CLAIRE: (is it really love)

by Grace Gervas

  "What'swrongwithyouClaire?"Genasnappedasecond sheanswered."Youaretakingthistendencyofmakingme worrytooserious!Ican'tseeyouanywhere,you'renotpicking mycalls,andRyanisnowheretobeseeneither;whereareyou girl?"

  Claireclaspedherlipsinafineline,andshotRyanawry glancebeforereplying."I'mfineGena,don'tworry;I'llbedown infewminutes."

  "You'llbedown?Whatareyoutalkingabout?Whereare you?"

  "I'llseeyoulater."shesaidsoftly,ignoringGena'sinnuendo. "Wait,areyouokaythough?Youkindofsoundstrange!" addedGenaworriedly.

  "I'mokay!Justwaitforme."

  "Okay,takeyourtime."Genasaid,andClairecouldtellwhat liedbehindherfinalremarkbutdecidedtohangup. Turninghercalmgaze,shewatchedRyanputtingonhis jacket,withhishaughtygrinsplatteredhisface.Shewatched himbutcouldn'tbelievethatshe'djusthadsexwithhim;sex andnotmakinglove.Notonceinherlifehadsheimagined herselfhavingarandomsexwithanyone,especiallywith someoneshehadnorelationshipofasort,noranytypeof arrangementwithsimilardesign.Shewasangryathim,and evenmoreatherselfforlosingallthedignityshehadkeptjust foraonenightfullofcrazinessandmixedemotions.

  "Whyareyoulookingatmelikethat?Doyouwantto murderme?Ormissmealready?"Ryangrinned.

  "Shutup!Justgetoutofmysight!"Clairebarked,seemingly mad. Ryan,likeacue,advancedtowardsthebedandsatnextto her."Whyareyouangryatme?Don'ttellmeyou'reregretting afterusingmenow."Hejoked,andtriedtotouchherbutshe brushedaway.

  "Don'ttouchmeRyan!"Shegotupabruptly,cringingthe sheetwrappedonherbodyandstartedretrievingherdressand shoesthatwerealloverthefloor"Shouldn'tyoubetryingtowin overtheinvestorsforyourgrandredevelopmentprojectyou mentionedinyourspeech?Orwithyourgirlfriendmaybe? Insteadofsingingyourvictorysongforgettingundermypants!" Shewhinedrightbeforehimandheburstedoutlaughing.

  "Wow!Seemsyouwerelisteningtomyspeechsointently huh?"Ryansaid,amused.HewrappedClaireintohisarmsby surpriseandshestayedstifflybyhisembracewithoutproving thethrillitdecipheredinsideherbody.

  "Don'tgettoocockywithme!Everyoneelseheardthe speech,soitwasn'tthatinteresting!"Shewhackedathimand heonlylaughed. "Idon'tneedtokisstheirassesforthemtoopentheir wallets!"SaidRyan."Theprojectitselfisagoldmine,sothey're probablyfightingtopourtheirmoney."Headded,andmeantall ofit.

  Clairerolledhereyes."Sofullofyourself!"Shespokeunder herownbreathandpulledoffhisembrace."Ineedtoshower; atleastIshouldn'thavethisjust-fucked-uplookwhenIgodown, right?"Shesnappedwithsarcasm.

  "Ithinkyourjust-fucked-up-looksuitsyoubest!Ifeellike goinganotherroundwithyou;you'rejustsosexyClaireandI've imaginedfuckingyousomanytimessinceyoukissedmethat night!"

  Sosexy?Sothat'swhatshewastohim,asexobject?Claire thought,glaringathim.Madly,Clairelungedtowardshimand spoketohisface,"Screwyou,bastard!"

  "What?"Hewasstartledbythecoldnessofhertoneofvoice. "Isaidscrewyou."Sherepeated,casually."I'mnotaslut Ryan!Ihopeyoudon'tforgetthat."Sheannouncedinavery painfulway,whileonvergeoftearsforwhichsheheldthemin withallhermighty;thelastthingsheneededwasforhimtofind heraweakling."Justgoaway,thisnightneverhappened!"She snappedanddisappearedintoashowerroom.

