Forgiving You

by Melissa Bender

  Plugging in my camera, I waited as the photograph files downloaded, until an email popped up in the right corner of the screen. The sender’s name had my heart racing.

  Message after message appeared, my heart pounding furiously in my chest as they were all from Chris. I had turned off all alerts on my phone so that I wouldn’t be bothered or tempted. But for my laptop, I hadn’t, as today was the first time I got all notifications since everything had gone down.

  Eight.

  Eight unread emails highlighted from Mr. Christopher Rivers.

  Two from my brother, Adam. Just updating me, about his travel and whereabouts.

  “Delete them,” I whispered to myself, biting my lower lip as I clicked on the first one.

  -Go fuck yourself? Nice, Charlotte.

  I rolled my eyes and clicked the next.

  -As you have refused to sign, I have sent the contract again. Please sign. I’ll give you more money. Just sign the damn paper.

  -Leighton called and told me that you hadn’t been home since last Wednesday. Where are you staying so I can send them there? Who are you with? You’re with him, aren’t you?

  -Where are you?

  -Charlotte, where are you? No one has heard from you. Why aren’t you answering your phone?

  I almost laughed. Chris had to be delusional if he thought I was going to speak to him.

  The last one, I read over and over, wanting to believe he meant it, but I knew better.

  -Please, just tell me where you are. Char, I need to know that you’re both okay and that nothing has happened. I tried to call the hospital, but they wouldn’t tell me anything. Please, just tell me you’re okay.

  “Too late for that now,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. He never even asked about his child.

  Tears pooled in my eyes, hot with anger as I typed back. Emotional emailing was never a good idea.

  Christopher,

  I am fine. Email me the divorce papers, and I will send them back to you signed. I don’t want your money; keep it all. I don’t need, nor do I want anything else from you. All I ask is full custody. I will fight you through hell if you dare object to this. Thanks for asking about your daughter who, by the way, almost died during childbirth. You might be a great lawyer, but you won’t be winning father of the year.

  Enjoy your whore who’s been sucking your dick.

  Much love,

  Charlotte

  I pressed send and turned the computer off.

  Out of sight, out of mind.

  I left the bedroom before my pacing woke Lucy up. With him? Who the hell was he referring to? Did he mean Adam? He was the only other guy I could assume it would be about.

  My soft cries turned into a loud sob, as my legs gave way and I fell to the floor in agony. I couldn’t stop; every single breath felt like my heart was breaking even more. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. My head was going to explode. “Fuck you!” I screamed, to no one. I learned my head against the wall, eyes shut tightly as I punched the floor, cursing him.

  A pair of strong arms startled me when I felt them wrapping around my body and drawing me into his chest. The familiar calming scent filled my nose, and even though I felt safe, I felt relieved to have him here as I cried, clinging tightly back.

  “Don’t cry, sweetheart.” Adam’s soft, deep voice cooed against my cheek.

  “He doesn’t love me anymore, and I don’t know why . . .” It was the question on my mind, where I was begging for an answer. “Why?” I just didn’t have the answers I needed.

  “I don’t know,” he replied quietly. “But, I’m here now, for as long as you need.”

  I had no idea how long we sat here on the floor in my brother’s arms. It would have lasted longer, but Lucy woke, and her cries broke us apart. I had to be strong for her and show her that I would love her forever and give her everything no matter what. She didn’t need her father; she had me.

  “So, I have a niece?” Adam smiled, watching by the door as I changed Lucy’s diaper and dressed her in another light pink onesie.

  I lifted her up, giving her back a soft rub. “You sure do, and Lucy would like to meet her uncle.”

  Lucy’s little eyes opened, and a yawn escaped as Adam held her in his strong arms. He sat back in the chair, smiling. “She’s beautiful and so small, just like a doll.”

  “She is. I know babies are small, but I feel like I’m going to break her at times,” I admitted.

