Light Up My Life

by Winters, Bella

  I sat down on the couch with a whiskey and sipped throughout the late morning to midafternoon. Yeah, it was a bit of a sad day. Now I just needed to regroup.

  I needed to think of a plan.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kat

  I hated seeing Lance’s face when I told him that I was leaving. He looked so down, lower than I’d ever seen anyone. I hated having to do that to him, but I had to follow my heart. I had to follow my dreams. I was sure he understood that.

  “Are you crazy?” Kayley asked me when I got back home. I told her everything. She was walking back and forth while I sat there, sipping coffee. I had left in such a hurry from Lance’s. I wanted to get home and pack. I was planning to leave the next day.

  “I might be. But, we’ve always wondered about my mental state,” I said.

  “Well, then you need to think this over. Why are you throwing away a great guy over a dream?”

  I wasn’t sure where to begin answering that question. “I have to do this. I’ve only known him a few weeks. I’ve been dreaming of this since I was a kid.”

  “Why does it have to be now? Softball will be there later. You are still a very young woman. You have a good ten to fifteen years of it if you want.”

  “It’s just getting way out of hand,” I said. “I barely know him, and he wants me to marry him? That’s crazy, right? I can’t justify it.”

  Kayley stared at me like I was from Mars. “You want to run that by me one more time?”

  I sighed. I hadn’t really told Kayley the full story about what Lance wanted me to do. I sat there and gave her the entire proposition. Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped so wide, I thought she might trip and fall in. It was kind of funny to see.

  “And why are you just now telling me this?” she asked. “Holy shit. You are walking away from twenty million dollars and a great guy? You need to have your head examined.”

  “I’ve thought that a time or two, but right now I really think I’m doing the right thing. I’ve got to take this opportunity.”

  “Are you telling me that you have no feelings for him at all? Like, you don’t consider him husband material, when twenty million are on the line?”

  “I… I don’t know. It’s too much to think about. I can’t make that decision. So, the decision has basically been made for me.”

  “That’s insane. Well, you know I am going to miss you like crazy. I just hope you don’t do anything really wild in Cleveland that I have to hear about on the news first.”

  “I will try,” I said. “I promise.”

  “Ok, so when are you leaving?”

  “I’ll probably be leaving tomorrow morning,” I said. “I want to get up there and get settled in. I have a little money saved for a first and last months’ rent, plus security deposit. I hope to get something near the fields. I am going to take some time to get to know them. That way they will have a lot more faith in me as a leader on the field. I can’t believe they want me to pitch. I thought my tryouts sucked.”

  “Maybe they pulled up some old footage of you from your days in high school.”

  “Yeah, but that was years ago. They must have chosen me based on what they saw. And that is very strange. I could have sworn I saw better talent on that field than me.”

  “Are you trying to talk yourself out of this dream? See, even you don’t think you really should be walking away from Lance and what he is offering. Deep down, I think that’s where you really belong. I would love to see that for you, but in the end, you have to follow your heart. It is your life, right?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, it is my life. I just don’t know if I’m making the right choice.”

  Kayley seemed confused. “I thought you just said how right it was? What’s going on in that twisted mind of yours?”

  I laughed. “I think you just answered your own question. I don’t really know. There are too many things coming at me at once. I need to do something to clear my head. I’m going to go for a run and make sure that I am making the right choice. Shit, why does this have to be so hard? I wish that I’d never met Lance. Then I wouldn’t know about him and my life could have stayed perfectly simple.”

  “Is that really what you wished had happened?”

  “No, I guess not. It’s just frustrating.”

  I changed into my jogging outfit, grabbed a bottle of water and ran out the door. The air was warming up as I got farther into the Spring. I loved this time of year. I usually jogged at least two miles a day, but lately I’d been opting for more of a weight workout at the gym.

  As I jogged, I couldn’t help my mind thinking about the situation with Lance and the fact that I was leaving him hi and dry to sort out things on his own. It was a shitty thing to do on my part, but I had never promised I was going to follow through with the whole marriage thing. I could tell he thought I would still come around to the idea. And I might have. I was running out of options, and it was the best offer anyone could ever dream of having.

  And I was leaving the man I loved.

  I wasn’t sure where that thought came from, but the moment it happened I knew I cared about Lance. I’d tried to fight my feelings because they didn’t line up with my agenda, but that was something you could not ignore. Those feelings were real. They were not going away any time soon either. It was not going to be easy to just pack it up and leave this man. I was seriously going to miss him, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to handle that.

  What was I doing? Was I sure I was doing the right thing? Kayley really got me thinking. She was good at that. Somehow she was able to pry my brain open and make me think that I could really just drop all of my plans, my dreams, and everything that I thought really mattered to me, and let this man I barely knew sweep me off my feet. She was right in some ways, but was it the best option for me?

  I kept playing through the different scenarios in my head, going back and forth on this thing. How had I let myself get put into such a predicament?

