Awaken, Shadows of a Forgotten Past

by Marcia Maidana

  “Miss Contini!” Joyfully, he strode towards me. I then did the unthinkable. In a complete daze, I threw my arms around him as I let out tears of joy. It was so good, so terribly good, to see him again.

  “Mr. Lewis, I’m overjoyed to have you back!” The depth of my feelings was inexpressible. He was like a ghost from the past, a wonderful ghost.

  “Oh, Miss Contini, excuse me, I should say Mrs. Sterling, I’m thrilled to be back.” He glanced at Alex, who stood by the door, looking pleased at our reunion.

  “Where have you been, Mr. Lewis? I thought we had lost you too.”

  “Oh no, I’m a tough bird to kill.” He chuckled. “I stayed a little longer than I should have at the Sterling’s after taking them home from the wedding. I had a few drinks with Mr. Sterling and lost all notion of time. When I returned, I was turned back by soldiers. I had no choice but to leave. It was very disorienting.”

  “I’m sorry. There was no way to make you aware of the situation or our whereabouts.” Alex approached the window.

  “No worries, general, I understand.”

  “Come see, Mr. Lewis is not the only surprise for today.” Alex signaled for me to look through the broken glass into the gardens.

  “Oh, my goodness gracious!” I exclaimed. “It’s wonderful to see it again.”

  “Still a beauty,” said Mr. Lewis. All three of us happily gazed at the beaming Silver Ghost parked near the side of the manor.

  “I didn’t see a ring on her finger. Is she married?” I asked Alex as we sat in my father’s office.

  “Married? Who?”

  “Mrs. White, of course. She is a good-looking woman, after all—wouldn’t you agree?”

  “What’s bothering my lady?” Alex put down the papers and paid total attention to me.

  “Nothing, it’s just curiosity. I wish I knew her better, that’s all.”

  “With time, you will. But if it helps your curiosity—Mrs. White is a widow. Her husband, Frederick, used to work for my parents as well. He died a few years ago.”

  “How sad. He couldn’t have been that old.”

  “Apparently, he had some rare disease. He was always sick, always in pain. Poor fellow, death was a relief to him.”

  “That’s awful. It must’ve been a terrible blow to Mrs. White.”

  Considering her misfortune, I felt some sympathy towards her, yet the thought of Mrs. White hovering perpetually in the background, as her duties would dictate, left me vaguely disquieted. Perhaps it was a natural reaction to the thought of someone replacing Mrs. Allerton. But I could tell Alex thought he was being helpful, and truthfully, I had no concrete reason to refuse. I could only hope he was right and that in time I would grow more accustomed to Mrs. White’s presence.

  Two separate funerals were held; the first service for Mrs. Allerton and Mr. Leroy. The following day, a beautiful Sunday morning, we paid our last respects to my father. The parish’s grounds were unable to hold the great amount of people who attended. They stood side by side on every inch of free space, even scattered around the many headstones throughout the yard.

  A dozen soldiers dressed in crisp blue uniforms stood on both sides of the freshly dug grave. They opened the ceremony with a series of shots that went up into the sky. The priest briefly spoke, followed by Alex’s eulogy. I watched from the other side of the casket, Margaret Sterling holding my trembling body in place. William Sterling firmly planted himself on my other side, in case my strength failed.

  Alex and Colonel Swinger reverently retrieved the flag covering the coffin. I watched as they slowly folded it over and over upon itself. My father’s life had been like that folded flag—layers upon layers of knowledge, wisdom, love, and understanding that had gone with him. Alex stood in front of me, his eyes holding mine with a deep tenderness, and reverently, he extended the flag to me.

  Among others, General Sterling, Colonel Swinger, and Captain Frankfort helped lower my father’s coffin down into the dark opening in the ground. General Contini would peacefully sleep, next to his dear wife and son.

  The last shots saluting the great general boomed in the air. I wept, holding tight to the British flag that my father had so loved.

  We were ready to depart for London soon. Forte Radici was rapidly reshaping into what it had once been. Thomas and Catherine, who had graciously stayed after the funeral to keep us company, had departed early in the morning. Only the Sterlings remained.

