Awaken, Shadows of a Forgotten Past

by Marcia Maidana

  “Nonsense! The servants might seem distracted, but I assure you that nothing escapes their constant watch,” Catherine asserted.

  “Tomorrow night will be a night to remember!” Arianna exclaimed, sitting down on a chair near a wall of windows. “Think of all the young men we’ll meet.”

  “All the young men,” I repeated to myself—there was only one that I wanted to see.

  “Florence, what’s on your mind?” inquired Catherine, reading the anxiousness in my eyes.

  “Do you know Lieutenant General Sterling?” As soon as the words left my lips, I wanted to recall them. As well-known as Alexander was, perhaps I was better off not knowing certain details.

  “General Alexander Sterling! Well, of course!” Arianna laughed, but I saw the twitching of her mouth—she knew more about him than she would reveal.

  “General Sterling? I don’t think so,” Catherine replied, giving me an elusive hope that perhaps he wasn’t a ladies’ man after all.

  “How do you know the general?” My eyes pierced Arianna’s.

  “He came to the factory to arrange some kind of deal or other with my father—for the army.” Arianna’s face held a new awareness. “Why do you ask?”

  “He works with my father. I wondered if he would come to the ball—that’s all.”

  “Oh, my goodness! Not you too!”

  “Me too? What do you mean by that?” I wished I hadn’t said anything. Mrs. Allerton was right; I would never learn to hold my tongue.

  “You fancy him! Don’t you? You’ve fallen for him just like all the other girls.” Arianna gave me an amused look.

  “Nonsense!”

  “Come on, Florence—we can see right through that innocent face of yours,” Catherine pressed.

  “Besides, you wouldn’t have asked if you weren’t dying to know,” Arianna affirmed.

  “He is a very interesting man.” I forced my tone to be casual, but my friends weren’t fooled. They knew me too well, and were more experienced than I was with the opposite sex. Yes, I had fallen for the coveted general. They giggled.

  “I can’t wait to meet him,” Catherine blurted out. “I don’t recall you being fond of anyone before. I’m curious indeed.”

  “You’ll be disappointed,” Arianna warned her.

  “Seriously, why?” said Catherine in surprise. “He’s not good looking?”

  “His looks aren’t the problem,” I replied.

  “Then what?” Catherine asked, and looked back and forth at us. “Go on, tell me.”

  Arianna darted a glance at me, exhaled, and said, “The general has been endowed with an attractive, well proportioned, and imposing appearance that gives great pleasure to look at. His black hair, bright blue eyes, and strong jaw, combined with his towering height, presents a real challenge to all young ladies alike.” So adequately Arianna recited this that I wondered if she had it memorized.

  “Oh my!” Catherine burst out laughing. “He doesn’t sound real.”

  She had no idea how true her statement was.

  “No, he doesn’t,” Arianna promptly agreed. “To the end of making the general become real, allow me to disclose the bad news about him.”

  I exhaled in resignation; there is always a downside to everything.

  “Please proceed,” Catherine encouraged. She folded her arms and leaned against the thick curtains piled to the side of the enormous window to listen attentively to the rest of the tale.

  “Perhaps it’s a consequence of his looks, but General Sterling suffers from an excess of superiority and overbearing pride, which tends to give one an instant attitude of hostility towards him—” Arianna sighed as if wishing her last comment weren’t true. “Now, there you have it.”

  No one could have described him more perfectly than Arianna had.

  Catherine laughed again. “In other words, the way he holds himself makes you feel less than the dirt beneath his feet—no girl is good enough for him,” she summarized. “I must say, I’m very intrigued.”

  “I’m afraid Arianna has spoken the truth,” I said.

  “If you want to have an enjoyable evening tomorrow, look at him from a distance. As long as he doesn’t speak, he is absolutely adorable.” Arianna laughed.

  “Well then, we must prepare for such an honor. If he’s a general, and hasn’t been deployed somewhere, he is bound to come,” Catherine assured.