  Would Lance be willing to do a long-distance relationship? I was sure he would have, but I didn’t think it would work. If anything, it would only strain our relationship until we didn’t even like each other. If we did it this way, we didn’t have to carry a bunch of drama and baggage around with us. We should cut things off nice and clear. That was what I wanted.

  I’d made the decision that I was taking the job playing ball, and I would worry about how things might affect Lance later. I didn’t know if we were totally over, but it wasn’t looking too good. The thought of not being with him filled me with sadness, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through it.

  I was on the verge of tears, and I had to stop jogging. I didn’t even know where I was at first. I found myself pacing back and forth on a side street. I was about six blocks from home. My home… it wasn’t going to be my home for much longer. That was the other thing. I was also leaving my friends. I would have to start all over with a brand new group of people, most of them teammates. I would have to leave Kayley and Susie behind. They were my dearest friends. We were like sisters. I hadn’t even talked to Susie. Dammit, why was this so hard? Everything was trying to keep me here.

  I was practically bawling now as I stood there pacing back and forth. I wanted to get out of here and never look back. The downside was that this made everything hard at first, but then it would get easier over time. I was certain that it would eventually be right. I was making the right choice. No matter what decision I made, I was going to wonder what if. That was just the way it was. I was going to be upset and living with a voice in the back of my head asking me if I was sure that this was what I wanted. I would have to get used to controlling that voice and getting through things.

  I wiped the tears away and jogged back home. As I jogged my feet began to pick up more speed until I was sprinting down the street as fast as I could with tears streaming down my face.

  But a strange thing started to happen when I got closer to home. I started to feel the tears slowing down and the grief I
felt was being replaced with determination and a willingness to go the extra mile, to do what I had to do no matter how much I didn’t want to do it.

  I was going to outrun all of my demons and never let them win. Whatever happened, wherever the chips fell, I was going to do this. I was going to play ball. If this thing with Lance and me was going to work, then it was going to happen naturally. I was not going to force it to happen and I would not put my life on hold waiting for it.

  When I arrived back home, I took a shower and then I started packing. By the time I finished the bulk of it, those energy levels within me were shifting. I was beginning to realize that I was doing the right thing, or rather my mind had accepted that I was doing what I was doing, and that was all there was to it.

  I was going to go play ball. Every time I thought about it, I got more excited. It was the thing that I had always wanted to do since I was a young child. It was my biggest dream and I wished so much that my parents were still here to see me play. I would be playing for them. I knew that wherever they were, they would be watching me and cheering me on.

  I really wished that my mother and father could give me advice right about now. I hugged myself tightly as I drifted off to sleep in my warm bed.

  Tomorrow I would be moving on to my new life.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Lance

  One Month Later

  I sat down in the stands without anyone really noticing me. There were a lot of people there watching the softball game for their hometown team, the Cleveland Comets. It was a beautiful, sunny day without cloud in the sky. The air was a perfect seventy-three degrees. It felt wonderful to be out on this Saturday afternoon at the ballpark. I was enjoying myself far more than I thought I would be.

  I’d decided the night before that I would make the nearly four hour drive up to Cleveland. It was a long drive, but an easy one. I didn’t see why one of us couldn’t make this drive once a week and we could spend a day or two together. It was more or less Kat’s choice, and I was letting her have her space. For the past month, I’d barely contacted her except for the occasional text. She had no idea I was going to be here today. I would just watch the game and speak with Kat afterwards. I wondered if she’d be mad that I had come up without telling her. I hoped not, but if she was, that would tell me a lot more about whether or not she really had written me off and wanted to move on with her life without me.

  I sat there as the game got started. Kat was actually pitching today as a starter, which I’d read on the team’s website. I’d been following how they were doing, how Kat was performing, and even how she was batting. She had quickly established herself as a star player. Her skills were improving with every single game. I was so impressed with her. And the more athletic she became, the sexier she became somehow. The other girls on the team seemed to be getting along with her fairly well. I imagined that Becky Davis, one of the other pitchers was a bit miffed about not playing more. But Kat was the real deal. She was clearly the best player on the team. She was an amazing pitcher with a wide range of great pitches, as well as a strong fastball which had increased speed about seven miles per hour since her first game. She was a strong hitter who had slugged three home runs, a slew of RBI’s, and she’d filled in at short stop a few times where she’d made some outstanding plays there as well.

  As the game got underway, Kat was in rare form. She struck out the first three batters. Then when she was up to bat in the number four position, the cleanup spot, she hit a double to the fence and brought in the leadoff hitter who had popped base hit through the infield.

  The next inning, Kat struck those three batters out as well. She didn’t give up even a touch on the ball until the fourth inning when the other team’s best hitter had tagged a breaking ball that didn’t break as much as it should have and hit a line drive to third base. She should have gotten it, but somehow the teammate at third base bobbled the thing. That was a base hit on error. Sometimes that happened.

  Kat struck out the next batter so, it wasn’t a huge mistake. Then Kat hit a three-run homer that inning. Her team ended up winning six to zero and Kat had what should have been a no hitter, except for that stupid error.