  Sheonlycameoutabouttenminuteslater,andfoundRyan gone;shefeltrelievedandemptyatthesametime.Shejust slippedintoherdressandheels,beforetouchingupasimple make-upwithtoneoflipstickthatsheappliedwhilstindeep thoughts,withoutevenknowing.Shequicklystopped,butleftit asitis;bloodredactuallylookedperfectonher.Onherwayout oftheelevator,Claire'seyesresteddirectlyonDorisamongthe guests,butwithoutRyanasherentourage.Shefeltstartledbut neverguilty;withadeepbreath,sheheldherheadhighand followedGena.

  "Ohyou'reback?Andyoulookgreat,mindtellingmewhere youhavebeeninthemiddleoftheparty?"Genabombardedher assoonasshegrabbedaseatinsilence.LuckilyGenawasalone atthetable.

  "Nowhere,Iwasjustgettingsomeair!IthinkI'mdonewith thispartyandIneedtobeonbed."repliedClairecalmly. Genaarched."Really?Youwereoutside?"Sheaskedbut Brunoappearedandherinquirieswerecutshort. "Heybeautiful,playinghideandseek?Wherehaveyou been?"Brunoasked,leaningoverClaire'sshoulderfromthe backofherseat.

  Genaraisedaknowingeyebrow;shewasn'teasytofool especiallyafternoticingthatherbestfriendwasn'ttheonlyone gone;Ryanwas,aroundthesametime.

  "Iwentoutforsomeair;IhopeIdidn'tmissmuch."Claire forcedasmileandstuckwiththesamestory.

  "Notreally!"Herepliedsmilingly."Letmejuststealherfora while,doyoumind?"HedirectedtoGena. "Notatall!"Genareturned,withabigsmileasHarry reappearedagainwithmoredrinks.

  BRUNOtookClairetomeetMr.Stevens,whoasalways,was extremelydelightedtohaveheraudience. "I'msohappyyoucouldmakeClaire,andyoulookvery beautiful."saidMr.Stevens,andtoherClaire'shorror,Ryanwas seatedjustacrossfromher,drinkingherwithhiseyes.

  "ThepleasureisallmineMr.Stevens!Congratulationsfor thisbigday;I'mpositiveitmeansalottoyou!"Shesaidkindly. "Ohthankyoumychild!I'mjustanoldmannowwhotakes pleasureinseeingmytwograndsonscontinuingmylegacy!"He remarkedandthetwoboysexchangedlooksuponthecomment.

  Theytalkedforawhile,duringwhichClaireandRyankept interactingsubtlyinastrangemannerasthoughtheyhadalot tothrowateachotherbuthadnotimeforit.Whensomeone cametospeakwiththeoldman,Claireusedtheopportunityto slipawaybywishingthemwellfortherestofthenight.She kindlythankedBrunofortheinvitation,andaskedGenatoleave, whichsheunwillinglyobliged.

  Harryofferedtogivethemaride;itseemedtohaveworked magic,themomentsharedwithGenauponherabsence.They rodeinsilence;atleastClairedid,becauseGenawasbusy askinghernewcrushacountlessquestionsandheappearedto enjoyansweringeachofthem.

  "Soyoustillworkasaprivateattorneyevenifthoughyou workforSK?"Genaasked,seeminglyimpressedbyhisbeinga lawyer.

  "Yes,soifyouneedalawyer,justgivemeacall,butIgotto warnyou,I'mveryexpensive!"Hereplied. "Ohdon'tyouworry,cozIloveexpensive!"SaidGena beforethrowingClaireaglancethatsheonlyreturnedwitha headshaketothesides.

  Harry'scarpulledoveratGena'sapartmentwhereClaire gotofffirstandthankedhim.Sheheadinsidefirstleavingthe twostandingoutsidethebuilding,talkingthingsonlythetwoof themknew.Onceinside,Clairethrewhershoesbythedoorand droppedherclutchonthesofa,beforeundressingandcrawling exhaustedlyonbed.Theonlythingshewanted,wastogetridof anythoughtsrelatedtoRyanStevensandtheextraordinarysex shehadhadwithhimunexpectedly.

