Desensitizer

by Kaero Davis

  Sinister…

  Loki’s Touch

  You’ll never see the tears of this clown,

  Laughing hysterically dragging you down,

  Madness, delusional thoughts surround,

  A veil gowned hiding the frown.

  The slickest trickster,

  A mischievous spinster,

  No escape, no elixir,

  Under the skin like a splinter,

  The misery monster,

  Once mood turns sombre,

  The God gone bonkers,

  Humanity altered,

  A mind of a maze,

  Of wonder and craze,

  To set sensibility dazed,

  Deranged in a confusing haze,

  To lead gullible men astray,

  The black and white line blurred to grey,

  Reason, rationale stripped away,

  With nothing left but to pray,

  The last remaining threads are clutched,

  Taught and fought for with a grudge,

  Felt so deep and far too much,

  The influence under Loki’s touch

  Exit Scenario

  Stronger men have taken their lives over less, but shady forces are always at play. The trick of it can be when recognising when the sincerest moment arises. These moments are more prone to reflect a solemn truth. However, beware, and tread carefully for you’re getting close to either freeing yourself from a hazardous circumstance or worse – fail miserably in which case you’ll lose more than you’d bargained for. If you have suspicions you’re around such a cracked and fragile yet still masterful deceiver then, follow your gut feeling – your intuition, and tempt them not. Draw as less attention to yourself as you possibly can, and you’ll save yourself unquestionable, unspeakable perils.

  Enter Scenario

  (Cool, I finally have some peace to myself. I don’t know where he’s gone or for how long, but now I have some peace to myself and he’s not on one of his rants; I’ll take another tablet and just to be certain and then write about it, Uh! Just how he drives me insane – and what’s worse – is that if people see me explode while he’s in control of me and then vents – if they see me answering myself back, they’re all going to think I’ve gone fuckin’ nuts. I’ll write another piece and express how I feel about him in it. I’ll express how better I feel about shit when he isn’t here to complicate shit. Fuck I swear he just doesn’t shut UP. And just hearing this shit in my head with my own ears – or inner ears – I don’t know how else to call it – anyway, it’s bloody bonkers. GOD! Thank fuck he’s gone now – feel better, but I think it’ll be for a while now this time – whoops, someone’s been watching me (I squint my eyes in suspicion) how long have they been watching me? (then widen my eye’s in surprise) how long have they been noticing my different expressions?)

  “I’m just gonna split and go do some writing, okay?”

  “Yeah sure, you’re right – I’ll be here,”

  “Okay” I said with a smile and got up to leave the room. Whew, close, I’ll go get to this now…

  Manic Monster Within

  You are such a little beast,

  You’ve had enough to feast,

  Let me go, I command thee release!

  I put you to rest, finally deceased,

  I no longer need your torment,

  You’re now becoming dormant,

  Your criticism has long been absorbent,

  But I’m now learning to ignore it,

  And not just ignore it but overcome,

  Your times at an end and just about done,

  I will no longer feel so numb,

  I’ll soon rid of your filth, your scum,

  You were once the manic monster within,

  Spreading anarchy and disorder, panic and sin,

  Your hold and bonds on me are wearing thin,

  I slash them with my psychic knife, and discard them to the bin,

  You’re losing your power with each passing hour,

  You were ever sour each time I’d devour-

  Every little thing you planned to make me cower,

  But I’m growing taller and I’ll soon over-tower,

  And I’m building my anticipation,

  For the event of transformation,

  Becoming ever more patient,

  Rising from my trepidation,

  And so I say so long,

  For you will soon be gone…

  Exit Scenario

  There, sweet, got it outta my system. But seriously, he’s nearly gone – I rarely hear much of him anymore, it kind of makes me want to tell it to the doctors when I go for check-ups at mental health. I feel more solid in myself, it’s just sometimes, there are moments where he is capable of manifesting a little more than normal. It’s like my skull has or is still being repaired from a split straight down the middle – or at least my brain, my mind – are both feeling more intact and together. It must mean this medication’s working the way it should. I’ve been far more active lately anyway, walking everywhere and eating more frequently – and in smaller amounts, but strangely enough it’s made me want to eat more. I just hope I can exert some of that extra energy better – be as active to burn out and keep up with the intake of food. I feel like I’m getting a better balance. And I haven’t got half the stress I used to have either. Life is becoming more blissful. And better when that manic monster within has once and for all been completely eradicated. It’s strange that he felt so separate to me, that he was a part of me that was – split. An older, more sinister, paranoid, suspicious – war-torn brother figure part of me – only I could hear and see from time to time. But it was me all along. And my brain has fused back with that old self of mine from long ago. I feel like I am one again, and this medication is doing wonders. I’m becoming to have better control over myself. I’m feeling more and more stable every day. Yes, life is certainly getting better.

