Breathe

by Tania Trozzo

“But..” he started.

  “But there’s a voice inside my head telling me not to believe it. It’s telling me it’s not true.” She whispered looking right at him. She was letting down her walls, plain as day for him to see. He saw the vulnerability there, understood her pain, but he saw her strength, that confidence that existed in her. She was fighting for it. He grabbed her hands. They hadn’t stopped staring at eachother. It was hot in that damn car all of a sudden. He felt the air around them charged.

  “They’re right, I do like helping people.” He said softly, and he could see her breathing speed up slightly as he inched closer to her. “And I do like helping you. I actually really like helping you.” She was deciding. She slightly shook her head waiting for him to continue speaking. “But they are so wrong.”

  “They are?” She asked quietly.

  “They are so completely fucking wrong. I don’t feel sorry for you. Yes, I feel sorry for what happened to you, but not for you. Of course, I would never want you to go through that pain. But I care what happened to you because it brought you here to this moment, it made you who you are. You are so strong. You may not think it but look at what you’ve overcome, how beautiful you are inside and out. Everyone gets scared sometimes, or we doubt ourselves and maybe we even fail but few like you thrive. But I especially care what happened to you, because it brought you here, it brought you to me.” Fuck it.

  He slammed his lips to hers pulling her closer. No more waiting. He couldn’t wait another second. She gasped initially, maybe from shock and just when he thought maybe he needed to be more careful about kissing her, her arms slid around his neck and her hands found their way to the hair in the back of his head. Heaven. That’s what it was. After a few moments he slowed the kiss down and pulled away. He framed her face with his hands and kissed her again, slower this time, deeper, leaving little doubt about what he thought about her. Her hands came to rest on his forearms and she pulled away resting her forehead on his. He took a deep breath.

  “I’ve wanted to do that since you walked out that door.” She grinned. He pulled his head away slightly to get a better look at her, trying to pull her body closer at the same time. Damn car. Her hands fell to his chest. He moved a strand of her hair away from her face and gave her another peck on the lips and on her forehead. He pulled out of the spot and continued driving but grasped her hand as he drove. He was quiet for a few moments, shook his head and looked at her and grinned. She was grinning too.

  “Come over to my house a little bit?” Gabe asked her.

  She nodded and started to open her mouth to say something but he stopped her. “You have karate later, right? I’ll take you, what time is it?”

  “It’s at..” She looked at him and seemed a bit sheepish. Then she laughed. God, he loved her laugh. “I can’t remember right now. Give me a minute, that kiss wiped out my brain cells.”

  He looked over at her grinning and squeezed her hand. “Yeah. Well, I do have a hero complex I guess that includes super powers too.”

  She pulled her hand away and swatted his arm grinning. “Shut up.” He chuckled and grabbed her hand again and drove home.

  When he got to his house, he noticed that there were a few other cars in the driveway. “Wait here,” he said. He hopped out of the car, came around the front, looking at her the whole time. He then opened her door and offered her his hand.

  She tilted her head and looked at him as she got out of the car. “You didn’t have to do that,” Clara said as she looked up at him.

  “I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.” He leaned her against the door of the car and kissed her again pulling her into his arms. He pulled away after a few minutes and rested his forehead to hers. It was something he never really did before but seemed to come naturally to him with Clara. He also had to remind himself not to come on too strong even though he wanted her. Gabe had to be patient with her. He opened his eyes and her eyelids fluttered open not even a moment later. Those green eyes pierced his soul each and every time. Fuck. This girl did things to him. He was so screwed. He gently kissed her behind her left ear, a place he realized was one of her soft spots. She shivered slightly just like she did now. He grinned, pressed another kiss there and grabbed her hand to lead her inside.

  When they went inside they could hear voices in the dining room, leading onto the patio. It was uncharacteristically warm outside for this time of year and they were obviously taking advantage of it. Gabe’s father called out, “Gabriel, is that you?”

