Awaken, Shadows of a Forgotten Past

by Marcia Maidana

  My father conversed with an older couple at the far end of the room. The lady’s plump figure and curly dark hair were unmistakable. The husband’s stunning slenderness in contrast to her round figure was also hard to miss. I immediately recognized them—Mr. and Mrs. Veils, the owners of a large banking firm in London. Their social status, along with the many loans they extended throughout the region, was the reason why people suffered the torture of their company. Their inconsiderate manners and inappropriate behavior was no secret.

  “If you’ll excuse me,” I said to General Sterling, trying to free my arm from his.

  “You can’t leave.” He tightened his arm around mine.

  “What?”

  “You can’t leave my side until I say you can. To do so wouldn’t be ladylike.”

  I shot him a look that would have wilted other men, but he appeared unperturbed. With all my heart, I wished that by some miraculous means he would just disappear, vanish into thin air. But he didn’t, so I said, “What do you know about ladylike?” I wrenched my arm away and joined my father’s small circle.

  “Remember my daughter, Florence?” my father said to Mr. and Mrs. Veils.

  “Of course! The most beautiful girl in the New Forest,” Mr. Veils complimented under his thick black mustache.

  “Apart from our Nelly, that is,” Mrs. Veils chuckled, stuffing another chocolate in her mouth.

  “Nice to see you again,” I lied. “I don’t think I’ve ever met Nelly.”

  “You haven’t?” Mrs. Veils looked horrified by my misfortune.

  “She is here tonight.” Mr. Veils’s eyes scanned the immensity of the room for her. “There she is—that’s our Nelly!” He pointed to a young woman across the room. Luckily for her, she had only inherited her mother’s curly hair, and not her rather massive figure. Her blonde hair was cut short in the scandalous new style, but it didn’t appear to bother her partner; Nelly was closely conversing with none other than General Sterling.

  “We were hoping General Sterling would be here tonight to meet our Nelly,” Mr. Veils observed, clearly pleased.

  “He is the most coveted bachelor in England,” Mrs. Veils added, wiping chocolate from her lips.

  “He is an amazing person,” my father observed. “Very fortunate will be the girl that wins his heart.”

  “Fortunate indeed.” My mocking tone was not at all subtle, but the Veilses didn’t appear to notice. My father’s eyes narrowed, and I decided to extricate myself. From the corner of my eye, I saw Thomas exiting the room. “If you’ll excuse me.” I left the unwanted company of the Veilses in my father’s care, but on my way to Thomas, I made a quick detour around the dining table.

  A brief glance at the place cards confirmed what I suspected. Mrs. Allerton had thoughtfully placed me next to General Sterling. Well, I would rectify that right now. Since he was obviously so besotted with Nelly, he deserved to sit next to her for dinner. With a sweet smile, I strolled around the table and pretended to admire the beauty of the setting, switching a few of the cards discreetly. I placed Thomas next to me. The general would learn he might order his men about, but he would never command me. The extent of my pleasure diminished somewhat when I thought about Mrs. Allerton. I imagined her expression; she would be dumbfounded when she saw the new arrangement. I would most definitely hear from her later, but it was well worth it.

  Slipping out of the dining room, I found Thomas. “I’m sorry about what happened earlier,” I apologized.

  “Don’t worry about it. Obviously, the general was anxious to be your escort.” He grinned. “I’m surprised he’s not with you now.”

  “Let’s just say he had no choice but to leave me alone.”

  “Hmm—not like him,” Thomas said suspiciously.

  “Is he always like that—so overbearing?” Against my will, as Thomas and I returned to the dining room, my gaze wandered to General Sterling; he had taken an undeniable interest in Nelly.

  “No. On the contrary, he is one of the nicest officers I know,” said Thomas without hesitation.

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “You look so much like your brother.” Thomas startled me with his sudden observation.

  “You knew Lucca?” I cried out in eagerness.

  “I had the privilege of training with him in London.”

