Bane (Angel's Rebellion MC: #7)

by Jeneveir Evans

  ~***~

  Chapter 26

  I have not broken your heart - you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine.

  ~Charlotte Bronte~

  Eagle

  March 12th, 1999

  I jerked awake and struggled for a minute to figure out where I was. I felt a body pressing against mine and looked down to see Kenzie’s arm draped across my chest. The night before flooded my mind with everything that had gone on. I’d had no idea when I went to my room what a clusterfuck the following hours would turn into.

  I’d been happy to get that fucking gate built so the compound was secure again. It truly would take a tank to get through that fucker we built. Luckily, we’d survived the assault to the compound with no casualties. Brick still hadn’t woken up. He was, however, starting to stir so Doc felt he would wake up anytime. The only thing we wouldn’t know until he did was if he suffered from any brain damage.

  Bane and I had put our equipment away when we finished. He’d told me he was headed to Kenzie’s place. He said he would see me tomorrow for Church. I was fine with that, my ass was tired and I hadn’t planned on working Friday anyway. I’d made my way into the Clubhouse, talked to a few of my Brothers, then headed upstairs for a shower.

  If I hadn’t wanted a beer and been out of them in my fridge, I might not have known much less seen what had gone down between Bane and Kenzie.

  I glanced down at Kenzie to see she was still out of it. I eased out from under her arm and headed to the bathroom. I was a little chilly in just my sweats, yet there had been no way last night that I was going to go back inside to put on clothes. Kenzie would have tried to leave and she hadn’t been in any shape to drive. I was just glad I had at least put on shoes.

  After using the bathroom, I went into the living room and texted Bane.

  Me: We need to talk.

  I waited for twenty minutes and didn’t receive a reply so I tried again.

  Me: I mean it, asshole. We need to talk.

  Another twenty minutes passed and still no answer. I decided to bypass texting altogether and dialed his number. It went straight to voicemail. That pissed me off. The fucker had turned off his phone. I needed to talk to him to find out what happened. I know something did, he wouldn’t have done this unless he felt something was wrong.

  I hoped to God that his mind hadn’t snapped. He’d seemed fine when he left to go to Kenzie’s. Hmm. He hadn’t been planning on coming back until tonight. He meant to stay here with Kenzie. Something happened here. Now I had to figure out what. I heard a noise and turned to see Kenzie standing in the living room opening.

  “How are you doing?” I was concerned about her. She looked devastated.

  “Not so good, Eagle,” her voice wasn’t much more than a whisper.

  “Kenzie, did something happen between you and Bane when he got here yesterday?”

  She looked at me puzzled. “What do you mean? He wasn’t here yesterday.”

  “He left the compound to come here after we finished the gate yesterday afternoon about an hour before you were to get off work.”

  “Eagle, he texted me and asked me to come to the compound.”

  “I saw him leave to come here, Kenz. Could he have come here and something upset him?”

  Kenzie went white and started swaying.

  “Oh my god,” she groaned then turned and ran to the bathroom. I ran behind her. She pulled out a vanity drawer and looked inside.

  “Oh god, oh god,” she clutched her stomach and started shaking.

  “Kenzie, what’s going on, you’re scaring the fuck out of me.”

  “The stick,” she moaned. “He saw the stick.”

  I looked in the drawer to see what she was talking about. There was a white looking plastic stick. I reached in and picked it up and turned it over. I’m pretty sure what I saw had me matching Kenzie’s color. Two pink lines across a small white area. Kenzie was pregnant and Bane had seen the proof. I closed my eyes.

  Now I know why he did what he did. What she said made sense. The one promise that would make her not forgive him was if he cheated. Christ, what had he done? I knew as soon as I realized what happened that his demon had started riding him hard.

  “Kenzie,” my voice came out like tumbled gravel. “He panicked when he saw this.”

  “It doesn’t matter, Eagle,” she said as she sat down on the toilet. “He took the one thing I told him he could never do and used it to force this. He promised he would never do that. He promised that he’d never cheat. I won’t be able to trust him again.”

