The Secret of Santa

by Liz Isaacson

  Preacher pressed his eyes closed, wishing that meant no one else could see him. He finally cleared his throat and stepped back, ducked his head, and hurried back to his spot. Behind him, Zona tore the paper on the package, and while Bear patted his shoulder, and Bishop grinned at him, and Ranger nodded his approval, his heart pounded.

  “Preacher,” Zona gasped, looking up at him with wide eyes. “You didn’t.”

  “You’ve wanted it your whole life,” he said.

  “What is it?” someone asked, and Duke and Ward, the two people closest to her craned their necks to see into the box.

  The box itself was a decoy, and Zona lifted out the pair of car keys he’d carefully slid onto a brand-new keychain. She held them up, and Mister said, “Holy cow,” right before Bear said, “Oh, my word.”

  “What is it?” Sammy asked.

  “Yeah,” Oakley said. “Some of us don’t get it.”

  Zona rose to her feet, still staring at the keys. “They’re the keys to Daddy’s Corvette.”

  Every eye flew to Preacher. He held very still and noticed his pulse had completely quieted. “I kept it because I could,” he said. “Just because I didn’t want you to have it. It was stupid and cruel, and I apologize. It’s yours. Daddy would’ve wanted you to have it.” He almost made it through the speech, but his voice broke on the last word.

  Zona burst into tears, and she rushed him. He didn’t have time to stand up before she threw herself into his arms, and Preacher finally felt like he’d removed all the barriers between him and his sister, and they’d finally arrived in a place where they could both heal from past wounds.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Holly Ann had never experienced anything as beautiful and spiritual as the Glover family gift exchange. They stood to receive their gift. They hugged one another. They gave simple gifts and elaborate gifts. They genuinely seemed to love one another, though they were definitely human too.

  They were imperfect. They had a past she didn’t know about but really wanted to. She didn’t get a gift, and she didn’t give one, but she didn’t need either. She laced her arm through Ace’s and leaned her head against his bicep, glad when he squeezed her right against his body.

  Once the last gift had been opened, Etta got up and said, “The ice cream is ready. There’s pecan pie, triple-chocolate brownies, or apple crisp to go with it.”

  Ida joined her in the kitchen, and they started serving everyone in the family. Holly Ann watched as the oldest members of the family got their desserts first, and she sure did like watching Bishop take care of his mother, and Ward take care of his. With that done, they returned to the island to get their own sweets.

  “What would you like, sweetheart?” Ace asked as he stood up.

  “Apple crisp, please.” She smiled at him as he walked away, and she looked around the living room. Most people had vacated it, but Holly Ann was content to stay right where she was. She wanted to attend many more Sunday evening dinners here at the homestead. She wanted to eat with Ace and his core family at the house next door.

  She wanted to find out where Ace would live on this ranch, because she needed a vision of what her life at Shiloh Ridge Ranch would look like. She watched Ace talk and laugh with one of his cousins, and she smiled at Ward when he sat next to her with a bowl of brownies and ice cream.

  “How’s the festival going?” he asked.

  “Good,” she said, crossing her legs. “Good enough, at least.”

  “You sound a little unconvincing.”

  “It’s a lot of work,” she admitted. “I’m happy to do it, and I’ve been working with the festival in some capacity for years. I’m just….”

  “Tired?” Ward supplied.

  She nodded, looking back over to Ace. “What would Ace’s girlfriend get him for Christmas?”

  Ward glanced over to his brother too and took another bite of brownie. After he ate it, he said, “Ace is a pretty simple man, Holly Ann. He likes what all men like: good food, good company, and someone with a good heart.”

  She hoped she was good company for him, and she knew she could make good food. She felt good at heart, but she knew the suit she wore was coming between her and Ace. She wasn’t sure how, only that she hated sneaking away from him, and she hated the half-truths she’d told him over the past few weeks.

  He brought her a bowl of apple crisp with ice cream, caramel sauce swirled over all of it. “Oh, wow,” she said, staring at the golden topping and the soft ice cream.

