Sex Material

by Ashley, Victoria

  “I knew you were going to say that.” She laughs and playfully pushes my chest before walking away to search for something to wear. “Glazed donuts. Lots of them.”

  I nod and button my jeans, before reaching for my shirt with a grin. “I know just the place.”

  When I arrive with the donuts, Cami is freshly showered, sitting on the couch with wet hair. My dick instantly hardens at how incredibly sexy she looks wet, but I push down on it, not wanting this moment to be about sex.

  She looks up at me and excitedly jumps from the couch to grab the box of donuts from me. “Thank you! I swear I could eat about a dozen of these by myself.”

  I smile, loving how happy and grateful she is over something as simple as a box of donuts.

  “Here.” She holds up a donut. “You better have one, because I can’t promise they won’t all be gone within minutes. I’m stingy when it comes to donuts.”

  “I’m stingy when it comes to you,” I admit, pulling her to me. “I tried to avoid it, but I can’t help myself when it comes to you.”

  “Then don’t,” she says gently. “I like spending time with you, Jensen. I wanted you to stay last night, and when I thought you were leaving this morning, I was missing you before you could even walk out the door. I know it sounds silly, but it’s true.”

  “Shit, Cami.” I grab the back of her neck and press my lips to hers, loving the way she tastes. This woman just keeps surprising me by making me feel more and more with each moment we’re together. “I wanted to stay last night too. I didn’t think I would, but I did.”

  She takes the donut she’s still holding and hands it to me. “So the guy that works nonstop is taking a day off. Does that mean Hell has frozen over?”

  “I’m pretty sure it did the day you walked into my life.” I take a bite of the donut, thinking of all the shit I thought would never happen again before she came storming into my fucking life proving me wrong. I could make a whole damn list.

  “What does that mean?” she questions.

  “It means a lot of shit has happened that I never thought was possible. Like the fact that I’m here right now and don’t plan to leave anytime soon. I want to be here. With you.”

  “I like that.” She smiles and takes a bite of her donut. “Because I was hoping you’d stick around for a while.”

  “Good.”

  I was hoping you’d say that.

  * * *

  CAMI HAS BEEN SETTLED INTO the house for over a week now and I have yet to sleep in my own bed since that first night we fell asleep together on the couch.

  It wasn’t planned this way. I never expected I’d be spending so much time at one of my own rental properties, but falling asleep with Cami in my arms has been the best sleep I’ve had in a while. Being with her feels so natural now that the thought of not being with her terrifies the fuck out of me.

  We’ve eaten lunch and dinner together every day, have slept together every night, and have woken up beside each other every morning. I know this is a dangerous game, because the moment she finds out what happened to Katherine she’s going to look at me the same way the rest of this town does. With judgment.

  Katherine had a lot of issues. Ones that I tried to fix over and over again after I broke her to begin with. The first time I broke her we were seventeen. We dated for three years and I loved her with everything in me, which made the thought of ever hurting her crippling. My fear of that made it hard to be happy together. We had a lot of trust issues, so I let her go before something worse could happen. She was my first relationship and we were both young. I thought it’d be easier that way, but it wasn’t. Not for her, and I wish I would’ve known that back then.

  “Did you seriously cook dinner?” A smile spreads across Cami’s face when we walk into my house to the smell of lasagna wafting through the air. “I didn’t even know you could cook.”

  “I can do a lot of things,” I say with confidence. “I’m pretty fucking good at most of them too. Especially cooking. My mom taught me everything she knew about cooking when I was twelve. Now sit down.” I pull out a chair for her to sit, before grabbing the plates to set the table.

  “Where are your parents now?” she questions while I’m cutting the lasagna and fixing the plates. “You haven’t brought them up. Do they still live around here?”

  I shake my head and walk away to grab a bottle of her favorite wine. I figured we’d need a stock at both places now. “They retired a few years back and moved to Florida. Bought a house near the beach and they’re loving life more than ever.”