  “Yeah, it’s me, dad.” He looked at Clara and said, “come with me.” He tugged her along towards the dining room. “Hey dad.” He also greeted the few gentlemen standing near his dad.

  “Hello, son. Everyone this is my son Gabriel. And this is his girlfriend, Clara.” He smiled and then looked at Clara. “Hello, Clara, nice to see you again.”

  “Hi Mr. Caruso.”

  Gabe shook hands with everyone, without letting go of Clara’s hand. He noticed how she didn’t bat an eye when his father called her his girlfriend. Good. She better get used to it. Liz, his dad’s girlfriend came over to give him a kiss and introduced herself to Clara. Clara let go of his hand to do so. Liz took the opportunity to whisper something in Clara’s ear and instantly Clara’s cheeks flushed.

  “Son, you and Clara are more than welcome to join us if you’d like.”

  “Thanks, but we’re going to go sit on the lower patio for a little while, then Clara has a karate lesson.”

  “Very well, then. Have Elisabetta bring you out some food.”

  “Thanks, dad.”

  Clara said her goodbyes as did he and he pulled her along toward the kitchen. Before he turned the corner, he looked back and his father was looking at him with a look of fondness and pride. His dad then smiled and flicked his gaze to Clara and winked. Gabe shook his head. They walked into the kitchen and he gave Elisabetta a kiss and introduced Clara. “I make you both a dish with appetizer. Ok, Gabriel?” she said with a thick Spanish accent.

  “Yes, please. We are going outside to the patio. I’ll come and get it in a few minutes.”

  “Nonsense, I bring out. You take Clara. Go, go sit.” Her eyes twinkled.

  He laughed. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “No call me ma’am, I don’t like it.”

  He showed Clara outside. As soon as you stepped out there was a big table with an umbrella. He took her past that towards the pool house and down a few steps to a cozy patio. It was near the pool but overlooked some of the backyard. He turned on a heating lamp, just in case, sat down on a corner of the sectional so he could put his legs up. Clara went to sit down next to him, but he shook his head. He opened his legs, pulled her to sit in front of him, making her lean against him so her back was to his front. He wanted to hold her. As soon as he put his arms around her she sighed deeply. “What’s the sigh about?”

  She turned her head to look at him. “I got in the car upset and flustered and here I am 30 minutes later and it doesn’t matter. None of it matters.”

  He kissed her and replied, “They don’t matter. But we do. Right now especially, we are the only ones that matter.” He leaned down to kiss her again but then heard footsteps and realized it was Elisabetta probably bringing them some food. He kissed her behind the ear, smiling as she shivered. “The food is here.”

  Clara abruptly pulled away as Elisabetta was approaching. She got up to help put the dishes on the table. The cook had filled a bigger dish with a variety of different things. Together they fixed everything on the table. Gabe went into the pool house and came out with a few drinks. “Thank you,” Clara told the older woman.

  Elisabetta patted her on the cheek. “You’re welcome. You tell me if you need anything. Send Gabriel.” Gabe thanked her as well and sat down.

  “I hope you’re hungry and ready.”

  “Ready for what?” Clara asked grinning, putting her hands on her hips.
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  “We’re going to play the question game. Are you up to it?” Gabe looked at her intently but gently at the same time. He meant what he had said days ago, she had to let down her wall but he didn’t want to force her either. All he wanted was to get to know her better.

  She smirked. “Game on.” He hadn’t expected that but hell if it didn’t turn him on.

  29

  Clara

  Clara knew that Gabe’s question game was his way of getting her to let down her walls a little bit without pressuring her. He wanted her to confide in him and she realized this was a good way to start. That combined with the desire to learn more about him is what prompted her to answer him the way she did. She felt bolder and more confident with him for some reason.

  They both sat down on the couch crossed legged facing each other with their food placed on dishes in front of them. Clara started with a question and both of them had to answer. It started innocent enough, favorite colors, favorite foods, favorite music or movies. Slowly they began moving forward without stopping to more interesting and somewhat serious questions.

