My Only Reason (Men of Monroe Book 2)

by Rachel Brookes

  But tonight wasn’t about thinking of Austin and me. It was about getting drunk with my sister and dancing until my feet hurt.

  “How are you doing? I only found out recently what went down with you and Sasha. Are you okay?”

  Anguish flashed over his face, but he concealed it quickly. “Yeah, it was a pretty shitty time around here.”

  “That’s not what I asked.” I smiled softly before repeating my question. “How are you doing?”

  He leaned down and rested his elbows on top of the bar, so he was eye level with me. “I’m doing okay.”

  I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t press him. Instead, I offered him a safe place if he needed it.

  “I’ve opened the new florist in town, so if you ever feel like you’re not okay, you can find me there.” I wrapped my hand around his and gave it a gentle squeeze, and his eyes grew soft as they held mine.

  “Austin’s a lucky fucker, I hope he knows that.” He stood back up, his eyes lost their softness, and he pulled back on his broody bar owner mask. “Go and enjoy your night. Eggnog comes out in an hour. I would have ordered double if I knew the Lavender sisters were planning to show up.”

  I laughed and climbed off the stool. Grabbing mine and Cora’s drinks, I stopped and turned back toward the bar when I heard Drew calling my name.

  “It’s good to have you back, and thanks for the offer. I’m just not ready to deal with the shit in my head just yet. Maybe one day.”

  Two hours later and with whiskey and eggnog flowing through my veins, I danced with Cora while Trent was on purse minding duties. Tonight was exactly what I needed. A night to let my hair down, dance with my sister, drink booze, and not think about anything other than right now.

  “I need to pee,” I shouted over the music while my hair swished against my back, and my arms flew around in the air in a weird dance move I’d just created. “And you need to get us some more drinks.”

  Cora saluted and danced her way to the bar as I maneuvered through the crowded dance floor toward the bathroom. Thankfully, there wasn’t a huge line, so I was done in record time. With Cora in my sights, I made a beeline toward her but stopped when someone touched my forearm softly and said my name.

  I recognized the voice instantly and spun around excitedly.

  “Oh my god! Ashlyn freaking Hart!”

  “It is you!” She wrapped her arms tightly around me, and in classic Ashlyn Hart style, she started jumping up and down not even caring who was around us or who we were bumping into. “I saw you as soon as I walked in but didn’t believe it was you.”

  “It’s been forever,” I whispered into her ear and squeezed her. “I’ve missed you.”

  Her arms wrapped tighter around me. “I’ve missed you too.”

  She broke our embrace, took a step back, and smiled brightly at me. Ashlyn Hart hadn’t changed a bit. She was still all blond hair, perfect curves, and the owner of the most excitable personality I’d ever encountered. Dating Austin offered me the chance to become friends with his little sister, and we had clicked as soon as we met.

  “Oh my god, you have to come and meet Josh.”

  Without giving me a chance to answer, she grabbed my hand and pulled me toward a table in the back where the gorgeous man I recognized as Josh from her social media accounts sat, grinning at both of us. And right next to him, sat Austin, staring intently at me as if he was stripping back my layers until he reached my soul.

  “Babe, this is Marnie. Marnie, this is Josh.”

  I smiled at Josh, deciding to ignore the feeling of Austin’s eyes on me. “Hey Josh, it’s great to meet you.”

  Josh stood and pushed back from his chair, then leaned in and kissed my cheek.”It’s great to meet you too. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “Will you join us for a drink?” Ashlyn asked, sounding hopeful.

  I glanced quickly at Austin, who gave a quick nod. He wanted this for his sister, and I wanted this for me. I couldn’t pass up a chance to catch up with her. It truly had been way too long.

  “Sure, I can do that.” I pulled out the vacant stool next to her and sat down.

  Cora and Trent soon joined us, and conversation flowed freely among everyone other than Austin and me. Tension burned between us, and by the confused looks firing between everyone at the table, they could all sense it. Occasionally, our gaze would meet across the table, but I was always the one to look away.

