Merry Little Lies

by Addison Lloyd

  “No one was a winner here,” he said throwing up his hands. “Least of all that little angel who once sat at the very top of the tree and ended up as a dog’s chew toy.”

  It promised to be a good evening or at least a stress-free evening.

  The doorbell chimed and Mrs. G jumped up.

  “That must be your dad and Aaron.”

  “Wait, what? You invited them?” Carli stood up so fast, Rob got jostled in the process. I could see the strain on his face he tried to hide.

  My pulse quickened and my stomach flipped. I moved next to Carli to support her. Or maybe I needed the support if Aaron was here. Was I a wreck because of the excitement of seeing him or the uncertainty? It had been a week since we’d seen each other. And he hadn’t texted me all day. What if his fascination had worn off the way my two-year-old niece grew tired of her new toys? Is that what happened? Did Aaron find a new toy? And that pissed me off. I wasn’t a toy. Maybe this was all a game to him.

  Mrs. G gave everyone a reassuring smile before turning to glare at Carli. “I always invite them, Carli,” she said, lowering her voice. “You know that. They’re family.

  She held her back straight and walked toward the hallway as the bell rang again.

  “What the Hell, Carli?” I glared at her. She should have known this could happen.

  “Do you think I'm happy about this?” she muttered just loud enough for us to hear.

  I pulled in a calming breath. I couldn’t bolt out the back door, no matter how tempting. I wasn’t a coward. And a part, one I tried to ignore, wanted to see him again

  As they walked through the doorway, my eyes skipped past Mr. G, and landed on Aaron. He wore black jeans that hugged his legs and a gray Izod with a layered navy and maroon stripe across the chest. I wanted to run my hands all over the sweater to find out if it was as soft as it looked. He glanced around the room as if searching for someone until his eyes found mine, and he smiled.

  Then it clicked. He was expecting me to be here. He somehow knew and didn’t say a word. My excitement vanished. He’d been prepared for this moment and hadn’t given me the same courtesy. Why was I so angry? I should have been glad to see him. Right?

  Christmas was the most stressful time of the year for me. Add to that this thing between us that felt new and terrifying and he hadn’t texted me all day. Not a fun fact. Not a selfie. Not a how are you? Or even a go away. Then suddenly he was here and prepared and I wasn’t. And grinning like I should be thrilled to see him.

  I didn’t smile back. I didn’t respond at all and the light in his eyes dimmed along with his smile.

  A movement behind him caught my attention. A boy with long reddish-blond hair stood slightly behind him. But not to hide. The way his eyes traveled around the room and finally stopped on me gave me the impression that he was cataloging every detail. His serious eyes contrasted completely with his outfit: yellow jeans, fuchsia button-down shirt, and orange blazer. Was this Jade?

  Another thing he could have warned me about. This evening was off to a great start.

  TWELVE:

  AARON

  I hadn’t been this eager or nervous for Christmas since Mom and Dad told me sharing my Pokémon cards with my sister would put me on Santa’s Nice list. I no longer believed in St. Nick or my parents promises, but I was starting to believe in other things. Like the magic of a sweet guy with red hair and green eyes who might just like me for me.

  I wasn't sure this thing with Cian would work out. I’d had tons of experience with my parents and past boyfriends telling me different. But the possibility excited me.

  When we arrived at Mom’s party, I wasn’t sure Cian would be there. He wasn’t Carli's real boyfriend. Did she even have a real boyfriend? Or would Cian be there pretending again. It didn’t matter. I’d get to see him.

  As Jade followed us into the house, he practically jumped up and down with anticipation. Glad I could entertain him with my potential broken heart and embarrassment.

  Once we entered the living room, I spotted him standing next to my sister. He looked hot in slightly ripped jeans and a dark green Henley that brought out the color in his eyes.

  I grinned like a loon. I couldn’t help it. I was excited to see him. But the nervous smile on his face changed quickly to a frown as our eyes met.

  He’s not happy to see me.