  Indeed, if he was in England, there was little chance he wouldn’t attend. In one more day, I would be facing the cause of my turmoil, and I had still to decide on a course of action.

  By eight o’clock the next evening, Brockenhurst Castle was totally illuminated. Every corner had been lit in preparation for the ball. The countless crystal chandeliers that hung across the lengthy ballroom ceiling gleamed from multiple cleanings. The busy servants were rarely seen now. Some had receded out to the grounds to welcome and direct the guests, and others had gone to the kitchen to help with the vast amounts and varieties of food that would shortly be served.

  Through one of the spotless windows facing the front grounds, I caught sight of the road leading to the main entrance. An endless line of cars headed toward the castle, their headlights flickering like fireflies in a dark night.

  Soon, guests in large numbers started to flow in.

  The ladies, all dressed in new and impressive formal gowns, left no doubt of their arduous preparations for the occasion. The gentlemen were no less impressive in their dark suits or uniforms. The atmosphere grew loud and crowded all at once.

  “Miss Contini!” An excited voice startled me.

  “Thomas!”

  “Hello, Florence.” He reached for my hand to kiss it, and fleetingly I noticed how good he looked dressed in a brown military uniform. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m well, thank you very much. It’s a pleasure to see you again.” Thomas held my hand longer than courtesy required, until I broke contact. “These are my friends, Catherine and Arianna.”

  Smiling brightly Thomas greeted them. “Ladies, you look stunning tonight.”

  George and Samuel joined our group as the band played the first waltz of the night.

  “May I have the honor of this dance?” Thomas asked me, and George asked Arianna, who was more than happy to comply.

  We danced to the soft rhythm of the music, my eyes searching the length of the ballroom for Alexander. My anxiousness must’ve been noticeable, for when Arianna and George passed dancing by us, she said under her breath, “He’ll come—don’t worry.”

  Thomas hadn’t heard and—I didn’t want to explain. The waltz ended, and he asked for a second dance right away, a breach in etiquette, but I didn’t want to make a fuss, so I acquiesced. Soon, I became uncomfortably aware that Thomas held me too close, too tight, and I wished I had said no.

  The frustration of Alexander’s absence was irritating. I didn’t want to dance anymore. When the second dance ended, I said to Thomas, “I think you would do well to ask Catherine to dance.” I nodded towards her. She was standing on the same spot we had left her with Samuel, who was grinning at all the girls that passed him by.

  “Why doesn’t he ask her to dance?” Thomas said, not pleased with my request.

  “Samuel is her cousin.”

  “Oh.”

  “Go ahead, ask her.” Hopefully, Thomas believed my concern was for Catherine. “It’s not good for a girl’s self-confidence to wait for so long, especially if you are the daughter of the Countess.”

  “If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you wanted to dispose of me,” Thomas whispered, leaning closer to me. I felt increasingly uncomfortable at his proximity. “I think I will ask her after all.” Thomas headed off in Catherine’s direction, and I made my way off the dance floor.

  The evening was still young, but I wished it were over. My earlier excitement had fled, and I discretely avoided looking at any of the young men near me. I had no desire to be asked to dance.

  “He’s here!” Arianna’s announcemen
t startled me out of my doldrums. George stood beside her.

  I looked at her in disbelief. “General Sterling?”

  “Who else?” she replied.

  “Come, I’ll show you,” said Arianna. She grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the ballroom into the foyer. Through a sea of laughing, chattering people I caught a glimpse of Alexander.

  “He’s not alone,” George informed as he caught up to us. Being taller than the rest of us, he had the advantage of a better view.

  “Who’s with him?” I asked.

  “Don’t know,” he answered, standing on his toes to get a better look at them.

  “Is it a girl?” Arianna urged.

  “Of course. They are coming this way,” informed George.

  After a moment, Arianna said, “Keep talking, keep talking.” We pretended to have a normal conversation as Arianna kept a running commentary on their progress. “Almost here—almost here.”