  “What’s going on with you and Austin?” Ashlyn asked, pulling her stool in closer to me until our knees knocked together. “You two haven’t said a word to each other all night, and every time I bring you up, he shuts me down.”

  “I don’t know.” It was the only answer I could give her because I truly had no idea what was going on. “I honestly don’t know.”

  She raised her brows. “What do you mean you don’t know? You two are clearly still in love, but you’re dancing around each other like a couple of virgins who don’t know how to use their equipment.”

  I choked on my drink, which led to coughing, and all eyes jumped to me. Ashlyn always had a unique way with words, and it would seem she hadn’t lost that skill since I’d seen her last. I looked straight at Austin and shook my head, not able to hide my smile. If anyone knew of Ashlyn’s ball-busting ways, it would be him.

  “Ducky, leave Marnie alone. You’ve got that look in your eye that tells me you are talking about shit that does not concern you, and you’ve been drinking, so your attitude is firing on all cylinders. Tone it down about a million notches.”

  Oh boy, here we go.

  “Look here, Dash, I am having a conversation with one of my girls who I have not seen in decades.” Okay, that was a slight exaggeration, but I didn’t dare say anything to her. “So pipe down unless you’re planning on coming over here, begging for forgiveness, and kissing her senseless?”

  My eyes bugged wide across the table at Josh, who looked like this was nothing new to him. Then they swung to Cora who was living her best life and enjoying the greatest show she’d ever witness. Trent just smirked. And the only person left to look at was Austin who was staring at me.

  I needed a gallon of eggnog … stat.

  “When I kiss her, it will not be because my little sister told me to. It’ll happen when I want and when she’s ready.”

  When he kissed me?

  He didn’t say if, he’d said when.

  Definitely when.

  Oh fuck, he was planning on kissing me.

  Would it be tonight? Tomorrow? Next week? Next freaking month?

  Scrap the eggnog, I needed whiskey.

  Stat.

  Twenty-Two

  Marnie

  “What are you doing here?”

  I stood with my jaw slack and eyes wide, staring at Austin. He stood on my porch being illuminated by the soft glow of the light with a beanie pulled over his hair, woolen coat wrapped tightly around his body, and his eyes locked on me.

  It was Christmas night, and I’d only been home for ten minutes after leaving Mom’s house after a day full of food, presents, laughter, and Christmas music. When I’d pulled away, Austin’s truck had been parked out front of the Ben’s parents’ house, where it had been since I pulled into Mom’s driveway this morning.

  “It’s really fucking cold out here,” he muttered, blowing warm air into his hands.

  I shook my head, still trying to work out why he was standing on my porch and not at Ben’s parents’ house with his family. “Why are you here? Ashlyn and Josh are in town. You should be with them.”

  His expression softened, and his next words slammed into the deepest part of my heart. “You’re in town.”

  “Austin,” I whispered, goose bumps peppering my skin and brought on not by the cold but by the man standing in front of me.

  Christmas and whiskey, two things we always shared. Austin shared his love of whiskey with me, and I shared my love of Christmas with Austin. They became two things we shared together, but two things we hadn’t share
d in so many years.

  “This is the first Christmas you’ve been home, Freckles, and I’ll stand out here until you let me in because since I met you, Christmas has been you. Even when you weren’t here, and even when I didn’t deserve the memories of our Christmases together, they still meant everything to me.”

  God, he was killing me with his words. I couldn’t string a sentence together, so I stepped away from the door, allowing him into my home and the unknown. He followed me in, shutting the door behind him, and locking us away from the world. I’d only been home for ten minutes, so just enough time to put the food I’d brought home from Mom’s in the fridge, unpack my gifts, and turn on the Christmas tree lights. My plans for the rest of the night were simple; put on the stretchiest pants I owned, sit on my couch, find a Christmas movie to watch and eat more dessert and cookies and drink some whiskey. But first, I needed to get a fire burning to kill the bitterly chill that lingered in the air.

  Moving deeper into the living room, I made my way toward the fireplace. Crouching down, I opened the door to get ready to load it up and then realized I’d been too excited to get to Mom’s this morning that I’d made a rookie mistake.