  “Are you feeling better, my dear?” Margaret and I sat in the garden.

  “Surprisingly, I am. I was deathly afraid of the funeral, but it has brought great relief. My parents are together now. I’m sure they are happy.”

  “Very well said, darling, very well said. Funerals are always hard, but we all need to have closure to help us move on.” Margaret reached for the teapot.

  Mrs. White suddenly entered the garden. “Mrs. Margaret… I just thought to check. Can I help you with anything?”

  “Oh, Mrs. White, you’re always so thoughtful. Thank you, nothing at the moment.”

  “Very well.” Ignoring my presence, Mrs. White turned to leave.

  “Are those wild gladiolus? They are so rare! How in the world did you get them to grow so beautifully?” Margaret exclaimed.

  “It was Mrs. Allerton. She went through a lot of trouble to grow them,” I explained, getting to my feet. Margaret strode over to inspect the plants, placing herself out of earshot. “Mrs. White,” I called before she disappeared down the pebble path.

  “Yes, Mrs. Contini.” She took a few steps back towards me and gave me a look of such intense dislike that I almost took a step back.

  “I’m not Mrs. Contini. You would do well to call me Mrs. Sterling,” I snapped, mostly to retaliate from her unpleasant stare.

  “Well, yes, of course.”

  “Where is the general?”

  “I believe he is resting.”

  “Would you please call on him? Tell him to come down for tea.”

  “He’s had a long week. Surely, he needs to rest more than he needs tea, Mrs. Sterling.”

  A brief moment went by when I refused to believe that a servant, and especially she, had spoken to me in such a manner. “I beg your pardon. I do not have the pleasure of understanding you.” Surely my gaze was more than a match to hers—I waited for a reply.

  “My only object, Mrs. Sterling, is the well-being of the general. He looks dreadfully exhausted since your return. I’ve never seen him so cast down.”

  “I assure you that my husband is more than well. Tap on his door and give him my message.” The tone in my voice left no room for further arguing. Margaret returned to her chair, and Mrs. White’s countenance immediately changed into a pleasant one.

  “Certainly, Mrs. Sterling.” She quickly walked out of sight.

  “Isn’t she wonderful? Always so helpful. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. She nursed me back to health more than once. She is an angel in disguise,” Margaret affirmed. I smiled to be polite. I couldn’t compete against the positive experiences and feelings that Margaret had towards Mrs. White, who definitely was an angel but not necessarily a good one. “Those plants are priceless. It’s impossible to grow them so well in gardens.”

  “Mrs. Allerton had a passion for rare plants and beautiful gardens.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, dear. I’ve saddened you with memories.” Margaret took my hand into hers.

  “Do not concern yourself. I’m all right.” My sudden change in emotions had nothing to do with memories.

  “My darling, I must say, we have always wished to have a daughter, and now we have one.” Her voice was cheerful, and I moved on from Mrs. White’s questionable behavior.

  “Thank you, Margaret. You are most kind.”

  “Don’t get me wrong. We love our dear Alexander, but a little girl would’ve been so much fun.” Margaret smiled wistfully, as we returned to our chairs. I remembered how much Mrs. Allerton had enjoyed picking out my dresses and arranging my hair in
a myriad of fashions.

  “Boys must be harder to raise than girls.” I took a sip of the now lukewarm tea.

  “Well, I wouldn’t really know that, dear. But my William and I are sure delighted to have you in our lives.”

  “Thank you, Margaret. I’m delighted to be part of your life.”

  “It makes my heart swell in happiness that my Alex finally settled down. I can’t deny that there were moments when I worried that he would never marry.”

  “I know what you mean.”

  “Florence, he loves you more than anything in the world. You make our Alexander so happy, and I can’t imagine how wonderful it’s going to be when you have a baby.”

  “A baby! For goodness’ sake, Margaret, I’m not sure I’m prepared for such a great commitment yet.”

  “Nonsense, when the time comes you’ll be ready—I assure you.” She took a sip of tea and spit it back out. “Oh my, the tea is cold.”

