Forgiving You

by Melissa Bender

  “Fine. Live together in sin, but I swear if you hurt her, make her cry, or even look at another woman, I will put you six feet under. Boss or not, I don’t fucking care,” Adam said, then his scowl turned to a grin. “And you’re clearly shouting drinks and dinner tonight.” He winked, leaning over to place a kiss on my forehead.

  ***

  Adam and I both froze when there was a loud firm knock on the door.

  It wasn’t even 6 a.m. Who the hell would be visiting at this time? Both Adam and I had been up with Lucy for a good part of the night. She pretty much screamed the place down from 10 p.m. and only stopped whenever there was a breast in her mouth.

  I didn’t know what the matter was; she wouldn’t stop crying. I thought maybe a tummy ache? Or acid reflux. We googled and searched, did every self-help option that we found, and nothing seemed to work except a breast in her gob. Then each time I tried to lay her back in the bassinette, or if I moved, she woke with a loud cry and it was back to the start again. Not even a bath was calming her. We had taken her for a walk in the pram, circling the walking track multiple times. She did stop crying. However, there was no sleeping; only her beady bright eyes staring back at us both.

  It was only half an hour ago that she had chucked all over Adam, and then dozed off on the bed.

  Adam’s face was so funny when she did it. He then took a shower, and I was starting to fall asleep when the knock woke me.

  “Do you think Ness is coming to complain about the noise?” I whispered, carefully getting off the bed to answer the door before the persistent knocking woke Lucy.

  I’d possibly smother anyone if they woke my baby up right now.

  Adam cracked a grin as I tiptoed to the door, him quietly walking behind me. As I opened the door, I was beyond shocked.

  There stood our parents, dressed and ready for the day. Their car parked beside mine and the boot still popped open. Mum had her black leather handbag on her shoulder, whilst Dad carried two plastic bags in each hand, filled with groceries. We must have looked like death as their faces suddenly broke out into a wide smile.

  “Welcome to parenthood, kids.” Dad grinned, slapping Adam on the back as he walked past us.

  “Thanks,” Adam and I muttered at the same time.

  “For goodness sake, Adam, put a damn shirt on.” Mum laughed, pulling on his dark spread of chest hair. I had to hold in my laughter as I looked at him looking tired, wet hair sticking up all over his head.

  “They’re covered in spew,” he defended, pushing her hand away. “And don’t talk so loud; Lucy has just fallen asleep.”

  “Who knew your brother would be quite the mother hen?” Mum laughed softly, giving me a nudge.

  I smirked, biting my full bottom lip, then let out a tired yawn. “He’s the best big brother ever.”

  “I’m your only big brother.” He pointed out, yawning as well.

  We went and sat outside to talk; I was too worried that Lucy was going to wake up and scream all day again. I couldn’t help but notice how happy my parents seemed. They had a wonderful life of always travelling every six months. Just packing up the caravan and taking off to a new town or just randomly driving anywhere they desired. I would love to do that: the life of the retired. Both of them had worked hard and saved, and now they’re enjoying their life to the fullest.

  “When can we see the little princess?” Dad raised a brow; Mum and Dad both wanted to sneak into the room and have a peek at her.

  I half rolled my eyes; I still hadn’t slept a wink, and I feared Lucy would be screaming the place down again if the slightest noise was made.

  “When she wakes up.” I just smiled, sipping on my second hot tea.

  I had my legs up on the railing to catch the sun that was now shining brightly, trying to get a tan. When I looked beside me, I saw Adam glaring directly at our parents. I hadn’t thought anything of the silence, until now.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, not understanding why they were looking like they’re ready to kill each other. Not even two minutes had passed, and the whole atmosphere had change drastically. It was thick with tension.

  “Nothing is the matter, Charlotte. Just ignore them.” Adam tried offering me a reassuring smile.

  I wasn’t buying it. “What? Is everything okay?”

  “I won’t sit here and pretend nothing is wrong. What the hell happened between you and Chris? He won’t speak to any of us.” Dad’s gruff voice growled, making me jump slightly. “Talk to us. Tell us what happened.”

