Daddy Ink

by Ali Lyda

  “I want to look at you while I fuck you,” I groaned as I pushed slowly in.

  He was so unbelievably tight, even with all the prep, but Javi’s eyes rolled back, his knees squeezed on my sides, trying to pull me into him faster. I sank in, inch by inch, his heat wrapping around me, making me dizzy with pleasure.

  “You feel so good,” I whispered, rocking a little, teasing him with the tiniest of withdrawals.

  “Gordo,” he moaned, grabbing at me. “More.”

  Moonlight streamed through the windows, illuminating our skin. I loved the contrasts of it in the shadows, my pale versus his dark, the lines of intricate ink all over his body a stark contrast to my unadorned skin. We fit together so well.

  I sank in to the hilt, waiting a moment for him to adjust to taking all of me. Javi bit my shoulder, hard. “Fuck me,” he pleaded, lifting his hips to meet my first thrust.

  My hold on my restraint snapped. Pulling almost all of the way out, I thrust back in hard, and we cried out in unison. I picked up the pace, rocking into him hard enough that he had to push against the headboard to keep from being knocked into it. Sweat dripped down my back, slicked my chest, but each thrust of mine was rewarded with a gasp from Javi, and it drove me to pound into him until the air was filled with the smell of sex and the sounds of our pleasure.

  I felt my climax begin to come together, the tightening and heat that signaled the end. Reaching between us, I began to stroke Javi hard and fast. He shouted and began to come as I thrust into him deep, his body squeezing me, and climaxing with a groan.

  After, I curled my body around his, needing the closeness to continue. Truthfully, I never wanted it to end. Being inside of him...it felt like more than just pleasure. It felt like I was coming together fully, like I’d become all of me while connecting with him.

  I traced his tattoos with my fingertips, something I’d longed to do since I first saw them. The designs were, I realized, based on Mayan art. Patterns that I’d initially thought of as mandalas were actually closer to the gods-based calendars, with flora and fauna motifs circling around them. Only occasionally was there something different, like the shield over his heart, surrounded by leaves and flowers that seemed to strengthen its protective quality.

  “Why did you choose these designs?”

  His reply came in an almost slurred, languid way. He must have been on the cusp of sleep. “My parents were from the Yucatan Peninsula. They c-came from Mayan heritage. I wanted to remember I c-came from something greater than two d-drug addicts.”

  “The designs are gorgeous,” I murmured before pulling him closer. We were close enough I wondered if he could feel my heart beating against his back. “Hey, do you...want to stay the night?”

  “I keep t-trying to fall asleep,” he teased, “if that’s answer enough.”

  I laughed, burrowing my face into his shoulder. It was, and soon we were both slipping into a sated slumber.

  20

  Javi

  I lifted the tiny spoon of cereal to Giuliana’s mouth, but her lips remained firmly pressed tight. Behind me, Gordo chuckled.

  “I thought you were the master of child feedings,” he teased.

  “Watch and learn,” I retorted, locking my gaze with Giuliana’s. Her eyes were getting darker all the time. While I’d be sad to see the blue go, it was Gordo’s brown eyes that would soon be reflected there instead, and I couldn’t help but look forward to that.

  She giggled as if taunting me, but I began to open and close my mouth like a fish.

  “You look ridiculous,” Gordo said, but I ignored him, continuing a fish mouth for Giuliana. Slowly but surely, she began to mimic me, her plump, rosy lips opening and closing. I lined up the spoon, waited, waited… there. A spoonful of cereal slipped easily into her mouth.

  “Aha!” I turned to look at him, my smile smug. “There you go.”

  “Why won’t she do that for me?” Gordo scooted over, taking the spoon and bowl from me. “Let me try.”

  I shrugged. “Be my guest.”

  He was right: watching someone else do the fishy face was hilarious and ridiculous. But he soon had Giuliana laughing and copying him, and he managed to get the spoonful into her mouth. She made a raspberry, sending the white, creamy cereal spraying all over his face.

  I laughed so hard my sides hurt.

  “Go ahead, laugh it up, Chuckles,” Gordo growled while wiping off his face. “I will pay you back in horribly cruel, delicious ways later.”