  “You won’t, but I understand the feeling.” He laughed. “Hence, the reason why I’m sitting down.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so scared,” I teased, catching sight of my reflection in the mirror as I made my way over with a coffee. Christ, I was more than a hot mess. “Anyway, tell me how you’ve been.”

  “Mum called.” He ignored and looked at me like the lawyer he is. “She’s worried about you.”

  “I am doing okay,” I assured, realising I was lying to a lawyer and not even believing my own lies. “I’m doing the best that I can. It’s hard; my husband left me the day I gave birth, and I struggle with it. I don’t know why he did it, and it kills me because I love him so much.”

  Adam looked at me; I prayed he didn’t delve for more information. Remaining quiet, he sighed. “I went to see him.” My eyes snapped to his, and I urged him to talk more. “It took every ounce of me not to break his fucking face, but I had to know what kind of man just walks out on his family like that.”

  My hands shook, chest tight as I licked my lower lip and hesitantly asked. “What did Chris say? Did he tell you why he left?”

  Adam looked down at Lucy, and then back to me. “It’s not good.”

  “Tell me.” I urged, having the need to know. He remained silent. “Tell me, Adam.” I pushed, harsher.

  “Chris doesn’t think she is his child.” As soon as he said the words, I wanted to throw up.

  “What?!” I half shouted. This was insane. “Of course, she is his.”

  He nodded, not mincing his emotion. “I know. Fuck, just one look at Lucy, and you can see that she’s his daughter. The hair and the eyes . . . she’s a dead ringer for her father.”

  I couldn’t, for the life of me, think why he would assume I would be pregnant with someone else’s child. That made no sense, and it infuriated me beyond words that he could ever believe such a disgusting lie.

  He was the one who wanted to fuck for hours, trying to make a baby.

  “Did you tell him where I am?”

  “No. I told Chris you deserved better, called him a few choice words, and walked off before I knocked him out.” He shook his head angrily. “What type of man just leaves his family like that? A fucking weak man that’s who.”

  “Clearly a man who thinks his wife is cheating on him,” I said quietly. I was stunned. My mind went blank; I was literally out of words. I didn’t know how to respond. “He didn’t even ask me if it was true or not. I haven’t had the chance to defence myself. I’ve just been assumed guilty.” I always and only had eyes for one man, and one man only—my husband who I gave everything to. “Do you know he filed for divorce?” I asked sitting my cup of tea on the coffee table

  I heard the heavy breathing flaring out of Adam’s nostrils. “No,” he answered, as he kept his eyes on Lucy.

  “He thinks that giving me two million a year and our apartment will keep me happy. He never bothered to ask about his daughter; he doesn’t even know we had a girl.” I blew out a breath, trying to control myself.

  I heard my phone vibrate, and the devil himself had text. Chris had replied to my message.

  -Tell me where you are so I can send you the papers or drop them off.

  I rolled my eyes typing a quick reply to him.

  -I was happy to sign and be out of your life for good, but that was until I found out you thought I cheated on you and accused our child of not being yours. I have left the city; you’d need to catch a plane to drop them off.

  That was a lie, but I hoped he would get the p
icture as to how mad I really was.

  I looked back over at Adam who was almost falling asleep in the chair. Lucy was tucked in on his chest as he laid down, holding his hands over her back. One of his eyes peered open, looking at me. “You know I’m staying with you until I think you’re going to be okay on your own, right?”

  I smiled, leaning back in the chair I was on. “Good. I wasn’t going to let you leave yet anyway.”

  Adam had made it quite clear that he wasn’t going anytime soon. The main hint was him hanging his shirts in the spare bedroom as he unpacked his suitcase. He was making the room his. Always the perfectionist, rearranging and decluttering. He was always like this when we used to share an apartment together before I moved out, and in with Chris.

  It’s probably why I was a clean freak as well.

  My brother was on the deck, lying back in the sun without his shirt on. His light brown hair was freshly wet from taking a dip in the water, and now he was sprawled out with Lucy on his chest. Every chance he had gotten, he was holding her in his arms. I loved it.