  “Am I missing something?” Alex asked, stepping into the garden.

  “Absolutely nothing—” I quickly replied.

  “We were just talking about you two having a baby,” his mother proudly informed.

  “Sounds like a good idea,” said Alex, winking at me. Margaret loved his reply. She repositioned herself in the chair, ready to start a vast discussion on the subject.

  Swiftly cutting her eagerness, I asked Alex, “Would you like some tea?”

  Before he could reply, his mother interfered, “I’ll be back. The tea is ice cold.” She left, teapot in hand.

  “I see you got my message,” I said.

  “Really, Florence, if you want me down here, you don’t have to be so drastic.” He frowned.

  “Drastic? What do you mean?”

  “Mrs. White tromped into the room before I had time to react.”

  “She did? I told her to knock on the door.”

  “She must’ve forgotten that little detail, but I rather think that she did knock and I didn’t hear her—or I’d have to dismiss her.”

  “That’s an idea I could live with,” I said a little too eagerly.

  “Now, Florence, we must give her the benefit of the doubt.”

  “Well? What happened then?”

  “I was getting dressed.”

  “She must’ve enjoyed that.” I was angry again.

  “She didn’t mind it, for sure.”

  “Stop playing games and tell me the truth,” I pressed.

  “Seriously, Florence, she stood there, and I hid behind your folding screen.”

  “I see—the soldier’s fast reflexes came to your rescue,” I mocked.

  “Be glad they did.”

  “The scene must’ve petrified her.” I laughed, but I didn’t find anything amusing about Mrs. White.

  Although my life with Alex was shared with his many military duties, our time together in his flat in London was blissful. I couldn’t deny that the terrible events of the recent past would always haunt me in some ways, but the love between Alex and me was a healing balm. My days were filled with the deep affection and tenderness that we had for each other. After a prolonged absence, reluctantly, and mostly out of obligation, we returned to Forte Radici for the weekend. Alex went to the study to take care of some work, and I made my way to the gardens.

  Dumbfounded, I stared at the bare, east outside wall of Forte Radici for a long while. I then turned and stared at the bare garden where Mrs. Allerton’s wild gladiolus once grew in all majesty. “I must’ve lost my mind,” I said out loud to myself. But once I got over the unbelievable reality, I stormed back to the house, my feet walking on fire—filled with anger.

  I flung open the back door of the kitchen, where the servants were assembled around the table for their noon meal. My abrupt entrance caused the servants to jump out of their chairs, all eyes focused on me.

  I found the gardener’s disconcerted gaze and yelled at him. “Explain to me this instant why you cut down the vines on the side of the house and destroyed the plants.”

  “Mrs. Sterling, I…” He was short of words. He found Mrs. White’s eyes before looking back at me.

  “If you don’t speak, you better pack your belongings and leave!” I shouted, hysterically.

  “Mrs. White asked me to do so. I’m sorry, Mrs. Sterling, I was just doing my job,” he stammered in all sincerity.

  “You!” I was yelling with all the volume I could produce. “Why the devil did you order such a thing?” I took a step towards her, my hands turned into fists.

  “Mrs. Sterling, I suggest you lower your tone. It’s not appropriate for a lady to behave like a wild animal in front of the house staff.” She smiled a wicked smile.

  “I’ll tell you what is not appropriate!” Her previous remark infuriated me even more, but at the same time it refrained me from beating her; the servants were watching, after all. “It’s not appropriate for you to speak out of turn or tell the lady of the house what to do. Or worse, do whatever you think best in my house. Answer my question at once—why have you done such a wicked thing?”

  She tried hard to hide the fact that I was upsetting her, but I could tell by the way her face twisted in vexation. “General Sterling told me to do it.” I heard a gasp coming from one of the maids.

  “He would never do such a thing. How dare you accuse him?”

  “If you don’t believe me, why don’t you ask him yourself?” she taunted.

  “I will, and while I do that, you’d better gather your things!”

  I tromped out of the kitchen, down the corridors, and into the office.

  Alex looked at me in shock; never had he seen me in total rage.