  “That sounds amazing. I’d love to be like them some day. Be madly in love and spend every day together just enjoying the easy things of life. Maybe have a few grandchildren running around. I’d love that. Do your parents have any grandchildren?”

  Exhaling, I take a seat and look across the table at her. “No. I’m the only child. Now eat.”

  Instead of giving me attitude, she smiles and digs into her food. Apparently, she’s so used to me being demanding that it doesn’t bother her anymore.

  “This is amazing! I love your mom already for teaching you to cook like this. I may never leave now.” She looks up and clears her throat, looking nervous. “I didn’t mean that. You don’t have to worry.”

  “I’m not,” I admit. “And you’re a pretty damn good cook yourself. Those were the best tacos of my life.”

  She smiles and goes back to eating, clearly satisfied that I finally admitted to loving her damn tacos. I should’ve told her sooner, but I was having too much fun pissing her off and getting under her skin.

  After dinner I have her pick out a movie while I throw everything into the dishwasher.

  “Thanks for dinner,” she says from the kitchen doorway a few minutes later. “Do you have any Aspirin or anything for a headache? My students were extra loud and hyper today, and since I came straight here, I haven’t taken anything yet.”

  “You’re welcome for dinner.” I walk over and gently press my lips against hers, pulling her into my arms. “I’ll check the kitchen drawer. Get comfortable and wait for me on the couch.”

  My heart skips a beat when she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. I could get really fucking used to her wanting to kiss me every day.

  In fact, I have, and I’m not sure I can do without now.

  * * *

  DESPITE MY POUNDING HEADACHE, I can’t stop the smile on my face as I disappear into the bathroom and close the door behind me. I have to admit that it’s been a long time since I’ve been this giddy about someone. Everything Jensen does fills my stomach with butterflies.

  A lot has changed over the past nine days that we’ve spent every free moment we have together. He’s shown me the side of him that I knew existed under all of the assholeness he was hiding behind. This sweet and caring side that I long for now. After the way things started, I never thought the day would come where I’d completely fall for him, but I have. I have fallen for him hard. There was no stopping it no matter how much I fought it, and I did. I fought it hard and lost.

  After washing my hands, I look in the mirror, realizing it’s a medicine cabinet. I don’t know how I missed that the other times I was in here, but relief hits me. “Ah ha! Please be in here.” Opening it, I move around items in search of some painkillers. Jensen didn’t seem too confident that he had some in the kitchen.

  I spot a little white bottle in the back, hiding behind a prescription bottle, so I go to reach for it but stop when I notice the name on the bottle in front of it.

  Katherine Smith.

  My heart pounds as I reach for it, because I know being nosey is wrong. I shouldn’t be snooping through Jensen’s things, but I’ve spent some time wondering about his ex and where she is. I just haven’t brought her up again, because things have been so good this past week. So damn good, and I didn’t want to ruin it by asking him to talk to me about something he clearly hasn’t been comfortable enough to talk to me about yet.

  E
xhaling, I hold the bottle in my now shaky hand as I read the label. I recognize the name right away as something taken for severe depression. I know, because my dad was on medicine for a while after my mom left him. He only took it for a week before he tossed it and began drinking.

  I swallow as I run my hand over the label. The date on the bottle is from almost two years ago, so clearly, she must’ve left these here when she took off, right? Why else would he be holding onto it?

  “What the fuck are you doing?” My heart stops when I look behind me to Jensen’s angry face. It reminds me too much of the first time we met. I was hoping to never see that look on him again. Especially when looking at me. “I asked what the fuck you’re doing. Give me that.” He snatches the bottle from my hand and punches the wall, making me jump. “You have no right going through my shit, Cami. Fuck!”

