Shattered Dreams

by Shirley Wilkinson

  It was late into the night, which made the chill that much more biting, but she hardly noticed it over the rush of blood pounding in her ears. Mikael had finally found a transport that could get them off-planet, but if they were caught before they arrived at the warehouse, all would be lost. Despite the darkness, it was even more of a possibility than during the day, as there were no crowds to hide in.

  She still could not remember everything, but things were slowly returning—enough for her to know her place in this disaster and her duty. Especially after having spent months among her people. The level of despondency was palpable and entirely unacceptable. Had the Trogand even tried to help the victims caught in the middle, she might have second-guessed herself. She was only one person, and barely more than a child. Yet, the terrors they continued to perpetrate against the populace was enough to keep her livid.

  Avila was pulled from her thoughts when Mikael suddenly jerked them both into a narrow alley. Her already speeding heart rate picked up a notch as she tried to listen for footsteps that might be following them. She almost let her shoulders slump in relief when she realized it was only because he was taking a shortcut to the back door of their destination.

  Once he opened the door with a keycard he had been given, they slipped inside and paused. According to their contact, the ship was already loaded and was waiting for the best conditions for takeoff. When silence was the only thing to greet them, they soundlessly made their way through the narrow walkways between thousands of stacked crates, all looming high overhead.

  Avila felt her hope blossom when she finally saw the ship through the tiny spaces in some of the stacks. She could also hear the quiet murmur of the voices of the men that waited. Despite how tired she was, her pace picked up as they neared their destination.

  When they were a few feet away from the last crate, the waiting men turned to them, and silence fell. Then, suddenly, a familiar voice rang out. “I am glad to see that not all of the people on Talamh are ignorant fools. Let it not be said that there is no power in money.”

  Standing at the front of the new group was a tall, bald man with a goatee and thin mustache. At first she couldn’t place the voice, but she finally realized where she knew him from when he spoke again. “Ah, Princess, I will admit that you have done well so far. Or, I suppose, the people hiding you are the ones to admire. Though I will say, you should be more careful who you trust. Unfortunately, it will be the last lesson you will have the chance to learn.”

  Avila ignored Mikael’s hand on her arm as she tried to step forward. She didn’t make it far, but that didn’t stop her from glaring at the man when she answered, “You! You are the one who killed them all. In the ship—Larissa—”

  When her voice cut off, the man only smirked. “Yes, the nanny. I had hoped she would be more cooperative with a gun at her head. I suppose it doesn’t matter, as I have you now.” He then gestured to the men behind him. “Kill them all, but make sure the girl is recognizable.”

  As soon as the man uttered those words, chaos erupted from all sides. The Trogand forces started firing, but the men with the ship were not idle. Several of them rushed forward to help cover Avila and Mikael. Though, instead of taking her and running, Mikael pushed her toward one of the other men and yelled, “Run!”

  She wasn’t given a chance to object before the other man picked her up and did as he was instructed. She could barely make out Mikael as he somehow managed to get behind one of the crates.

  Almost as soon as he did, the world seemed to stand still as an explosion engulfed the other side of the warehouse, including most of the Trogand men. Including Mikael. Avila screamed his name, but it was cut short as the blast knocked them all from their feet. She felt shrapnel hit her in several places as they went down, but she hardly noticed. Her mind was already in overload as the picture of her last protector being swallowed by flames kept repeating in her head.

  Time seemed to slow as she fell with the man holding her, but the world darkened when they finally hit the ground. She felt her head bounce on the concrete, but even that pain was lost to the blackness overtaking her mind, and she barely heard the words of several men as they lifted her. Hot tears and the heat of the flames were the last things she knew before darkness swallowed her whole.

  Avila jerked awake with her chest heaving and her throat raw. She ignored the sticky feeling of the sweat drying on her skin as she looked around with wide eyes. It was several seconds before she recognized the room. As soon as she did, she slumped back into tears.

  She wasn’t given long to dwell on the fiery images from her dream before the door burst open and Nathan came running in. He was followed quickly by Angelo and April. She wanted nothing more than to curl under the sheet and ignore them, but she knew that wasn’t an option. Instead, she sighed and preempted the question she could see in Nathan’s eyes. “It was a nightmare. I apologize if I woke you.”

  Nathan was still looking at her with wide eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Are you all right? It sounded like someone had attacked you.”

  Avila managed to give him a half-hearted nod as she pulled her knees up and hugged them. When several moments had passed, and he realized she wasn’t going to say any more, he placed a hand on her arm to get her attention. When she looked up, he said, “Will you be able to go back to sleep? Do you need to talk about it?”

  She almost turned him down without a thought, but as he looked at her with nothing but concern, she recalled their last conversation and gave him a wry smile. “Maybe talking will help.”

  Before he could ask more, she turned to Angelo and April. “Would it be all right if you two waited outside?”

  Angelo frowned slightly as he answered, “Ma’am, we are here to ensure your safety.”

  She smiled back at him. “I know. But this is Nathan.”

