Veracity: The Veracity Diaries

by E. M. Bernal

  I do admit I was happy she finally left him because he never felt like a dad anyway. But, Unity is stuck in a delusional world, believing Luke is a great guy who will come back someday. Not always…but sometimes she drinks her emotional problems away too. Watching her cry everyday back home gave me serious depression and even though we really don’t get along, I love her dearly.

  The only thing that’s helping us now is my fresh start in the 12th grade far away from him. She also landed a job that pays well here. And, I have to admit, she tried proving to me she is changing by purchasing a home for us here. But I can only wish she keeps her word because she has done this before.

  FORGETTING THE PAST

  Diary 2

  The weeks started to fly by. Even though school was good, I still couldn’t wait for each day to be over. Homework seemed never ending. But I’ve made friends here at Harry Cotter and Melissa was the one I became the closet to. I had her for a couple of classes, and we always sat together at lunch. Since learning was always a breeze, she saved me from boredom most days.

  ******

  Today, I was running late, and class had already begun. Melissa, who sat behind me, was sitting at her desk going over notes when I waltzed in.

  I tried to avoid looks from the teacher, pretending I was invisible. I plopped down and immediately started staring outside the window, trying to block out the teacher’s overwhelming voice.

  But, about five minutes in… “Miss. Clarvoy, would you agree???” The teacher called out me by last name, making me aware that that my disinterest was obvious.

  I turned my face away from the window to face her.

  “Huh? Ya, sorry… I’m listening…” I paused my words hoping she would let it go since I answered promptly.

  She did.

  Melissa poked my back, making fun of me once the teacher went on rambling. I smirked, offering a slight glance from behind, giving her a signal to be silent with my finger.

  I adored Melissa out of all of the other girls I’ve met but sometimes I wondered if I could ever trust her. I’ve never had any real friends before. The ones who acted like friends gossiped too much about each other where I came from. Plus, I have never wanted “real” friends. If my own father couldn’t care less about me, how could anyone who barely knows me care?

  I jotted down my homework when class was over and headed to my next one without any more thoughts of friendships. Plus, it didn’t matter. I didn’t need to worry about Melissa being trusted. I don’t reveal my true feelings to anyone anyway.

  ******

  The bell indicated it was time for lunch. I rolled my eyes but grab my stuff to head to the cafeteria. Cullan and Logan were, as usual, trying to entertain with some random competition about something at the table. Drexy was in the same seat every day, but I kept a decent distance away at all times, including any eye contact. She was closer to Molly and some other girls than Melissa anyway.

  I always made a conscious effort to look for Robert in the cafeteria without anyone noticing. He was absent today. When the weather permitted, Robert’s group went outside. It was a beautiful day too, so, I assumed that is where they were. I always made a mental note if he was missing from lunch. My group never went out and I never asked why.

  I never caught him directly starting at me, but whenever I did see him, it felt like he knew. I admit, it made me feel crazy to feel such a thing, considering we’ve never spoken to each other. In all honesty, I don’t think it was as an intimate interest. But, why was I so curious? The questions in my head went on and on at times. I wondered if my curiosity was about the mystery that surrounded what happen between him and Drexy.

  I asked Melissa again one day when we saw him a while back. She started to tell me but a group of guys interrupted up in the hall and she was late for something, as usual. A part of me knew he was different and when she talked about him, it was like she brought on more mystery.

  If Robert and I ever did meet, I wouldn’t know how to act or flirt. I’m not the type. Plus, I always hated the idea of love. I would like to thank Unity and Luke for my interpretation of love as awful, painful, and pointless. But, the paradox was that I was still curious about it.

  Logan and Cullan sometimes show interest, but as usual I felt nothing and didn’t want to lead anyone on. Besides, I don’t even know why Robert seems so interesting to me. If I did have a type, he wouldn’t be it even though he’s quite attractive, unless Drexy was subconsciously a part of my decision.

  Lunch was going to be over soon. I wanted to leave before the bell rang to avoid the crowded halls. Maybe, just maybe, if I left early, I would run into Robert alone one of these days.

  “Hey girl, I’m going to get going.” I told Melissa.

  I guess she caught on about Robert because before she grabbed her book bag to take off, she shrugged my shoulder.

  “Look up.” Melissa said with a wink as she walked off.

  Robert was standing there, and he smiled at me from one of the outside entrances. I looked away. It felt like a split second when I finally got the nerve to look up and smile back, but somehow he literally vanished. I looked all around confused and tab bit taken if that just happened. Wait, am I hallucinating again? No, I couldn’t be, even Melissa saw him.

  I grabbed my books and went to my next class repeating, I’m not crazy, I’m not crazy, I know that just happened.

