationship, andwhenImentionedtheshowshesaidshewasahugefanofitandhadseeneveryepisode.Withoutrevealingmy character,Imerelysaid,“Oh,thenyou'dknowme.”ItoldherIwasgoingtoletherfigureitoutonherownandshe seemedstumped.Thenextday,inthemiddleofapplyingthescratchmarksagain,shesaid,“OhmyGod!Youplay Michael!”HereIwas,talkingwithherfacetoface;shehadseenmeinamultitudeofepisodesofashowwhereIwas notusinganaccentandlookedrelativelythesameasIdidonthismovie.Butthesupportoftheprojectsandthe contextoftwoverydifferentstorieshadproducedatransformationinherperceptionofme.

  AnotherexampleoftransformationcamefromthehelpIreceivedfromthehairandmakeupdepartmentson Amazon's Goliath.Mycharacter,DannyLoomis,undergoeshisowntransformationthroughoutthesecondseason.

  Whenwefirstmeethim,heisthealphadoginhisrelationshipwithhisfriendKeithRoman,whomheisusingfor hisownbenefit.Heisclean-cutandconfident.Bytheendoftheseason,afterwe'veseenhimphysicallybeatenby hisbillionairebossandfeelingthesqueezeofanevenmorepowerfulevilnemesis,hehasbecomeunraveled.Nina PaskowitzandGeriOppenheim,thehairandmakeupheads,helpedthevisualsofthistransformationimmensely.

  Wejokedaboutmyfacialhairneedingaseparatecreditforit's“performance”ontheshow.Jokingaside,their attentiontothedetailofwheremycharacterwasinhisjourneyinanygivensceneaddedtotheoverallmagicofhis demise.Mostviewersmaynotnoticethatkindofdetail,butIknowthatmyperformancewouldhavebeen significantlydiminishedwithouttheirhelp.

  Thereisgenerallyalackoffanfarearoundthosewho aidtheprimetransformerbecausewhentheirworkiswell-done,itdoesnotcallattentiontoitself.AslegendarydirectorSidneyLumetmentionsinhisincrediblebook, Making Movies,ifthetransformationispulledoffthewayit'ssupposedtobe,viewerswillsometimescomplainthatnothing happened.Oneparticularlyfamousstoryinvolv
esLumet'sfilmadaptationofEugeneO'Neill'sstageplay LongDay's JourneyintoNight.LumetandcinematographerBorisKaufmanwenttogreatlengthstovisuallyaidtheactors'

  transformationsfromearlyinthefilmtotheirclimacticfinish.Theirtechniquesincludedveryspecificlightingand framingchoicesforeachcharacterthatprogressedasthefilmcontinued.Ultimately,manycriticssaidthatLumet hadmerely“filmedtheplay,”whichonlyprovesthesubtletyofthefilmmakers'visualstrategiesandthesuccessof themagictricktheypulledoff.

  Therearemanytimes,asanactor,wherethepreparationthatIdoforaroleismostlyfor me.In2015Ididapilot foraperiodshowthattookplacein1947Hollywood.Iwasplayingtheheavy,themusclebehindthestudiohead.In thepilot,Ihadtoknockoneguyoutwithapunchandbeatupaspoiledmoviestarinabackalley.Thewaythe sceneswerebeingshot,itwouldhavebeeneasytorelyonthecameraworkandeditingtotellthestory.But,formy ownabilitytobelievemyselfinthisrole,Ihiredex-OlympianturnedboxingcoachJoséNavarrotohelpmewithmy footwork.BecausethepilotwasbeingshotsoquicklyafterIgotthejob,weonlyhadtimeforafewsessions beforehand,soIdidthebestIcould.ButIwantedtoknowwhatitfeltlikeinmybodytomovelikeafighterand thinklikeafighter,soaftershootingthepilotIhiredhimandtrainedwithhimformonthswhileeagerlyanticipating thenewsofourshowbeingpickedup.Nooneelsemayhaveevernoticedthedifference,butthistrainingwasmore forme,tohelpmebelieveinmyownabilitytopulloffthetransformation.Ultimately,thepilotneverwenttoseries, sotheresultsofmytrainingwereneverseen.Butthatdoesn'ttakeawayfromthelessonsIlearnedfromthetalented peopleIhadthegreatfortunetoworkwith.

