Unravelled

by Jade Winters

  Rae shook her head. ‘I’ve read about too many horror stories of things going wrong,’ Rae replied through her blocked nose. ‘I’m not going to throw twenty grand down the drain on a stranger.’

  Twenty grand. Lindsay thought she was hearing things. Twenty grand!

  ‘Is that even legal in this country? Paying someone I mean?’

  ‘Yeah, well only for expenses and stuff. It’s not technically a payment. A woman at work used her cousin as a surrogate.’

  That sort of money would put an end to all of our problems. Pulse racing, Lindsay’s mind was at an intersection of many possible paths. She couldn’t believe she was even contemplating it. ‘Would you …’ she began hesitantly. ‘… would you feel comfortable paying twenty grand if … I was the surrogate?’

  A meditative expression crossed Rae’s face. ‘You?’

  ‘Yes, why not? I need the money. You need someone you can trust. Sounds ideal doesn’t it?’

  ‘I don’t know, Linds. This is all getting a bit surreal. I mean, I wouldn’t be able to use my eggs so I’d have to get a donor. Let me think about it,’ Rae said.

  ‘You don’t need a donor, I’d do it. Callum would still be the father. Talk it over with him and see what he thinks. Just know you’ve got a solution if you need one.’

  Rae glanced over Lindsay’s shoulder and frowned. Lindsay followed Rae’s gaze. An elderly man, weathered and bruised, was being led from the TV room to the lift by a carer.

  Rae narrowed her eyes. ‘I recognise him.’

  ‘Who, Errol?’

  ‘Yes, he used to come into my garden sometimes. I wondered where he’d gone.’

  ‘Someone gave him a right good beating, poor sod. He was transferred here straight from the hospital.’

  ‘Who the hell would do a thing like that to a poor defenceless man?’

  Lindsay shrugged. ‘Dunno, but all he keeps saying is that he’s looked into the eyes of the devil.’

  Errol and the carer disappeared into the lift, and Lindsay returned her attention to Rae.

  ‘So will you talk to him? Callum, I mean. Just imagine by this time next year you could have your own little family unit. You’ll be a mummy.’

  From the expression on Rae’s face, Lindsay couldn’t tell if she thought it was a good thing or not.

  Before Rae could respond, Lindsay’s colleague appeared. ‘We’re gonna need you now, Lindsay.’

  ‘Okay.’ Lindsay stood and looked down at Rae. ‘I’ve got to get back to work. Will you be okay?’

  ‘I think so. Thanks for being there for me.’

  ‘Always, you know that,’ Lindsay said squeezing Rae’s shoulder.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Rae sat in her car, splattering drops of rain pelting the windows. Can I go through with it? Money wasn’t a problem. She had more than enough stashed away. And Lindsay was right, she wouldn’t have to go through the harrowing process of carrying the baby herself. That was more than enough to warm her to the idea.

  As Rae put the keys in the ignition she looked up, catching her reflection in the rear-view mirror. God, I look awful. The weeks of arguing, desperation and unhappiness had taken their toll. A wide grin spread across her lips. She had found the answer.

  Arriving home with renewed hope, Rae called out to Callum when she entered the house. When she received no reply, she made her way out to the garden. Callum was crouched in the mud with his back to her, planting the rose bushes she’d bought the week before. She snuck up behind him and draped her arms around his large frame. The full heat of his body radiated through her own.

  ‘Hello, gorgeous,’ she said. ‘You having a nice time?’

  He continued digging a hole in the soil. ‘What’s all this about?’

  ‘Can’t I just show you some love?’ she asked, keeping her tone as light as she could.

  ‘Of course you can show love, it’s just ...’

  ‘Just what?’ she asked.

  Callum exhaled as he turned slightly to face her. ‘That I haven’t seen you in a good mood for ages. A miracle hasn’t happened by any chance has it?’

  Rae wanted to point out to Callum that her dark moods of late had only been a reflection of his own. A stranger would have been given more attention if they’d been in the same house with them. Curt responses to questions asked, answers ignored, food left uneaten and that was just the start of things. As Rae was in a good mood she decided to let it slide. Hopefully, after hearing her idea, things between them would move back onto a more even keel.