  “Oh, crap.”

  “What?” Austin closed in behind me, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin.

  I rose to my feet and faced him. “I forgot to bring in wood before I headed to Moms. I’ll run upstairs and change and go out and grab some.”

  He looked down at the fire and nodded. I rushed upstairs, shivering at the prospect of having to go back outside. As soon as I switched on my bedroom light, I heard the first crack of wood being split outside. Frozen to the spot, I listened to make sure I wasn’t totally losing my mind. A few seconds later, a second crack echoed through the silent night air. I swung around and stared at the window. The glow from the porch light illuminated the darkness with a yellow wash. I tiptoed slowly across my bedroom as if my feet were the weight of lead, and Austin would hear every step I took. Cautiously, I pushed the curtain to the side and peeked out toward the woodshed. And there he was. Axe raised high, stance strong and determined with his thick thighs covered in jeans, feet covered in leather boots and a plain black hoodie stretched across his broad chest. But it was the beanie that got me. He looked unbelievably sexy and rugged when he had facial hair and wore a beanie and, you guessed it, he was sporting a short beard now. I wondered if he remembered how much I liked when he wore beanies. I sure as hell wasn’t going to prance downstairs and ask him, but I did smile to myself as I stepped away from the window and moved into my bathroom to change.

  I pulled on a pair of tight black yoga pants, a simple white tank top, and an oversized gray knitted cardigan that landed at my knees. On my feet, I tugged on some fluffy white socks. I was all about comfort, plus I’d already eaten my body weight, twice over, in food, so I was all about the stretchy pants life. Giving myself the once-over in the mirror, I ran a brush through my hair before doing a loose, messy side braid that hung over my shoulder. Once I was satisfied that I’d ticked all of my get comfy boxes, I headed back downstairs to face Austin.

  The closer I got to the living room, the louder the crackle of burning wood became. My steps were silent, but my heart beat loudly. Even if I wanted to deny it, I couldn’t. I’d been thinking about Austin all day. What he said was true. Christmas was us. And even when we were apart, and no matter where in the world I was, I’d always think of him.

  Gingerly, I stepped into the living room and found him crouched down, carefully laying the chopped wood onto the blazing fire. Warmth swirled through the air, stealing the chill and leaving comfort in its wake.

  “You didn’t need to do that.”

  At the sound of my voice, his head swung around. His eyes focused on my legs, then traveled up my body until they landed on my face.

  “It’s all good.” He smiled, then rose to his feet and put the protective barrier across the fire. “There should be enough wood to last you the next couple of days.”

  I crossed the living room and stood next to him in front of the fire, rubbing my hands together. We stood in silence, both focused on the dancing flames.

  I kept my eyes on the fire, and asked, “If you’re here, where’s Ashlyn?”

  “She, Josh, and Aria are hanging out with Ben and the Hunts, and then they’ll head back to my place.”

  “I brought a lot of dessert and cookies home from Mom’s,” I murmured, my eyes still focused on fire. “More than you and I could eat on our own.”

  He chuckled softly. “If you want me to text Ashlyn and get them to come over, I will.”

  The thought of being alone with Austin made me nervous. I was still trying to wrap my head around the idea of him being back in my life. I knew the moment I decided to return to Monroe that he’d be in my life in some capacity, but I expected to randomly see him on the street or run into him at the supermarket or Hamilton’s. Maybe even see him at an event here or there. I never could have predicted that he’d be at my house on Christmas night, cutting wood, starting a fire, and looking like he was ready to settle in for the night.

  “Yeah, invite them over. They can stay here if they want. I have a guest room they can sleep in.”

  His brow lifted. “Do you have room for me, or am I sleeping in my truck tonight?”

  My breath caught in my throat. Did I just hear him correctly? Did he really ask to stay the night? I kept staring at the flames as my heart pounded up into my throat. This was the most we’d spoken to each other in weeks, and now he wanted to spend the night?