  “I was looking for painkillers. I didn’t mean to—”

  “Get the fuck out,” he demands, backing me against the wall with hate-filled eyes. He seems like a different person right now. Surely not the Jensen I’ve grown to know recently. “You need to go, Cami. You should’ve never touched my personal shit. This…” he shakes the bottle in my face, before squeezing it so hard that the plastic cracks. “Is none of your fucking business. None!”

  Angry, I push him out of my face. He has no right to treat me this way. “Don’t you ever yell in my face again, asshole. Ever!” I push his chest again to give me some space. “Tell me what happened to her. Fucking talk to me. You can’t just come into my life, make me fall for you, and then push me away without telling me why. Now tell me!”

  “You were never supposed to fall for me, Cami. That was never the fucking plan!” he screams, throwing the bottle across the room and then slamming his fist through the wall for a second time. “I said go. Don’t make me say it again.”

  “Tell me what happened to her, Jensen. Why did she leave? I’m not leaving here without answers first. You can be an asshole all you want, but I at least deserve an answer.”

  “She didn’t,” he says stiffly, looking over to meet my eyes. His eyes are dead, no life to them. “She’s dead. Now get the fuck out of my house and my life. You can let yourself out.”

  I can barely breathe as I walk away, and the moment I step outside, I fall against the door, fighting back tears. My heart is beating faster than it has my entire life. I will not cry over Jensen. I will not allow him to break me. I told myself I wouldn’t do this, but as I’m driving away I physically feel my heart breaking in two. Not only for me, but for him.

  She’s dead?

  How?

  What happened to her?

  He said he broke her. He told me so himself.

  What does that fucking mean?

  I can’t stop my thoughts from going wild the entire drive back home, and I feel physically ill. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes when he saw me with that bottle in my hand.

  It was pure hatred, and that kills me so much. I wish he would talk to me. I wish he would let me in.

  Getting out of my car, I’m headed for my house when I change direction and end up on Veronica’s porch instead. I want answers. I need answers.

  Veronica is on the couch watching TV when I step inside and pauses it to look up at me. “Hey, babe. How did—”

  “Tell me what happened to Katherine. Now.” I slam the door closed behind me. “I’m tired of no one giving it to me straight. I want answers, and I want them now, Veronica.” I know I shouldn’t be taking my anger out on her, but I can’t go another second without hearing the truth. “I know she’s dead. I saw the pills. Tell. Me.”

  She turns off the TV and meets my eyes. “It’s a long, complicated story to tell, Cami. It’s not that easy. It’s not my story—”

  “Yeah. I know. It’s not your story to tell. I guess I’ll never find out then, since Jensen just kicked me out of his life.” A tear rolls down my cheek, but I quickly swipe it away in hopes Veronica doesn’t notice.

  I’m filled with so many mixed emotions right now that I don’t know what to do or say. I just need to be alone. I need to get away from everyone before I say something I’ll regret.

  “I need to go to bed.”

  “Cami, sit down and stay with me.” She stands up and reaches for my arm, but I move it from her reach. “Please.”

  I shake my head and back toward the door. “No. I can’t. I need to be alone right now. I can’t fucking think straight, and the last thing I want to do is be pissed at my best friend.”

  She opens her mouth to speak, but I put my hand up, stopping her, and then let myself out, angrily making my way next door to be alone.

  It takes me less than an hour to down a bottle of wine and pass out on my couch. At least Jensen helped me get through this night in some way. Just not the way I was hoping.

  I was right all along. He is an asshole.

  A huge one.

  I HAVEN’T SEEN OR HEARD from Jensen since the day he kicked me out of his house and out of his life. I’ll admit that it hurts a lot more than I thought it would.

  It took me almost four weeks to fall for Jensen Blake, and it’s proving it’s going to take longer to get over him. Every time I allow myself to think about him, my heart hurts and my chest feels heavy. All he had to do was talk to me.

  I hate that he lost someone close to him. I hate that he had to go through that kind of pain, but the fact that he didn’t trust me enough to let me in and tell me what happened only proves that he didn’t care about me as much as I had hoped, and definitely not as much as I cared—or care—about him. The only thing keeping me from going to him is the look of hatred in his eyes that night when he forced me to leave.