  A shiver of anticipation ran down my spine. “I should hope so.”

  Leaning back, I looked at my boyfriend. Boyfriend. It still sounded strange in my head. The word created warmth in me, wrapping me up like a favorite blanket. The word used to terrify me; I associated it with inevitable heartbreak and loss. But with Gordo, it made me relax into it, no erratic heartbeats or nervous stomach, but a sense of calm. He made me feel safe, and being his boyfriend was an anchor to that safety. We’d been spending so much time together that I felt more at home when I was with Gordo and Giuliana than when I was alone at my house. It was strange and wonderful. But…

  “So Dane texted me last night about going to the bar,” I said. “But I t-told him I already had plans with you. He s-sort of ragged at me for spending all of my t-time with you.”

  “We have become one of those couples, haven’t we? The ones that fall so hard into a relationship, we ignore everyone?” Gordo frowned. “You shouldn’t be so much fun to spend time with.”

  “I will try to be more of an asshole. But I was also thinking we could have a party? We could invite everyone. Unless parties are s-still a sore spot for you.” I shot him a wry smile and winked.

  Gordo’s laugh burst from him like a gift. “Definitely still a sore spot. I don’t want to have to call Mason to ticket you for a noise ordinance. But what about a cookout? It’s not unbearably hot anymore outside, and there’s a ton of room in our backyard. You could invite all of your crew—and if you were okay with it, I’d like to invite my family so they could meet you.”

  Butterflies soared and fluttered in my belly. Had he meant to say “our” backyard? And he wanted to introduce me to his family? I’d never been with anyone long enough to have things be “ours,” let alone meet the parents. It was new to me, and despite being thirty-three, I suddenly felt like I was young and inexperienced. But I also couldn’t think of anything better.

  “That would b-be nice,” I said, leaning over to kiss Gordo lightly.

  We strung lights all over the backyard to keep the night at bay. Giuliana was too excited by all of the hubbub to go to bed, and that was fine with me. Gordo had handed her off to me so I could introduce her to the crew while he worked the grill. The French back doors of Gordo’s house were open, and people moved freely between the balmy backyard and the air-conditioned kitchen.

  “She’s beautiful,” Reagan said, tickling Giuliana’s chin. Man, the guy was such a fucking teddy bear. It was just one of the many things I loved about him.

  “She takes after her dad,” I said, glancing over at Gordo. He was in an old band t-shirt, making him appear way more laidback and hardcore than his usual clean-cut wardrobe.

  It made me smile, knowing he was trying to look cool for my crew. As if they cared about something as silly as how he dressed. Not that I minded… the black fabric looked good against his tanned skin, and the low-slung jeans he was sporting made me excited for later, when I’d get to strip them off.

  “Dane texted. He’s coming, just running late,” Trinity chimed in.

  She was in a tank top and her hair had been recolored for fall: it was now an ombre tangle of reds and oranges. It looked amazing, and when they filmed us, she was going to shine, and she deserved a bit of a spotlight, being able to put up with all of the testosterone in the shop. Although she often remarked on how working with a bunch of guys who shared her love for men just made it fun.

  “He and Christian are probably making out in a feverish heat somewhere,” I joked.


  “I don’t think so,” Reagan said. He pointed to some new people coming through the back doors. “Isn’t that Christian over there?”

  Sure enough, Christian was walking in with a tall man and woman. The man and woman were holding hands, and I recognized the guy from the fateful puke-night at the bar. He shared so many facial features with Gordo that I knew he must be Mason.

  “Huh,” I said, curious about where Dane was if he wasn’t with Christian. “Well, the mystery’s going to have to wait. I’m going to go meet Gordo’s family.”

  I headed over to Gordo, who was now talking with Christian and the couple. Gordo beamed as I stepped close, throwing an arm over my shoulder and giving Giuliana’s head a tender pat. “Mason, Dana, this is my boyfriend, Javi.”

  Mason was smiling, and he didn’t reach to shake my extended hand. Instead, he pulled me into a hug, careful not to crush the baby in my arms.