  I pulled on the oversized jumper that was Chris’s; I had taken it the day I packed up and left. This wasn’t something I wanted to talk about right now. I was tired, and just sick of talking about Chris and him leaving me. “We’re getting divorced, end of story.” Saying those words hurt each time somewhat more.

  “She’s joking; they aren’t divorcing,” Adam shot me a warning glare.

  I knew he was just trying to calm Dad down. But I was confused to why he would say that to them when it was the truth; Adam knew Chris wanted a divorce.

  “You need to go back and fix your marriage, Charlotte.” Dad shook his head, turning his full attention to me as he leaned forward.

  I was automatically on defense mode. “Me? I didn’t do anything wrong!” I put my feet on the ground, getting ready to stand up.

  “You took off with his child; no wonder the man is asking for a divorce!” he bawled, shaking his head. “Jesus, Charlotte.”

  Tears were prickling in my eyes; how could he just accuse me of talking off like that? I hadn’t done anything wrong. My heart rate was increasing as I sighed shaking my head. “No. He left me before I had given birth. I came home, and he had divorce papers already drawn up. I didn’t do anything wrong,” I defended, feeling like they assumed me guilty already.

  “You just took off and gave up on your marriage. Just like how your brother did with that girl of his.” Dad shook his head, waving his hand through the air with annoyance.

  I couldn’t believe he was siding with Chris on this, and to throw my brother’s old relationship into the conversation was a harsh blow to Adam.

  Adam’s situation was completely different from mine.

  “Both my kids get married then divorced a year later.” Mum sighed, looking ready to cry. “Did we raise you wrong? Did we not teach you about love and marriage?”

  Her reaction surprised me because I had expected her to be a heck of a lot more sympathetic with me. She was my mother, and she knew how hard it could be with a newborn, lack of sleep, and no help. It was as if my parents were rubbing salt into fresh wounds.

  When I felt the small cry from inside, I bit the inside of my cheeks and stood up, pointing at them both. “Don’t you dare come here and tell me I’m the one at fault. Chris doesn’t even think Lucy is his daughter. As for Adam, he was eighteen, and his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend. So thanks for coming here, making me feel worse than I already do and waking Lucy up.”

  Fresh tears pooled in my eyes as I went back to the bedroom and locked the door. I picked Lucy up, holding her close against my chest and rocking gently. My head was pounding, and my eyes were tired. I decided to take a shower to clear my thoughts and calm my body down. I stripped myself and Lucy naked and made our way into the shower.

  Lucy’s cries slowly subsided as the water cascaded down her bare back, soothing her. Her little hand fisted a firm grip on my wet hair and gently tugged it. It wasn’t until I was ready to finish up when I noticed her fast asleep, eyes firmly shut and mouth slightly parted, soft breathing coming out. Maybe this was what she needed? Just close skin to skin contact.

  All my anger vanished instantly. Lucy was the most precious thing in the world to have fallen asleep while we were in the shower. I made my way out, still naked and dripping wet. I picked up my camera and took a quick photo. Yes, I was nude, but hell, I was a mother, and this was too much of a precious moment to miss out on.

  Laying Lucy’s little body down slowly o
n the fluffy white towel that I had placed over the bed, I gently wrapped her up to keep her warm. Quickly, I dried myself off and changed into a pair of blue cotton boxer shorts, and a singlet top then went back to Lucy, still passed out as I unwrapped the towel and grabbed a nappy and a singlet to put on her.

  I sat on the bed just staring at her as she was still fast asleep in her bassinette. I had managed to move her without her waking. I should have lain down to sleep, but as I said, she was a time waster. My bedroom door opened slowly, and I thought it might be Adam, but when I looked up, I caught sight of my mum walking in. She said nothing at first. Her eyes gazed over to me quickly as she closed the bedroom door and made the walk over.

  She stopped and peered in the bassinet, and a smile spread on her face. “Oh my,” she whispered, her voice sounding as though she might cry any second.