  ‘Let’s just say I think I’ve found the solution to our problem.’

  Rae only had one shot at pitching the surrogacy idea to him. It was important to get him in the right frame of mind.

  ‘Okay, you’ve got me hooked.’ There was an edge to his voice. ‘What’s on your mind?’

  ‘Let’s go inside and open a bottle of wine. A drink might make you feel more receptive to my idea.’

  Callum raised his eyebrows with suspicion.

  ‘Oh no, it’s nothing bad,’ Rae added quickly.

  Easing her arms from around him, she headed inside as Callum followed behind.

  Rae said nothing as she poured them each a glass of wine. She smiled when Callum came up behind her and placed his hands on her hips. Her stomach gently constricted at his touch.

  ‘You know I hate waiting for anything. What’s this big idea of yours? Will it help you get pregnant?’

  ‘No.’ His arms slackened around her as she turned with both glasses in her hands and added quickly. ‘But I have the next best thing lined up.’

  ‘This is getting tiresome.’ He sighed, took a glass from her and stepped away. ‘Let’s just hear it.’

  ‘I think we should use a surrogate mother.’ Her voice came out high-pitched in her effort to sound convincing. ‘We can’t use my eggs but at least you would be the father.’

  Callum’s eyes widened. ‘That’s a stupid idea.’

  She’d expected some resistance but not a flat out rejection. ‘Why?’

  ‘Do you really need to be told? Haven’t you heard about those women who do that sort of thing? They end up extorting the parents for everything they can get. No, Rae. Thanks for trying, but no.’

  ‘But you haven’t heard me out,’ she said.

  ‘What more is there to hear?’

  ‘I’ve already found someone willing to help us and she wouldn’t do anything to rip us off.’

  ‘Who’s that then?’ He gave a short laugh. ‘A nun?’

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Just tell me who.’

  ‘Lindsay.’

  Callum snorted. ‘Lindsay? Don’t make me laugh. She’s got two kids of her own, why would she go through another pregnancy for us?’

  ‘Because she needs the money.’

  His eyes narrowed. ‘And how much money are we talking here?’

  ‘Twenty grand.’

  Callum winced. ‘Twenty grand? Have you lost your mind?’

  ‘No. I can afford it.’ She put her glass down and reached up to hold his face in her hands. ‘You’ve got nothing to worry about. I’ll pay her out of my savings. Please, Callum, this is something I want to do for you. For us.’

  ‘I’m not sure …’

  ‘Listen, Lindsay is the perfect person. I’ve known her forever. We can trust her. And just think. You can be a dad, Callum! What you’ve always wanted.’

  ‘But twenty grand. Jesus Christ,’ Callum exclaimed. ‘That’s a lot of money.’

  ‘I know. But it’s a cheap price to pay to have a baby. Imagine a baby of our own,’ she implored. ‘This is the only option left. I know that now. Besides, aren’t you always telling me not to look a gift horse in the mouth?’

  ‘Yeah, I suppose I do.’ His features softened and Rae knew she had won him over.

  ‘So are you going to go back on your own advice?’

  ‘Never. Oh what the hell, let’s just do it.’ Callum laughed. ‘I can’t believe I’m going to be a dad!’
/>
  Rae was elated at his obvious unbounded joy. ‘And you’ll be a great one. I can’t wait to tell Lindsay you said yes. She’s ready to start straight away.’

  Callum picked Rae up in his arms and twirled her round in the air. ‘Thank you for making me the happiest man alive.’

  With a squeal, she planted a deep kiss on his lips.

  He was hers now.

  They were in this together. She wouldn’t have to ever worry about losing him again.

  Not now. Not ever.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  The whole experience of trying to get pregnant had proved to be a draining and emotional one. After several attempts at artificial insemination, Lindsay was at her wit’s end. What made it worse was not being able to share her frustrations with Kim. She had decided to keep Kim out of the loop while they tested. Once the pregnancy was a success, she would be able to come clean. It was her hope that Kim would happily be behind her once she knew the kind of money they would be getting. It would be a fresh start. Kim could start her new business and everything would be all right.

