It’s Not Home Without You: A Homecoming Novel #1

by C. Lymari

  “Why didn’t she say anything?” I almost crumbled to the floor.

  “Because Dad told her she wasn’t good enough for you. That you would throw it all away for her. You loved her so much, you would have, and she knew that.”

  Fuck, she loved me. She loved me so much she believed I would be better without her.

  “Get. Out,” I barked at my sister.

  “I’m so s-sorry, Max. I thought I was doing the right thing. You were ready to leave everything for her. You’re my brother, and the last thing I wanted was to see you struggle,” my sister pleaded.

  “Get the fuck out, Juliet.” I seethed. My sister was silently crying, but she still didn’t leave.

  “I couldn’t let you get married if your heart wasn’t in it. I’m so, so sorry, Max.” When she finally turned around and left, she was a mess. I didn’t follow her.

  Beneath the dark sky, I knew what I had to do. Honestly, I knew it from the moment I stared into Freya’s eyes, but I was scared to get hurt again.

  I grabbed the door, knowing everything was about to change.

  There must’ve been something in my face that gave me away. As soon as Abigail’s eyes landed on me, I watched the smile slip off her face. We were supposed to get married tomorrow, and I couldn’t go through with it. The thought of waiting at the end of the aisle made my knees weak and my stomach churn.

  “Not here, Max,” Abigail warned, looking around the room at all of our guests, at all the people who came today to celebrate us. I didn’t allow myself to do the same; it was for the best. I didn’t need a reminder of how far I’d let things come. How bad I had fucked up. I gave Abigail a small nod and left to the bridal suite, the only place we could have privacy.

  Abigail’s dress was already there hanging from a hook. White satin cascaded to the floor, and I waited for it to hit me. To feel like I was making a mistake, but it didn’t come. I felt more relieved than anything. When it came down to it, I could live my life and see Abigail marry someone else. I would want that for her; I wanted her to be happy, to have everything, and I knew that would never be me. I would only love her with a part of my heart.

  On the other hand, the thought of seeing Freya walk down the aisle to another man was something I couldn’t withstand. No one in this life would love her more than I did.

  I sat on the couch, my head bowed, and didn’t look until Abigail walked into the room. She closed the door slowly with shaky hands. Her face had paled; she looked at the dress before she spoke. “Please don’t say it, Max. Please.” She closed her eyes, as if that would stop me from blurting out words that would hurt her.

  “I love you Abigail and this… it isn’t easy for me either.”

  “But you don’t love me in the way you love her. You love her more.”

  I felt it in my chest the devastation in her voice—pure heartbreak, and that made it so much worse. This would be my cross to bear. Abigail wiped the tears from her face and walked up to her dress, running her fingers lovingly across it. A dress she would never get to wear because of me.

  “I waited too long… I fell for you in high school, but I knew there was still so much for us to experience, so I kept my feelings a secret. I thought I’d let you sow your wild oats, let us both live a little. What was high school to a life together? I mean, our families have hinted at us ending up together since I could remember.” She laughed bitterly.

  “Then she happened, and I could see it. We all could see that she was special to you. You loved her how I imagined one day you would love me. Then you found me stranded, and I thought you were my knight in shining armor and maybe there was hope for me yet. Maybe we were meant to be.” Abigail bunched the material of the dress in her hands and ripped it off the hanger, letting it fall to the floor. “If you knew you didn’t love me, then why did you let it go so far, Max? W-why?”

  She was sobbing, and I knew the last thing she’d want was for me to console her. “Do you have any idea how humiliating this will be for me? She walks into town, and you throw me aside… for her. Why, Max, why now? Why the fuck did you wait till the last second!”

  “She took all of me. All the pieces that made me happy, she took with her. You got what she left behind.” I took a deep breath when I saw Abigail flinch. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I already had. “I don’t want to hurt you, Abbi, but if I married you, we wouldn’t be happy, not when we both know there’s someone else with us. I wouldn’t be able to promise you my whole heart. You deserve a man who loves you and only you, a man who will give you everything.” I stopped before saying the next part, but Abigail had a right to know. “You deserve a man who can be faithful to you.”

