Pieces of Me

by E. L. Todd

“But I was never mad at you for that. Why is that?”

  “I picked my battles,” he explained. “Don’t ride their ass about everything. Let them be who they are. But when they cross a line you have to make them return to their rightful place. And I only spanked you because I had to make sure you wouldn’t drink gasoline again.” He shook his head. “I thought you might die after you drank from that pump.”

  “Well…you can thank Skye for that.”

  “Anyway, just don’t overthink it. I’m telling you, just love them.”

  “But how?” I asked. “I may love them but how are they supposed to know that?”

  Dad felt the top of his beer with his thumb. “Do you know I love you?”

  “Duh.”

  “And how do you know that? Do I tell you all the time?”

  “No…”

  “Then how do you know?”

  “Uh…” I searched my memory. “You’re always there for me when I need it. When I’m weak you don’t put me down. When I’m having a bad day you tell me that I’m worth something. You spend time with me and do things you may not necessarily want to do. You look at me sometimes…like you’re proud of me.”

  Dad nodded. “There you go.”

  “But you make it look so easy. I’m afraid I’m going to mess it up and be a terrible father.”

  “You can only be a terrible father if you don’t love your kids. So, you really don’t need to worry about it.”

  “Trinity is made for it. She’s ready to go just without a baby. I’m…I don’t know. I joke around a lot and I’m really immature. I need to age twenty years before my baby gets here.”

  “You aren’t immature, Slade.”

  I gave him a skeptical look. “Me? You know I’m talking about me, right?”

  “I’m aware of that,” he said. “And you aren’t immature.”

  “I’m in a rock band, I ink for a living, and my favorite thing to do is play basketball.”

  “Those are called hobbies, Slade,” he said calmly. “And they don’t make you immature. They make you interesting. A well-rounded parent is a great model for kids. They’ll look up to you and think you’re the coolest person on the planet.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah,” he said with a nod. “And I made some mistakes on the way. It was a learning process for me. You were just too young to know.”

  “It never seemed like it.”

  “Well, your mother was there. She did most of the work. Believe it or not, you’re more like her than me.”

  I shook my head dramatically. “Hell no, I’m not.”

  “You get her intelligence from her, not me.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “And your drive…that’s all her.”

  “No…”

  “And that back talk?” he asked with a chuckle. “That’s from your mom too. I’m laid-back and I drift wherever the stream takes me. You need more than that. Sorry, Son. But it’s the truth.”

  I cringed when I thought about it. “She’s so high-strung and uptight…”

  “She’s passionate. There’s a difference.”

  “Gross…”

  He chuckled. “It’s a compliment. If you were more like me you would have been too lazy to accomplish everything you’ve done.”

  “You aren’t lazy, Dad.”

  He lifted his arm and showed me the sleeve of his t-shirt. There was a gaping hole in the armpit. “Not lazy, huh?”

  “You’re just too busy to go shopping.”

  “For twenty years?” he asked with a laugh. “Nope. I’m just lazy.”

  I drank my beer and thought about everything he said.

  Dad continued to watch me. “I’m always here. If you have a question just call me. I’m just a few blocks away. And if you need a babysitter, you know your mother and I would love that. Abby will love having a cousin.”

  I remembered the story my dad told me about Arsen. “You took Arsen in for no reason at all. If that doesn’t make you a paternal person I don’t know what does…I would never do that.”

  “You’d be surprised.”

  “Why did you do it, Dad? For Silke?”

  “No. I didn’t have a father growing up and it bothered me for a long time. I always felt lost, like I would never find my way back to normalcy. Every person needs their parents whether they’ll admit it or not. But one day I realized I had a family I could rely on, and I needed to let the past go. But Arsen wasn’t there yet. He was more lost than an abandoned dog. I knew he needed a father, someone to love him for no reason at all just like I needed at one point in time. And I decided to be that for him. He’s been much better ever since.”

  “I don’t mind sharing you with him.”

  He smiled. “There’s plenty of me to go around.”

  “So, it had nothing to do with Silke?”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” he said quietly. “I met him through her and that’s when I got to know him. Despite his distance and issues, there was a good person deep inside. And I knew he loved Silke. I could see it in the way he looked at her. He needed help and I couldn’t turn my back on him.”

  My dad was the greatest guy I knew, and not just because he was my dad. He was strong, but he was also soft underneath his layers. No one else would have done something like that. My dad had a heart of gold. “I’m lucky to have you as my dad…”

  He turned his soft eyes on me. “I’m lucky to have you as my son, Slade.”

  “I hope my kid thinks the same thing of me.”

  “He will,” Dad said. “Don’t worry about that.”

  ***

  I entered the penthouse with the plastic bag of food. “Baby, I’m home.”

  She was sitting on her yoga mat in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows. She was doing complicated stretches and breathing exercises.

  “I picked up dinner from that deli. I got you that cucumber sandwich you like.” I set the bag on the kitchen counter.

  “Thanks.” She was wearing a sports bra and yoga pants. Then she stood up and bent forward as she stretched her leg. Her perfect ass was directly in my line of sight. “How’d it go with your father?”