  “Apparently Gordo’s vomit has aphrodisiac qualities,” he teased.

  “God, no one is ever going to let that go,” Gordo said with faux-despair.

  “Oh, hell, no,” Mason replied. “Would you? That moment was pure gold. Hey, Mom’s in the kitchen getting some iced tea.”

  Mason stepped back, and Dana reached out and hugged me as well. There was so much touching happening. As a kid, I’d lived a life of handshakes and high fives on good days, slaps and punches on the bad ones. Since meeting Dane and working for Reagan, it had been mostly good days, but nothing like life with Gordo.

  Gordo was a toucher. He wanted hugs, and holding hands, and arms around waists. And now his family, who didn’t even know me, were embracing me like I belonged.

  My throat constricted, and I worried the stutter would take over if I had to talk. Only this time it wasn’t due to stress or anxiety. There were simply too many good emotions at once, and it was simultaneously lovely and terrifying.

  “We’re so happy to meet you, Javi,” Dana said. “You’re far better-looking in person than the picture Gordo tried to paint. And I believe he described you as ‘fucking gorgeous’.”

  She winked at Gordo, who was turning a beautiful shade of pink. “I have to go back to the burgers,” he mumbled.

  “May I hold Giuliana?” Dana asked, holding her hands out. I passed her over.

  Gordo seemed a bit guarded, his shoulders tensed and his jaw clenched as he escaped us. I didn’t think it was due to Dana and Mason’s teasing, either.

  “Is he okay?” I asked Mason.

  His brother’s eyebrows were knit together. “He will be. Come with me, and we’ll make sure he knows he isn’t allowed to be in a funk tonight.”

  Gordo’s shoulders tensed further when we stepped up to him, but Mason didn’t let it hold him back.

  “You pissed about dad? I did invite him,” Mason said, “but he refused it. Like the asshole he continues to be.”

  I stayed close, absorbing this news. Because I didn’t have a traditional family of my own, it hadn’t crossed my mind that his dad’s absence might mean something. Gordo didn’t say anything. He looked at the hamburgers as if daring them to cross him, like he was prepared to cage match with meat patties. I reached out and stroked his arm.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, not fully sure of the entirety of the situation, but knowing I hated seeing him upset like this.

  Gordo set down the spatula and took a moment to press his palms into his eyes. When his hands dropped, he turned to face us. His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I know I shouldn’t be surprised that Dad refused to come. I mean, he hasn’t spoken to me since I came out. But I guess I’d built up a small fantasy that he would arrive, and see Giuliana and how perfect she is, and it would help him overcome his homophobia.”

  There was a tug in my chest. Oh, Gordo. Without words, I embraced him, making sure he felt the love pouring out of me. There are very few benefits to being raised in the system. But when I’d come out, I hadn’t had anything—anyone—to lose. It had been a relatively easy process for me. But I did know what it felt like to have a parent choose to leave you. It was a wound that could be repaired, but the scar left behind would always be ugly and raised. Noticeable.

  “You are surrounded by love,” Mason said. “Look at all of these people! You’ve got a house and yard filled with family. Dad’s losing so, so much by choosing to stay in his ignorance.”

  I released Gordo and he struggled to give us a half-smile. “Yeah, I know. I know, really. But he’s my father, and that fact doesn’t change. I want to not care, and I do feel supported and loved. I just think some part of me will always want his support and his love, you know?”

  At that moment, a woman’s voice crooned, “Oh, there you are, Gordo!”

  She was short and petite, with hair long gone silver, and I could see a lot of Gordo and Mason in her face.

  “My name is Phoebe,” she said, extending her hand. “It’s so nice to put a face with a name, Javi.” When I took her hand, she squeezed it to make sure I could feel she meant it. “You seem like a lovely young man.”

  With all of my tattoos and Latino heritage, “lovely” wasn’t a word I’d often heard used to describe me, especially from people like Phoebe. But when she said it, I believed her. Gordo’s dad might be an asshole, but the rest of his family seemed to more than make up for it.

  “Hey, food’s gonna be ready in five,” Gordo said. “Javi, why don’t you round up your crew and introduce them to everyone, while wrangling them in to prepare their plates?”