  Enter Scenario

  “Each night, I am compelled to stare into the reflection I cast into the mirror. It disgruntles me, disturbs me, and I pray that no one else sees that which I do should they enter in on my presence. It’s become a kind of obsession of mine.

  The image of me in the mirror I see glaring back, constantly appears threateningly miming his malicious, menacing acts at me. I am swamped with a fearful paranoia that he might be released. And for this reason, it is why I watch over the mirror nightly.

  I lose sleep, and through the day feel disconnected with my body, almost a meandering spirit been severed from my mortal remains at death. But it is this sacrifice of my sleep and rationale that secures this beast still within the mirror.

  My imagination seems considerably limited compared to the horrendous deeds the reflection of me insists is capable of. I fully believe the most evil and darkest nightmarish things haven’t begun to happen only by the entrapment of my reflection in the mirror – but still, I never chance leaving it unattended.

  Just how it all became this way is unclear to me – but I silently vow that under my watch – no wickedness shall befall. He will remain still trapped inside for all the time I can swear my vigilant watch. And as time flows – my paranoia steadily grows, and I am ever more careful that no one else glimpses my reflection within this mirror or anywhere else.” – Mooka.

  Mirror

  He stands there smiling gruesomely,

  Staring cold and quietly

  An infiltrating fear spreading conducively,

  I’ve no choice but to watch vigil nightly

  His demeanour ever more frightening,

  His desire of my freedom ever more spitening

  Just what would he do should he break free?

  I shudder at the thought of his vengeance on me

  For a true paranoid delusional terror,

  I need only to peer in
to the mirror

  The man standing there that I can see,

  Is cursed by all the worst parts of me

  Where do I begin to decrease the infamy?

  A monster beyond malicious that I fear to speak

  How was it that I managed to trap its’ tyranny,

  And make it more difficult for others to seek

  His hatred glows stronger than I thought could peak,

  Patiently waiting the moment his havoc can be wreaked

  How can I never repeat the error?

  Of soul splitting my evil into the mirror,

  He stands for all I dislike,

  Masterfully distasteful in all his sight

  Equally as so in his will to fight,

  Evil to the core but enhanced by his might

  Terrifyingly sinister to kill by fright,

  Pray this prison binds him tight

  A tomb to seal his intended plight,

  From ever allowing his planning take flight

  But I’ll continue my vigil watch forever,

  To make certain he’s contained within the mirror

  Exit Scenario

  “All right… So, it appears that none have been able to capture a sight of the evil I’d trapped in the mirror – nor at any place I cast a reflection – and so long as I avoid any glass shattering in my presence, everything should remain kosher.

  The real trick of it to remain is – how am I to stop it from driving me mad? And would anybody notice a change in my behaviour, as my sight is locked in examination at the sinister mirrored perversion of myself? AND, how would I explain should they catch me in distraction of their presence?

  I can only best my attempt at covering any allusion to the obsession with my reflection – I suppose just by saying there’s something else of grave importance on my mind (the very moment I’m locked in stare at the insidious reflection taunting me).

  I suppose I could tell them I have a more pressing engagement elsewhere that requires a fair load more attention at the time, then whisk myself away before they might try pry further…

  Yeah, that’s what I’ll do… And should anyone accuse me of being ‘in love with myself’ then I won’t deny them that either. I’d gladly allude a deep vanity in the stead of allowing them the knowledge of what I’d truly done. I don’t want to sound too bizarre.

  Chances are slim they’d believe me, and probably just laugh it off but again, I don’t want to take the chance. At worst, I’d be declared mad and be locked away – and in that case – no –I forbid the chance of that. I guess I’ll just have to be the further-more cautious. Just be hyper-sensitively aware of other persons within my radius…” – Mooka.

  Enter Scenario

  My brothers, my sisters, my folks – all of them are zombied out. Normally around this time, I mean they move and they still function but it’s almost like there’s no one behind their eyes. Like they’re not there but still move and function by some other means – off in their own world. I could almost get away with blue murder on nights of a blue moon. How strange, no matter what I get up to, they’re in a kind of trance. And I don’t get too much of a reaction out of them at all. But then, of course, folk all go different leading up to and out of a full moon. None can explain their behaviours, only that they get a rush – then they’re absent minded in their presence – and then another rush, then back to normal. Bizarre, strange… how is this happening? How can the moon have so much power over us? Mysterious – bizarre… Mysterious…

  Moonlight Lunacy

  No one seems as they normally are,

  Every body’s acting really bizarre,

  Is it a curse that webs out through the stars?