  ******

  I was practically falling asleep in math class when I looked up at the clock. It was almost 3:00 pm. I started to close my books and grab my bag effortlessly, waiting for the bell. Melissa was behind me hiding, scribbling as usual. I have no idea how she passed sometimes.

  “Thank God, this is over.” I whispered to her.

  “What are you going to do after class today? It’s Friiiiiiday….” Melissa tried to whisper but failed miserably. The class, including the teacher gave her a stare, indicating her volume.

  “Sorrrrie…” Melissa leaned back in her seat slowly; embarrassed.

  “Okay, class, don’t forget your papers are due next Friday…” The teacher continued.

  When the teacher turned, I signaled with my finger to keep her voice low. “I’m probably going to just head home. I have a lot of homework. You?” I whispered.

  Melissa branded a quirky smile on her face.

  “Don’t worry about studying, you’re a straight A girl.” Melissa whispered with sarcasm.

  “Yeah, I guess worrying won’t do me any good.” The bell rang before my shoulders could shrug all the way, which annoyed me as always.

  I started to think about it being Friday. Maybe I should go hang out with the group for once. But, the loner in me won. I grabbed my books, bag, and stayed silent instead.

  I walked to the exit of the class with Melissa behind me. Surprisingly, when I looked up, Robert West was passing the door which was held open in the hallway. I immediately lost my concentration and stared. He definitely noticed this time around if he hadn’t noticed me before, but with no expression he kept walking. Everything felt like slow motion for a second until Melissa, for some playful reason behind me said, “Hey there Mr. West, how are you today?” He looked in our direction while I looked back at her with discomfort, but I quickly broke off my facial expression when she returned the look.

  Robert barely let out a hello, or at least that is what I thought he said in return as he kept walking.

  “What? I was just saying hellooooo… Melissa said as if it was no big deal.

  I’m sure she was being rude, but I ignored her sarcasm. “Well, I have to get going. See you Monday girl.” I stated to her and rushed out the door to head to my locker.

  When I reached my car, I realized I never cleaned it. Time was flying by with all the homework, along with meeting new people, making me forget my personal responsibilities. I’ll clean it tomorrow, I thought. It’s better than hibernating in my room all weekend.

  I hopped in the driver’s seat and grabbed the keys to put in the ignition. Right befo
re the engine sound ramped all the way up, Robert West passed right in front of my car. We immediately had an intense stare, and I could have sworn I saw a slight smile from him, but again, he kept walking. I froze for the entire 5 seconds.

  When I unfroze, I leaned back in my seat to let out a deep breath. I finally had no doubt that he wanted to talk to me, but I’m sure he didn’t know what to say. However, neither did I.

  ******

  Unity was sitting on the sofa which is in the middle of the living room when I got home. She was watching TV while sewing a shirt she had torn. I walked towards her to make an effort to engage, considering we haven’t said much in the last month or so. Ultimately, it seems like a good move, but I still had to remind myself to be cautious as I approached. It’s hard to help someone who desires none, especially from a kid who can barely express herself.

  I did feel guilty for not being supportive about the divorce. But, it boils down to the fact that I can’t stand Luke, and I want to forget he even exist. The last time I heard from him was when he was moving all of his stuff out of our old house. He barely said two words to me like only a non-existent abusive father could. But, it didn’t matter anymore considering were not even in the same city. So, I’m hoping this conversation goes well.

  Baby steps, I repeated to myself silently.

  “Oh hey, your home from school… How was it? Any good stories to tell?” Unity asked without looking at me.

  “Yeah, it was great, homework is easy, people are nice.” I let out a sigh and leaned my legs on the back of the couch, pressing my hands on the top of it while she faced the TV, still sewing.

  “We haven’t talked much.” Unity tried to change the subject, but I didn’t allow that approach. “Just a lot of homework Mom. Did you have a good day at work?”

  “It was good. People are nice too. Are you hungry?” Unity stopped sewing, rising from the couch to head to the kitchen when she asked.

  The house she bought us here in Portland was from the equity we had back in our Denver home. It was not as big but still roomy. Luke, being his manipulative self, tried to force her to give him the house when they were divorcing, but at least she fought him back in court before we stayed with nothing. Don’t get me wrong, if he wanted her back, we’d still be in Denver, living with the worst narcissistic jerk of all time.

  Overall, I was pretty happy with our new place. It had a nice kitchen with an island. I thought that we could have a good mother-daughter talk there one day. Or what I would consider my attempt anyway.

  I found it surprising that she was asking me questions or wondering if I was hungry because she’s usually in a depressed state. She is always thinking about what could have been. When she did speak it usually started with… Luke, did this, or said that. I avoided a fight by going straight upstairs every day. But today, I was going to try something new for the first time, hoping to avoid dramatic interference from our previous life. I stayed by the couch, not too sure what was happening and decided to answer from my original spot, still confused.