  Transformationbeginswiththebeliefthatwecaninfacttransform.Whilethereareasmanytechniquesoutthereas thereareteachers,themostimportantaspectsofitarethatitispossibleanditisbestapproachedbykeepingin mindthatforatruetransformationtotakeplace,timeisneeded.Withpatience,intention,hardwork,andateamof supportersandmentors,youcanchangemorethanyourealizeifitiswhatyoutrulydesire.Quickfixesmaygetyou theretemporarily,butasyou'veheardfromotherswhohavedoneit,lastingchangerequireslastingchangesof habitsandroutines.

  TopThreeTakeaways

  1. Thefactthatnatureisfullofexamplesofextremetransformationshouldinspireustobelieveweare capableofit,too.

  2. DonSaladino'smagictransformationtip:Doless,notmore,inthebeginning.Smallchangesyieldlarger transformationinthelongrun.

  3. Don'tthinkyouneedtodoitallonyourown.Behindeverygreattransformationisalargeteam.Learn fromthemandbegratefulforthem.

  CHAPTER10

  Leadership

  “Itallstartswithhumility.EverythingI'velearnedaboutleadership,whetherit'sfatherhood,beingahusband, beingafullback…ifyou'renothumble,youdon'thaveachancetobehappyinthislife.”

  — HeathEvans,10-YearNFLVeteran,SuperBowlChampion

  Oneofthebenefitsofsittingdownonmy 10,000NOspodcastwithsomanyguestswhohavemadelarger-than-averageimpactsbyleadingmenandwomenthroughvariousorganizationsandteamsisthatI'vebeenabletoboil downtheirintricatestoriesandvariedbackgroundsintosimple-to-digestcommonalities.Eachepisode,justlike eachchapterinthisbook,concludeswithThreeTakeaways.Regardlessofthevariouswords,phrases,and metaphorsthatdifferentpeoplefromdifferentindustries,cultures,andwalksoflifeuse,Ihavefoundthreeoverall tenetsongreatleadershipthatapplytoallofthem: service, communication, and accountability.

  YouCan'tHave LeadershipWithout Relationships

  Service,inthiscontext,pertainstotheleaderbasingeachandeveryoneoftheiractions,aswellaseverycommand orassignmentgiventotheirteam,onamandateto servethehighergoodoftheorganization'smissionstatement.

  Thismeansthatteammemberswillonlybeaskedtocarryouttasksthatservetheorganization'sstatedpurpose, ratherthanordersthatsolelybenefittheleader.

  Communicationistheleader'sabilityto conveythemissionstatementtoteammembersclearlyandconciselyandto workwithteammatestocomeupwith actionabletaskstoachievetheoverallphilosophyoftheorganization.

  Accountabilityistheleader'sobligationtotaketotal responsibilityforboththegood andthebadthathappenson theirwatch.Whiletheleaderusuallyreceivesthelion'sshareofpraiseandfinancialrewardwhenthingsgoright, theymustalsobewillingtoacceptresponsibilityandblamewhenthingsgowrong,evenifthemistakesand misstepswerethefaultofsomeoneotherthanthemselves.Thesetruismsholdupinbusiness,sports,andthe entertainmentindustry,aswellasinourhomeseveryday.

  Don'tBeaGrinch:Serve

  WhenIwasateenager,myfriendandIhadsummerjobsatanironmill.Welearnedmanylessonsaboutbeinggood workersthatsummerbybeingputinchargeofmenialtasksthatcouldhavebeendonebymonkeys.Mybiggest takeaway,however,wassomethingtheforeman,Robbie,sharedwithusoneday.Robbiewasagreatleader, respectedbyeveryonewhoworkedforhim,includingguystwicehissizeandcoveredintattoos.Whenweaskedhim howhedidit,hisanswerwassimple,“I'mwillingtodoeverythingIaskmymentodo.Usuallytheycandotheir specifictaskbetterthanme,butthey'veseenmejumpinthetrenchesanddigwhenitneededtobedone.”Itwashis willingnesstogethishandsdirtythathelpedhisemployeestoknowthattheywere contributingtoRobbie'scause, butnotbeingexploitedbyhimwhiledoingso.Hiswillingnesstogetdirtywas notanattempttobeliked.Peopledid enduplikinghim,buthismotivationwasmorepurethanthat:hewasplacingtheneedsofthecompanyabovehis personalneedtobecomfortableandstayclean.