  “How many boyfriends have you had?” Gabe asked her.

  Her cheeks flushed. “One, kind of two.”

  “Why kind of two?”

  “Nope, not answering that, you have to answer the question.” Clara insisted.

  Gabe smirked, “Never had a boyfriend.” Clara laughed and threw her napkin at him. He laughed right along with her.

  He blew out a breath, “I’ve had a few. Only one serious one though or I thought she was. But that seems like a while ago.” Clara nodded. She knew Gabe was popular, just like she knew a lot of the girls wanted him, some had even had him for a short time or so she heard. She didn’t know where they stood, but she didn’t feel confident enough to ask.

  “Why did you kind of have two boyfriends?” He persisted.

  “Nope. It’s my turn you don’t get a double turn. Don’t be sneaky.” Gabe grinned, motioning for her to go right ahead.

  “Can I ask..who was the last girl you went out with?”

  Gabe cringed. “Kristin.”

  “Now that explains a lot,” Clara said.

  “Explains a lot about what?”

  “Well, she always looks at me funny. Sometimes it’s like she hates me and sometimes it’s as if she is observing me. It’s weird.” Clara confided.

  Gabe nodded and blew out a breath. “I’m not going to lie to you Clara. To put it lightly we fucked around during part of the summer. A kind of friend with benefits thing. I had told her I didn’t want anything serious, but she didn’t take the hint until recently. She’s not bothering you, is she?”

  “No, she’s harmless. I don’t think that she is probably that bad, but she just hangs out with not nice people.”

  He looked like he was about to say something but changed his mind and nodded instead. “Your turn,” he said.

  Clara shrugged “It was one of my cousin’s friends this summer at the beach. Nothing serious though.”

  “Ok, my turn again. Why kind of two boyfriends?” Gabe asked again.

  “You are relentless,” she said shaking her head and sighing. “The second guy, I was stupid and I thought he was kind of my boyfriend. Or at least he was for me. Instead, it was all a game. He got back together with his ex.”

  “Why do I sense there is more to the story?”

  “Because there is,” she answered.

  “If you really don’t want to talk about it we don’t have to. I will never force you to tell me anything but I would love for you to tell me so I can understand you better.”

  Initially, Clara hesitated but then she squared her shoulders back and responded, “it’s not that I don’t want to tell you because I don’t want you to know. It’s because I feel stupid. I liked him, or at least I thought I did. He was sweet to me, and paid attention to me. He told me I was beautiful. If I think about it now, there were signs, but I refused to see them. He ended up getting back with his ex while we were still together. So, I became her target. She and her friends were awful to me, but they never knew that I had fought bullies worse than them. But they were the reason why I left Mount St. Peter’s.”

  Gabe grabbed her hand and caressed her fingers. “The only thing I can say is that he was a stupid idiot to not realize what he had. His loss. Those girls were insecure because they knew that you had something that had caught his attention and they were afraid that you could take it away again.” He stopped for a second before continuing, “I can’t answer the same question but to be fair I can tell you that I’ve been there where a girl, the one I considered to be my serious girlfriend, took advantage of the fact that I cared for her and lied to me so in that aspect I can relate.”

  Clara looked at him and said quietly, “Thank you for sharing that with me. I can’t imagine any girl not realizing how great you are and taking advantage of that fact.”

  Gabe moved a bit closer to her. “Thanks Clara,” he whispered not taking his eyes off her. “It’s your turn I believe. We have to get through all 20.”

  She smiled. “Ok.” She had so many questions for him but she wanted to get the questions back to being important but not as intense or sad. “If you could do anything right now what would it be?” She asked him.

  “That’s easy. I’d kiss you.”

  “Why don’t you?” She asked him.

  He smiled, “Nope, you can’t ask 2 questions in a row remember? Don’t be sly. You have to answer your own question too.”