  “Have you heard from his parents?” he brought up.

  I was in the middle of taking a photo of the two of them, assuming he had dozed off to sleep. I assumed wrong. “Nope. They probably hate me too,” I said with a heavy sigh, rolling my eyes as I sat the camera down on the ledge briefly, so I could fix the white cotton sock that had slipped from Lucy’s tiny foot.

  Adam’s hand caught my wrist, and his voice went stern. “None of this is your fault. You do know that, right?” I nodded, already over this conversation. I just didn’t want to sit here bashing my husband, because as much as I loathed him right now, I still loved him. It’d only been a week after all. The wounds were still raw. “Anyway,” Adam cleared his throat. “Don’t babies cry all the time? I haven’t heard her cry much.”

  I grinned. “She’s a good baby. But you haven’t been here for a night yet, and she usually wakes a few times for milk.”

  “True. Ask me in the morning if I still think the same then.” He winked and moved upright as Lucy stirred.

  I looked up when Ness walked out, joining me and taking the seat Adam had only moved out of a few minutes ago when he went to take a call. I filled her in on my day and the events of what had happened with Chris; talking it over, getting her opinion on everything, and making me feel like I wasn’t going crazy. My head was spinning, and she looked like I had spat in her coffee when I mentioned the emails about Chris wanting to know if we were okay.

  “Like he gives a shit. If he did, then he would be here himself with you.” She scoffed. “He’s full of shit.”

  “Adam is here.” I gave a genuine smile, feeling happy that I had my brother with me.

  “I know. He called me last night and asked me to keep it a surprise for you. It was hard to keep my mouth shut, but I managed.” She winked. That explained the phone call she took outside last night. “I just wish Adam would have punched Chris for us all.”

  I’d love to punch him right now. “Yeah, tell me about it. I bet that cow told him I was cheating, and he believed her. She always pisses me off. I can’t stand the sight of her.”

  “The cow?” Adam asked, popping his head outside looking slightly confused.

  “That bitch who takes his calls.” I rolled my light blue eyes. “Looks like a supermodel but drools every time Chris walks past her desk.” Heck, I even drool at the sight of him. He’s beyond sexy, and even more so when he wears a suit.

  That seemed to have refreshed his memory because my brother’s smile grew from ear to ear. “Ah, Katie. Yes, she is a bit of a . . . uh, she’s very friendly. Anyway, that was mum asking how you are and wanting to know if you’re on the verge of a breakdown.” He bent down and scooped Lucy back up into his arms. “Can I feed her?” Adam asked as my daughter let a little cry out.

  Ness laughed loudly, slightly snorting. “Why? Do you want to give breastfeeding a go?”

  Adam shot her a glare but smiled. “No, I want to give her a bottle. I could help during the nights if you wanted. I don’t mind getting up if you feel like sleeping.”

  I stared at my brother and saw the happiness spreading in his face. To think my own brother was excited about getting up in the middle of the night to help feed my daughter was beyond me. “I guess I need to go buy a pump then.”

  His brows rose, and he looked confused. “Pump?”

  “You’d be familiar with a pump, wouldn’t you? But I guess only to make something else bigger.” Ness teased.

  I should have known he would come back at her. “Trust me. It’s too big to fit inside a pump.” He walked away, muttering something else underneath his breath.

  “You know, you’re horrible to him.” I laughed, sitting up and standing with a stretch. “I need to shower.”

  “I know, but he loves it. Plus, what does he expect after all those years of picking on us?” She grinned. “Let’s go into town and buy a breast pump. You may as well take his offer on the night feeds.”

  ***

  Showered and dressed in a pair of navy shorts and a white tee, I was ready to go. With makeup on, I felt slightly more human than earlier. My blonde hair was tied in a twisted-up bun, and I had a pair of black Ray-Ban glasses on. I was enjoying an almond milk chai latte, while Adam pushed Lucy in her pram. It was the first time I’d left the cabin since coming down here.