  I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to get over that. I’ve tried. I tried to convince myself it was just in the heat of the moment, that it wasn’t me he hated but the situation at hand. But what if he never meant for me to find out the truth about Katherine?

  That’s not something you do to someone you want to be with, and definitely not something you do to someone you’re falling in love with. Maybe I was a fool, and the only one doing the falling. But it felt like so much more to me. I’ll never know now, and it pains me so much.

  The bell rang over an hour ago and I have yet to bring myself to move from behind this desk. I’ve been doing everything I can to take on extra projects to keep myself busy, so I don’t have to think about Jensen and how much I miss him. Or the little things he did, like bringing me lunch just because.

  It doesn’t help that my first rent payment outside of the deposit is due today, and since Jensen is no longer a part of my life, I have to go to the office to drop off the check. I may just be putting it off for as long as I can today, in hopes he won’t be around the office. I know seeing him will only crush my heart more.

  “Knock. Knock. Can I come in?”

  I look at the door to see Douglas’ head poking inside. He’s the last person I want to deal with at the moment. “That’s not a good idea, Douglas. I don’t want to see you.”

  “I get that,” he says gently. “I understand why you don’t want to talk to me, and as much as it hurts, you have every reason to hate my guts. I hate myself for what I did to you, but I can’t take it back.”

  I huff and shove my students’ papers into the desk drawer. “What do you want, Douglas? I was about to head out. Make it quick.”

  He steps farther inside my classroom, but leaves the door open. Smart move, buddy. “I just wanted to let you know I’m here for you. I knew that asshole would screw up before too long. He didn’t deserve you, Cami. I didn’t either. You’re good. Too good for us.”

  My stomach twists into knots at the mention of Jensen. Why did he have to bring him up? I blow up before I can stop myself. “My personal business is no longer any of your fucking concern, and I don’t know what makes you think he screwed up. Just worry about yourself and Susan. Leave me out of your thoughts from now on, Douglas. Don’t come anywhere near me or you’ll regret it. Got
it?”

  He shakes his head and crosses his arms. “It’s clear he screwed up, Cami. You don’t have to hide it from me. It’s kind of odd he spent so much time here, then all of a sudden he shows up today after not coming around for almost three weeks. The asshole screwed up. It’s obvious.”

  My heart speeds up at hearing Jensen was here today. “He was here?” I try my best to act calm, but my stupid voice has to break, giving away my emotions.

  “He still is.” He taps the door before grabbing it. “But I don’t see him in here with you. So, my offer to talk stands for as long as you need it. Even if you’re no longer together, you don’t just stop caring about someone after five years. You may hate my guts now, but I’m hoping that will change. Until then, I still care about your feelings.”

  “It won’t. Thanks, but no,” I say stiffly, pissed off that he had to point out how Jensen is avoiding me. He’s here picking up rent checks and he doesn’t even have the decency to see me. It’s as if I don’t exist to him anymore, and it fucking hurts so bad. “Now get out of my classroom and mind your own damn business.”

  “All right, Cami. I guess I’ll see you around then. But please, do yourself a favor and don’t fall for that jerk again. This time, you’re dealing with it. Next time you might not be so lucky.”

  I don’t know what the hell Douglas means by that, but I’m so pissed off at everything right now I just want to be alone. I abruptly get up and close him out of my classroom, ready to get him out of my sight before I blow up.

  * * *

  IT’S PAST FIVE BY THE time I finally leave my classroom for the day to head to Blake Rentals to drop off my rent check. I wanted to be sure to avoid seeing Douglas again since he’d been lingering around after I kicked him out of my classroom.

  Seeing his face around school is bad enough, but having to hear him talk about mine and Jensen’s falling out was too much to handle. I wanted to strangle him right there in my classroom with the Principal just down the hall.