  But so far it was a disaster. It had been months of tests and waiting and still there was no sign of the seed taking. Lindsay was tired of being poked and prodded; being treated like a slab of meat. She lamented ever starting the procedure with Rae. Callum should’ve just had a mistress who could’ve had his baby and be done with all this nonsense.

  Now that artificial insemination wasn’t working, both Rae and Lindsay were worried for their own reasons.

  ‘Do you think you’re ever going to get pregnant?’ Rae asked Lindsay while they stood in Rae’s kitchen on one of her days off.

  Rae sucked hard on her cigarette, taking care to blow it out the open back door.

  ‘You heard the doctor and all his bloody mumbo-jumbo medical terms. I’d probably be better at home with a turkey baster. It would certainly cost you less,’ Lindsay snapped. She was dying to grab a bottle of vodka and just drown the whole situation in happy water.

  ‘Whatever he said doesn’t help us solve the bloody problem, does it?’ Rae said, smoke puffing out of her lips with each word.

  ‘You know there’s nothing wrong with my body? The fault is with the medical professionals.’ She motioned quotation marks sarcastically with her fingers.

  Rae glanced up at the ceiling as she smoked, her two fingers clutching the cigarette daintily.

  ‘What?’ Lindsay asked. Rae was obviously hatching a plan.

  ‘You’re right. It’s not your fault. Or Callum’s,’ Rae said. ‘I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I’m willing to do anything to make this happen.’

  ‘Rae? You know I’ll help. Just name it.’

  ‘How would you feel about … conceiving a baby the natural way?’ Rae asked in a quivering voice.

  Lindsay’s jaw dropped. ‘You’re joking right? Please tell me you’re joking.’

  ‘Lindsay—’

  ‘You are aware that I have a partner? And you’re asking me to shag your boyfriend? Just like that?’ she said, astounded at the lengths Rae wanted to resort to.

  ‘Just hear me out,’ Rae tried, but Lindsay shook her head and moved to stand opposite her.

  She grabbed Rae’s arm and shook it. ‘Are you hearing yourself?!’ Lindsay spat through a clenched jaw at the absurd suggestion, not to mention how filthy and cheap it made her feel. ‘Do you think I’m your personal whore? Sod that.’

  ‘Linds ...’

  ‘No, Rae. NO! This is really crossing the line.’ Lindsay barked. ‘You know, there are few things I wouldn’t do for you, but you’re asking me to whore myself out to your boyfriend so that I can give the two of you a baby.’

  Rae folded her arms over her chest. ‘You know it’s not like that.’

  ‘Oh, it isn’t … then what is it?’ Lindsay asked.

  Rae eyed Lindsay with a steely look. Her voice was cold and calm. ‘It’s a business deal. Pure and simple. £20,000 extra if you agree to do it.’

  It would take me four years to earn that kind of money.

  ‘And you honestly think Callum will go along with this?’

  ‘I think so, Callum’s been going on about how unnatural insemination is and why it hasn’t worked. It’s the only way.’

  Lindsay shook her head in disbelief. How could Rae do this to her as her friend, laying such a big temptation at her feet when she knew how desperate she was? £40,000 would mean that she and Kim would be set. Literally all of their bills paid. And it also meant she wouldn’t have to beg for maintenance from Steve. Their arguments and struggles would be a thing of the past.

  The positives outweighed the cons on so many levels. But could she do it? Be unfaithful to Kim? Because that’s what it basically was. No matter how Rae wanted to dress it up.

  At that moment Lindsay hated Rae for putting her in that position. It shouldn’t have surprised her though. For the past few months, Rae had been changing into someone she barely recognised anymore.

  But this wasn’t about Rae now. This was about her survival and that of the ones she loved.

  Unable to look Rae in the eye, she turned her back and walked over to switch the kettle on.

  ‘Fine. I’ll do it. Just let me know when and where.’

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  After mulling her plan over in her mind for a few days, Rae knew exactly how to word the proposal to Callum and exactly where to do it. On a Saturday afternoon in a public place.

  ‘You want me to do what?’ Callum came to a standstill in front of the fruit section of the supermarket. Shoppers brushed past him in order to select apples and pears.

  Callum squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his temples.