  I had a flat tire once. I’d had no warning. No indicator lights or anything. The tire deflated with a pop. The car suddenly pulled to the right. And the flat tire angrily bumped bumped bumped on the road. It was unexpected, and it scared the crap out of me. This reminded me of that. I had the same swooping sick feeling in my stomach.

  Didn’t Mom tell them we were coming? But I could understand why she wouldn’t. The same reason I didn't tell Cian. The real reason. I didn’t want to risk the chance he wouldn’t show up.

  Carli gave me a tight smile that told me she still wasn't one hundred percent happy with us. Well tough. She’d just have to get over it. I was done being pushed away and ignored.

  I’d left things with Carli and Mom because I hated confrontation. I hated the fighting. The taking sides. And being rejected by my own family. It was easier to leave her and Mom alone in their self-righteousness. But that was before.

  I’d hugged Mom at the door. And now I ignored Carli’s accusing eyes and pulled her into my arms. She stood as still as possible and then relented, wrapping her arms around me. “Good to see you, sis.”

  “You, too.” She sniffed a few times, blinking back the wetness in her eyes.

  I stepped back so Dad could greet her.

  Dad gave her a quick hug which she barely returned. “Are you going to introduce me to your boyfriend?”

  Carli glanced at me and back at Dad. She had that deer in the headlight look, and that saying meant a lot more in the Midwest then other places because that look was something most people had experienced for themselves, right before the brakes slammed and tires locked up in an attempt to not run over the helpless deer who couldn't move.

  “Yeah. I mean. Sure,” she stammered, rubbing her hands on her pants. “Dad, this is my boyfriend Rob.” And the moment of truth finally arrived as she pointed at… the guy on the couch. He was cute. No comparison to Cian, but cute.

  The guy, Rob, stood up gingerly, moving slow. He took Dad’s hand and shook it.

  “I was disappointed I couldn't make it to Kay’s gala,” Dad said, rocking back on his heels and smiling. “I had a meeting I couldn’t miss. So, I'm glad I got this chance.”

  After Rob sat back down Dad turned to me. “And you’ve already met Aaron.”

  There was a moment of complete silence. Jade tapped on my back repeatedly, and I knew that was his way of dispelling energy, so he didn’t… what? Start giggling?

  “Yup,” Rob said at last, swallowing nervously.

  “Good to see you again, Rob.” I raised my hand in a quick wave.

  Carli rolled her eyes. Cian avoided looking at me at all. And my mom started to say something and stopped. Did she know Rob hadn’t been at the gala?

  I glanced at Cian. He pulled at the frayed edges of that rip in his jeans right above his knee. And now, seeing the pale skin peeking out from the small hole, so was I. Jade nudged me. I turned to glare at him. Was I being obvious? I couldn’t ask him, but the smirk on his face told me I was.

  There was a moment of awkwardness, and I took a step forward. Why hadn’t Carli introduced him? I was going to change that. Cian should never be ignored.

  Carli regained her senses and beat me to it. “And this is Cian,” she said. “A friend.”

  Dad shook his hand, but his gaze kept sliding to Rob as if he was trying to figure out his worthiness for Carli.

  “Hello, Cian,” I said, holding out my hand. “Nice to meet you.” And for a moment I didn't think he’d take it. Finally, he gave in and our hands touched. The sparks between us made my heart speed up and all I wanted to do was pull him closer. Not possible.

  He rel
eased my hand quickly and shoved his hands in his pockets, shyly biting his lip. The movement stirred something in me. I wanted to taste him again. I looked away before I embarrassed myself.

  “I’m Jade.” My friend pushed past me, rolling his eyes at my preoccupation, and moving so he was front and center. “Carli, why do you get all the cute guys?”

  Carli laughed, throwing me a glance. I nodded slightly. Yup. He knows. She hugged him. “It’s been too long, Jade.”

  “And who’s fault is that?”

  Her mouth dropped open.

  “Be nice, Jade,” I said. “You’re a guest. Not the entertainment.”

  We greeted my aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews and other friends that had been around for years. It felt almost normal.

  “The food is set up in the dining room, and the drinks are in the kitchen,” Mom said. “Help yourself.”