  Her guard still looked torn, but he finally gave her a nod and a salute before he and April walked out and closed the door behind them. Once they were gone, she turned back to Nathan with a sigh, though she somehow managed a smile at how ridiculous the whole thing was. It was as though the universe was trying to add as many bad things into one day as possible. Her voice was low when she finally spoke. “I get them all the time. They started after my accident in Arinel. Most of my nightmares are bloody, horrifying things, but I usually handle them better. It isn’t often that they are this vivid.”

  Nathan’s tone held a bit of censure, along with concern, when he answered, “You have never mentioned this before. Why?”

  She scoffed at the question, but it didn’t hold any bitterness. Instead, she hugged her knees tighter and rested her chin on them. “Do you blame me? I would rather not think about them if I don’t have to.”

  Instead of getting upset at her dismissal, he tugged on her arm gently until she unfolded her legs and joined him on the side of the bed. He put one arm around her shoulder while he answered, “No, I don’t blame you. I can’t say that I haven’t done something similar, but that also means I know that it might help if you talked about them.”

  Avila let out a weak chuckle, but she didn’t move away from him. Instead, she rested her head on his shoulder as she tried to explain. “Honestly, they aren’t usually clear. Most of the time, all I can remember is the sense of fear and pain. Though ones like—like tonight. Those are terrifying. It was nothing but death, blood, and—this one had flames. They consumed everything.”

  Nathan’s arm tightened around her shoulder, but he didn’t speak right away. When he did, his voice was hesitant. “I know you can’t remember your past, but do you think they have anything to do with that? You did say you believe you came from a planet that recently went through a civil war, didn’t you?”

  Avila stood in a rush and paced a few feet away. She covered her mouth with her hand as though the act could hold back the tumultuous thoughts his question provoked. It was an idea she had considered herself, but s
he didn’t want to believe it. There were so many horrid things in those dreams. If they were true, she wasn’t sure how she would handle it.

  It was nearly a minute before she turned back to face Nathan with a frown. She hadn’t even considered the fact that she had only been wearing her sleep shorts and a tank top until she caught his gaze, and he looked away. She felt a slight blush creep up at the impropriety of the situation, but she was still too frazzled to care more than that. She ignored the embarrassment as she answered, “If they are memories, I’m not sure I ever want to find out.”

  Nathan stood and moved to wrap her in a hug. Despite the situation, she appreciated the gesture. It helped to calm her, knowing that she had someone she could talk to. After several moments, he pushed back far enough that he could look down with a grin. “You know, no matter what happens, I will be there to talk to if you need it.”

  She gave him an answering smirk as her words from earlier were paraphrased and given back. Though, it quickly fell when she noticed there was something else in his eyes. Something she had not seen before. Not from him. She was given little opportunity to try and figure out what it was before he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers.

  Avila froze in shock. It was the last thing she had expected from Nathan. However, he didn’t stop at her unresponsiveness. Instead, he pulled her closer and moved one hand up to cup her cheek. As strange as it was, it was not unpleasant.

  He was gentle and coaxing, and it was not long until she leaned into him and allowed him to deepen the kiss. For a few moments, she allowed herself to just feel, not think.

  Somehow, she wasn’t shocked that Nathan was incredibly talented. His lips were soft on hers, yet he was still insistent. His other hand moved to pull her flush against him while the one that had cupped her cheek slid back until his fingers tangled in her hair. Not enough to hurt, but it allowed him to keep her in place while he took advantage of the way she molded to him.

  Avila wrapped her arms around him and felt warmth flow into her at the feel of his muscles under the shirt he wore. Even though she had never considered this as a possibility, she could never have denied that he was an attractive man.

  Despite all that, something was off. After her initial shock, she had wanted to feel something. To have that spark happen. Nathan was her best friend, and she had no reason to deny herself. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would be good to her. Still, his lips were not the ones she saw in her mind, and that thought sent ice down her spine. Plus, there was a sudden sense of wrongness. This was too familiar, and yet jarringly different.

  When his lips moved to dot the corner of her mouth and then her jawline with more soft kisses, she finally found the breath to speak. “Nathan—Nathan, please—”

  ―

  That was all she had to say before Nathan stilled. Even if she hadn’t finished the sentence, there was no mistaking the tone. He pulled back far enough to look into her eyes and was not surprised to find confusion and pain there, though he doubted either were directly because of what had just happened.

  For a split second, he thought about leaning in once more. She hadn’t pushed him away. He would even go so far as to say she had enjoyed the kiss. Something told him that if he persisted, she would not deny him. But he also knew it would possibly break something between them. Something that he had come to treasure.

  He didn’t let her go, but he did sigh as he rested his forehead against hers. He managed a half-smile at the fact that she hadn’t tried to pull away yet, though it was several moments before he calmed enough that he could speak coherently. He stood a little straighter and looked down with a sad smile. “My cousin is a lucky man.”

  Avila pulled away and gave him a shocked look that quickly turned to a frown, though her anger was belied by the way her face turned red. He didn’t need to see more to know what she was about to say. “I don’t know what you mean. I only stopped you because this was unexpected, and I don’t want to start something when we have both gone through something emotional today. I value your friendship and don’t want it to sour.”