  I came behind her and immediately undid my jeans and let them drop.

  “What are you doing?” She stood up and looked at me over her shoulder.

  “What?” I asked. “Your ass was in the air. I thought that was an invitation.”

  “I was stretching.”

  “Okay…so it was an invitation?”

  She rolled her eyes. “No, it wasn’t.”

  “Well…can I have an invitation?”

  She shook her head but a small smile was on her face. “Thanks for dinner.”

  “No problem…but maybe you should pay me for it.”

  “I’m carrying your child. Isn’t that payment enough?”

  I was trying to get sex but she was cock blocking me at every turn. “Well, I need a tip too.”

  She smiled like she was enjoying this. “I’m all sweaty.”

  “Even better.” My hands circled her waist and my thumbs touched her stomach. “Have you ever had sex on a yoga mat?”

  “Uh…I don’t think so.”

  “Well, let’s give it a try.” I pulled her bra off then moved for her pants.

  “We just had sex before you left.”

  “Your point?” I scooped her up until her legs were around my waist. Then I sat on the yoga mat and positioned her on my lap. Trinity was lighter than air. She was a little over a hundred pounds, and I was easily twice her size and weight. I slid her onto my cock, our chests pressed together. Then I gripped her ass and moved her up and down.

  She stopped playing hard to get and dug her nails into my shoulders. She pressed her face close to mine and breathed with me, feeling me stretch her every time I moved inside her. Our quiet moans were just for us, and instead of enjoying the sex part of our actions, I enjoyed her. Her blonde hair touched me lightly every time she moved. Her breathing was rhythmic, and sometimes her sig
hs came out as musical echoes. Our heartbeats synced together, as did our souls. Knowing we made a baby this way instead of through a tedious medical procedures made her pregnancy a million times more beautiful. I gave her something she wanted more than anything.

  And that made me happy.

  ***

  The sun was almost gone as we walked through the park together. I held her hand as we walked down the path. Joggers passed us, their shoes thudding against the wet pavement.

  “Skye said things are going well with Cayson.” Her hair was in a high ponytail and it bounced as she walked.

  “Yeah, I just wish Cayson would hurry the hell up and move back in.”

  “He needs time,” Trinity said. “It’s understandable. He went through a lot.”

  “But he loves her. They’re going to get back together so he may as well just do it.”

  “Let him go as slow as he wants,” Trinity said. “I’d probably want the same thing if that happened to us.”

  “That would never happen to us. I would always take your word over a stupid letter.”

  She squeezed my hand in response. “So, what are we going to name our little girl?”

  “Don’t give me a heart attack unless you absolutely have to,” I said. “If we find out it’s a girl we’ll deal with it.”

  “Slade, girls aren’t that bad. Look at me.”

  “Yeah, you were a slut before we got together. Still are, actually.”

  She shot me a glare.

  “Okay, I take that back,” I said. “But you had sex before marriage.”

  “What?” she blurted. “What’s wrong with that?”

  “Nothing,” I said. “But I don’t want my daughter being touched before he puts a ring on her finger.”

  She rolled her eyes. “God, you sound just like my dad.”

  “Well, now I understand him a little better.”

  “You’re overreacting. I’m sick of these double standards. If our son screwed every girl in the city you would give him a high-five. But if our daughter did the same you would think less of her.”

  “I wouldn’t think less of her,” I argued. “I would just hunt down every jackass she did it with.”

  She shook her head.

  “Hey, I used to be a pig. Believe me, I didn’t give a damn about any girl I slept with. I literally got my dick wet then never spoke to them again. You want our daughter to go through that?”

  “If that’s what she wants it’s none of our business.”

  I wasn’t down with that.

  “Your dad wasn’t like this with Silke.”

  No, he wasn’t. “Well…he’s weird.”

  “And Silke turned out great,” she said. “You’re going to have to let this go and stop fixating on the fact she has a vagina.”

  I mumbled under my breath. “You don’t get it…”

  “No, I guess I don’t. We’re talking about something that’s going to happen in eighteen years.”

  “More like fifteen…”

  She nudged me in the side. “Knock it off.”

  I nudged her back. “You knew what you were getting into when you said you wanted to have a kid with me.”

  “I guess that’s true. So, what did your father say?”

  “He said all I need to do is love our kid and I should be fine.”

  “Good advice,” she said.

  “Not really. So, when they steal money from my wallet I’m supposed to love them? And that will fix everything?”

  “You know he didn’t mean it like that.”

  “I’m not afraid I won’t love my kid enough. I’m just afraid I’m going to mess this up.”

  “You won’t.” She moved closer into my side. “I know you won’t.”

  “At least I got you to pick up the slack when I do something stupid.”

  “You won’t do anything stupid. And if you do, I’m here.” She kissed my cheek. “Just like you’ll be there when I do something stupid.”

  “And if all else fails, we can call my dad and have him fix our mess.”

  She chuckled. “Yeah, I guess. I can’t wait until we can do an ultrasound and find out what the sex is.”

  “Please be a boy…please be a boy.”

  She rolled her eyes.

