Shattered Dreams

by Shirley Wilkinson

  However, all thoughts of her tiredness and the problems with Nathan disappeared as soon as her eyes landed on the person waiting for them when they arrived. Galdren was standing near the platform with Randy and Baxter.

  Despite knowing better, Avila could not hold in the grin that emerged as soon as she saw him. It was only then that she realized how much she had missed him. She had thought they were growing apart after she moved into the castle. However, after this trip, she’d realized how much time they still spent together, even if it hadn’t been the same between them since the move.

  She didn’t even care that he was not smiling. As soon as the field around the platform disappeared, she jumped down and went directly to him. “Galdren, it is so good to see you! I wish you could have been there. I know you said you have already gone, but there were so many extraordinary things to see, I don’t think I even touched on half of them.”

  She was so giddy that she barely registered when his shoulders relaxed and a smile finally graced his face. “I am glad you enjoyed the trip. If anyone could catalog that place in one lifetime, it would be you. However, I will ask that you regale me with your adventures tomorrow. It is late tonight.”

  Avila was still too happy to let his words bother her, especially as she heard a familiar note of teasing in them. However, that came crashing down when Nathan joined them. Her friend was smiling, but it never quite reached his eyes as he said, “I hate to pop in and leave, but I will agree that it has been a long day. Plus, I have duties in the morning.”

  He then turned to Avila. “It was my honor to escort you. I hope that my family may once again host you at some point in the future. Until then, thank you for accompanying me.”

  Avila floundered for a moment, but she finally managed to find something to say before he walked away. “It is me that should be thanking you. I hope you rest well tonight. I also hope to see you soon. Don’t let your work keep you too busy.”

  He managed a ghost of the smile he usually reserved for her, but she had the horrid feeling that it would be some time before she saw him again. Still, as much as she wanted to grab him and make him promise not to avoid her, she couldn’t bring herself to. Not here. She didn’t even realize her gaze had turned to a frown as her friend walked away.

  When Galdren called out to her, she came back to the moment. She could see the curiosity in his eyes, along with the worry, but she was glad that he didn’t ask. Instead, he stepped back so the others could grab her things, and they could leave.

  ―

  The next two weeks passed by in a jarring mix of familiarity and foreignness for Avila. Several mornings she woke with the thought that she would get to see something unusual, only to be reminded that she was back in Arinel. A fact that was more than affirmed each time she stepped outside. Winter had not yet let go, though they were on the tail end of it finally.

  To balance that was the fact that each day since she had been back, Galdren had managed to find time to visit for at least a short while before they had to go to dinner. It was a pleasant change from before she left, and it helped to offset the fact that she hadn’t seen Nathan once outside of dinner each night, and their interactions there were still strained, at best.

  Most days ended with her feeling a whirling mix of frustration and hopelessness. She was tired of things changing so drastically every time she turned around. She’d already had to endure more changes in the last nine months than any person should be forced to. Was it too much to ask to just be able to hold on to a friendship that meant so much to her?

  The only thing that kept her from snapping at the least opportune moment was the fact that Professor Gilbert had been thrilled with everything she brought back—especially when she confirmed she had completed all the assignments he sent with her. They spent several days going over the sketches she had made while there.

  The only thing she hadn’t mentioned to anyone was the vari attack. After hearing about Nathan’s past and how he had reacted when it happened, she didn’t want to cause him more problems. Even though it had turned out fine, she didn’t want Galdren to get upset over nothing. Unfortunately, that meant she also kept it from the professor, Lissa, and her parents.

  When Saturday came around, late snow unexpectedly hit the capital, and despite the cold, she was thrilled to go and explore in it. It was a rare enough occurrence, and it was nice to have something unusual happen.

  Once she got ready, Jacob escorted her out into the gardens’ white landscape. Avila considered starting a snowball fight—she hadn’t been able to have them often, as this much snow was rare in Arinel. Still, when she turned to grab a handful of white powder, she decided against it. She doubted Jacob would find it as humorous as she would. Plus, as much as she appreciated the people assigned to guard her, she couldn’t exactly call them friends, and a snowball fight with an acquaintance wasn’t the same thing.

  Instead, she walked around to see how the winter flowers were doing. Unfortunately, they were almost all buried. It then started to snow softly again. It was one thing to play in the snow and an altogether different one to be out when it was snowing. Still, she wasn’t interested in being cooped up in her room, so she opted to head to the hothouse.

  She was not surprised to see a familiar guard near the door, and she grinned as he nodded when she entered. She didn’t bother wandering around and instead went directly to the back, where she knew the queen would be. As soon as Lorne saw her, she stood with a smile. “Avila, I’m glad you came out here today. I had hoped to talk to you.”

  That made Avila give the other woman a curious look, but she didn’t have to wait long to find out what was going on. Lorne gestured for Avila to join her as she continued, “I found out something amazing last night, and I thought you should know. We will have a guest soon, and I do believe you are the reason he will be visiting.”