  “Etta’s a genius with crisps,” Ace said. He turned back to the counter to get his own dessert, but after he got it, he didn’t come sit by her again. Holly Ann watched as he stood next to Cactus in the kitchen, their conversation obviously very rousing.

  He laughed a couple of times, and Holly Ann wondered what she was supposed to do. She suddenly felt like she existed behind a piece of thick plastic wrap. She was here in the house, and she could see and hear everyone else. But she was on the other side of the film, the other side of the barrier of trust, and it seemed as though no one wanted to be the first to admit she was there.

  She finished her apple crisp, Ward’s statement about being tired beyond true. Tomorrow was the beginning of another week—the last one of the festival—and Holly Ann had plenty to keep her busy.

  She stood up and took her empty bowl into the kitchen, pressing against the plastic wrap. It bulged with her, but it didn’t break.

  Holly Ann touched Ace’s arm, and said, “I’m going to go.”

  He put his half-eaten dessert on the table. “All right. I’ll walk you out.”

  The fact that he didn’t protest and ask her to stay didn’t settle Holly Ann’s nerves. She smiled at his sisters and even hugged them good-bye. His mother did the same, and Holly Ann pressed her eyes closed as she hugged Dawna Glover.

  “Thank you for the cookies, dear.”

  “Of course.” Holly Ann smiled at her and went with Ace toward the front door. Outside, the air bit at her face and hands, but she didn’t put her coat on. Her steps slowed as she reached the edge of the porch, and she looked out into the night sky.

  “It’s so dark up here,” she said. “You can see the whole galaxy.”

  “Sometimes,” Ace said, going down the steps quickly. Holly Ann followed at a slower clip, wondering what had flipped inside of Ace, and when.

  He waited at the bottom of the steps, and Holly Ann stepped to his side. “What did I do?” she asked, still taking in the vast infinity of the sky spreading before her. It was inky and oily, with drops of silver and gold for stars and planets. If she squinted, the lights blurred, almost like wet paint on a canvas as it blended together.

  Ace didn’t answer, and Holly Ann’s irritation grew. She really shouldn’t have important conversations while frustrated and tired, so she stepped toward her car. “I had a lovely time,” she said. “Thank you for inviting me. You have a very special family.”

  His boots didn’t crunch over the gravel behind her, and Holly Ann hated walking away from him.

  Then don’t, she thought, and she paused.

  She turned around and met his eye. “Talk to me, Ace.”

  “Talk to you?”

  “Yes.”

  Ace looked away, the moonlight shining silver on half his face. His eyes couldn’t be seen because of the shadow from his cowboy hat. He looked back at her, his face still half-light and half-dark.

  “I’m tired of secrets,” he said, taking a step toward her.

  She swallowed, because she still had some of those. “Me too.”

  “Are you?” he challenged.

  “Yes.”

  “I can’t hold any more secrets,” he said. “I just need to know that we don’t have any secrets between us.” He gestured between the two of them, pacing closer. “Me and you. No secrets.”

  She swallowed, unable to hold his powerful gaze.

  “Holly Ann,” he said, doing that thing where he dragged out her name into more syllables than it had. �
�Are you…Santa Claus?”

  Horror struck her right behind the heart. That organ thrashed like a fish out of water, like a hose with a rush of water coming from the end of it, like a balloon that had been blown up and then released.

  “You are, aren’t you?”

  She couldn’t see any way out of telling him now, and she realized she wanted to tell him. She’d been wanting to tell him for a while now. “Yes,” she said, her voice scratching her throat. “I wanted to tell you, Ace. I did. It’s just this family thing, and literally no one in town knows, and I…wanted to tell you.”

  “But you didn’t,” he said. “You lied to me instead.”

  “I—”

  “Don’t lie to me again,” he said. “I know you weren’t helping Rachel label anything last night. I ran into her, and she was pretty frustrated that you ‘kept disappearing’ right when she needed you. Every Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday night.”

  Holly Ann couldn’t breathe, and she couldn’t swallow. Everything inside her pulled tight, stitching in all the wrong ways, and she couldn’t move as bound as she felt.