  “Kenzie, you’ve got to realize that Bane’s past has him screwed up over his dad. I bet he thought when he saw this was that he doesn’t know how to be a dad. You know how demons ride him hard. You have to think about that.

  “Kenz, you really have to consider this, did you know he almost killed himself because of the voice in his head that rides him? I found out he’s always felt unworthy because his dad didn’t want him. He feels like he was the bane of his mom’s existence. That’s how he picked out his name.

  “Kenzie, the shit with his dad has done a number on him. His demon must have started in on him the minute he saw that stick. Think about that, don’t shut him out. He wasn’t his normal self last night. Please, Kenz, you’ve got to forgive him, you’ve got to or he might not ever make it back.”

  I looked at her face, she smiled sadly at me but I could tell she wasn’t going to forgive him. Not anytime soon. While Bane was messed up over his dad, Kenzie was equally screwed up over her mom killing herself.

  I didn’t know what the fuck to do.

  “We’ll figure this out somehow, Kenzie.”

  “There’s nothing to figure out, Eagle. Bane and I are over. There is no coming back from this.”

  I dropped my head. What the fuck do I do? I did know I needed to talk to Bane.

  “Kenzie, I need to go talk to Bane. Will you be okay here alone?”

  “Eagle, I’ve been alone a long time. I’ll be fine,” her voice sounded resigned.

  “I’ll be back after I talk to Bane.”

  “There’s no use you coming back, Eagle. I have to learn to do this by myself.”

  “That’s bullshit. You’re carrying my cousin’s baby. That’s my blood too. I’m not leaving you alone to deal with this by yourself.”

  She didn’t say anything, just sent another sad smile directed toward me. I walked out of the room and into the living room. I picked up my phone and dialed Blood.

  “Hey, is there anyone that isn’t working that can come to Kenzie’s and pick me up?”

  “Give me the address and I’ll send Jace.”

  “Alright, Brother.”

  I got off the phone and texted the address real quick then I sat down and put on my shoes. I stood up and walked back to the bathroom only Kenzie wasn’t in there. I walked to her room to find she’d crawled back into bed.

  I walked over and sat on the edge of it. The pain in her eyes hurt to see. I reached up and brushed her hair out of her face.

  “We’ll figure it out, I promise.”

  “Don’t make a promise you can’t keep, Eagle.”

  “I always keep my promises, Kenzie.”

  She looked at me like she didn’t believe me. I sighed. Once again the thought ran through my head that I didn’t know what the fuck to do.

  “Kenzie, it might be later tonight but I’ll be back.”

  She shrugged. She didn’t believe me. I’d have to prove to her that I meant what I said. I sat on the bed and told her some of the things Bane had said to me about what the demon tormented him with until a knock sounded on the door. I leaned down and kissed her forehead and stood up to leave.

  “I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Okay.”

  It was hard to walk away because I was worried about her. I had to though, I needed to talk to Bane. We needed to figure this shit out. I also needed to know that the demon wasn’t going to suck him under. I hadn’t been th
ere for him before. I always would be now.

  ~*~

  Kenzie

  God, I hurt so bad. The image of Mel sucking on Bane’s dick and his tongue on Ree’s pussy wouldn’t leave my mind. It was tormenting me. How could he have done this? How? He knew what this would do to me. I told him what my mom had done. He knew why I couldn’t forgive him. Why did this have to hurt so much? Why?

  Everything Eagle’s said started running through my head. After realizing that Bane had seen the pregnancy test, I knew what caused him to do this. He’d said he didn’t want kids. He’d told me how he felt about not knowing anything about his dad. He let me know a few of the thoughts that plagued him on this. Thinking on all of the things Eagle just told me made me realize that Bane was more damaged by thoughts of his dad than I had known. They ate at him until he didn’t think he couldn’t take it anymore.