  I knew she was referring to Lucy being a spitting image of Chris.

  She sat down beside me, holding my hand softly. “She’s beautiful, absolutely breathtaking,” she whispered again.

  I nodded keeping my eyes on Lucy. “How could he leave me?” I whispered back. “Us,” I added.

  “I have no idea. Adam told us that you spoke with him last week. What did he have to say?” she asked softly.

  “Nothing. He’s too angry with me.” I shrugged it off as if it didn’t hurt. But that had been the worst part: Chris believed whoever had been filling his head with lies.

  “We’ll just see what happens then. Your father and I will be in town for a couple of days, so we can take little Lucy for walks and to the park.” She reached out, running a fingertip over Lucy’s cheek. “Your father didn’t mean to say what he said; he’s just angry and upset about the situation. Adam had a word with him while you were taking a shower. I put a load of washing on, so your brother can have some clean shirts.”

  “Thanks. It was pretty funny when she threw up on him.” I smiled, slightly trying to keep the noise down.

  I lay down on the bed hugging my pillow, wishing it could have been my husband who was always there to hold me tightly against his chest. I missed his touch. His smell. Just the fact he would always find a reason to touch me.

  Mum stayed on the bed staring at Lucy, not wanting to look away from her. I started to feel my eyelids get heavier, and slowly felt myself drift off into a deep sleep.

  ***

  Someone was holding me tightly, a warm and strong body pressed against my back as I stirred, waking up. “Chris?” I mumbled as I felt an arm wrapped around my waist, holding me slightly tighter.

  “No.” A deep sleepy voice spoke in my back. I moved quickly, and my eyes started watering. How could I have been so stupid to think that Chris was here with me? I don’t even know why I would think or dream about him. Adam pulled me back to him, rubbing my arms. “It’s okay. You were crying in your sleep when I came to check on you.”

  “It’s fine, Adam. I went to sleep thinking about him.” I yawned, rubbing my eyes. “Why would I think he was here with me when he’s not?”

  “It’s not fine, Charlotte. He should be here. He should have fucking came and begged you to take him back, that’s why I haven’t killed him yet. My own mate ditched my sister, and I have to watch how it affects you. I watch how it kills you every morning you wake up.” He sat up, running a hand through his hair.

  “Should I call him?” I asked, wondering why the hell I would even suggest that for.

  He gave me a look to say are you fucking crazy, but then his eyes softened. “If he wanted to talk, he’d have called you.”

  I hated that he was right.

  I shrugged, not knowing what to do. I felt stuck between a rock; part of me wanted to call him and let him know where I was to let him see what he did, but the other part never wanted to speak to him again.

  “Why is it that I always give in and feel like I am the bad one?” I hated that I felt this way.

  “It’s because you’re such a good person. You have a pure heart; this isn’t your fault.” I went to peer over at Lucy, but Adam grinned. “Mum and dad took Lucy for a walk not long ago. She woke up just before I came in. Don’t worry; I gave them an hour limit. Otherwise, I will call the police to report a kidnapping.” He winked.

  I rolled my eyes at him. There was no doubt about him; he was definitely a mother hen.

  Temptation caught the better of me; my stomach swarming with butterflies as I rang the number. I didn’t bother to block the call. He would see my caller ID and either answer or send me to voicemail. I guess I needed to talk to him; we had things to discuss if he was adamant about leaving me.

  It rang three times before a breathless woman answered, “Hang on. Let me put my top back on.” There was more shuffling in the background, and then she spoke clearer. “Hello?”

  It was on speaker, so Adam could hear as well. I thought I had the wrong number until Chris’s deep voice spoke. “Hello?”

  My heart dropped; Chris was with another woman, and she was getting dressed. How could he do that? How the fucking hell could he do this to me? Rage hit me. “We aren’t even divorced yet, and you’re already fucking your secretary. Are you trying to fucking kill me even more than you have been?!” I shouted angrily into the speaker.

  “Charlotte?” His voice came through, panicked.