  “I wanted to break up,” she said. “To avoid this.”

  Ace stilled, and he’d come close enough that she could see under his cowboy hat now. Anger sparked in his eyes, but the real emotion there was betrayal. “Guess what, Holly Ann?” he asked. “You can have what you want.” He fell back a step, then another. “Have a good night.” He reached up and touched the brim of his cowboy hat, and then turned around and strode toward the porch.

  “Wait,” she called, pure instinct taking over. “I get what I want? What’s that?”

  “We’re breaking up,” he called over his shoulder. He took the steps two at a time and hit the porch at a near run. He practically yanked off the door of the homestead and went inside without looking back.

  The rectangle of cheery, yellow light reminded Holly Ann of the atmosphere inside, and it called to her soul with a power she didn’t understand.

  We’re breaking up.

  “Just like that?” she whispered. “He didn’t even let me explain.” Numb, she got behind the wheel of her car and backed out of the space. On the way under the arch signaling her arrival at Shiloh Ridge Ranch, she said, “What is there to explain, Holly Ann? You lied to him, and you kept secrets from him.”

  Ace valued honesty, and he hated secrets.

  “Stupid,” she said, her voice breaking. Her heart did the same thing, and pure agony radiated through her whole body. This was why she didn’t let anyone in as far as he’d gotten. This was why she didn’t bring men home to meet her family.

  This was why she didn’t allow herself to fall in love and put down roots.

  When she reached the highway, instead of turning left to get back to Three Rivers, she turned right. And just drove.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Ace stood under the arch in the homestead, the expansive kitchen to his left and in front of him, and the living room to his right. His chest rose and fell violently, and he really didn’t want to be here with all of these people.

  His eyes met Etta’s first, and he was so far out of his head that he didn’t hear the words she said.

  “I have an announcement,” he yelled, and that got most people to quiet down. “Lots of ‘em, actually.” He took a big breath, because there simply wasn’t enough oxygen to be had. His mind buzzed, and everything around him vibrated.

  “I am so sick of secrets. Family secrets and relationship secrets, and all kinds of blasted secrets.”

  “Ace,” someone said, but he didn’t care who.

  “Aunt Lois is dating the fire chief. I saw them out on a date, and I wanted to tell you, Bishop. Bear. I really did.” He met his aunt’s eyes, and she wore shock on her face. “I don’t know why you don’t just tell your kids, Aunt Lois. I think it’s great, and sweet, and it was super clear to me that Donald Parker really likes you.”

  He looked around the room again. “I don’t get why we don’t just tell each other stuff. Like, Cactus bought a car so he could go to town and see Willa without having to borrow a truck. It’s parked in the garage at Bull House, as if no one will see him come and go from the ranch. He also goes to therapy most Fridays. We drive down together, and it’s amazing. I love spending time with him and talking to him, and I just don’t get why it has to be a secret.”

  Cactus simply stared at him, and Ace’s chest shook slightly.

  “Mister is living with me and Ward. He’s not up at that cabin, all alone. So everyone can stop feeling sorry for him.” He nodded at Mister, who just folded his arms. “Holly Ann was going to set him up with someone, but she’s been too busy to do it.”

  He wasn’t sure why he’d said that last bit. That wasn’t a secret.

  “Etta’s dating Noah Johnson. I don’t know how much older he is than her, but he’s older, and they’re cute together. He looked like he cared a lot about her, and I’m not sure why she didn’t want anyone to know.”

  “Ace,” she said, her voice full of chastisement.

  “Sorry, Etta,” he said. “I am. I’m sorry that I know Duke did something to Uncle Stone almost twenty years ago. I don’t know what it was, praise the Lord, but I’m glad it didn’t come between him and Zona.”

  He breathed in and out. “I hate secrets, and I hate that we walk on all these eggshells around each other.”

  He saw Ward stand up and start toward him, and Ace seized onto the thought of his brother.

  “Ace,” Ward said in a loud voice. “Enough.”