  Knowing now that Bane had almost killed himself before scared me. I hadn’t truly realized how bad this demon was he had told me a little about. I’d struggled with what happened with my dad and how my mom handled it, yet it hadn’t eaten at me the way this must have Bane.

  I wish now we’d talked about this more. I should have tried to find out what went on in his head. I hadn’t. I had failed him. I think maybe a lot of people had failed him.

  I wonder if he thought no one cared because no one ever asked about the things that bothered him. I knew some people struggled more than others over the things that could plague your mind. Bane was one of those people. He’d been fighting this all by himself for years.

  After seeing Bane with those women, I’d run to my car. I had to get away. I couldn’t be in the place where he was busy fucking those women. I groaned. Damn, that had hurt so bad to see.

  I’d been surprised when Eagle followed me, then insisted on driving me home. I’d broken down and snuggled in his lap and cried. I hadn’t even cried this much when Mom died. Part of me had felt a relief that she was gone and not suffering the agonies of the damned anymore.

  It suddenly hit me that Bane had to suffer like Mom did, only he fought his demons differently. He’d managed to have a life. To enjoy it for the most part. I knew he savored his time with Eagle. I realize now that Eagle had been the glue that held Bane together for so long.

  Then when we got together, he’d had another type of glue. I grounded him. Completed him. We’d had fun together. He’d teased me all the time, picked on me, pissed me off then kissed my anger at him away.

  God, how he loved me. It had shown from his eyes for everyone to see. He hadn’t been ashamed for anyone to see it either. Anytime we were around each other, he had to be close to me, touching me, and I had wallowed in it.

  I had reveled in the knowledge that he loved me like he did. That he always needed to be in contact with me, how he had wanted and needed to make my body his until both of us were so tired we couldn’t move anymore. Then he would hold me in his arms as we fell asleep.

  I’d told Eagle earlier that I had picked the wrong biker. I hadn’t though, I had picked the right one. The one who had begged for me, pleaded to me to give him a chance. The man who told me he’d do anything I wanted if I would just let him have one more time to prove how much I meant to him. He’d fought for me.

  Eagle had held me while I cried, then again while I slept. We’d been in the same bed together and I had felt nothing for him. All I had wanted was Bane. I needed Bane.

  I couldn’t forgive him for what he did. Could I? I mulled that around in my mind. He’d been with those women on purpose. He knew that ugliness of me knowing it would damn him. He had pushed me away because he was running scared. Eagle was right, his demon must have been riding him hard. It must have tormented him to the point that he thought I’d be better off without him.

  Why would he think that? Then I thought of the baby I was carrying and I knew why. His demon must have told him he wouldn’t be a good father and continued to torment him with other ideas until Bane probably thought he was going mad.

  The monster in his head had probably told him things to make him doubt himself to the point the only way he could manage to let me go was if I was the one who pushed him away. I had done exactly what he thought I would do. I had run and he had managed to release me the only way he knew how.

  I couldn’t hold this against him. If I loved him as much as I say I do, and I do, I had to fight for him. I had to show him that I would stay with him and fight the demon with him. That he wasn’t alone and he’d never be alone again.

  I got up and headed to the shower. I had to go find Bane. We had to figure this out. I didn’t want to live my life without the man who held my heart in his hands. There was no lingering doubt anywhere in me. Bane was my man, my one and only, and I was his woman.

  ~*~

  Eagle

  When Jace and I pulled into the compound and parked, I hauled ass inside, not stopping to talk to anyone. I ran up the stairs straight to Bane’s room. I knocked on the door but didn’t get an answer. I tried the knob and it turned easily in my hand. I opened the door and stepped into the room.

  He wasn’t here. The sweats he had taken off were still on the floor at the end of the bed. His cover was pulled up slightly, one spot looked like he had held it in his fist. There was a pillow situated longwise making me think he had been hugging it. I walked over to it and touched it. It was damp.

  He’d cried.

  Damn, how that ate at me. Knowing he’d been fighting his demon that hard and that the demon had won this time.