  A pulse that ebbs by the moon afar?

  Just how does the moonlight sliver –

  Twitch the brain and make it shiver,

  That energy soon becomes erratic,

  Sending impulsive a shockwave static,

  So very few become aware,

  Of the mechanics and its’ seismic tare,

  The magnitudes of tide it holds at were,

  And the cost it consumes as it takes its’ fare,

  Strange how people can act sometimes,

  The power of the moon over our design,

  And nature likewise does feel its presence,

  It blooms whence bathed within its’ essence,

  The moon moves endlessly like clockwork,

  Behaviours modified by the pressure it exerts,

  Attention captured we gaze in wonder,

  A force we oft’ be mesmerized under,

  Is there more that we never see?

  Hidden behind all this lunacy,

  Some kind of spiritual conspiracy,

  Our connection and it’s depth of mystery?

  Exit Scenario

  Not too many people will admit they’re under the cosmic power of the moon. Ask, and they’ll tell you what they think, but who likes to hear they’ve gone mad and can’t account for what had just been happening? Yeah – no one. No one likes hearing they’ve just lost control without realizing. So, we just bite our tongues, agree and get along with it. We know the difference – we don’t know how nor why but we know there’s something different. A good way to tell is by paying very close attention to the elderly. The old folk that reside in nursing homes, hospices, or respite centres feel it. The spark fades all the time they age, but as they near the end – where it be in their final day or final hours – they’ll be as sharp and as bright as they had been 20-30-40 years prior to senility or dementia. But you’ll find it’s not just as they die but on nights of a full moon, or new moon. They’ll go hyperactive and they may play up or misbehave. But you will notice a change, it’s there – it happens. There’s still so much more that we don’t understand, we’ve come a long way – but we still have a greater distance to go…

  Enter Scenario

  “No peace, no sanctuary anywhere! I’m not recovering enough energy as I slumber. Beaten and depleted – at home, school, work – no solace, no comfort, just pressure everywhere. I feel like I’m going to stress myself into an early grave. People keep pushing at me. It’s so bad it’s happening in my dreams, and I can’t sleep. I don’t want to sleep – ’Cause I’m not sleepin’ well. Sure, they can give me a sedative to help me sleep but they can’t sedate how active my mind is when I sleep. Skeletons everywhere. Clawing, dragging me through fire, dragging me down the depths of rivers and lakes but I’m always fighting them off. To no avail.

  I don’t know where to run, and I don’t know where I’m going or when I do but I know I have to keep on running, I have to get away from the nightmare.” – Towltku.

  Nightmare Eternal

  Each night I revisit this place in my head,

  Everything is blurred,

  And I keep running,

  Corpses keep chasing,

  The road is long and winding,

  Gnarled trees, swallowed by the darkness,

  And I keep running,

  Each night I am faced,

  By every fear and phobia,

  But I keep on running,

  This nightmare eternal,

  Every feeling in my journal,

  All the hate and fear,

  All my sadness and the tears,

  Rush all at once toward me,

  I drown,

  I burn,

  Keep on running,

  I bleed,

  They feed,

  Gotta keep running

  Each night revisited,

  My nightmare eternal…

  Exit Scenario

  “But there is no escape. I must face the shit – there is no running anymore, I’m tired. But I must fight. I must fight for my existence – fight through all my fears – no matter what they strip from me. I must fig
ht ’Cause there is no other way out., no other way around. It’s hard to stand my ground when I’m so tired and weary, weakened – exhausted from all this running. I am easily knocked from my feet, and people and things all impress upon me in horrific scales, I can’t handle it – it’s too much – I’m losing the plot, I’m going mad.

  Push, push, push *click* …push,

  *SNAP*” – Towltku.

  Enter Scenario

  “I’m telling you there’s something right fucking there! I am NOT delusional – I’m Not just seeing shit; we are not alone!”

  “You’re crazy and you’re an idiot – get off the drugs ya stupid nutcase,”

  “It was never the drugs. I’ve been gifted with the sight – you’re just not evolved enough to see them.”

  “Oh MY GOD, do you not know how nuts you sound? I shouldn’t have come to see you – you’re off your head.”

  “Oh really? You don’t think it’s strange that this medication isn’t working?

  “We both know it’s not working because you don’t want it to – you still choof hooter and you still stick yourself with needles when you get the chance, I just feel like we’re wasting time with you…”

  “Wasting time? Some fuckin’ family you lot are – yeah REAL nice, that’s exactly the right support I need right there!”

  “We don’t know what to do with you, it’s gone too far out of our control now – and that’s the reason why you’re in here with the rest of ’em,”