  As the stands were emptying and the players were congratulating each other on a game well-played, I walked over to where Kat would be sure to walk past me. She almost didn’t see me since she was talking to a teammate and they were joking about something.

  “Kat,” I said loudly.

  She jerked her head towards the sound of my voice and her eyes grew wide. At first, I wasn’t sure if she was happy or nervous that I had showed up. But when she threw up that big, wide smile I knew that she was excited that I had come to see her. She quickly jogged over and wrapped her arms around me. It felt so good to be with her again. She was wearing a now dirty uniform, but I barely even noticed. She looked amazing. I had missed this for so long.

  “What are you doing here? I can’t believe it,” Kat said.

  “Well, I came to see you play,” I said. “I had to see you in action. Great game.”

  “It was alright,” she said. “I wished I’d had a chance to bat more, but we weren’t cracking the bats that well.”

  “It was good enough to win, but I know you, never good enough, is it?”

  She shook her head. “You’re damn right, it’s not.”

  I laughed hard. I couldn’t believe that I was there with her again. I’d missed her so much. And I could tell she’d missed me as well.

  “So, want to come back to my place for a beer?” Kat asked. “I have an apartment pretty close.”

  “Sure,” I said.

  “Great. I want to get cleaned up and then maybe we can go out to dinner or something fun?” Kat suggested.

  “Absolutely. That sounds like a great plan.”

  Her house was a one-story ranch style house in a nice neighborhood. It reminded me very much of Middle America. It was quiet, peaceful, not lavish, but it looked like a great place to raise a family.

  “Here is that beer,” Kat said grabbing a couple out of the fridge. She handed one to me. “I’m going to hop in the shower. Just make yourself at home.”

  I watched her go down the hallway and open the bathroom door. A moment later I heard the shower starting up. I could practically smell the steam from the heat and then I heard her getting naked, taking her dirty uniform off. I imagined her being nude and I started to get very hard. I had to have her right then and there. I couldn’t go another moment. Not a second had gone by during the past month when I hadn’t thought about fucking her again.

  I sat the beer down on the counter, removed my shoes, and sauntered to the bathroom door. I opened it up and stepped inside quietly. She was now in the shower. I could hear her, but I could not see her through the thick, dark shower curtain.

  I removed my clothes and checked myself out for a moment in the mirror. I was hard as a rock and ready for her. I had a feeling that she expected me to come in there. Kat had not been nearly as direct as I thought she might have been with something she wanted, but she had manipulated me subtly into coming to her place and now I was naked ready to step into this shower with her.

  I opened the shower curtain. Kat turned slightly to look at me with a wide grin on her face. She’d been expecting me alright.

  I stepped inside and embraced her. Our lips touched and the fire that had been burning inside of me for so long was now set to consume me. I kissed her hard on the mouth then, pushing my lips onto hers enjoying the resistance as she kissed me back. We were both so ready for this. From that first kiss I could tell that we’d both been feeling so lost and filled with lust since we’d been apart, that this was exactly what we both needed.

  My cock was grazing against her stomach, sliding back and forth across her wet skin. I was only inches above her sweet spot. I pushed it downwards with my hand and then pushed forward forcing it to bend backwards a little bit. That little bit of pain could be quite pleasurable, and I was hoping that Kat would take th
e lead.

  And she did.

  She then grabbed my cock and held it in her hands tightly. She squeezed it hard as we kissed and then she pushed it downwards so that it was pointing towards the floor. I tried not to wince, but this amazing woman was taking my cock and manipulating it in such a way that was rather unnatural, but I couldn’t wait to see what she did next with it.

  But for right now, she was just holding it, squeezing, and pushing it downwards while her fingers slid along the girth of my dick, getting me nice and warmed up for her sweetness.

  Her tongue invaded my mouth and she kissed me harder still.

  She stepped back under the water a little bit and I followed her so that the shower was now coming down on both of us together. Her wet hair was falling over her face and rubbing against mine as we kissed. There was something very erotic about the water adding to it and cleansing our skin as we prepared for this amazing battle of sexual conquest.

  “Turn around,” Kat said.

  I did as she said. She pushed against me to bend me over and then I leaned against the side of the shower, placing my hands firmly along the wall. Reaching under my legs, Kat grabbed my throbbing cock and bent it back under all the way until it was now pointing straight back at her. She moaned with amusement and lust. She stroked me with one hand and held me with the other. The sensation was insane. It was almost mind blowing. It was almost too much to bear, but I held on somehow. Her touch felt amazing. Having my cock bent this way did something to intensify the sensation. I wasn’t sure why that was, but it was beautiful.

  I heard Kat drop down to her knees and then I felt her sweet mouth around my cock from behind. It was so good I thought I might faint from the position I was in. All the blood in my body seemingly went straight into my dick right then and my size increased even farther. Her lips were tightly fitted around the head, pulsating slowly while her tongue went back and forth across the top then into the hole slightly. I could feel my balls tightening as well, the skin of the sack growing taut, and becoming swollen and sensitive as they prepared to create a mind numbing load of my cum.