  “I’m not asking for anything, Freckles, just a place to put my head tonight. We’re going to be drinking whiskey, and if Ashy and Josh stay too, we’ll be drinking a shit ton, so I won’t be able to drive. It’s going to be fucking cold outside, so my truck isn’t looking too inviting.”

  I looked away from the flames and met his eyes. I don’t know whether it was because it was Christmas, or because hearing him called me Freckles made me melt, or simply because it was him, but I decided that I could totally do this, or at least try. We could be friends, right? Maybe I already classed him as a friend, but I hadn’t admitted it to myself yet? We’d spent too many years together and shared more good times than bad for us to be nothing to each other. Oh boy, I was beginning to over think. Yep, we could be two friends who were going to drink whiskey and eat ridiculous amounts of dessert in front of my epic Christmas tree. The fact that we’d seen each other naked thousands of times, had the hottest sex of my life, and that he was the only guy I’d ever been in love with didn’t need to factor into it. Yep, I could totally do this without it being weird.

  “Yep, sure. No worries. There’s room, and the couch is super comfy.”

  I needed whiskey and a lot of it. Turning away from him, I took one step before his fingers wrapped around my forearm and stopped me.

  “You sure you’re okay with this?” he asked, voice deep and concerned, and sounding husky and enticing.

  “Yep.” I nodded vigorously.

  His lips twisted up into a smirk while his eyes twinkled with amusement. “Hmm.”

  “We can be friends, right? You and me? It wouldn’t be weird. Friends let friends crash when they’ve had too much to drink, plus you’re a cop, how bad would it be if I let a cop drive home after drinking lots of whiskey. So bad. Very bad.”

  His jaw hardened. “You want to be friends?”

  “You don’t think we can be friends?” I stared at him, confused at his reaction, and still reeling from my sudden case of word vomit.

  He shrugged and replied, completely nonchalant. “Sure, we can be friends.”

  “Why are you being weird?”

  He chuckled. “Nothing, forget it. I’ll text Ashlyn and see what they’re up to.”

  He removed his fingers from my arm and turned his back to me as he fished his phone out from his pocket. I stood staring at him, wondering what the fuck just happened. He’d made it blatantly clear that he wanted me back, and that he woul
dn’t stop until I was his again. But did he not want to be friends? Wasn’t that the logical first step? Why was he so damn confusing all the time? I left him tapping away on his phone and went to the kitchen. After grabbing glasses from the cupboard and pulling out my bottle of whiskey, I poured myself a shot and downed it quickly. I considered doing another but decided I shouldn’t be two parts wasted when Josh and Ashlyn arrived.

  “They’ll be here in ten minutes,” Austin called from the living room.

  From the kitchen, I saw him sit down on the couch and remove his beanie to reveal wild hair. I swallowed hard at the sight of him. There were three times when Austin’s hair looked wild, and that was after he wore a beanie, when he woke up, and after I tugged on it while we had sex. I shook the thoughts of sex out of my head and pulled out another two glasses from the cupboard for Ashlyn and Josh. Austin’s blasé remark about being friends still sat heavy with me, and I couldn’t move past it. The shot of whiskey I had warmed my belly and left me with the slightest taste of liquid courage, so I went with it.

  I walked straight to where he was sitting on the couch and only stopped when I stood in front of him. With my hands on my hips, I stared down at him and waited until he looked up at me.

  “Don’t you want to be friends with me?”

  His answer came immediately, and it wasn’t the answer I was expecting. “Nope.”

  “What? Why? You’ve been telling me since I’ve got back that you want me back. You’ve sent my favorite food, brought me coffee, been really fucking sweet to my family and to me, but now you’re saying you don’t want to be friends? So, what, you just want to go around acting civil to each other when you don’t even like me or want to be friends. I will not give up Ben and now Sasha, so you’re going to have to deal with me being around. I’m not losing their friendship because you don’t want to be friends with me. It took me ages to get to this point of wanting to talk to you or be in the same room as you after everything that went down with us, and now I’m finding out you don’t even want to be friends. Seriously, Austin, what the actual fuck?”