BLISS

by A. R. Breck

  I tear my eyes away from Aeron and looks towards Aric, “Ready to go? I really am tired.” And I am. What burned through my veins only minutes ago has been doused in a bucket full of cold water.

  I feel like I’ve gotten myself into a clusterfuck of a situation. When did this happen? One minute, I feel like Aric and I are getting to know each other. Maybe growing something and I had hopes that it would blossom into something amazing.

  Now, I feel like I was just caught cheating. On Aeron.

  When? What? Who?

  Seriously, what the fuck just happened?

  I give Aric a small smile as I walk past him to get inside the car.

  Aric blocks my way to the door handle and narrows his eyes at me. “Am I missing something? Why do I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me. Aeron, too.” He runs his free hand across his mouth before saying, “Did something happen between you two?” He asks in disbelief.

  “What? No!” I say in outrage. “Why—why would you ever think that? Come on, Aric. I can’t believe you would say that.”

  I’m going to hell.

  He shakes his head and lets out a small chuckle. “Yeah. My bad. I just… I can’t trust my brother around you, Mercy. He wants you.”

  “He does not.” I roll my eyes.

  “You’re stupid if you can’t see it. He looked like he wanted to rip my head off. We don’t fight over women, Mercy. But believe me, I’ll put that motherfucker behind bars before I watch him have you.”

  I shiver from his low tone.

  Aric grabs a piece of stray hair that’s fallen in front of my face. Wrapping it around his finger, he twirls it as he looks in my eyes. Taking a step closer, he gets only a breath away from me and breathes out, “You’re the bright star in a sky full of clouds, Mercy. I’m not going to let anyone, not even my brother, breathe in your shine. No one.”

  He leans forward, taking my lips once again and staking his claim. His words, poured from his soul, leak into my pours and warm me up. His hands cage me in once again to his car as he devours my mouth. His tongue scrapes against mine as he silently tells me the words that he doesn’t speak.

  I breathe them in. I let his reassurances and his protectiveness give me the strength I need to make it to the next day. He’s my crutch. My support. I will lean on him, because he’s stable. Because I can trust him. Because he’s strong.

  Then the feeling of unease trickles in that I’m being watched. That what I’m doing is wrong.

  Slowly and easily, I press my hands against Aric’s chest and give him a little push. “I’m sorry, it’s just…” I look around. “Can we go home?”

  Aric looks off into the distance, then looks back towards me. “Yeah.” He bends down to give me a peck on the lips. “Let’s go home.”

  ~

  I wake up to the feel of fingers dancing along my thighs. I tense up, not sure how pissed Aeron is.

  He barely looked at me earlier, but the soft caress on my legs is… intimate.

  I turn over, squinting to find his face in the dark.

  “You’re alone.” He rumbles.

  “I told you I would be.”

  “I didn’t know if I could believe you. Mostly after the stunt you pulled earlier.” He grabs onto my entire thigh, grasping it painfully.

  I try to pull my leg away, but his grip is too firm.

  “Ow. You’re hurting me.” I whimper.

  He smiles. “Good. You hurt me.”

  “What did I do?” I bat at his hand, and he finally releases my leg.

  “My brother pressed you up to his car and you let him. No, not only did you let him, but you fucking enjoyed it. Do you think this is a game to you?”

  He gets up on the bed and hovers over me. My breath catches.

  My world seizes. He looks down at me are as dark as the endless ocean. His face looks like marble as he looks down at me, his cheek bones sharp. His skin so flawless it looks untouched.

  How can someone look this beautiful be this ferocious?

  “Do you?” He reiterates, his hand going up around my neck, grasping tightly.

  I shake my head with what little room I can move.

  “What is it then? You want to tip your feet in two rivers? Life doesn’t work like that, baby.” His grip gets stronger, and I reach my hands up and try to pry his hands away from my neck.

  “I’m not… I’m not doing that.” I gasp.