  Broaching her idea with him while they were on neutral territory was clearly a good idea. If they’d been at home, he would have stormed off in a sulk and not spoken to her for hours.

  He glanced around their immediate area before leaning over the trolley to whisper, ‘Please tell me this is some kind of sick joke.’

  Callum’s reaction was always going to be one of disbelief. Who wouldn’t be shocked at her suggestion? It wasn’t an everyday occurrence that a woman encouraged her partner to sleep with someone else. Yet, despite the unusual request, Rae was confident once Callum realised the reward for doing things her way, he would soon be on board. She picked up several loose pears and pretended to study them for firmness before placing them in the trolley. ‘Callum, it’s really not a big deal. It’s just sex,’ she said as nonchalantly as she could.

  ‘Just sex?’ he hissed under his breath. ‘You’re asking me ... and Lindsay ... to cheat on our partners?’

  Rae turned away from the fruit. She wanted to tell him how hard it was for her. Even the thought of him being with another woman made her feel sick to the stomach. But she was a practical woman. In order to have what they wanted, she would have to sacrifice her own pain.

  ‘Look, you were the one who said it was unnatural to conceive a baby through insemination. I want you to be happy, Callum,’ she said softly.

  ‘I am happy,’ he answered quickly.

  ‘Are you?’ Rae asked, jerking her head at a woman pushing her buggy a few feet away. ‘How long will that last though?’

  Callum followed her gaze and sighed. ‘You’re making this really difficult for me, Rae. I know…’ he paused to let someone pass, ‘you’re doing this for me, but I don’t know if I could actually go through with it. Lindsay’s your best friend. What effect is this going to have on your relationship?’

  Rae already knew the answer to that question. Ever since Lindsay had agreed, things between them had been strained. Was the need for a baby worth sacrificing their friendship over? Maybe not. Maybe she had been a little too rash, especially since Callum wasn’t too keen either. ‘No, you’re right. Forget I brought it up,’ she said with a wave of her hand. ‘We’ll just continue with insemination. Come on, we need to get milk.’

  ‘Hey, hold on a sec.’ Callum turned the trolley around in the
opposite direction and caught up with her at the end of the aisle. ‘I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it—’

  Rae held up her hand to silence him. ‘You don’t have to feel pressured, Callum. I shouldn’t have said anything. To be honest, Lindsay wasn’t over the moon either. I don’t know what I was thinking.’

  Callum’s brows furrowed. ‘But she did agree to go through with it?’

  ‘Yes, after a little persuasion,’ Rae said, without telling him she had doubled Lindsay’s fee. Somehow she didn’t think that would do much for Callum’s ego. ‘I’ll give her a call later and tell her we want to stick to the original plan.’

  Callum trailed behind her to the milk section. ‘Let’s not be too hasty.’

  ‘Honestly. Forget about it. It’s fine. I don’t want you to do anything that you think is immoral.’

  ‘It’s not about morals. I suppose your suggestion just took me by surprise.’

  ‘I know. I shouldn’t have just blurted it out like that.’

  Callum grinned sheepishly. ‘Yeah, asking your partner to cheat on you in Tesco is a bit of a novelty.’

  Rae totally understood Callum’s dilemma but the fact that he was being humorous about the situation could only mean one thing. ‘I take it that you’re warming to the idea?’

  Callum’s lips twitched. ‘Let’s just say I understand your reasoning …’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And I think if it’s what you want …’

  ‘Yes …’ Rae pressed.

  ‘Then I’ll do it for you.’

  Though her heart sank, a grateful smile played at the corner of her mouth. She felt crushed at the thought of Lindsay and Callum in bed together. Naked. Kissing. Being intimate in a way only lovers were. Rae had to draw on all of her inner strength to keep her voice on an even keel. ‘You’re not just saying yes to please me are you?’

  ‘Of course I am. To be honest I don’t exactly relish the thought of sleeping with your friend. But now that you’ve twisted my arm, we need to make arrangements with her before she changes her mind.’

  Though Rae wasn’t over the moon that Callum had accepted her proposal, now that he had, Rae just wanted the event to be over. Then they could put the whole episode behind them and return to some sense of normalcy.