  “You know, anyone would think she’s your daughter with the way you’re acting, Adam.” Ness raised a brow at him.

  “You’re just jealous because she loves me and lets me hold her without screaming,” he retorted, unbothered.

  “Whatever,” she grumbled. I had to laugh at them both with their back and forth banter and constant bickering.

  The weather was warm, and the streets were busy as we walked along the pathway. Adam handed the pram back over to me, and it didn’t feel normal as I pushed it. I needed to get out more often and take Lucy for walks. I peered into where she was laying; her tiny body dressed in a pastel pink all-in-one short jumpsuit with a little blue bird on the front. She had more clothes than me, and it was easy to get swept up with the excitement of buying more.

  I spotted my brother and Ness walking back out of the shops with three large bags and big smiles on their faces. When they reached me, they handed the bags over to me so I could place them in the bottom of the pram.

  “Where to next?” I asked.

  “Pump and bottles,” Adam said, grinning.

  “Words I never want to hear again from you.” I laughed, shaking my head.

  Chapter Four

  “Are you nervous?” I whispered against Chris’s ear, nipping his lobe with my teeth to try and lighten him up.

  “Yes.” He smirked back, sliding his hand lower from my waist until he cupped my ass. “Don’t tell anyone that or I will deny it strongly.”

  I couldn’t help but giggle, pulling away to sit on the stool beside him, my hand resting against his thigh. “Oh, the big bad lawyer is scared of something after all.” I bit my lip, as he laughed slightly, lifting his tumbler filled with his usual scotch, and then downing the last of it, motioning to the bartender for another.

  “Only around you, my dear.” He smiled, taking hold of my hand, placing a gentle kiss. “Your brother, how old is he? What does he do?”

  I scanned the bar, checking by the door and smiled as I spotted Adam walking in. “Your age; he’s here. Relax, and play it nice.”

  We had decided getting drinks for when they met would be a little easier. Plus, my brother loved this bar, so I was hoping he was in a great mood already. The subject of family hadn’t really been brought up; we were too busy in our own little bubble. But since we had decided to move in together, we needed to the do whole meet-the-family thing. And starting with my brother was the first move.

  Unfortunately, one thing I didn’t plan was for them to already know each other, and judging by the look on Adam’s face, he wasn’t happy about this at all. His brows scrunched, eyes darting fro
m Chris to me.

  “You’re dating my sister?” Adam’s jaw clenched as he stared down at Chris.

  “Adam.” Chris was taken aback for a moment but cleared his throat and stood up. “I should have put two and two together. I had no idea. I would have said something if I did.”

  Running a hand through his hair, Adam scoffed. “Fucking hell, Charlotte. Out of all the men to pick from, you just had to choose the guy I work for?”

  My mouth fell open, and then closed again, unable to find the right words to say. It should have dawned on me weeks ago when I met Chris, all his talk about being a lawyer, and the firm . . . but it didn’t. I clearly wasn’t thinking about that. It was only when Chris had placed his hand on my lower back, giving a reassuring rub that I was able to snap back to reality.

  There was so much to say, yet, the only words that came out were “I love him.”

  “You don’t know him; how can you love him?” Adam raised a brow. My brother didn’t believe in love. Well, not anymore. He was a cynic when it came to love.

  “We’ve been together a month. Since that storm, he was the one who drove me home and things kind of happened,” I answered, picking up my drink for a well-needed mouthful.

  Bad choice of words as Adam’s glare hardened. “So you fucked my sister? What? You give her a lift, so you expect her to put out in return?”

  “No. I didn’t fuck her at all. I gave her a lift because she would have been stuck on the streets in that storm. She offered dinner as thanks; nothing happened,” Chris spoke, his tone showing he was now getting pissed off. I had to hand it to the guy for standing up to him. He also made a wise decision to leave the part about us kissing and sharing a bed together out.

  “Do you love her? Or, are you just stringing her along to pass your time?” Adam asked, eyeing both Chris and me.

  “Of course, I love her. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be asking her to move in.”