  "ItsovernowClaire."Shethoughtoutaloudtryingtofall asleepwhichshedidwithagreatdealofstruggle. THEtwobestfriendswokeuplatethefollowingday.Luckilyit wasSaturdayandneitherofthemhadplansforaday.While havingasleazybreakfast,GenakeptgrinningstupidlyandClaire wasonasilenceoath,thinkingofonlyonething,untilshecould nolongerstandit.

  "IhadsexwithRyan!"Shebrokeoutoftheblue,causing

  Genatochockhercinnamonroll."Rightduringtheparty."She added. "Youdidwhat?"Genasnapped,disbelievingly."OhmyGod! IknewsomethingwasupbutIneverimagineditcouldbethis extreme!"Shetossedherphoneaside.

  Claireletoutashortsigh."Idon'tknowhowtoexplain,I justendedinthehotelroomsomehow,withhim...andduring argumentswejust...didit...wehadsex!"Shecontrived, staringintospace.

  "Okay,"Genauttered."howwasit,tellme...tellmehow thesexwas!"Shecried. Withnarrowedeyes,Clairetookhertimethinking,whilst Genakeptdyingtohearthewords,andultimatelytheformer said."Great!No,thebest!"sheeyedGenawhowaspractically jumpingwithexcitement.Clairebithernailsatthememoryand endedupsmiling.

  "Wow!Imean,wow!"Genasnapped."And?Whatelse?" Clairelookedatherandshruggedherslendershoulders."I don'tknow,I'mnotsurewhatelsethanthefactthatIfucked someoneelse'smanandI'mofficiallyahomewrecker,asyou said."Shelaughedatherownexpense.

  "OhcomeonClaire!It'snotlikethey'remarriedor something,anyonecouldnoticehowRyankeptstaringatyouas thoughyou'retheonlywomanintheballroom!"Genatriedto stopherbrooding."Youshouldn'tfeelbadaboutit;likeyousaid, itjusthappened."

  "I'mjustgladyou'renotjudgingme,bestfriend!"SaidClaire withaweaksmile. "WhywouldIjudgeyou?I'mhappythatyou'refinallyoutof yourshell."Shereturned.Clairetoldheraboutherencounter withtheparentsofDenisandagainGenawasinshock."Eh?You exin-lawswerethere?"Shescreamed.

  "Tellmeaboutit!"Claireprompted,followedbyadeepsigh. "Andyou?What'sgoingonwiththehotchocolate?Iknowyou havebeentextingwithhimlikeallmorning!"ItwasGena'sturn onthehotseat.Shebeamedlikeaflashlight.

  "Ohgirl,Harryisawesome!"Shegrinned."Ilikehim,but I'mstillgettingtoknowhim,soIdon'thavemuchtotell." "You?Gettingtoknowsomeone?That'safirst." "Hey,heisaninterestingone!Ishouldtrytoactdecentat least;Besides,h
e'ssingle,soatleastIdon'thavetoputupwith theotherwoman'sdrama!"

  "Ohthankyouverymuchforthehelpfulreminder!"Claire snortedandGenacoveredhermouth. "Oops!Thatcameoutwrong,mybad!"Shesaid

  apologetically.Theyspenttherestofthedayindoors,doing nothingbutwatchingsomesappymoviesandeatnothingbut pizzaandcolaforlunchuntilthesundisappearedandClaire wentbackhome.Shemadeonlyoneresolutiontoherself;she wasnevergoingtoseeRyaneveragain. CHAPTER10

  EightO'ClocksharponMondaymorning,Clairewasalreadyin theofficewaitingforherdepartment'sheadforthatimportant meetingwithaclient.Shehadalreadypreparedthematerials asked,andpresentedhimaboutquarter-an-hourlater.

  "ThisisgoodLevy!"Saidhersuperior;aslendermanwith deepdimples."But--Ihavesomebadnewsforyou."Headded. Clairefrowned."Whatnews?Don'ttellmeyou'renottaking mewithyou." "That'sexactlyit."Hereplied."Someoneelseistakingthis project,soyouwon'tneedtoassistmeanymore.Sorry!"Hetold herwithapologeticlook.

  "Noyoucan'tbeseriousNathan!"Shesnorted."Iworked myassoffforthispresentationjustsoIcanfinallygetoutthis boringofficeanddosomethingreal,whyareyoudoingthisto me?"Shecomplained.