  “That’s wonderful!” I must’ve been speaking loudly and perhaps showing too much enthusiasm, for General Sterling turned to give me a reproachful look.

  “He talked a great deal about you. He said I had to meet you some day. I knew you were not identical twins, but the resemblance is undeniable.”

  “I know. It’s a sad reminder at times.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

  “It’s quite all right—tell me all about your training with Lucca.”

  Just then, Mrs. Allerton came into the dining room to formally start dinner.

  “Come, let’s take our places,” I invited Thomas. “I noticed you’ve been seated by me.”

  “I have?” Thomas was stunned, and rightly so.

  My father took the chair at the head of the table. I grabbed Thomas’s hand and pulled him after me to sit to my father’s right side.

  General Sterling sat to my father’s left side across from me, Nelly happily situated next to him, followed by her parents. Silently, I congratulated myself for switching the cards. If his attention was on Nelly, that would keep him too occupied to bother me. And by the looks of it, she was more than happy to be bothered by him.

  Thomas was a pleasant companion, unlike the general. There was plenty to discuss as he commented on Lucca and their shared military experiences. General Sterling didn’t, not even once, pay attention to me during dinner. He engaged his full attention on his newly found entertainment—Miss Nelly Veils, who talked and laughed loudly, clearly broadcasting her claim on him. How could he have traded me for a girl like her? Well, she was obviously much like him: a snob, a fool, and endlessly annoying. They were perfect for each other.

  By the time the last course was served, I was fed up with the apparent contentment of the couple sitting across from me, and peeved with myself for even noticing them. To make things worse, my father proposed a toast in honor of Lieutenant General Sterling. The toast was filled with praises and thanks to the most courageous soldier General Contini had ever known.

  I thought that General Sterling was incapable of feeling any emotions related to timidity, but he proved me wrong when his face reddened. What wasn’t clear was whether he was embarrassed by the speech or by Nelly’s boisterous clapping. He stood up to raise his glass, and I was pleased to see a sheen of nervous perspiration on his forehead. So, he was less confident than he pretended to be.

  Mrs. Allerton’s timely invitation to the library, where several game tables had been set up, was a rescue call for the general but not for me. I was enjoying his discomfort and hoped he would notice it.

  “Let’s go play some games,” Thomas encouraged. His enthusiasm reminded me too much of Lucca, and I felt a deep throb of loneliness. Ever since losing my brother, I had felt a little hollow inside, as if I’d lost part of my soul. I wondered if I would heal from his death. Thomas headed eagerly for the game tables, and I followed him out of the dining room.

  “Thomas, I’ll pass on the games. I will retire for the night,” I informed him once we were out in the hall.

  “You aren’t serious, are you?”

  “I’m sorry.” My eyes wandered from people to wall, wall to people, avoiding his disappointed face.

  “Well then, will I see you tomorrow before I leave?” His voice was content again.

  “I’ll be in the garden after breakfast.”

  “I shall look for you then. Goodnight, Florence.”

  “Goodnight Thomas.”

  He headed toward the library. I took a detour through the kitchen into the gardens.

  I yearned for time to think. Thomas’s appearance in my life, his friendship with Lucca, all of
the new things I had learned about my brother, General Sterling’s intrusion, his diverted attention from me to Nelly…

  The April new moon brought a dense obscurity to the night. I shivered at the stillness of the darkness. I walked into the rose garden and the smell of spring, awakening after a long winter, was refreshing.

  “It could be dangerous for a young lady to be out here all alone.” I gasped, startled by his sudden appearance. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” General Sterling stood in front of me.

  “I find that difficult to believe after our encounter in the forest,” I answered sarcastically. “Please, don’t concern yourself with me. You should get back to your new devotee.” I started toward the manor, feeling angry at him, at myself, at Lucca’s death, at the unfairness of the world.

  Swiftly catching up, he intercepted me under the illuminated gallery. His bright blue eyes sparkled as the light reached them. A strange sensation filled me, as if I were floating, as if I were in a dream. What on earth was wrong with me this evening? With a concerted effort, I looked away from him.