  “No,” Ace said. “No, it’s not enough. Why can’t you and Ida just tell Ranger that she wants you to walk her down the aisle? It’s nothing against him. He knows you two have a special friendship and always have. She deserves the wedding she wants, and you want to give that to her. He will too.”

  Ranger stood as well, confusion on his face.

  “Mother,” Ward said, and Ace actually laughed.

  “You’re going to tattle on me to Mother?” He shook his head and kept chuckling. “It’s fine. Whatever. I’m just so sick of all the secrets. I’m tired of holding them, and I’m tired of the half-lies we tell each other and ourselves to make them okay. They’re not okay.”

  His composure broke, and everything in his face grew hot.

  “Come on,” Ward growled as he reached Ace. He grabbed onto his arm and yanked him around.

  “Let go of me.” Ace wrenched his arm away from his brother, but he kept walking with him toward the still-open front door.

  “You’ve got to stop this,” Ward said, gesturing for him to go first. “These are not your things to tell.”

  “I don’t care,” Ace said, stomping out of the house. “Secrets are going to be the death of this family, and I’m not going to be the one to watch it go down in flames!” He strode to the top of the steps and kept going.

  Ward followed him, as did a second set of footsteps. Ace didn’t even know where he was going. He just had to get out of here. Get off this ranch. Get away from everyone who expected something from him. Get away from the perfect agony threatening to rip him apart one seam at a time.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Bear held very still after Ace, Ward, and Ranger had left. It was his house, and he should say something, but he honestly didn’t know what.

  Everyone else seemed to be encased in the same shock he was, and he finally managed to look at his mother. Her eyes met his, and he didn’t even have to ask if what Ace had said was true or not.

  It was. She was dating Donald Parker, the fire chief.

  For some reason he couldn’t name, his chest caved in on itself. Perhaps because he couldn’t imagine Mother with anyone but Daddy. Or maybe because Bear hadn’t realized how lonely Mother was. So lonely to the point that she’d wanted to start dating again.

  He moved through the crowd until he stood in front of her. “I love you, Mother,” he said, and he took her into a tight embrace that he hoped told her that she could date whoever she wanted, and he’
d support it. He hoped it would convey his apologies for not realizing or knowing how lonely she was.

  The spell that had held them all captive broke, and Ida said, “You’re dating Noah Johnson?” while Judge asked, “What happened with Duke and Daddy almost twenty years ago?” and someone else said, “Mister isn’t up at that cabin all alone. Praise the Lord.”

  Chaos ensued, and Bear stepped to Mother’s side as Bishop came to stand in front of her. He grinned at her. “I knew you were sweet on the fire chief, Momma.”

  “Oh, you.” She swatted at his chest, and they laughed together.

  Oakley stood with Brady and Ida, saying something about how Ranger would’ve understood, and that Ace was right.

  Duke said nothing, and Zona stood with her hand in his, clearly protective of him. Cactus sat very still at the table, and Bear knew it was because he hadn’t used the new car he’d bought weeks ago to be able to take Willa Knowlton on dates, because she’d left town suddenly and hadn’t returned yet.

  Bear stood in the midst of all the talking, and he thought Ace had a point.

  Secrets could be the death of a family, or a relationship, and he didn’t want that to happen in his family.

  Daddy had told him in his letter that he had a champion heart that could bring people together, and he felt like there was nothing this family needed more than that.

  “All right,” he said, raising his voice. He lifted both of his arms above his head too. “Quiet down, everyone. Quiet.” He whistled through his teeth, and that shrill sound got most people to stop talking.

  Mister finished his sentence and it echoed in the new silence. “…for a couple of nights is all.” He looked around, clearly unhappy his secret had been shared. Bear hadn’t even known he was living at Bull House, and while he didn’t much care where Mister lived, it would’ve been nice to know he wasn’t up in the top cabins all alone.

  If he’d known Mister was in the hands of Ward and Ace, he wouldn’t have worried as much. He wouldn’t have had to spend so long on his knees in behalf of his brother. At the same time, perhaps all the times he’d prayed for Mister had led him to Bull House and the care of cousins who loved him and wanted him around.