  “What the fuck are you doing with my brother then?” He finally releases my neck and leaps off the bed, pacing back and forth. “You either want to be on this side of the tracks or the other side. You don’t get both.”

  “I don’t want both!” I whisper shout, sitting up in bed and slamming my hands on the mattress.

  “Then who do you want, Mercy? ‘Cause let me tell you, I’m fucking tired of watching my brother pant after you like a damn dog. And I’m even more tired of you letting him.”

  “I want…”

  Who do I want?

  I’ve caught feelings for both of them.

  “What is it about me?” I ask, tilting my head to the side.

  He stops in his tracks, his hair sticking up all over the place.

  “Huh?”

  “Why me? You’re popular here. I’m just wondering what it is about me that you want so bad? Why not just let your brother have me?”

  He walks up to the edge of the bed, grabbing onto my feet and pulling me forward. I fall onto my back and slide up against him. Looking up at him, I see the emotions running through his mind. I don’t see confusion, or contemplation.

  I see certainty.

  He brushes his hands along my side, up my arms and to my face.

  “Feel that?”

  My breath catches. My heart stops.

  I nod.

  “I feel it, too. I felt it the moment we met. I can sit here and pretend like it’s not happening. But for what? To let you be with my brother?” He barks out a laugh. “If that’s the kind of man you think I am, you don’t know me at all, darling.”

  He dances his fingers up and down my body. Landing on my thighs, he starts massaging, getting closer and closer to my nether region where I’m burning up.

  “Feel good?” He rasps, flicking his eyes to between my thighs, then back up to my eyes. Back and forth. Every time he looks back up to me, his eyes are a little darker. Aeron places a palm over my sex, closing his eyes when he feels the heat emanating from between my legs. He drops to his knees, pulling my sleep shorts off before spreading my legs and letting out a hot breath over my panties. I’m already wet.

  “I can smell you already.” He says as he peels my panties down my thighs.

  “Ahh.” I say when his tongue swipes between my folds. “We shouldn’t be doing this.” I say, even as my panting picks up and I spread my thighs wider.

  “That’s what you always say.” He mumbles, going in for another lick between my legs.

  I grab onto his hair, giving it a yank as he goes to work. He licks and sucks on my clit, and within moments he gets me to orgasm. My body pulses with each wave that moves through me. I let out a silent scream as I feel myself drench my thighs and Aeron’s face.

  He groans into my legs, and the vibrations send me on a second wave of orgasm I can’t keep silent this time. I let out a choked moan and slap my hand over my mouth.

  Aeron chuckles as he slides up my body, his mouth glistening from my juices. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

  “Look at me, Mercy.” He orders in a low tone.

  I look up at him, loving and hating the vicious stare he’s giving me. It’s filled with certainty, like he knows what he wants, and that’s me. I’m victim to his spell and I have been since he walked into this house. If he wants me, he’s going to have me.

  Even if I’m not ready.

  “Quit overthinking. Everything’s going to be fine.”

  “I hate what you’re doing to me.” I whisper. And it’s true. He’s turning me bad. I shouldn’t be with him. I s
houldn’t be addicted to him.

  “What am I doing to you?” He husks. God, his voice. Honey and gravel. Smooth and rough. Good and bad.

  That’s Aeron. Good and bad.

  He’s my potion and my poison.

  “You’re making me crazy.” I sigh into his neck.

  “Maybe that’s been my intention all along.” He chuckles.

  “So… what now? What do we do? What are we even?”

  He rakes my hair off my face and his eyes swirl with a tsunami of emotions. “I don’t know, Mercy. But I’m tired of seeing you with my brother.”

  “He’s my best friend.” I frown at him.

  He scowls at me. “Go find a new best friend. Better yet, you can be my best friend.”

  I grab a spare pillow and whack him in the head with it. “Get out of here, asshole. You’re annoying me.”

  “You annoy me most of the time.”

  I lean up on my elbows and give him a dead stare. “Maybe I wouldn’t annoy you if you didn’t have to be a dick all the time.”