  A maniac laugh left her lips, and more tears fell down her face. She grabbed a vase of flowers and threw it against the mirror, shattering both the vase and the glass.

  “Get out!” she screamed. It tore me to leave her there alone in the room, but I couldn’t be what she wanted me to be. I walked to the door, watching her succumb to the floor, trying to rip the dress apart with her bare hands. The image of her would haunt me for the rest of my life, but one day she’d see I wasn’t the one for her.

  I walked out of the room in a daze. Making my way to the reception, I went straight to the microphone. Once people noticed me, all eyes came on me. “I’m sorry,” I said, and murmurs flew across the whole room. “I think it’s best if everyone went home.” They needed no other explanation. I made my way to the door and breathed fresh air for the first time in years. Lightning lit the sky, and the thunder helped block the chaos I left behind me.

  34

  Freya

  The gossip circles in my old life were buzzing the hot news on everyone’s lips: I was a cheater.

  This didn’t bother me. It was freeing having gotten closure from that part of my life. Ashton had kept true to his word. After I called him, he picked me up in his rental. Ash didn’t comment on the fact that I was crying or that I was a wreck. He drove us to the airport, to his private jet, where he poured me a glass of scotch, turned on his laptop, and left me alone. When we got to the airstrip in San Francisco, Victor was waiting, so was Enzo, Ashton’s lawyer and close friend.

  “Victor will drive you wherever you need to go for as long as you stay in town,” Ashton said. Then he walked away. The first few days in San Francisco, I was still in shock after what I had done. I went back to work and told them I would be quitting. I was not going to lie and say it was easy, because it was hard. I owed my job everything. They helped me become the woman I was today. That job enabled me to stand proudly on my own two feet, but I’d been standing still for a while. It was time for me to move on.

  The guilt set in after. The feeling was like carrying a heavy load on your back day in and day out. It made everything I did exhausting and made me feel undeserving. When the gala came, I had accepted that I had slept with Max while he would marry another woman. I had to learn to live with that for my own sanity.

  The dress I wore for the gala was a going-away present from my boss. It was a beautiful ruby red, mermaid-style dress.

  Ashton picked me up from my hotel. “You look lovely,” he said, and I heard the remorse in his voice.

  “Remember our deal,” I snapped back.

  “Just for tonight,” he replied. That whole night, I saw my old life through clear eyes, and I realized that I was a small-town girl; glitz and glamour weren’t for me. I smiled at my “old friends” who dropped me when Ashton and I first split. All those women wanted to be me, and I laughed in pity at them.

  The night dragged on, and my fake smile was becoming faker and faker, my politeness was wearing thin.

  “It’s hard to pretend to be something you’re not, cara mia.” Enzo, Ashton’s lawyer, stood next to me while he ordered himself a drink.

  I gave him a droll look. I never liked him, and I thought the feeling was mutual. “And you know all about living a double life?”

  Enzo’s eyes roamed my body, and he gave me a feral smile. I could s
ee the appeal he had on women. With black hair and dark brown eyes, he looked menacing. “Amore, we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you. Now close that mouth and smile at everyone. Give them the show they came here to see.”

  “You want me to keep pretending to love Ash?” I bit back.

  “But did you love him? I mean, if I had a woman sharing my bed and she called out another man’s name in her sleep, I would toss her ass out.”

  I stopped midsip to look at Enzo, and I saw the judgment in his eyes. Ashton never said a thing. I didn’t even know I said Max’s name in my sleep. Ash knew as soon as he met Max. He knew, and that was why he asked him if he could call him Max instead of Maximilian. The way he held me a little tighter made sense now.

  “Ashton loved you, but you weren’t his to keep. Still, he tried.” Enzo tipped the bartender generously and left me standing there trying to gather my thoughts. The night went on, and I kept smiling and laughing and noticed that not once did Ashton kiss my lips; he stuck to my forehead. He didn’t hold me close like he used to. He was giving me the space I had asked for. When the night ended, I got into his car without turning back.

  “I’m ready to leave,” I told Victor, who was waiting for me, but before he could drive away, the door opened and Ashton sat beside me.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “I… I came to wish you well, Freya. I really am sorry how things ended for us.”