  “Lieutenant.” I deliberately used his lesser rank again. “You are tiresome, and have a bad habit of cornering girls.” I placed a hand on his chest and tried to push him out of my way. It was impossible; he came even closer.

  “You are the first one to complain.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Perhaps I should slap you instead.”

  “I wouldn’t try it if I were you.” He reached his hand to caress my face. In a more rational part of my mind, I knew I should pull away, but in the odd mood I was in, I allowed it. The feel of his skin brushing my cheek sent a shiver through me. “Your father told me many things about you.” His soft tone was disarming but not enough to give in. I steeled my resolve.

  “Surely you are disappointed then,” I replied coldly.

  “On the contrary, I’m amazed.”

  “Amazed at what?”

  “He said you were beautiful, but you are more than that.” His voice quivered and his gaze looked past me into the darkness of the night for the first time. He continued, “You captured my soul the very first time I saw you.” His eyes returning to me, he took me in his arms. “You have bewitched me.”

  “You are definitely insane!” After the way he had conducted himself with Nelly tonight, how could he feel anything for me? I struggled to release myself from his strong arms.

  “We agree on that much—I’m crazy about you. What I want to know is what you have done to possess me so completely.”

  “Good night!” I interrupted his speech and tried pulling away, but he wouldn’t allow it.

  His face was inches from mine as he spoke. “My lady, I’m in love with you, and I don’t know how to express it any other way than—” It took a moment for the absurdity of his statement to sink in while he bent his head down and his lips met mine with a desperate passion which I would never forget.

  For an endless moment, a sweet fire seemed to course through me, and I forgot my anger, my sorrow, everything that had seemed wrong and broken in my life. Somewhere along the way, I realized I was kissing him back, and in that moment, the spell was broken. Sanity returned and I shoved him away with a force fueled by shock and confusion. My escape was rushed. Perhaps my own feelings for him frightened me the most. I didn’t stop running until I reached the security of my room.

  The night would prove to be my enemy as sleep avoided me; my thoughts submerged in his unbelievable confession, my desires lingering with his unforgettable kiss, and my fears trapped in the fact that when morning came, he would be gone.

  16

  ~ The Ball ~

  To my dismay, very soon after General Sterling’s departure from Forte Radici, I realized that my hopes for “out of sight—out of mind” would never come to pass.

  Awake or asleep, time became cruel, taunting me with his memory, making me desperate for his bluntness, for his provocations, for his closeness. I was losing my mind.

  The war raged on, and I now had a double reason for sleepless nights—both my father’s and General Sterling’s safety weighed heavily on my mind.

  My only consolation was my father’s affection for his protégé, but I knew that he was not a god—he could not guarantee his own safety, much less that of the men under him. Indeed, there was faint hope in the face of a war, and even more so considering how daring the young general was.

  The weeks crept on, and I started to pay close attention to my father’s comments or letters. He had developed a habit of mentioning General Alexander Sterling every time he had the chance to bring his name into our conversation—or perhaps, I noticed it more lately. Bit by bit, I gathered a fair amount of intelligence on his whereabouts. He spent most of his time in a flat he had in London, close to his military post, or at home in Landford—a small town less than twenty miles away as the crow flies. At times, I had to summon all of my willpower not to go looking for him. It would be so easy—just make an excuse to visit a shop in Landford or a friend in London and hope that our paths would cross. But that would be tantamount to admitting that I was smitten, and I wasn’t really sure I could define the true state of my feelings. Such an abrupt change from antagonism to attraction offered me no clue. I only knew that my world had been tilting on its axis ever since the night of the kiss, and my only hope of regaining my equilibrium lay in seeing Alexander once more.

  With the arrival of August came a renewing of my hopes. Amidst the harshness of the war, our country strove to keep the hearts of the people optimistic. Hence, many customary events were encouraged and kept. One of these was the Annual Summer Army Ball, to be held this year at the castle of the Countess of Brockenhurst, in the heart of the New Forest. At last, I would see the face that haunted my dreams and filled my every waking hour—and I was both elated and terrified.