  He narrows his eyes. “I don’t fucking care. Cut that shit off with my brother. Now”

  “You don’t care about anything.” I regret the words as fast as I say them, but Aeron hears them loud and clear. He stiffens to stone, then curls away from me and slides out of my bed.

  “Have fun cutting shit off with my brother, Mercy. And if you try to sly your ass out of it? Well, I’ll be announcing it at some point either way. So maybe you want to soften the blow while you guys still have your flirty fucking friendship.” He walks towards the conjoined bathroom, his shorts so low around his waist his two dimples show in his back. “Oh, and maybe leave the bitchy attitude with Aric’s tears.”

  “Ugh!” I pull my pillow from behind and throw it over my face, screaming out my aggravation into my pillow. “I fucking hate you!” I scream.

  When my throat hurts, I toss the pillow off my face and roll over, opening up my nightstand drawer. Moving some junk aside, I grab the two tiny pills hiding in the corner.

  Dropping them into my mouth, I swallow down a mouthful of water from the glass of water on top of my nightstand.

  The thing is, I know Aeron’s a dick. I know if I choose to be with him, we might have bad days. A lot of bad days. We butt heads because he’s such a dick, and I’m stubborn as hell.

  Does that make it worth it?

  Is he worth it?

  I think of him, and how he makes my blood burn.

  How he makes my emotions not just simmer, but boil.

  How he makes the horrible feelings going on inside of me just a little more bearable.

  The thought of being without him is crushing.

  The thought of never seeing him is excruciating.

  The thought of never touching him is agonizing.

  He might make me crazy sometimes, but what I feel for him overpowers my irritation. By a landslide.

  I think I might be… no. I can’t.

  Right?

  I think I might be falling in love with him.

  Shit.

  16

  Mercy

  “Shit.” I dig through my purse. Tipping it upside down, I let the contents spill over my new rose gold bed set that Dave surprised me with. “Damnit!” I whisper. Finding the bag, I lift it up and my heart starts to race when I see it’s empty.

  “No. No, no, no, no, no.” My hands shake as I lift them up and rake them through my hair. Today is the day. My mom’s birthday. I haven’t told anyone and the last thing I want is to be around anyone today. I’ve been holed up most of the morning and it feels like the walls are closing in.

  So, I’ve decided to get out.

  My plan, in this order: get fucked up, go to the mall, buy something to make me feel better when it really wont, come home, go to sleep until tomorrow comes.

  Except I can’t. Fucking. Find. Them.

  The pills.

  They’ve been helping immensely this past week, mostly because school is starting in a month and it suddenly hit me that—holy shit—I’m going to a new school.

  I mean, I’ve been texting with Riley and Sidney a lot, but they still kind of feel like Aric’s friends, not really mine. I’m not worried about them, though. I’m worried about the other thousands of people that go to the school that don’t know me.

  I hate the pressure that I’ve been feeling lately. Aric has noticed. He’s been giving me side-eyes since the party. Asking me if I’m okay. Asking me what’s wrong. He asked me if I was on the rag, which I replied with two fuck you middle fingers.

  Dave has also been keeping his distance. Not that I’ve been rude to Dave, but I have been using all my effort to stay out of his space.

  Too much pressure.

  They don’t understand that today is my mom’s birthday. The day of the year my dad would come home with an armful of hand-picked flowers from Mrs. Heggelston’s backyard next door. Mrs. Heggelston would yell at him the first couple years. Tried to kill him, really. She would back out of her driveway as my dad would cross the street to get the mail. Or, the third year she waited for him to pick the flowers and she ran out with her can of mace and tried to blind him. Then she found out why my dad was ruining her garden.

  Then suddenly, the next year her garden was more beautiful than ever. Her flowers will full and overflowing in her garden. A rainbow full of colors that were too bright to look away from. Mrs. Heggelston was happy my dad was a loving husband.

  Not only would my dad get my mom flowers, but he would wake up extra early and cook her breakfast, clean the entire house, and always buy her the best presents. Not the most expensive, no, never that. Just the best. A keychain with the three of us on it. A blanket with a collage of her favorite memories on it.

