Letting You Go

by Jordan Marie

  She strokes me, her hand unpracticed and the rhythm is broken at times, but it feels so damn good, my eyes close against the sweetness of it. I hold on, even though it’s not easy. I need to make sure she comes first.

  She will always come first.

  “Gavin,” she cries, her body going tense, her hand squeezing my cock so tight it’s painful.

  I open my eyes, watching as her orgasm overtakes her, hurling her over the edge. I watch every moment of it. Kissing her breast, kissing up her chest, her neck along the angles of her face, everywhere I can, my fingers slowing down, stroking her clit and carefully bringing her back to earth.

  Cherishing her. Loving her.

  She’s everything.

  CHAPTER FORTY SEVEN

  LUNA

  When my eyes finally open, I find Gavin staring at me intently. The deep blue of his are shimmering with a passion that sears me.

  “That’s not what I wanted.” My voice is soft, my voice deeper than normal and I can hear the pleasure in it. I know Gavin can too.

  “I know,” he admits.

  I’ve kept my hand on his cock, even though I’m not moving. His hand is pressed against my center and I know proof of my climax is pooling against his palm, but I’m not embarrassed—at least not as much as I used to be.

  This is Gavin.

  I’m safe.

  “Then, why didn’t you… you know?”

  His mouth moves into a small smile and he leans down kissing my lips just briefly.

  “Moonbeam—”

  “Don’t you want me, Gavin?” I ask quietly, voicing my biggest fear.

  “Don’t be crazy, Luna.”

  “I’m serious. We’ve been together for a long time now. I gave you the go ahead, guys are supposed to…” I stop talking, blushing so deeply in color that the heat washes over my body. I don’t know what else to say, I’m feeling uncomfortable and more than a little stupid.

  “Babe, we’ve talked about this. You’re not just some quick lay to me. Until you’re ready, I can wait.”

  “Gavin—”

  “Luna, I’d wait forever for you.”

  “I just…”

  “Your hand is on my cock, Luna. You feel how hard I am right now. You have to know how much I want you.”

  “Then, why didn’t you?”

  He rolls over on his back and looks up at the ceiling. I feel bad, afraid that I ruined the moment.

  “I’m sorry, Gavin. I’m just being silly,” I tell him, draping half over him, my hand going to his face. I put a little pressure on it, trying to bring his gaze back to mine.

  “Luna, if you knew how much I wanted you, it would probably terrify you.”

  “But—”

  “I didn’t take it farther with you, because I refuse to take your virginity while we’re in your friend’s bed, and I don’t get to hold you all night long.”

  “Oh…”

  “You’re special, Babe, and I haven’t waited all this time to not make it special for you when it happens. If you’re sure that you’re ready to take the next step, then we’ll plan, and I’ll make sure I have everything in place to take care of you.”

  “Everything in place?”

  “Condoms, Luna. I don’t have any tonight.”

  “Oh, crap.”

  “I’m not going to risk getting you pregnant,” he says adamantly.

  “I like babies.”

  “Right now, you having a child is the absolute worst thing that could happen.”

  “Gavin—”

  “I’m serious, Luna. We’re going to be leaving everything behind. I’ll have some money saved up, but not a lot. We’ll have to make it stretch until we have a regular income coming in. I think I can find a job pretty easily, but still it will be hard for the first couple of months and even then, it will be harder than anything you’ve been used to in your life.”

  “I’m not stupid, Gavin. I know it will be hard, but I will work too. You don’t have to do everything on your own.”

  “I know that, Moonbeam. I’m just saying there’s no way a baby will fit into our plans.”

  “Yeah, I mean I’ve just turned eighteen, I’m not ready to be a mom for sure, but…”

  “But, what?”

  “You do want kids someday, don’t you?”

  “I never really thought about it. I think once I would have said no way…”

  “But, not now?”

  “Now? After you? Loving you? It’d be a shame if you didn’t pass all that love on to a child.”

  I place a kiss on his chest, letting my fingers move over his stomach as I stare into his blue eyes. “I love you,” I respond, not sure of what else to say, my heart feeling way too full.

  “But kids are something we should think about and plan, Moonbeam. I want to get us settled. I’d like to have a career that will support us, a home—a nice one like the one you live in.”

  “Gavin, I’m not waiting that long to belong to you. I want you to be my first.”