  I stepped into his bathroom to see a towel on the floor. I looked at his vanity and noticed that his personal items were missing. I turned back to his bedroom and looked for his saddlebags. They were gone. Fear hit me then.

  I ran to my room, grabbed a shirt and pulled it on, not even caring that I was running around in sweatpants I’d slept in. I headed toward Dog’s office.

  I knocked on the wall the same time I stepped into the door opening. Dog looked up from studying a beer bottle.

  He sighed when he saw me. He knew where Bane was. I could tell.

  “C’mon in, Eagle.”

  I walked into the room and shut the door behind me.

  I watched as Dog reached into his fridge and pulled out two beers. He sat one on the outside edge of his desk then he opened his own and took a drink. I glanced at the bottle he’d had in his hands, it was empty. Whatever had happened, this was bothering him pretty bad. I grabbed the beer and sat down.

  “Where’s he at?” I asked, I needed to know where he was so I could talk to him.

  “I can’t tell you that, Eagle.”

  “What the fuck you mean you can’t tell me that, Dog? I need to talk to him. He needs help figuring this shit out.”

  “He needs to figure this out on his own, Brother.”

  “Dog, you don’t get it. He’s at his lowest. This has to be hitting him hard. He needs to be surrounded by people who care about him.”

  “I understand what you’re saying and I don’t totally disagree with you. Hell, I think he needs to be here too.”

  “Then tell me where he is so I can go to him.”

  “Eagle, I promised Bane I wouldn’t tell anyone. I won’t break my word. Not even for you.”

  I wanted to throw my bottle at the wall. How would he make it through this? His bed told me what kind of shape he was in. I was so afraid that this time the demon would win. This time he would pull the trigger despite the promise he had made to me.

  “Did you know he almost killed himself once?”

  Dog grimaced. “I kinda figured he had or had at least thought about it. I asked him if he was suicidal, he said he wasn’t but that it didn’t matter because he had promised you he wouldn’t do that and he didn’t intend to break that promise.”

  “Prez, I found out a few weeks ago that when we were in eleventh grade he’d gotten so down that he’d taken Aunt Deb’s gun, put it to his head and was ready to pull the trigger when I knocked on their door. I was supposed to have
gone with Dad that weekend. I didn’t because I wanted to go to the bike show with Bane more. That’s the only thing that stopped him then, Dog. I don’t want to lose my best friend. I can’t lose him.”

  “Christ,” Dog muttered. “As much as this pains me Eagle, I still can’t tell you where he went.”

  “He won’t even answer his phone,” I cried out. “How the hell can I help him if he won’t answer his phone?”

  “Fuck, I hate this shit but, Brother, we’ve got to let him do this on his own. Where he’s going, I have someone who will be watching him.”

  It was hard to breath, I couldn’t get enough air in. How was I going to be able to handle it if I was told that he was gone for good? I was so fucking afraid this was the one thing that would finally destroy him.

  “Breath in, son. Slow and steady, breath in.”

  I listened to Dog and managed to get my breath back. I didn’t know what to do. All I knew is how I felt, and that was scared shitless.

  “He left something for you.”

  I glanced at Dog to see him holding two letters out. They looked like two poisonous snakes to me. I didn’t want to take them, I didn’t want to know what they said. I just didn’t want to know.

  As if my hand was controlled by someone else, I saw it reach for the letters. One had my name on it, the other had Kenzie’s name on it. I set Kenzie’s back down on Dog’s desk and slowly opened mine. I was afraid of what I would read.

  Eagle,

  Need your help, Brother. Need you to make Kenzie your woman. Need you to watch out for her. Take care of her. Be there for her. Love her.

  Need you to be a dad to my child. You know how to do that. I don’t. I don’t know how to be a dad. I don’t know what a dad does. I’ll fuck up a kid for sure. Protect my child, Eagle. Do all the things for him or her that a dad is supposed to do. Things I have no clue about and never will.