  Then he pecked me on the cheek, and I didn’t miss how his mom beamed with pleasure. When I stepped away, I did so feeling as light as air.

  As I made my way around, I found Giuliana back in my arms. Dana commented on how Giuliana got fussy quickly with anyone else, and my heart seemed to grow tenfold knowing that Giuliana seemed to adore me as much as I loved her. It validated me in ways that few things could, because here was a tiny person who loved me just the way I was.

  It seemed that almost everyone had arrived as Giuliana and I mingled. All that was missing was my best friend, until Dane finally showed up. When he came over to us, though, he was by himself. I hadn’t seen him without Christian in weeks.

  “Hey, Javi. You look like a regular ol’ dad right now.” He wrinkled his nose like being a father was something I should have avoided, but he knew me well enough to understand that having Giuliana so comfortable with me brought me nothing but joy, and his teasing made me laugh.

  I shrugged, giving him a grin. Though I refused to tell anyone, not even Gordo, a small sliver of me loved the idea of becoming Giuliana’s other dad. It was getting easier each day to admit that I was in love with Gordo, and the thought of being with him for the long-term didn’t scare me like it used to. And as Giuliana was an extension of Gordo, I loved her as well. Besides, she was the sweetest little thing and impossible not to be infatuated with.

  “Where’s Christian?” I asked. For all his ribbing me for spending all of my time with Gordo, he and Christian had been attached at the hip since the relay race.

  “Oh, he’s around,” Dane said vaguely. I waited for some joke, some bit of mirth, to follow that up in true Dane fashion. Instead, he changed the subject. “Javi, it’s cool to see you happy. But...I don’t know. Maybe you’d been on to something by guarding your heart.”

  Shocked into silence, I shifted Giuliana so I could sign, “What are you talking about?”

  “It’s nothing.”

  He kept looking around at the other guests. I got the impression he was searching for Christian. But unlike the race, it didn’t seem like Dane was seeking him out—it seemed like he was trying to avoid the other man. I hoped there wasn’t trouble brewing between the two. Now that I had Gordo, I wanted Dane to have something similar. He deserved it. It had seemed like Christian was good for him, and I wanted him to be happy. But for now, I settled on pulling him over to the barbecue to fix up a plate.

  We all ate and drank together while Giuliana dozed in a variety of arms, each pe
rson who held her looking as if they’d been transported to heaven. Reagan and Mason helped build a fire in the fire pit, and as twilight fell, the fire cracked and sparked, the overhead lights twinkled, and I couldn’t remember a time I’d felt more complete.

  Everyone was relaxed, and the joking and talk had quieted to small pockets of conversation. No one seemed to be in a rush to leave, and Gordo’s mom kept throwing me these happy looks. It was perfect.

  And then it wasn’t.

  It started with Mason. I could his laughter falter and saw a mean-as-snakes look hit his face. He was looking over my shoulder, toward the double French doors. As soon as he’d stopped laughing, others turned to see what had pissed him off so much.

  But instead of following their gazes, I sought out Gordo. The firelight illuminated all of his features and I caught the myriad of emotions that skated across. Anger, surprise, hurt…

  Curiosity got the best of me, and I turned around to see who could possibly have made Gordo and his brother so upset. When I turned to see, there was a man with a lazy smile and the casual confidence of someone who knew he wasn’t welcome and simply didn’t give a fuck.

  “Hey, everyone. I didn’t expect there to be a party. I’m Kyle, and I was hoping to talk to Gordo for a second.”

  21

  Gordo

  I had never felt so livid in my life. Anger boiled and steamed inside of me like I was hanging over a fire, cooking away my calm and common sense. If it hadn’t been for everyone watching, I wasn’t entirely sure I would have been able to refrain from punching Kyle.

  Giuliana had stirred in my arms, waking fully from her dozing nap to look around. I refused to have this discussion with her in my arms. It was important to shield her from Kyle and the rage he made me feel.

  So I did what felt most natural—I passed her to Javi. Not to my brother or my mom, but the man who’d become such an ingrained part of our life that it wasn’t really a choice. He was the one to hold her.