  Nathan closed his eyes for a moment and clenched his jaw. A moment later, when he opened them again, he gave her a wry smile. “Maybe you’re right. Perhaps it would be best if I leave you to go back to sleep. I would only ask that we put this behind us.”

  Avila nodded stiffly. Nathan hesitated for a moment. He had so many things that he wanted to say. So many ways that he could press his suit. He knew that it wasn’t entirely unfounded. Under different circumstances, he had no doubt that they would work. Still, he could not bring himself to say more. Instead, he turned to the door without a word.

  He stopped with his back to her when she called out, “Nathan? Thank you for checking on me.” He paused with his hand on the handle for a moment before he shot her a strained smile. He didn’t say anything else before he walked out and the door clicked closed behind him.

  ―

  The next morning, Avila was relieved and pleased when she entered the dining room to see Nathan chatting in the corner with his father. When both men turned her way, she was greeted with smiles. If both of them seemed a little strained, she chose not to comment. They still needed to get through the next few days, and no good would come of her saying something.

  Instead, she joined them at the table. Once they were all seated, she noticed that Benedict was missing. She thought about asking but decided against it. Again, there was no point in dredging up painful topics. Instead, the three of them engaged in light conversation over the meal.

  Unfortunately, that tiny bit of awkwardness carried over through the rest of the day. Not that she and Nathan did not speak, but their conversations were short and rarely delved into anything other than the things they were observing. By the end of the day, Avila found herself hoping the last day would go by quickly. That, or a miracle would happen, and things would just go back to the way they were before. Though, she wasn’t going to hold her breath for that one.

  The following morning, she was shocked to find all three of the de Legris men standing in the hall. Their conversation was hushed, so she didn’t hear any of it, plus they stopped as soon as they saw her. She almost felt awkward when she approached, but even Benedict greeted her calmly, “Lady Durant, I must apologize that we had so little time to speak while you were here. Perhaps there will come a time that you can visit again. If so, I would very much like the opportunity to make up for what was missed.”

  Avila furrowed her brow, since it almost sounded like he was saying goodbye. Still, she managed to keep it out of her voice. “Of course. It would be my pleasure. If I ever get the chance, that is.”

  He smirked at her last quip, but at that moment, the duke cut in. “I would like to extend an open invitation, Avila. You are welcome to visit any time you wish.”

  Avila was a bit stunned by that. She had been sure this would be a one-time visit, as the household did have to work around her presence. Still, she wasn’t going to say no. Getting other people to say yes might be a different story, but for the moment, she could dream. “I don’t know how often it would be, but I would love to return.”

  Despite their smiles, the feeling that they were saying goodbye became even stronger. Especially when she looked over to Nathan and saw that his smile was strained, though his voice was even as he said, “I apologize for the last-minute notice, but something came up last night, and it was decided it would be best if we start the return trip today. I know we had more planned, but . . .”

  When he hesitated and looked as though he was struggling to find the right words, Avila took pity and cut in. “There is no need to apologize. I realize things happen. Though I’m afraid I will need a little time to gather my things. When did you wish to leave?”

  Nathan was caught between looking chagrined and relieved, but he was quick to answer, “I thought that would be the case, so we are not scheduled to leave
for an hour and a half. That should give us time for breakfast. Afterward, Evette can assist you in gathering everything. Would that be enough time?”

  Avila nodded. “Of course, but I believe if we are to stay on schedule, we should get going.”

  At her reminder, Zachariah gave her a slight bow and said, “Lady Durant, I do apologize once again, but Ben and I have something else to attend to. This will be where we part.”

  Avila was slightly disappointed that they had to leave a day early, but to know she was already going to have to say goodbye to her charming host was more of a shock. She managed to hide it as she returned the bow. “Please do not apologize. I only hope that it will not be long until I can see you again.”

  The older man chuckled. “As do I.” With that, both Zachariah and Benedict gave their last farewells before they turned to head to the offices.

  As soon as they were gone, Nathan gestured to the dining room. “Breakfast should be ready.”

  The meal passed quickly and mostly quietly before they both headed to gather their things. Although Avila did not have much, Evette’s help was still a blessing, especially since what little she did have had become scattered across the sitting room.

  Thankfully, with the help, they were on the road a little before the planned time. Avila almost felt like she was leaving home again as she watched the plains fade as they traveled farther away. She hadn’t been lying when she said she wanted to return. This place was far from the woods she had retreated to when she was younger, but still the first that had touched her so deeply since then.

  36. Friendly Distance

  It was late Saturday when they finally arrived on the telepad in Arinel. Avila was bone-tired and ready for bed. Part of it was the long drive, but not all. There was still a tenseness between her and Nathan that neither was prepared to confront. Although she knew it would need to happen sooner or later, in a vehicle when other people were watching was not the right place or time. If they couldn’t clear the air, their friendship would suffer, and she didn’t want that to happen. She didn’t believe he would like that either.