  Now that neither of them are here, this day feels empty.

  What is Mrs. Heggelston doing today?

  The only thing—any I mean only—thing that’s been keeping me tethered to this world is the small little pills, which I’m apparently out of.

  Oh my God.

  I have the house to myself, thankfully. I feel like I’m about to either crumble into pieces or tear this house into pieces.

  I sweep the stuff off my bed back into my purse. Leaving it there, I cut through the conjoined bathroom and into Aeron’s room.

  Aeron has once again became sporadic with his coming around the house. I try not to let it get to me, but who reels someone in like that, only to drop off the face of the earth for the next week?

  “Ugh, asshole.” I say under my breath as I burst into his room. It’s dark and empty, and I let out a sigh of relief that Aeron’s not here. I don’t have the time, or the patience to deal with him right now.

  “Where is it.” I open his bedside table and rummage through it, coming up empty. “Damnit!” I whisper shout.

  I stand and look around his room, thinking of where he’d put it. He’s been here, and it’s not like he’s going to keep a huge load of pills on him all the time. I mean, seriously.

  Where the fuck is it?

  I look at his mattress, and lifting it up, I see something.

  “Yes.” I get on my knees and see the small tin can.

  When I open it up, I frown at what I see.

  “What is this…” I whisper, pulling it closer to my face to get a better look. Squeezing the clear baggie, my eyes widen when realization hits. “Is this…”

  Cocaine?

  Rifling through the tin can, I don’t see any pills anywhere.

  Only this.

  I’m about to put it back when my chest pangs.

  Today sucks.

  I peel open one of the small baggies, crawling over to his nightstand and pouring out a tiny bit.

  Do I really want to do this?

  A part of me feels like I don’t have a choice.

  I try to remember what Aeron did. Setting the rest of the bag down, I lift my hand and using my pinkie, try to make it in as good of a line as Aeron did. Some residue gets on my pinkie. I blow on it
, making the powder on my pinkie and the pile on the nightstand blow everywhere.

  “Oh, shit!” I cough, waving my hand in my face. “Fuck.”

  Maybe I should just forget it.

  I look down at the baggie. Will he seriously notice if I just take a little more?

  I grab the small bag on the ground and pour out a little more. Using my pinkie again, I create a small, thin line and this time, wipe my pinkie on my leggings.

  There, better.

  I try to remember what Aeron taught me. Am I supposed to do the same thing?

  AM I REALLY ABOUT TO DO THIS?

  I bend down, holding my left nostril closed and hang over the white line for a minute. Maybe longer.

  One, two, three.

  I inhale in one go, sweeping the powder deep into my sinus and getting the most intense head rush I’ve ever felt in my life.

  I grab onto my head, leaning forward and tipping over onto my face.

  “Fuck.” I groan. “Holy shit.”

  I try to catch my bearings, but it’s impossible with the headrush still running through me. It takes me a few minutes, but eventually my vision comes back into focus and I can sit up.

  “Shit.” I am fucked up.

  I crawl over to Aeron’s bed, shoving the baggies back into the tin and shoving it back underneath his mattress. I stand up and look around. It all looks the same to me. There’s no way Aeron will know I was messing around in here.

  Right?

  I rush back to my room, grab my purse and haul ass out of there.

  ~

  I’ve been wandering around the mall for hours. Not only because I’m blitzed out of my mind—although I am—but because I realized something.

  I can’t find my wallet.

  I must have forgot to shove it back in my purse earlier, so now I’m literally walking around the mall aimlessly. I came here to buy something. I need to buy something. I wanted to come and get something that reminded me of my parents. Something that will ultimately make me feel worse, but wishfully would make me feel better. For at least the moment.

  I wander into a decorative store that has a lot of small odds and ends. I look at the rock book ends, the different jewelry pieces and wall art. I’m about to walk out and just head back home, head hanging in defeat, when I come across something that makes me stop in my tracks.