  General Sterling and his escort passed right by us into the ballroom, his attention completely focused on the young woman accompanying him. I was speechless. How could he have so openly ignored me? How could he have the nerve to show up at the ball with her? Obviously that kiss had only been amazing on one side—mine. It struck me that I had been a fool, imagining an attraction that wasn’t there. If anything, I had only been another feather in his cap of conquests.

  My emotions ablaze, I wanted to confront him and tell him just what I thought of him, and if I had sufficient courage, which at this instant I did, slap him hard on both cheeks. And as far as Nelly Veils was concerned, maybe I should wipe off the silly smile on her face once and for all. Thankfully, my pride prevented me from humiliating myself to that extent.

  “Are you sure you met him before?” Arianna blurted out. “You’d think he would have stopped to greet the daughter of his superior.”

  “Yeah, even if he doesn’t like you, out of respect to your father, he should’ve said hello,” George stated.

  “George!” Arianna scolded. “Watch your tongue!”

  “Don’t worry. You can’t expect much of people like him,” I said angrily. “He’s so pigheaded.”

  “I can’t believe he is with Nelly. He could do so much better than that,” Arianna opinioned.

  “What’s wrong with Nelly? You’re just jealous. Did you see her in that dress? Breathtaking!” George said.

  “George!” Arianna’s voice escalated. “Don’t you think before you speak?”

  “Sorry,” said George, looking down sheepishly.

  “It’s all right. The general has no obligations towards me. He is free to do as he pleases,” I said indifferently, hiding my humiliation.

  What had I expected him to do? Come running to me? Why had I imagined that he had been as affected by the kiss as I was? Obviously, he looked for an easy prey to use and discard at his convenience. Still, it stung to see him with Nelly.

  Catherine and Thomas joined us. “Did you see General Sterling?” she asked. “Thomas pointed him out to me. I must say that Arianna described him remarkably well yesterday. He seems to be enjoying himself.”

  “I’m sure he is,” I responded flatly.

  “You saw him then?” Catherine asked again.

  “We sure did,” I replied.

  “We could’ve been a piece of furniture for all he cared.” Arianna sounded as indignant as I felt.

  “Florence! Florence! Your father is looking for you.” Samuel squeezed through the crowd calling for me.

  “I better head back to the ballroom to find my father,” I said, hoping not to suffer the misfortune of crossing paths with Alexander and Nelly again.

  My father was quick to spot me when we entered the ballroom and signaled for me to join him.

  “Florence, I want you to meet the Duke of Cardiff.” He introduced me to an amiable middle-aged man and his wife, who looked a lot older than he did. With a smile plastered on my face, I braced myself for mundane small talk when Alexander joined our group.

  “Good evening,” his calm voice came unexpectedly, making every muscle in my body stiffen.

  “General Sterling, so good to see you. Please join us,” my father invited.

  General Sterling said, “It’s nice to see you again, my lady,” bowing to kiss my hand but totally avoiding my eyes.

  “Yes—I suppose it is,” I muttered. That was the only conversation we exchanged, either expressed by words or by the look in our eyes—he didn’t allow himself to look at me. He had eyes only for Nelly, who remained holding fast to his arm.

  The situation was galling—the obsequious way he fawned over her, the adoring way she gazed up at him—and I couldn’t watch it anymore.

  Noticing my friends tucked in the corner of the room, I placed my hand behind my back, and signaled for help.

  “Excuse me, General Contini.” It was Catherine to the rescue. “Can I steal Florence from you?”

  “Of course, Miss Brockenhurst, anything for the lady of the castle.”

  I quickly excused myself and followed Catherine and Arianna to a secluded drawing room just off the main hall.

  “I feel sick,” I said to my friends. “I must apologize, but I need to retire for the night.”

  “What are you talking about?” Arianna cried out. “You’re not going to give up so easily!”

  “Give up so easily? I don’t know what you are referring to.”

  “Please Florence, drop the pretense—it’s good to be in love—what’s not good is to give up without a fight.”

  “There is nothing I can do,” I sighed in resignation, “except to make a fool out of myself, which I’ve been doing very well lately.”

  Impatiently, the girls let out their thoughts in a quick succession of words.