  She chuckled as he threw her same words right back at her. “Hmmm, I guess I’d kiss you back.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What am I waiting for then?” he asked grinning. He moved their dishes to the side, leaned in and kissed her first on the lips softly and then with a bit more pressure. He then began placing small kisses across her cheek until getting to her ear. He placed a kiss behind it until he finally pulled away. He moved back, opening his legs and pulling her between them with her laying on his chest. He held her tightly to him.

  After a few moments of silence, she tilted her head up and said, “Your turn.”

  “My turn? Ok, it’s not really a question but tell me something about your parents. When we went out for pizza you talked about your aunt, uncle and cousins but nothing about them.” She stiffened in his arms and he responded by holding her a bit tighter. He said quietly, “It’s just me, Clara. Just tell me something small.”

  She drew a deep breath, “My dad loved karate. When I was a kid we would always watch those old karate movies together. That was our thing. He’s one of the reasons I take karate now. My mom loved to sew. She used to sew me these dresses. The more ruffles or bows the better. When I look at them now I cringe. I can’t believe I dressed like that. I was like her living doll.”

  She burrowed slightly deeper in his chest and he just held her quietly until he began to speak and answer the same question, “My mom loved to read. By the pool, in the sunroom. It didn’t matter. We used to read books together when I was younger, I would read one page and she would read the next. One of our favorites was Charlotte’s Web and the Wizard of Oz. When she got sick, I made sure to read them with her again.”

  “I’m sorry Gabe, that must have been so hard.”

  He pulled back so he could look down at her and shook his head. “It was at the time, just as I’m sure it was for you, if not harder.”

  “I don’t know. There are different kinds of pain but in the end pain is pain.” They were quiet for a moment until Clara said, “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Well, we are playing the question game,” Gabe answered ruefully.

  “What about Liz? You never really talk about her. Do you not like her?” Clara asked him.

  “No, I do, she’s actually really nice. I just don’t know her that well.” Gabe confided.


  “Hmm, maybe she is waiting for your cue.” Clara told him.

  “What do you mean?”

  Clara sighed, “You lost your mom, Gabe and she was a great mom. I think Liz maybe doesn’t want to seem like she is there to take her place and is waiting for you to come around. When I went to live with my aunt and uncle, my cousin Vince didn’t speak to me a lot in the beginning. I though he hated that I was there. He finally admitted to me that I made him nervous. He was so worried that I wasn’t ok, that I was suffering, and he didn’t want to say the wrong thing or act the wrong way so he stayed quiet. Maybe it’s the same with her. I just met her but if I were to go with my gut, I think she is genuine.”

  Gabe tightened his hold on her but didn’t say anything for a few minutes and Clara began to think she said too much. She hesitantly pulled away a little bit, ending up on her knees in front of him, “Gabe, I’m sorry, it’s not my business. I was..”

  “Stop Clara, I don’t think that at all.” He pulled her and adjusted her so she was straddling him. “I just never thought of it from that point of view. She does hold herself back a lot when I am there. I guess it’s something I should speak to my dad about. I just, again, I just never realized it. Plus, I’ll never be offended by you being honest with me. Never.” He pecked her on the lips.

  Maybe it was her position, or that after speaking to him the past hour she felt bold, and before she could stop herself, the question was out of her mouth. “What are we? What are we doing?” Her eyes widened when she realized what she had said. Where the hell did that just come from? His eyes heated becoming almost black. She immediately tried to backtrack. Cringing, she started blabbering, “Nevermind. You don’t have to answer that. It just came out. I meant..”

  But then he pulled her closer and kissed her hard on the lips. He pulled away, just a tad so his lips were resting on hers, “shut up,” he said grinning and started kissing her again.

  All of a sudden, they heard footsteps and “Gabriel, I bring you more food.” Clara pulled away and immediately slid to the side of Gabriel. Gabriel let her go reluctantly, his eyes dancing with mirth. He thought it was hilarious. What had come over her? Not only did she just flat out ask him what she was to him but then she is making out with him at his house on his patio where anyone can show up. She took a deep breath and swatted his arm.