  “You never said I talked in my sleep,” I mumbled.

  “It doesn’t matter now,” Ashton shrugged. “I am sorry for cheating on you, Freya. For hurting you.”

  “You hurt my ego more than anything.”

  “Ditto, babe. At first, I wanted to make you jealous and get your attention.” He laughed, “I now see that was not the way to go.”

  “I’m sorry about your car.”

  “I deserved it,” he said just as Victor pulled up at the Ritz. I turned to look at the building and back at Ashton, knowing full well that when I stepped out of this car, this chapter of my life would close, never to be revised.

  “This is it, huh?” He said what I was thinking.

  “We were wrong for each other. I hope you find the one, Ash. Just don’t cheat on her.”

  He gave me a genuine smile, a smile that used to make me forget I had a broken heart. “I’m still telling everyone you cheated on me… I’ll need women to console my broken heart.”

  “Asshole,” I muttered, but I honestly didn’t care anymore. Ashton and I would never be friends. I wasn’t saying what he did was right, but there were a thousand things we both could have done differently.

  “Goodbye, Ash.” I closed the door as he said, “Have a good life, Freya.”

  I stayed at the Ritz for one more week, giving my all completely to my work, closing deals, and training my replacement. It was only when I looked at the calendar did I realize it was Founder’s Day. My stomach dropped, my blood pressure lowering. I was going to faint.

  Max would get married on Saturday.

  I couldn’t let him do it. I couldn’t let him get married, not until I told him everything. Maybe it wouldn’t make a difference, but if I said nothing, I would always wonder what if.

  I left the hotel, not surprised that Ashton still took care of my extra week after the gala. Victor was outside waiting for me when I came out with my luggage. I looked at the city where I pretended like I wasn’t broken, and I knew I would not be coming back.

  “Where to, mi niña?”

  “I’m going home,” I replied, the words no longer sounded unsure, nor homesick. I was going back to Sunny Pines where I always belonged.

  * * *

  Now here I was, unsure of what to do next. “Thanks for picking me up. And sorry again for flaking on Founder’s Day.”

  Emma shrugged. “It’s okay. I had help.”

  “Who helped?”

  “Jana, Rusty, Jake, his little brother… and Dex.”

  I gave her a mischievous grin.

  “I’m sure Dex loved to help.”

  “Do you want to walk home?” Emma glared at me. I gasped, my little Emma was getting some bark. “Sorry,” she mumbled immediately.

  “Don’t apologize. You need to be more aggressive; you’re too nice. But I have one question? Have there been more dates? More kissing? Anything?” I smiled with delight when she blushed.

  “I don’t know what we are. I mean, he kisses me, and he likes to hold my hand, but he hasn’t asked me out.” She turned to look at me as we passed the sign that said Sunny Pines. “What does it mean? Does he think I’m easy?”

  “Ask him if you guys are exclusive or dating other people. Then he’ll give you the answer.” I could picture Dex getting mad. I just hoped I was around to watch him lose it. I got out to stretch my legs when Emma stopped at the gas station.

  “I’m getting something to drink, you want something?”

  “Ooh, get me a Slurpee,” Emma shouted. I walked into the gas station and headed to the back to get my drink.

  “I still don’t understand why you didn’t accept to be part of the wedding party. You and Abigail were like sisters.” I was about to get Emma’s drink when I heard those voices and instantly froze. I need to leave ASAP, but Gwen and Juliet Dunnett turned around and saw me.

  Small towns, huh?

  “Freya Pratt, you look well.” Mrs. Dunnett said in a sharp tone, giving me a once-over.

  “You’re back.” Juliet also gave me a slow glance, her eyes on my Fendi heels and my Louis Vuitton bag. Once upon a time, I would have been kind to them because I wanted them to like me, but not anymore.

  I grabbed the first drink I touched. “This is my home.”

  “You didn’t care about that when you broke my son’s heart,” Mrs. Dunnett bit out, and I laughed.

  “Seriously? It’s not like you and your husband left me much of a choice.” I turned around, paying for the drink in my hand and forgetting to get Emma’s Slurpee.