  I headed for the food. I was a little hungry, but mostly I wanted something to do with my hands. Something besides grabbing a hold of Ce and claiming him as my boyfriend. Of course, he wasn’t mine so I couldn’t do that, but I wanted him to be. Did that count?

  Relief washed over me. He wasn’t Carli’s boyfriend either and had never been. Although I’d been sure of that fact before, it felt good to have it verified. I didn’t know why he posed as Carli's boyfriend, but it didn’t matter.

  Would he go out with me? And was it even a good idea? I didn’t care. I was ready to take that chance. As I headed for the food, Mom pulled me aside. I stared longingly at the shrimp cocktail as I let her lead me further away.

  “I'm glad you guys came.” Her face was strained, and her eyes looked tired and puffy. I wondered if she was having trouble sleeping. The years following the divorce had been hard on her.

  I hugged her again. This one lasted longer. “I miss you Mom.” I hadn't said that in a really long time. When I pulled back, her cheeks were wet.

  “No matter what happens,” she said, “please don't be a stranger.”

  I nodded and meant it. “I won’t.” Everything wasn’t magically fixed between us. They both could have handled this a lot better, but nothing was ever going to improve if I didn't at least try.

  Jade grabbed my arm as I reached the table full of yummy food. “We need to talk.”

  “I’m starved. So, unless you’re willing to eat and talk, you’ll have to wait.”

  “I am the queen of multitasking, sweetie. Ask anyone.”

  I shook my head and rescued my arm so I could get my food.

  Jade put a few things on a plate. A few sugar cookies, a spoonful of candy, and a piece of chocolate cake. He loved anything sweet. He noticed me watching him. “Don’t judge me.”

  “Just wondering how you keep your girlish figure eating that crap.”

  “You just have to know how to work it off.” He winked at me.

  “Getting up at five am to run is not my idea of fun.

  “Shut up and talk,” Jade said.

  “How can I do both?” I added a Hawaiian ham slider. God, I loved these things.

  Jade grabbed my hand before I could reach for a second one.

  “Rude.” I mean, he was right, I didn’t need it, but still.

  “I want you to focus before your boytoy comes over here and stabs me with his paintbrush.”

  He had my full attention now. I started to turn, but he grabbed my face to keep me focused on him.

  “Don’t look. He’s watching our every move. Should I just kiss you and give him something to be jelly over?”

  “No.” That wouldn’t help at all. “What do you want? My food’s getting cold.”

  “First of all, I’m more important than your food.”

  I sighed. “Jade.”

  “And second of all, your boy is hella cute. But salty. Why is that? I thought he was just jealous, but now I’m thinking there’s more to it.”

  “I noticed that.”

  “And what are you going to do about it?”

  “Um…eat and hope he gets over it?”

  “Wrong answer, Aaron.” He rolled his eyes. “Men. But don’t worry, that’s why I’m here.”

  I didn’t have the energy for one of Jade’s schemes. “Can I just eat my food now?”

  “Yes. Eat your food. Then you’re going to talk to him.”

  My pulse jumped and I felt queasy. “Um, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. He probably needs to cool down a little.”

  He grabbed my hand and held it. “I know conflict is hard for you. But this isn’t your parents screaming at each other. This is a boy who likes you, God knows why, and wants you to ask him what’s wrong.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “His eyes only leave you when someone catches him looking. Trust me. Whatever his problem is, he wants to work it out.”

  “What makes you so sure he doesn’t want to be left alone?”

  “Because he’s waiting. For you. You can do this.”

  “Fine,” I said, staring at my plate. “But food first. Then…” Yelling? Fighting? Heartbreak? “I’ll check on Cian.”

  “Good boy. Did you want that?” He grabbed a stuffed mushroom off my plate and popped it in his mouth.

  Ce ignored me most of the evening. Jade continued to give me the signal: wide eyes, a nod of his head, and a fiercely whispered “go”. Every time I convinced myself I could do it, I panicked.

  I focused on breathing. I could do this. Cian was sitting alone on the couch, trying not to look at me. I stood up, ignoring Jade’s facial expressions which were not helping at all.