  Nathan,who'dbeensittingattheedgeofhisofficetable replied,"RelaxClaire,itwasn'tmydecisiontomake!Butonthe brightside,you'vebeenassignedtoabiggerproject."He beamed.

  "Really?Whatproject?"Claireasked,skeptically. "Yes,muchbigger!Andnormallytheydon'ttakenewbiesin thesekindofprojectsbutIthinkyou'vebeenexceptionally askedtobeincludedinthepreliminaryplanning."

  "OkayNathan,nowyou'releavingmebehind!"Shetooka seat.

  "What'stheprojectandwho'stheclient?"

  "TheremodelingprojectofMaryrosestreet;theywantitto bealuxuriousneighborhood!"

  "Wait,isittheprojectfromSKgroup?"Clairesnappedwith asurprisedlook. "Exactly!Howdoyouknow?Ijustfoundoutthismorning myself!We'vebeenonlyworkingonitwithoutknowledgeofwho theclientis."Nathanwondered.

  "Well--it'snotimportantNathan,justtellmemoreabout theproject,andwhoincludedme!"Sheurged. "I'mnotsurewhoincludedyou,butitwasadirectorder fromabove;maybeyoucantellmeLevy,whohasyourback?" Nathanreturned,jokingly;hewasveryfriendly,andtoeveryone.

  RyanStevens!Clairecursedhiminwardly. "You'retalkingnonsense!"Sheroseupherfeet."Sowhom doIaskaboutthedetails?It'sobviousyouwon'tbemy teammate,right?"

  "Nonono,you'restuckwithmeagainI'mafraid!Andjust soyouknow,you'llonlybeanobserver.AsyoualreadyknowSK isthemajorshareholderofStarlight,soonlythebestand experienceddesignerswillworkontheproject."

  "StarlightisapartofSK?"Shegasped.

  "Ohthatwasn'tnecessaryforyoutoknow,itonlyslipped! Justgetready,tomorrowwe'llgotoSK,dothepresentation beforevisitingthesite."Nathantoldher,andshelefthisoffice withcountlessquestions.WhatkindofgamewasRyanplaying now?Sheaskedherself.

  THEnextdayshewokeupquiteearlyandstartedrummaging herclosetinsearchforaperfectoutfittowear;shewasalways carefulonherdressing,butforsomereasons,shewantedto lookherbestthatmorning.Shepickeddifferentclothesand threwthemonbed,aftersometimeshedecidedtoweara whitelinenblouseandablackumbrellaskirt;professionaland elegant.Afteranhourorsoshe'dfinallygotherselfready, snatchedahandbagandsomedocumentsshewasworkingon thepreviousnight.OutsideshefoundJorgeclimbinguphiscar andhekindlyofferedtogiveheraride;sheobligedwithout fretting.

  "Whydon'tyoujustuseoneofthecars?Youalwaysride cabs."SaidJorgeastheyleftthehouse. "Idon'tknow;they'recomfortablemaybe."Sherepliedwith asmallsmile."Igettimetorelaxwhilesomeoneelsedrives,and Ithinkmylicensehasexpiredtoo,soit'sjustfineasitis."

  "Noit'snot,"Heobjected."acarisanecessityespecially nowthatyou'reworking;butitseemslikeyoufinditaluxury." Heremarkedandforoncelaughedcomfortably.

  "I'llthinkaboutit."SaidClaire,inattempttokillthe discussion.Shestillfeltawkwardaroundhim,andthatwas probablythemostintimatemomentthey'dshared.Jorgeasked heralittleaboutherjobandconversedfewotherdetailsuntil arrivedatStarlightwhereshethankedhimandheleft.

  CLAIREheadintotheoffice,toatlastmeetNathanfortheir upcomingappointmentatSKheadquarters.

  "Oh,youlookgreatLevy!"SaidNathanwithaflush,upon seeingherapproachinghisoffice.

  "ThanksNathan,"shesmiled."Ihopethere'snoanylast minutechange."andsaidpointedly.

  "Notatallma'am,relax!We'releavingbytenandjusta reminder,you'reonlygoingtoobserve."