  The horizon was bright red as the sun started to disappear behind the trees. Up ahead, the towers of Brockenhurst Castle emerged triumphantly into the sky. How I loved this place. With its grey stone walls and a multitude of circular towers which testified of medieval times, framed by exquisite gardens, it never failed to take my breath away. The Silver Ghost entered the ancient castle’s grounds slowly, giving all of us a sense of reverence. As the road turned and curved, it became clear that we weren’t the only ones to arrive early to the much anticipated ball.

  “Up there,” my father instructed Mr. Lewis, pointing to a now vacant spot close to the front entrance. “Make haste or it will be taken.”

  “Yes, sir.” Mr. Lewis pressed down on the gas and the car jerked forward. “Slow, Silver, that’s it. Perfect,” Mr. Lewis spoke to the car as it came to a stop. I jumped out of the car, eager to stretch my legs and escape the heat of its cabin. It had been a miserable, long, bumpy ride.

  “Florence!” The daughter of the Countess of Brockenhurst, Catherine, rushed to us.

  “Catherine! It’s so good to see you again!” I said, throwing my arms around her. “You look wonderful!” Catherine, a petite, Spanish-looking girl, with long dark hair and green eyes, always looked radiant. As children, we had spent many summers together at either Brockenhurst or Forte Radici. Our friendship was deep rooted, but not nourished as it had once been—growing up has a way of distancing friends.

  Mr. Lewis unloaded our luggage onto the steps and left to park Silver. Unnecessarily fearing the loss of our belongings, Mrs. Allerton stood by the bags like a sentinel.

  “Samuel, George!” called Catherine. Two young fellows admiring the car in front of us turned to face us. “These are my younger cousins. Do you remember them? They spent a few vacations here.”

  “Younger?” the shorter of the two exclaimed. “Only by four puny years.”

  “Yeah, that’s right—Catherine speaks about us as if we were babies,” the other one complained.

  I took in their faces trying in vain to remember. “Please, excuse my forgetful memory…”

  “There is no need to fret, miss. No one ever takes much notice of us,�
� the short one said with a grin.

  “I bet you wouldn’t even have guessed we are brothers,” the other one added.

  “I’m afraid you are correct,” I answered; there was no resemblance between them.

  “I am George,” said the tall, slim one, with dark hair and brown eyes. “And this is my brother, Samuel,” he added, patting Samuel on the back. Samuel was a bit on the chubby side. His mischievous blue eyes looked at me from underneath a mane of blond hair.

  “How do you do?” I said. Simultaneously, placing one arm behind their backs, the brothers bowed from the waist down as far as possible without falling forward.

  “Mrs. Allerton! Mrs. Allerton!” Catherine cried out eagerly. “These boys here are going to carry the bags to your bedrooms.”

  “We are?” Samuel asked in surprise.

  “Oh, that’s so polite of you!” Mrs. Allerton complimented, dragging Samuel and George towards the luggage. She quickly loaded and sent them on their way.

  “Well, that’s how you get things done around here.” Catherine laughed.

  It was good to be at Brockenhurst Castle again.

  Catherine, Arianna, and I stood in the majestic ballroom.

  “Look at this place—it’s so crazy,” Arianna observed. Arianna Whitley, the only daughter of the largest manufacturer of arms in England, was one of the most talked about girls in the region. Arianna, with her clinging dresses enveloping her curvy silhouette, her thick blonde hair spiraling down to her shoulders, and her unbridled personality, understood well the effect that she produced on men and manipulated every circumstance to her greatest advantage.

  “One could go missing in this place, and no one would ever notice,” I reflected.

  Many people hustled around with great industry, arranging flowers, setting up tables, and cleaning the already spotless floors and windows. Even Mrs. Allerton, thankfully, had involved herself in the preparations, providing me some space to be myself.