  “Cayson is having a boy, so our kids can be best friends.”

  “If we had a girl they could still be best friends.”

  “No, you can’t be best friends with a girl.”

  “I’m a girl and you’re best friends with me.”

  “No, baby. I’m best friends with your pussy. Totally different.”

  She hit me in the shoulder but laughed at the same time. “Don’t be gross.”

  “It’s not gross,” I said. “I’m in love with your pussy. It’s the truth.”

  She hit me again.

  “What?” I said with a laugh. “Would you want me to not be in love with your pussy?”

  “Just stop saying that word when we’re in public.”

  “It’s not a cuss word.”

  “It’s still gross.”

  “Then we have very different definitions of gross.” I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to me. Then I gave her a hard kiss on the mouth. “I’m in love with this mouth, your tits, and your ass. Now, is that gross?”

  She smiled up at me. “No, I guess not.”

  “And you’re in love with my cock.”

  She cringed. “I’m not saying that.”

  “Say it.” I stopped walking and started tickling her.

  “No!” She tried to fight me but she kept laughing.

  “Say it.”

  “Fine! I’m in love with your cock. There, are you happy?”

  A jogger past us and gave us an odd look.

  Trinity looked mortified.

  I tried not to laugh. “I’m very happy.”

  Chapter Seven

  Conrad

  Everything hurt.

  A constant migraine thudded behind my eyes. Aspirin didn’t help anything. The pain wasn’t real. It was emotional, and nothing could treat a broken heart. When I took off and began my new lifestyle, I successfully forgot about everything that happened. I never thought about it. As far as I was concerned, it never happened.

  But now it was staring at me hard in the face.

  She. Left. Me.

  I bought her a beautiful ring that cost as much as a house, and she looked down at it and said no.

  No.

  Why did I fall for her? Our relationship was physical and meaningless but then I started to feel my heart ache whenever she wasn’t around. My walls fell and she walked inside, straight into my heart.

  And now here I was.

  Beatrice did the same thing. She broke my heart like a piece of china and walked out. Then Lexie did the exact same thing, but it was a million times worse. Why didn’t I just learn my lesson the first time?

  I’m so stupid.

  How did people have successful relationships? How did Slade and Trinity last but I couldn’t keep a relationship together? Skye and Cayson had their problems but they still made it work. Everyone around me had it right. But I simply couldn’t figure it out.

  Was it the girls? Did I just pick the wrongs ones?

  Or was it me? Was I unlovable? Was there something wrong with me?

  I’d officially given up on love. It wasn’t for me and never would be. When I pictured myself coming home to Lexie every day in our beautiful house in the country it was just a dream—a stupid one.

  I continued my reckless lifestyle as long as possible until I faced the truth. It didn’t matter how many girls I was with or how hot they were. They would never erase my anger. No amount of affection and sex could get me to forget what Lexie did to me. Instead, I hurt everyone who cared about me and shut them out. In the past three months, I accomplished absolutely nothing.

  Now I was starting over.

  She just dumped me. She just left. The wounds were fresh and bleeding.

  Dad knoc
ked on my open door and shattered my thoughts. “You did great in that meeting.”

  It took me a few seconds to remember what he was talking about. “Oh yeah. Thanks.”

  “You’re really making Sean and I obsolete.”

  “You were obsolete before I even started working here.” I grinned so he knew I was kidding.

  Dad fell into the chair facing my desk. “People are actually getting us mixed up. Apparently, we’re so similar in appearance and personality people can’t tell us apart. So, I either look remarkably young or you look really old.”

  I chuckled. “You do look young, I’ll give you that.”

  He rubbed the scruff around his jaw. “Wow, my son just gave me a compliment.”

  “Don’t get used to it.”

  “I stay out of the sun. What can I say?” He shrugged then flexed his arms. “And I hit the gym everyday.”

  “Okay…now you’re just arrogant.”

  “Your mom likes me that way.”

  “And I think Mom just likes your wallet.”

  He chuckled. “Nah, she’s with me for my body. She says she has a personal body guard everywhere she goes, including her home.”

  Lexie used to love my body. She always felt my chest and shoulders. She called me a grizzly bear. Our nights together flashed before my eyes in an instant, and I tried not to fall further into depression.

  Dad caught the look. “It’ll get easier, Conrad.”

  “Yeah…hopefully.” I didn’t have high hopes for that.

  “You want to golf after work?”

  I didn’t have motivation to do anything except lay on the couch in my penthouse. “Nah.”

  “Want to get something to eat?”

  “I don’t have much of an appetite.”

  “How about a trip?”

  “A trip?” I asked.

  “Yeah, let’s go somewhere fun. How about Cancun?”

  That wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. “I really shouldn’t leave. I know it would stress Skye out.”

  “How so?”

  “She should go on maternity leave soon. If I go on vacation she’ll probably think the workload is too much and she’ll never leave. I know her pretty well.” I’d gotten to know her on a new level after I started working with her. She was a workaholic, to say the least.

  “Skye and Sean are both drama queens,” Dad said. “That’s true.”

  “Thanks for the offer but I’m okay.”