  "IknowNathan,youdon'thavetorubittomyface!" "I'mjustsaying,Iknowhoweageryouaretoshowyour designingskillsbutit'snotthetimeyet." Clairerolledhereyesandmadehimlaughabit."SocanIat leastseetheslidesofyourpresentation?Iwanttoatleastknow whatwe'regoingtogivethem."Sheasked.

  "Sure,keepitsafe."Hehandedherthependrive. Byten-thirtyinthemorning,thetwowerealreadyatSK headquarters;alonggreytowerbuildingwithboldSKsignonit. Theyapproachedthereceptiondesktoconfirmtheir appointment.

  "We'refromStarlight!"SaidNathantoaprettyreceptionist lady.Clairewaswanderinghereyesaroundthehugeandfancy lobbywithfewbusyfiguresofemployeeswithbadgeswalking byinahurry.

  Theprettyladymadeacallandafteraminuteshelooked upatthem."Goaheadtothe24thfloor,there'sahallintheleft andyou'llfindaconferenceroom."Shepolitelytoldthemand Nathanthankedherwithhisbestsmilethatmadeherblush.

  Onceinsidetheelevator,iswhenClaire'sheartstarted poundingheavilyagainstherchest.Shehadnoideaofhowthat morningwasgoingtoendincaseRyanwasreallybehindher involvementintheproject;asanobserverofcourse.Shebraced thestrapsofherredhandbagasifherlifedependedonit,while checkingherblackplatform-heelsthatstartedtostingherfeet.

  "YouokayLevy?"Nathanasked.

  "YeahI'mgood."Sheanswered.

  Finallytheelevatordoorsswungopenandrevealedavery quietfloorwithhallwaysineithersides.Theytookaleft,and immediatelyreachedalargeconferenceroomthatseemed totallyunoccupied.Theyjustgotseated,waitingforthearrival ofwhomeverhadtoshowup.AfterfewminutesDorisappeared andcouldn'tconcealthesurprisedonherprettyfacewhenher eyesmetClaire's.Shefrownedbutbrokeintoasmileafterwards.

  "Sorry,haveyouwaitedlong?"Sheaskedwhileputting somethingsonahugemarbletable,beforemovingtoNathan. "Hi?I'mDorisMarcos,Mr.Stevenswilljoinyoushortly."She shookhandswithhim.

  "NathanPanther."Hereplied. DoristurnedtoClairesmilingly,"Ididn'tknowyouworkat Starlight."Shesaid."Whatacoincidencehuh?" "Iknowright?"Clairereplied,tryinghardtoforceareal smile.Recallingthatshehadsleptwithherboyfriend,madeher feeluncomfortablearoundher;likeaconscioushypocritewould.

  "Needadrink?"Dorisofferedbutnoneofthetwoobliged. Afterawhile;Ryan,Harryandotherthreemenenteredthe room.ItwasalsoahugesurpriseforHarry,butneverRyan;he onlyregardedClairewithwithahaughtygrinashebrushedpast heronhiswaytotakeaseatwherehecouldclearlyseeher.She drewinadeepbreath,tryingnottobreakoutherdiscomfortof himbeingthere.ThepresentationstartedasRyaninstructed withoutabotherforintroductions.Nathankeptexplainingthe slides,duringwhichRyankeptthrowingglancesatClaireand shereturnedwithfewglares;itmadehimsmilefromtimeto time.BythetimeNathanwasdone,everyonewasnoddingin agreementwhileexchangingmurmurs,everyoneexceptRyan whobrokeoutofnowhere;

  "Idon'tlikeit!"Hesnapped.Alleyesintheroomturnedon him,surprisedly.

  "Excuseme?"Nathanprompted.

  "Ithoughtitwasgreat!"SaidDoris,lookingatRyan."Ilike thedesigns;theyaretrendy!"Sheadded. "Somundane,it'snotwhatIenvisioned!"Ryansaid,while tappingthetablewithhisperfectfingers.Clairewaslookingand listeningtohimsoattentively.Shewasn'tfarfromhimonthat notion,regardlesshowblatanthisharshwayofprovingfaulty was.