  “Did you order Mrs. White to cut down the vines and destroy the gladiolus plants?” I shouted.

  “Did I do what?” He left his chair to meet me halfway across the room.

  “You heard me.” My vision clouded with tears. “The vines are gone, along with Mrs. Allerton’s garden.”

  “Florence, try to get hold of yourself. I’m sure there is a good explanation for it.” His hands rested on my shaky shoulders, keeping me in place.

  “You haven’t answered my question. Did you or did you not?”

  “I…” Alex made an effort to remember. “Before we left for London, when we hired the new gardener, I told Mrs. White to trim the damaged plants in the yard so they’d grow stronger. I wasn’t thinking about the vines or Mrs. Allerton’s garden. It’s just a misunderstanding.”

  “How can it be a misunderstanding when neither of those plants were damaged?” I shrugged his hands off my shoulders.

  “Florence, we’ll replant them. They are just plants,” Alex pleaded, but I wouldn’t have it.

  “Just plants? Just plants?” I glared at him in shock. “How can you be so insensitive?”

  “Florence, you are taking this too far. I’m sure Mrs. White didn’t mean any harm. Surely she can explain it.”

  “Yes, of course she can, and you can explain to her why I’m not dining with you tonight and why you are not staying in my room!”

  23

  ~The Hidden Truth ~

  When had the suspicion taken hold upon me? I wasn’t sure. Perhaps it wasn’t a specific moment which I could single out. It was the result of many subtle incidents. All of her questionable actions, somehow, I could overcome, even the atrocity she had committed with the vines and the gladiolus. Although I had never forgotten it, out of pure consideration for Margaret, I had forgiven Mrs. White. As for Alex, I was hurt by his innocent role in destroying the garden, but I loved him too much to stay angry.

  But straw by straw, events grew until they reached a tipping point. This was different, much different.

  It had been a long ride back to the manor from London. It was late in the evening when we arrived. After supper, we sat in the library by the cozy fireplace.

  “What’s wrong, my lady? You hardly touched your plate tonight,” observed Alex, sitting in the large armchair.

  “Nothing is wrong. It was a long r
ide home. I need a little rest, that’s all.” I smiled, assuring him, hoping that the malaise would soon leave me. Not wanting to alarm Alex, I had arduously concealed from him how physically frail I was becoming. Alex had recently been appointed in my father’s place as general in the army. His responsibilities amidst the devastating war were mentally and emotionally profound, and I was reluctant to burden him with unnecessary concerns. Yet, as my appetite continued to diminish, replaced by nausea and a sensation of constant whirling, it was increasingly difficult to keep up the pretense.

  “Florence, you look very pale. Perhaps we should call on the doctor.”

  “Nonsense. I just need to rest my eyes for a while.” I lay down on the sofa across from his chair. “If I fall asleep, you can carry me upstairs.”

  Alex grabbed the blanket sitting near the hearth and tucked it around my body. “I sure will.” He kissed my cheek and returned to his chair to read the newspaper. I closed my eyes, and feeling the warmth from the fire on my face, it was easy to drift into a light sleep for a long while.

  The library door slowly parted, followed by footsteps. I knew those almost unperceivable deceiving footsteps too well by now. Mrs. White sauntered across the room to Alex, tea tray in hand.

  “Thank you, Mrs. White,” said Alex. His eyes didn’t leave the lines he was reading. I thought about sitting up but was too comfortable lying on my side. Lethargy lingering from the short nap, I pretended I was asleep, and observed her with my eyes barely open.

  She placed the tray on the small table in front of Alex. “Allow me, the fire is dying down,” said Mrs. White.

  “Thank you,” responded Alex, still not looking at her. She reached for a couple of logs to place them in the fire.

  “Would you like a blanket for your legs?” she asked.

  “No, thank you. The room is warm enough,” he answered.

  “Let me get one more lamp on then.” She turned on the lamp sitting on the corner table behind Alex.

  “Thanks, Mrs. White. That helps,” Alex said, turning the page of the newspaper.

  Mrs. White poured a cup of tea and handed it to him.