  “Yeah, a little, but, I think I’ll just grab an apple or something.” I answered cringing my eyebrows, but she didn’t notice.

  “Oh, come on… you got to eat more than that.” She replied by looking down, chopping up the meat on the island.

  I decided to enter the kitchen. I sat down on a stool across from her while she prepared the saucepan. This was definitely becoming weirder because she usually bought groceries, and I always had to cook for myself.

  “What are you making?” I decided to keep the conversation going.

  “I’m making some chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans.” She replied with a smile.

  To my surprise she is smiling more than I have ever got to encounter. The tears in her life always outweighed one smile by a hundred.

  I started to feel guilty, and my thoughts started to ramble. Maybe she really is trying. Maybe she wants to change. Maybe she is healing. But, right when my thoughts were turning positive…

  “So… your dad called me back today.” Unity said, avoiding eye contact, thinking that cooking for me was going to save this conversation.

  My eyes immediately rolled back, pressing my hands against the table, pushing my stool back.

  “Mom, don’t….”

  “Wait…let me finish…” She calmly mimicked with her hands.

  “You better not go back to him…” I said with no intention of letting her finish.

  I was annoyed but still calm because I knew this could turn ugly. If anything, the fact that he

  called her back was strange. Luke doesn’t call unless he wants something.

  I stopped calling him dad years ago when I realized he acted nothing like a father, or a husband. Luke was abusive in many ways. He would always take Unity back or ask her back when he needed money, a place to stay or just someone to take his anger out on. He was extremely self-centered and did nothing but hurt my mother, not to mention how verbally abusive he was to me. He didn’t even flinch the first time I called him Luke. It matched his character perfectly.

  Unity immediately became frustrated and her toned change to sarcasm.

  “I’m not going back to him; in fact, he doesn’t want me back City. Okay? He’s never going to want me back…” She rambled as a tear ran down her face, but it didn’t stop my response.

  “Then why mom, WHY would asshole Luke call you at all!?! My voice rose quickly, with a ton of sarcasm melting in-between the words.

  “Look young lady, there is no need to curse around here!” She yelled back.

  My emotions became uncontrollable from that trigger, only she knows how to pull. I didn’t even realize I said the word asshole until she pointed it out. It triggered a reminder, which was that Luke wasn’t out of our lives.

  “You promised me when we left mom. You said over and over again that you were not going to talk to him. And now allllll of a sudden he called you back today? This is why I never believe anything you say!”

  I was halfway standing and yelling while surprisingly still slightly seated at the island.

  “Why are you so cruel City!?!” She asked while practically holding her breath that was filled with frustration.

  “This is exactly why I don’t sit down here and have dinner with you because everything is about Luke. It’s seems like it’s about you, but in reality, it’s really about him. It’s always about him! He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t care about anybody but himself! Why can’t you see that!?!”

  I stepped away from the stool because I couldn’t keep my body in one position anymore.

  Unity tried to interrupt me, but I didn’t let her until my voice box started to hurt. She kept on but I didn’t want to hear her anymore. I drowned her out by walking away from the island. When I reached the stairs, I could hear her words clearly.

  “You haven’t even let me try to tell you what he feels about the separation! We finally talked about everything, City, and it’s good…”

  I immediately stopped my foot from stepping on the stair to turn around for a split second. I had heard more than enough, and I interrupted with the strongest yell I had.

  “Because I don’t want to hear it!” My yell aligned with my arms and hands, signaling my anger.

  I wanted to walk out the house but where would I go? My room is my only place of peace at this point. My voice started to feel scratchy and restless too. And, as usual, Unity kept arguing. She went on rambling how’s things could get better, like all the other fake attempts she’s made to be a mother.

  I started to realize the only reason she was cooking and asking me about my day was because Luke called her back. It started to make me more and more angry. I was almost up the stairs to my room when I decided to go back down. I didn’t want her to have the last word. Right when I reached the last step on the main floor, we came face to face.

  “Not everything has to be about you City!” She screamed in my face.

  “Really? U
nity! Really! What you don’t get is that it’s always about you!”

  “Don’t call me that, I am your mother!” Unity yelled back, but at this point we were yelling over each other.

  “Well, why don’t you start acting like that!?! Why can’t you start acting like you have a kid that needs you! Like you have something that’s worth talking about or talking to besides someone who treats you like shit!?!”

  The word shit must have come out the loudest because she unexpectedly slapped me across my face. I was stunned and I completely froze.

  Unity was self-absorbed and depressed all the time, but she never hit me before.

  We both stared at each other for about three seconds. I shook my head to the left and right in slow motion, displaying my disapproval, but I couldn’t say anything. My best move was to go straight to my room in silence. Even if I did say something, would she listen? Would she even care?