  “You’re crazy if I’d let anyone else claim you, Luna. You’re mine. I’m going to be your first and last. We’re going to last forever.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  “I’m serious. If we have problems, we talk them out. We learn from the mistakes our parents have made.”

  “Okay, so when? Because, I have to warn you, Gavin, if you don’t make love to me soon, I’m going to catch you sleeping and attack you.” He laughs, as I intended him to do, but I’m not really joking either.

  “How about prom?”

  “Prom? Isn’t that a tad cliché?” I laugh, my body warming at the heated look in his eyes.

  “Maybe but ask me if I give a fuck? Your mom already thinks you’ll be staying over at the all-night party the school is having afterward. We’ll check in and then sneak out. I’ll take things from there.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Oh, yeah.” He grins and I frown at him. “What’s wrong?” he asks, confused.

  “Prom is like two weeks away,” I whine. “I don’t want to wait that long.”

  “Do you want my hand again? Or, I could give you my mouth.”

  “Your mouth?” My body tingles by the promise of that. I’ve always felt uncomfortable around boys. Gavin’s not just any boy. I love him, but still, it’s scary thinking about standing in front of him naked, baring myself to him.

  What if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m not as pretty as the girls he’s used to?

  Everyone I know is having sex. It seems to be all they think about. I’ve never been like that. If it wasn’t for my all-consuming attraction for Gavin Lodge, I’d worry I am as cold as the whole student body jokes that I am.

  “Oh yeah. Do you want me to show you how good I can make you feel?”

  My body screams yes, but when I look at the boy that I love more than anything in the world, there’s something I want more.

  “I know something I want even more.”

  “What’s that, Moonbeam? You know that I’d give you anything I could,” he says, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. I move with him so I’m half-sitting, still draped over his body. His hand moves to the side of my neck, his thumb brushing against my jawline and sweeping to my chin.

  “I want to watch.”

  “Watch?” he asks, his face showing his confusion. It clears up quickly though, when I wrap my hand around his still hard cock and start stroking him.

  “I want to watch you as you come,” I confess, my voice so quiet that he probably has to strain to hear me.

  It might be lame, I have no idea. But, always before, I’ve been so caught up in what Gavin was doing to me to notice his face, his actions when he came. I saw the pleasure on his face afterwards. I saw the lazy smile and the happiness in his eyes, but I missed the during. Suddenly, I want to see that more than anything else in the world.

  “Moonbeam,” he moans, his head going back as I hold him solidly in my hand, stroking him in the steady rhythm that he’s
taught me. Until Gavin, I’ve never even experimented or played around. He’s had to teach me everything. I have no idea, it might be annoying to him, but I love it. I love that he is teaching me exactly what he likes.

  “Look at me, Gavin. Let me watch you,” I beg.

  He raises his head back up, his gaze locked on me. His face tightens with hunger, and I lick my lips seeing the desire overtake him.

  “Take your bra off, Luna.”

  A thrill moves through me, closely followed by panic. I remind myself that this is Gavin—that I am safe with him. I reach behind and unlatch my bra. I catch the front before it falls completely. I take a breath and then let it fall. I can feel heat blossom over my face, but I fight it down. I take his cock back in my hand, my movements not as sure as earlier. Gavin puts his hand over mine, steadying me, and teaching me how to curl my hand with each thrust. Slowly we pick up speed. Gavin’s watching my breasts, his eyes heavy-lidded. I follow his gaze, seeing how my breasts sway with each of the strokes. Slowly, I look back at him and I can see the exact moment it hits him. His head goes back as he groans, his body trembles.

  He’s beautiful.

  My hand which was already slick is now covered as streams of his cum jets out, splashing against my hand and even splattering against my breasts. He watches, the heat from his gaze burning me.

  “Mine,” he whispers.

  And I am…

  CHAPTER FORTY EIGHT

  GAVIN

  “Y ou sure about this, Jules?”

  “Yeah, no problem. I’m going to be here all night unless I convince Darren to go to the frat party in Hagerstown. So, it’s no biggie.”

  “I can get a hotel room…”

  “You know as well as I do the minute you and Luna walk into the Holiday Inn, which is the only decent hotel here in Stone Lake, someone would call Luna’s mom immediately.”

  “Yeah, probably. I could take her to Russell or even Monroe, but…”

  “Stop already. It’s fine. The house will be empty. The parental units flew out to Vegas for their wild party. They won’t be back until Tuesday. I won’t be home until Sunday afternoon, which means you have the place all to yourselves tonight.”