  “Where’s my drink?” Emma asked.

  “The machine broke down. Here, I got you this.”

  Emma looked at the drink and then at me. “I don’t like energy drinks but thanks.” She grabbed the drink and threw it in the back seat. I watched through the window as Mrs. Dunnett and Juliet argued. I didn’t have it in me to care.

  35

  Freya

  The wedding rehearsal had started, and all I had done was pace all over the trailer. Grandpa knew there was something wrong with me, but he didn’t point it out. He watched me walk to my room, outside to the living room, and back again to my room. I was desperate, and time was agonizingly slow, taunting me. It was sink or swim time. Did I go over and tell Max how I felt despite everything working against us, or did I let him be happy with her? It was stupid and so utterly selfish of me, but I wanted him to make a move. A part of me hoped he had canceled his wedding after what happened, but no one said anything. Was I a lousy lay? I shook my head to clear away unwanted thoughts.

  “Looks like it gonna rain,” Grandpa announced, not even looking outside.

  “I guess,” I responded while I played with my hands and kept pacing our little kitchen. God, give me a sign? Tell me what to do. The more time that passed, the more I felt like I was dying on the inside. I could be impulsive and show up, but then what? What happened after I said my piece? What then?

  “Freya, sit your ass down, girl,” Grandpa yelled at me. With shaky feet, I did as he asked.

  “Now, I always let you run around and make your own choices. Some of them good, most of them bad, but you ain’t had your mama, and I did the best I could. I watched you with that boy, and he cherished you. Now I ain’t stupid, and I figured you ran because that daddy of his wasn’t too keen on having you be with his son. He visited me once shortly before you ran out of town. He told me to keep you away from Max.”

  I gasped, about to ask him why he never mentioned it, but he cut me off.

  “You had time to talk. Now let me have my say.
I didn’t open my mouth because I figured if I forbade you to see the boy, you would do it to spite me. Besides, that boy would have moved heaven and earth for you. You left this town but took that boy’s heart with you. Max was empty. One day after he came back from college, he came here piss drunk, demanding answers I didn’t have. With taxes rising, my pension wasn’t cutting it anymore, and I wasn’t about to touch your hard-earned money. The last thing I wanted was to sell my land… This land is all I have to offer you.” My Grandpa’s voice shook. I knelt in front of him, holding his hands with tears in my eyes.

  “I sold it to Max because I knew with him, you’d always have a home. Now stop wasting your time and go stop that boy from making a mistake both of you can’t come back from.”

  Wiping the tears from my face, I gave Grandpa a hug and a kiss on the cheek and ran to counter for the truck’s keys.

  The rain made it hard to drive, but I kept at it, needing to get to Max, at least to tell him what I felt before it was too late. Cranking the heater up so the window wouldn’t fog, I then I took my phone and dialed Rusty.

  “Hey,” he answered skeptically.

  “Are there many people? Can you tell Max to meet me outside? I need to talk to him.”

  “What are you talking about, Gabs?”

  “The wedding rehearsal.”

  “Sorry, Freya, but we aren’t part of the wedding party. We didn’t go to the rehearsal dinner.”

  “I slept with him,” I blurted. I needed to share it with someone else. “I know it was wrong, but… God, it just happened, and I know I should feel bad, but I can’t make myself not want him. He’s a part of me, and I can’t picture myself without him. I tried, and I wasn’t happy. I was just existing, but I wasn’t living.”

  There was silence on the other end of the line until Jana spoke softly. “Go get your guy, Freya.”

  Who knew that was all the validation I needed? The rain got heavier, making it impossible to see what was in front of me. The headlights on this truck weren’t as bright as they should have been. I knew this road, and I knew this town. Not giving it a second thought, I didn’t slow down. I kept driving, trying to get to Max as fast as possible. The truck slid, my heart hammered in my chest, and I told myself everything was okay because it was nothing but dirt on this side of town. Except how could I forget? How did I not remember the damn bridge? My stomach sank at the same time the car knocked over the old wooden bridge and fell into the water. I wished we had more time. My head hit hard against the steering wheel. Then everything went black.