  “Oh, Florence, can’t you see he’s crazy about you?” Catherine asked. “Before he joined your group, he was helplessly watching you the entire time.”

  “Catherine is right,” Arianna affirmed. “I have to admit, I was skeptical, considering his personality. I don’t know how you have done it, but you’ve captured him. He can’t help himself. Serves him right.”

  “Trust us, Florence. We had a better vantage point than you did. General Sterling couldn’t stay away any longer. He intruded to make sure you saw him with Nelly—to make you jealous, to irritate you,” added Catherine hastily.

  “General Sterling has achieved his purpose. You are completely jealous, aren’t you? Surely you can’t let him get away with it,” Arianna protested.

  “But what can I do? Nelly has him in her clutches like a bird of prey.” I bit my lip in frustration.

  “We’ll take care of the bird,” Catherine declared. “We’ll separate them to give you time to speak to him alone.” Her green eyes sparkled with mischief.

  “How?” I wondered out loud. “She’ll dive down on you and scratch your eyes out.”

  “Nonsense. Put on a triumphant face and go back and wait for us in the ballroom,” Arianna ordered.

  Following Arianna’s instructions, I squared up my shoulders, took in a long, calming breath, and returned to the ballroom. In the isolation of a corner, I waited, noticing that Alexander and Nelly returned to the dance floor.

  After what seemed a prolonged wait, Catherine and Arianna, accompanied by George and Thomas, emerged into the room. The girls’ faces glowed with mischief.

  “I don’t know about this…” Having been informed of their plan, Thomas hesitated.

  “Why are you so worried?” Arianna’s voice was reproachful.

  “He’s my superior. He could make my life really miserable…”

  “What’s going on?” I interrupted.

  “We’ll subdue Nelly, but you have to use time wisely. You might not get another chance,” Arianna warned.

  “And if she gets smart, she might rush right back,” Catherine warned.

  I then noticed the large goblet Arianna was holding, filled with punch.

  “Just the ticket—one bright red fruit punch,” Catherine s
aid. Thomas frowned.

  “Don’t worry, you won’t get in trouble,” Arianna assured Thomas.

  “Let’s make haste. We have a bird to catch.” Catherine winked at Thomas. He remained expressionless.

  “Stay here, and when the time comes, make your move,” Arianna instructed me.

  Arianna gave the goblet to Catherine, and she and George wove their way through the crowded dance floor. As they danced their way close to General Sterling, Catherine gracefully skirted around the crowd, holding the cup in her hands. Thomas and I were left to be anxious spectators.

  “I had nothing to do with the idea,” Thomas said, still bothered by it.

  “Don’t worry—I won’t implicate you.”

  Arianna and George danced towards General Sterling and his starry-eyed companion. Their rapid approach forced the happy couple to the edge of the dancing floor, and then with a sudden move, George and Arianna crashed into them.

  Catherine was purposely situated close by, waiting for her opening. Smoothly, looking for all the world like an accident, Catherine bumped into Nelly, infusing the front of her cream-colored dress with the dark red potion.

  People around them kept dancing, wisely not causing an unnecessary commotion. The few who offered to help, George quickly dismissed. But most didn’t even notice.

  From Catherine’s visible gestures, it was apparent she was deeply apologizing for her clumsiness. George made sure to hold back the stunned general while Arianna and Catherine guided Nelly out of the ballroom.

  “Well, there’s your signal I suppose,” Thomas acknowledged in resignation, and strode away.

  Raising my head high, I walked around the edge of the room to reach Alexander. One way or another, the moment of truth was at hand. Since that blissful kiss four months ago, my emotions had been on a roller coaster. Alexander Sterling had given my life a wild spin. It was about time I ended it. Either he would surrender himself to me, or I would put this mad infatuation behind me and never think of him again. There were other fish in the sea, after all.

  “Excuse me,” said George, quickly walking away once I arrived. Alexander’s piercing eyes held mine for the first time that night, and my strong confidence shook slightly at the detachment in his gaze.