  Avila wasn’t sure what to think about that announcement. Surely it had to be someone important if it was someone the queen would consider a guest and not a simple visitor. If that was the case, she didn’t know if she would be up to dealing with it, not after the last couple of weeks. Still, the queen only had a smile at the news, so perhaps it wasn’t as bad as she was thinking. Though it wouldn’t have been the first time the older woman thought she could handle more than she felt she could.

  Lorne chuckled and pulled Avila down to sit next to her on one of the benches. “You don’t have to look so frightened at the idea. I have a feeling you will appreciate what is coming.”

  When Avila only lifted a brow, the queen laughed. However, she got herself under control quickly and finally broke the suspense. “Zachariah, the Duke of Armand, has decided to end his isolation and will be coming to stay for an undetermined amount of time. He should be here sometime between now and next weekend.”

  Avila couldn’t respond for several seconds. She had already figured that his wife’s death had to have been the catalyst for his isolation, as they happened at the same time, but that didn’t explain why he had decided to break it now, after so many years.

  Her voice held both her curiosity and confusion when she finally said, “I must admit that after my visit, I understood why he stayed there. It is surprising he has decided to come visit, and I don’t know what I might have to do with it.”

  The queen didn’t answer right away. Instead, she shook her head and asked, “Did Nathan tell you what happened?”

  Avila was temporarily thrown by the change in subject, but when she realized what the question was about, she looked away to keep the older woman from seeing her grimace as she answered, “Not until right before we returned, but yes. He told me about his mother.”

  A melancholy note lingered in the queen’s voice as she said, “Zach never blamed anyone but himself for my sister’s death. When he apologized to me, he said he should have been there. I tried to tell him no one could have prevented it, but I think he may still think
that way sometimes.”

  Avila was so shocked that it again took several seconds before she could form a coherent response. “Did you say sister?”

  The queen’s brow drew down in confusion for a moment before it cleared and was replaced by a sad smile. “Yes. I suppose it isn’t common knowledge outside of the castle. However, when our marriages happened within a year of each other, it was quite the gossip. Not that we had planned for it to work out that way.”

  That knowledge made Avila even more curious about why Zachariah had chosen to end his isolation. Still, she wasn’t given long to think about it, as the queen stood and walked to the plants she had been looking at earlier.

  When Avila joined her, Queen Lorne finally spoke again. “Given the momentous occasion, we will be throwing a ball in his honor. I doubt he will be thrilled about it, but we will keep the guest list small. Still, I do believe he would appreciate your presence.”

  Avila swallowed a sigh. As much as she disliked the events, she wouldn’t miss this one. “Of course. I am glad that he has decided to come.” After that, the conversation steered toward the plants.

  ―

  Avila was slightly disappointed that Zachariah didn’t arrive until late Friday night. She had hoped to speak to him before the ball. Instead, she was forced to endure another several hours of primping for an activity she would have forgone if it had been for any other reason. At least she knew she would have good company that evening.

  The dress she chose that night was emerald green and had a high neckline with a fitted bodice that laced up the back instead of the typically hidden zipper. It was beautiful, but she was more than grateful to have Meru there to put it on. She doubted she could have laced it herself.

  As Meru was helping her with the last of the preparations, she found she was conflicted. She hadn’t thought about it before that moment, but she wondered if Benedict would be there too. If so, would the two brothers be able to keep it civil? Or would Nathan go at all? That last caused a pang. She was hopeful that he would be waiting, but something told her it was a hollow hope. She tried to push those thoughts aside as she headed out.

  Angelo bowed as she exited, and she fell into step behind him when he stood. When they reached the common hall, Avila paused to look around. When the guards were the only ones there, it took all she had not to grimace. Still, she didn’t want to cause a scene, so she was already moving again before either of her guards could ask what the problem was.

  She was still moving on autopilot when she was announced, but that changed as soon as she stepped down off the entrance platform. A familiar voice caught her attention, and she turned to see the guest of honor headed her direction.

  His smile was cordial when he took her hand and bowed over it, though she did see a familiar melancholy in his eyes when he stood. At least his voice showed no signs of it when he said, “Lady Durant, I am pleased to see you could attend. A familiar face and lovely smile are sure ways to help me adjust back into this life.”

  He paused and looked around for a moment before his brow furrowed. “I expected Nathan to be with you, was he delayed?”

  Avila had to clench her jaw shut to keep from snapping, as it wasn’t the duke’s fault. It was several seconds before she could respond. “I apologize, but I haven’t seen him in a few days. He has been busy, but I have no doubt he will be here.”

  The duke’s eyes traced her face for a moment. She had no doubt he had already figured out that something had happened, but he didn’t ask. Instead, he held out his arm. “Well, then I suppose my son will simply have to deal with missing this opportunity. Would you agree to walk with me instead?”

  Despite her mood, Avila couldn’t stop a grin from forming at the way his cheek dimpled slightly when his smile widened. It seemed Nathan had gotten that trait fairly. Her only response was to put her hand on his arm before he turned and began to mingle.