  Evensuperstarsknowtheimportanceofputtingthegoodoftheteaminfrontoftheirownpersonalgoals.Before BostonCollegeWomen'sLacrosseCoachAcaciaWalkerwasconsideredtheeliteofcollegecoaches,shewasoneof thebestplayersintheworld.In1999,atage15,Walkerwastheyoungestmemberoftheworldchampionship Under-19USteamthatwongoldinPerth,Australia;shewonanothergoldmedalinthe2009WorldCup,playingon theUSWomen'sSeniorNationalLacrosseteaminPrague,CzechRepublic.ShewasanAll-Americanplayerasan undergradattheUniversityofMarylandandAssistantCoachatNorthwesternwhentheywonthreeconsecutive NCAANationalChampionships.Herindividualstatisticsnotwithstanding,whenWalkerspoketomefor 10,000

  NOsitwasclearsheheldonevirtuemuchhigherthananythingelse:serveyourteam.

  “Yougiveupeverythingaboutyourownselfandthenyouturnaroundandyouhaveeverythingthatyou'llever need.”

  —AcaciaWalker,HeadCoach,BostonCollegeWomen'sLacrosse

  Service

  ImentionedSharranSrivatsaa's“10Xing”ofTelesProperties'annualrevenueinChapter4.Shrivatsaahasa backgroundasafinancialanalystatGoldmanSachs,andbeforethat,hewasacompetitivetennisplayer.This combinationledhimtobringtwouniquebeliefstoTeles:(1)Numbersdon'tlie;and(2)Withastrongmentalgame youcanovercomeopponentsmorenaturallygiftedthanyou.Usingverysimple,pragmaticquestions,hegotthe companyonboardwithwhatseemedatthetimelikeanimpossibletask:tobevaluedhighenoughtobesoldata profitbeforethebeginningofthenextnaturalrealestatecyclethatwouldmakethepartners'effortsworthwhile.

  Whilethismaysoundlikeitisabovetheaverageperson'smathematicalandfinancialcapabilities,the executionof Shrivatsaa'sstrategycamedowntoasimpleplanandincredibleleadership.Oncetheysettledonthenumberthey neededtohittoreachtheirgoal($3billioninannualrevenue),theyputsystemsintoplacethatwouldhelpthem reachit.Literallyeverysingledecisionthecompanymadefromthatpointforwardwasvettedtomakesurethatit

  wasin servicetothatnumberbeinghit,forcingthemtothinkbig.

  Asstatedearlier,thismandatewas communicated
withtheutmostcareanddetailthroughannual,monthly,weekly, anddailymeetingsinwhicheveryemployeewasdrilledrepeatedlywiththecompany'soverarchinggoalinrelation toeventhesmallesttasks.Shrivatsaa,astheleader,waswillingtotakefull accountabilityiftheplanhedeveloped causedthecompanytoimplode,evenwhileknowingthatthechancesofpullingitoffwereextremelyriskyinthe highlycompetitiveworldofcommercialrealestate.

  LuckilyforShrivatsaa,theplanworked.Countlesscompaniesandbusinessleaderstodayseekhimouttobestowhis wisdomuponthemandtheirorganizations.Ihavepersonallyseenhimspeakonfouroccasions,andeachtimehe reinventshismaterial.Heisareminderthatreachingtheupperechelonsofbusinessleadershipisnotunlikebeing aneliteplayerintheNBAorinanyotherfield:despitetheincrediblylonghourshehasputintopreparing,theend resultissonaturalandgracefulthatitappearsheisjustmakingituponthespot.

  Communication

  Inthelastchapter,IreferenceddirectorSidneyLumet'sbook, MakingMovies,toillustrateapointabout transformation.Butreally,thatbook,whichisfullofexamplesofhisfilmmakingprocess,isaproverbialsymposium ongreatleadership.PerhapsLumet'sprimetoolinleadershipishiscommunicationstyle.Throughouthiscareer directingfilms,hetookgreateffortandtimetomakesurethathisvisionofthescript'sunderlyingthemeand essencewasunderstoodbyeachandeverydepartmenthead.Longconversations,inwhichhewouldsitdownwith thesedepartmentheadsmonthsinadvanceofproductiontohonethewaysinwhichtheycouldexecutewithintheir areaofresponsibility,stressedanunderstandingofoneanother'svisions.Fromhisinitialproductionmeetings, throughthechaosoftheshoot,andallthewayintotheeditingroomsofpost-production,hewantedeveryoneonthe samepage.Tellingly,heendseachchapterofhisbookwiththephrase,“Wewereallmakingthesamemovie.”