  I didn’t hear anything else. I hung up and tossed the phone on the bed. I was fuming to a point where if I were in the same town as him, I would have marched to his office and thrown the bitch through his large floor to ceiling length window from the top floor of the building.

  My head was lying on Adam’s chest as I clutched his shirt, holding it tightly as I cried. This wasn’t like any other cry; it was a realisation that Chris was moving on. He was moving on and leaving me behind.

  I had lost something so good, and I didn’t even know why. He promised me he would never divorce me and that he would never sleep with another woman. He even promised that if I died, he still wouldn’t move on. He would never be able to get over me. But here he was.

  He completely broke my heart.

  I was wrong. Everything he said meant nothing to me now, and hearing the woman on the phone was just validation that Chris didn’t care. I didn’t know this type of heartbreak existed.

  It was pure torture to know the man I pictured spending the rest of my life with had moved on.

  Chapter Five

  Two car trips later, I was fully unpacked.

  I had moved into Chris’s penthouse that overlooked the park and city. It was beyond amazing.

  Adam had gotten over the fact I was dating his boss. He didn’t freak out when I had turned up at work to see Chris. Well, when I visited last week, he was a little creeped out about the image of his boss slamming his little sister over the desk—his words, not mine.

  Chris and I had lunch together each day due to my insane workload. Summer was wedding season. We both try to see each other when we could, in between my weekends of rushing from job to job. I had a wedding to photograph tomorrow, and I had to be there at 11 a.m., so my day with Chris was cut short, but he assured me he was taking Monday off to spoil and fuck me senseless.

  I couldn’t wait.

  A set of arms wrapped around my waist, and his mouth placed feather kisses against the base of my neck as I stood in the living area, looking around. “You want to hope my brother doesn’t see you kissing me like this; he might get jealous.”

  “Well, I better be quick.” He laughed, spinning me around and lifting me up as he carried me towards the bedroom—our bedroom. My legs automatically wrapped around his waist, holding on tightly.

  His body was moving over mine as he lowered me to the bed. “I want to make love to you.”

  “Oh, that’s really romantic. Isn’t the honeymoon over now that we live together?” I grabbed the base of his shirt, lifting it up, exposing his toned chest, and pushing it further to catch sight of the dark spread of chest hair. He sat up to finish removing it, tossing it aside on the floor.


  “I’ll make sure the honeymoon never ends.” He smirked, bending back down, peeling my shorts off.

  “And if I say no?” I questioned, tugging his belt off completely then unbuttoned his jeans and kicked them down with my feet.

  “Then you may find me jerking off to you in the shower each morning.” He grinned, sliding his hand up my top, pulling it up and throwing it over to the pile of clothing on the floor.

  The only clothing left on us was my bra and panties, and his boxers that were looking a little too tight around the groin area. I ran my hands over his bare back, slightly scratching with my nails. “Well then, boyfriend, I suggest you make love to me before I change my mind.”

  “I love you, Charlotte,” he said as he pulled my panties off, then moved to my bra.

  “I love you more, Chris.” I smiled, as I pulled the top of his underwear down.

  “Not possible, baby. I love you more with each breath I take.” The words were sexy and arousing, driving me wild as his mouth came crashing down over mine.

  ***

  I was still staring at the phone—the phone that kept on ringing. I had already ignored it twice, and it was now ringing for a third time. I looked up at Adam who didn’t say anything except for letting out a loud sigh. He then reach out and pushed the phone closer towards me; I knew he wanted to me answer, or Chris wouldn’t stop calling otherwise.

  I felt myself giving in yet again. Damn him. “What?” I answered through the phone in a loud, harsh voice. My tone surprised myself.

  “That wasn’t what it sounded like. I swear there is nothing going on with me and her. There has been no one else, Charlotte.” He rushed out probably thinking I was going to hang up again.

  “Then why did she answer out of breath and say she was getting dressed?” I accused, feeling more tears coming on. “Don’t lie to me. I’m not stupid.”

  “I don’t know, but I am at work, Charlotte.” He sighed. I could only imagine him running a hand through his hair, something he often did when he was annoyed.