  As grateful as Avila was for the smaller crowd, she was amused to find out that Zachariah was even more so. She might not have realized it if he hadn’t said something when yet another group of distant relatives walked away after giving their well-wishes and greetings.

  “I had hoped things had changed, but I suppose that was too much to ask.”

  When she gave him a curious look, he continued with a wry smile, “Don’t mind this old man. It is simply that I have been gone far too long. I suppose one does get used to quiet with solitude.”

  Avila felt torn about how she should respond. On the one hand, she understood exactly how he felt, but she was also glad to have another friend close enough to visit. He must have realized her dilemma, as he chuckled and patted her hand. “Don’t worry. I do not regret this choice. I am certain we will have many opportunities to share ideas in the coming days. However, I believe I have held your attention far too long. I see some of your friends are waiting for me to release you.”

  Avila had no idea who he might be talking about, as she hadn’t heard Nathan announced, and she knew Galdren would not approach her during one of these events. Before she could ask what he meant, he had released her and gave her a slight bow before he turned and disappeared into the crowd.

  She stared at the spot he had disappeared from in confusion until she felt a presence behind her. When she turned to see who it was, she had to bite her tongue to keep from groaning, though she couldn’t keep the frown from her face when she spoke. “Lady Dunoire.” That was all she could muster, as she didn’t want to lie and say it was pleasant to see the other woman.

  Her irritation was multiplied by the fact that the obnoxious female was not alone this time. Several other young women were standing with her. She could immediately tell that none of them were happy with her presence, even if they were smiling.

  She wasn’t given a chance to figure out her escape before the young blonde spoke. “I see that you are once again enjoying yourself.”

  There was a snide emphasis on the word “enjoying” that put Avila’s nerves on edge, but she refused to rise to the bait. “Yes, I am. It is a wonderful opportunity to see a friend.”

  There were several giggles at her statement, but the Lady Dunoire only sneered. “A friend? I suppose that makes sense. Although, I must say that you seem to make friends at an alarming rate. Do you believe they don’t speak to each other?”

  Avila nearly rolled her eyes at how juvenile they all were when she heard several more snickers, and one of the other girls added, “Perhaps that is the wrong question, Becky. Do you think they don’t know she is friends with them all? I’m sure none of them could be close to her, considering how often she flits around.”

  Before Avila could try to get around the group of girls, a different one spoke up. “Now, now, let’s not be rude. After all, haven’t we all been taught to be kind to the less fortunate? I’m sure she is doing all she can to rise above her heritage. I mean, Daddy has often told me the straits those poor refugees are in. Who can blame her for taking advantage of friends that can help make her life better? No matter the cost.”

  That was the last straw. No matter how tight a rein Avila had on her temper, that was just too far. It wasn’t their opinions about her relationships, as the people that mattered knew the truth. However, she couldn’t stand the way they were talking about her people. They had no idea what leaving their home for a chance at survival had to be like. They had no right to speak of the people of Talamh as though they could possibly judge a situation they could never understand.

  She somehow managed to keep from yelling at the twits, but her voice was colder than ice when she said, “You speak of me flitting around as though you have no idea what it is to be a butterfly. I’m sure there are more than enough men here to hold your interest. There must be several that are only looking for a beautiful, shallow, vapid arm accessory. I apologize, but I must leave. My brain has met its quota of drivel for the day.”

  As Avila stormed past the s
mall group of girls, one of them reached out to grab her arm tightly. All she did was look at the girl, but her rage must have shown in the tightness of her jaw and the flashing in her eyes because she was released just as quickly. Lady Dunoire called out to stop her, but she ignored it. For the first time, she was thankful that several eyes were turned their direction. She was so livid that she didn’t care that many of them wore frowns. At least that also meant that the idiots didn’t try to follow her.

  Despite her experience the last time, Avila headed for the refreshment bar. She had never been one to drink, but anything to keep her from trying to strangle the lovely Lady Dunoire and her asinine friends would be welcome. At least she didn’t down the first one she picked up.

  She had barely finished her drink when she was surprised by a familiar voice to her side. She looked up to see the guest of honor standing there with a bemused expression. “I did not believe you to be the type to drown your problems.”

  Avila’s eyes narrowed, though he did not seem to be reprimanding her for her choice. No, the longer she stayed silent, the more curious he appeared. She did sigh when he raised a brow at her silence. She finally shook her head as she said, “It isn’t that I am trying to drown my troubles. Think of it as my way of saving lives. I doubt many people would appreciate a bloody ballroom floor.”

  She frowned as soon as the words were out. She wasn’t sure why she had told him that, as she hadn’t mentioned anything to anyone the last time. However, he immediately started chuckling. Instead of answering her questioning glance, he took her by the arm once again. “The dance is about to start, and as the guest of honor, I will lead the first one. I would be honored if you would share it with me. You are the one that opened my eyes to what I have been missing, after all.”