  “Okay, everyone,” Mom said in a cheery voice. “Time for White Elephant.”

  I threw myself back in the chair, not sure whether I was upset or relieved. It wasn’t like I couldn’t argue with anyone. Just not someone I worried might give up on me.

  Everyone gathered around my mom and chose numbers. I used to enjoy this tradition. You never knew what you might get. One time I’d gotten an ugly rooster figurine and then regifted it the next year. It was fun and silly, and my dad always complained that it made no sense. I didn’t play because I forgot to bring something. But I did enjoy watching everyone else. I especially loved watching Cian open his final gift.

  Ce pulled a ball of tissue paper out of the sparkly reindeer giftbag. He glanced around with a shy smile. Then he opened the paper and his eyes widened in shock.

  “These are wireless earbuds,” he said. “Really nice ones.”

  My cousin Annie held up a hand. She was fourteen and not always a joiner. “Those were mine. I hope you like them.”

  He didn’t want to accept them. I could see it in his face. Come on, Ce. Please don’t break her heart.

  “Are you sure you don’t want them?”

  The smile on her face started to fade. “They hurt my ears. I’ve got the over the ear kind now, and I like them better.”

  “Thank you very much, Annie,” he said, smiling at her. “They’re perfect. I can use them when I paint.”

  Her smile returned full force. By the time the game finished everyone was laughing and having a good time.

  “Any chocolate cake left, Mrs. G?” Cian asked.

  “Of course, let me get you some.”

  “I’ve got it,” he said. “But thank you.” He wandered off to the dining room.

  Jade grabbed my face. “That’s your cue, idiot.”

  “That’s not nice.”

  “I’m done being nice,” he said. “That announcement was meant for you. Take a hint. Go get your guy.”

  I wasn’t sure he was right but at this point I had to do something. I couldn’t stand the distance between us. And Jade was getting on my last nerve. And another piece of chocolate cake wouldn’t hurt.

  The room seemed quiet after the loudness of the living room. Cian studied the table, his head tilted like he couldn’t decide.

  “Hey,” I said. “Not sure about the cake?”

  His smile soothed the worry churning in my stomach. I didn’t think we were good yet, but he didn�
��t hate me. “Not sure about the size.”

  “Maybe we could share a piece.”

  The smile he gave me dimmed and seemed a little more forced. Not good yet.

  “Jade said I needed to apologize to you, and I think he’s right.”

  “For what?”

  I shrugged. “Whatever I’ve done that has you not wanting to share cake with me.”

  Some of the tension seemed to leave his body “It’s nothing. I was just surprised to see you.” Our eyes met and I could see the questions there before he said it. “Did you know I was going to be here?”

  “No, Cian. Not for certain.”

  He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms, the cake forgotten. He didn’t believe me.

  “Look, Dad did tell me Carli was bringing her boyfriend. I didn’t know if that meant you or somebody else. Honestly.”

  His body relaxed. “And you didn’t tell me because…”

  “I didn’t know if you were even invited. But honestly, I was afraid if you knew I was coming, you might not show up. I just wasn’t sure.

  “I not sure either,” he said with a shrug. “But some warning would have been nice.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.” I tried to think of something else to say. “But hey, at least you are officially not Carli’s boyfriend anymore.”

  He chuckled. “Thank God. Rob can have that role.”

  “What was the deal with that?”

  “Rob had an emergency appendectomy, so he couldn’t go. But Carli was determined to bring a boyfriend.

  I could see why. “My aunt?”

  “Yes.”

  “You guys could have told me.”

  He held up his hands. “Hey that’s between you and your sister. I promised her I wouldn’t say anything, so I didn’t.”

  “You’re loyal. A good friend.” And I wanted to ask him outright what did that mean for us? But I wasn’t that brave. “So maybe we could hang out sometime.”

  He smiled. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

  “Depends.”

  “Does it?”

  “No. It doesn’t actually. I want to go out with you and get to know you better,” I said. “If you’re okay with that.”