  "It'sflashy,yes...butnotexactlywhatIwoulddefine luxurious!"Hefilledin.Silencetookthethrone,andNathan lookedabittaken-a-back.

  "Whatisitthatyoudon'tlikeMr.Stevens?"Clairegotup andquestionedhim.Nathanshoothimawhat-are-you-doing glanceandshereturnedwithajust-trust-melook."Youwanted luxuriousdesigns,modern,andfancy;that'sexactlywhatwas prepared.Sotellus,whatisitthatyouhaveenvisionedforthe interiorsofyourgrandcondominiums!"Sheleanedoverthe tabletofacehislingeringgrin.

  "WhatdoesfancymeantoyouMs.Levy?Expensive?trendy? Flashy?Luxurious?Whatdoyoutermasfancytoyoureyes?" Ryanaskedher.Therewasatensionintheroomthattherestof theothersprobablyweren'tawareof.

  "Tomeitmeanstaste,uniqueness,timeliness;somethingI caneasilyconsiderpayingafortunefor...notbecauseIcan, butbecauseitcompletesme,andmytaste!"Claireanswered, withoutbreakingtheeyecontact.

  "Wellsaid!Sotellme,asadesigneryourself,andnotas employeeofStarlight,areyouokaywiththedesignsyou'vejust su
ggestedtous?Canyouactuallyadvisemetogoonwithit?" Suchajerk!Shecursedinwardly.SheknewwhereRyan's concernslied;sheprobablyhadsamethoughtsashisfromthe beginningofthepresentationtotheend.Withasigh,andalittle thinking,shestaredattheprojectoranditscontentsdisplayed, thenatNathanwhonoddedathertosaywhatevershethought.

  "YesIwouldadviseyougoon."Clairesaidcalmly.Her remarkraisedfewmurmurs,andanindifferentlookfromRyan whoeyedherfixedly,untilshesheadded."But,Ihavea suggestionregardingwhatMr.Stevensmayprobablywant."

  "Goahead."Ryanaffirmed. "I'msurewhatyou'veenvisionedissomethingluxuriousbut capableoffittingeveryone'staste!"Shetoldhimwhilepacing around.ForonceRyanstraightenedupandsatmore comfortably."Justbecauseit'sexpensive,doesn'tmeanevery onewithmoneywillbuy,unlessitfitstheirtaste,right?Sothen weshouldn'tfocusontrendsoranythingofthesort?Somerich peoplelikeclassichouses,somemodern,someprefercolor splash,somepreferlightorplain;sowhydon'tweincorporate allofthem?"

  "Howso?"Ryanquestioned,seeminglytooseriousthan before. "Justlikeafive-starhotelwithdifferenttypesofsuites;it's possibletomakehomesfeellikeasliceofheavenforeveryone." shecontinuedtalkingwhileshowingexamplesonthealready madedesignsontheslideswiththehelpofNathanattimes.

  "And?"Heeyedherlikeachallenge,andsheknewhis intentionswell;shekeptcalm. "Thebottomlineis,wecanmakedesignsbasedonwhat peoplewant,andnotfromhowexpensiveyouwantthemto look,andofcoursewithoutdegradingclassasyouwantthe neighbourhoodtoturnout.So,areyouagreeingwithusMr. Stevens?Intheendyou'retheonewiththevision."She concludedwithsarcasm,intendedtoreachRyan,whokeptquiet forawhile,scratchinghisblabbybeard.

  "Okay!"Hesaid,andshealmostcouldn'tbelieveit."We'll meetnexttime,whenyouhavethenewdesigns."Ryansaid, whileonhisfeetalready."IexpectnothinglessMr.Panther!"He toldNathanwhileextendinghishandthatheshookitnervously.

  "YesMr.Stevens!"saidNathan.

  "Ms.Levy,I'mlookingforward!"RyantoldClaireduringa handshake,withhiscynicsmile. Whileinsidetheelevator,ClaireturnedtoNathanwitha guiltyface."I'msorryNathan,Iknowyoutoldmetokeeplow but--"

  "Heywhatareyousaying?Yousavedmyassoutthere!"He replied."IheardRyanStevensisnojokebutIneverthoughthe's thisintimidating.Damn!Inearlypissedmypants."Headded andClairelaughedaloud.