  “I appreciate it, I want to make this perfect for Luna.”

  She smirks at me. “You really love her, don’t you?”

  “Luna means everything to me,” I tell her truthfully.

  “If I didn’t know it before, I’d know it now. You must have bought out the flower shop.”

  I can’t be sure, but I think I blush when I look at the eight dozen roses I bought. I also got candles, bath oils, and a CD of Luna’s favorite band.

  “I just want her to be happy.”

  “Do you think she will be, leaving Stone Lake behind?”

  “I think I’m going to do everything in my power to make her happy,” I hedge, hating her questions because that’s my biggest worry.

  “Of everyone I know, Luna loves it here. Me? Hell, I’d be happier anywhere but here and as far away from my fucking parents as I can get. Luna has never been that way.”

  “I know, but I’m going to give her everything I can so that she doesn’t miss Stone Lake.”

  “What if what she wants most is for you to stay in Stone Lake with her?” Jules asks.

  I frown, unease welling up in my stomach. I would do anything for Luna—absolutely anything. I am scared that I’d even try to stay here, if that’s what would make her happy. Luna is my lifeline, but she could easily become an anchor, holding me down in the one place that I’m desperate to leave far behind. If it comes down to choosing Luna over leaving Stone Lake?

  Will I be able to choose?

  I haven’t told Luna, but life with my father has only gotten worse. I beat the shit out of him a couple of days ago and last night I woke up to him holding a lighter over my bed, flicking it on and off repeatedly. Atticus was snoring, he didn’t even know. My father didn’t say a word, but I knew what the message meant.

  It’s sobering to realize that your father, the man who is responsible for you breathing air would just as soon kill you as to look at you. Sometimes I wonder why he hasn’t yet….

  “I can see you’re struggling with that one,” she says, and I look up to see her watching me closely.

  “There are things…”

  “Yeah, I know. Attie has told me some of it.”

  “I didn’t realize you and Atticus were that close.”

  “There’s a lot about me that you don’t know, Gav. I’m mysterious like that. Listen, I’m heading over to my girl’s house to get prettied up for the prom. Here’s the key to the front door. I left you a bottle of wine chilling. You’re welcome, by the way,” she adds tossing me the key.

  “Thanks, Jules” I say on a laugh, catching it.

  Jules is completely different than Luna, but I can see why Luna loves her. Once you get through her walls and bitchiness, she really cares, and she really loves Luna—that much is clear.

  “No problem-o. Just make sure you bring enough raincoats to the party. You don’t want to run short of those.”

  I roll my eyes, not about to answer that. Jules doesn’t care, she leaves without a backwards glance. I gather all the roses and head upstairs. I need to set the scene here and get in that ridiculous tux for the prom.

  I hope Luna is okay with leaving that early….

  CHAPTER FORTY NINE

  LUNA

  “Boy, Attie, you clean up nice.”

  “Thanks,” he mutters, looking uncomfortable. “I still can’t believe you got my brother to show up to this thing.”

  “I’d do anything for Luna,” Gavin says coming back and handing me a glass of punch. I take a drink and curl my nose.

  “What is this crap?”

  “I’m not sure, but I think it’s straight up pineapple juice and fruit cocktail,” Attie says.

  “Gross.”

  “Sorry, Babe, I fetch the punch, I don’t make it.”

  “It’s good Luna’s at least teaching you to fetch,” Atticus replies, and I see Gavin’s face harden at his brother’s snarky reply.

  “Attie—”

  “Let it go, Moonbeam. He’s not worth the trouble,” Gavin mutters.

  I lean back, my head against his chest and position my head so I can see his face. Gavin gives me a smile and bends down and kisses my forehead.

  “Is Attie causing trouble again?” Jules laughs, coming up beside us.

  “Just the normal,” Attie replies with a shrug. “Your date finally let you out of his sight?”

  “Jealous?”

  “Not at all,” Atticus replies drolly.

  “Whatever. Where’s Candy Bishop?”

  “She’ll be back shortly.”

  “I can’t believe you’re dating that whore,” Jules mutters.

  “I can’t believe you’re calling her a whore.”

  Jules narrows her eyes at him, and I can tell she’s about to light into him, because his hidden meaning was very clear. I don’t know what it is about these two anymore, but they always throw digs at one another.

  “Can’t we all just get along?” I mumble.

  “No.” Everyone around me says it practically at the same time and I simply hold my head down in defeat which makes Jules laugh.

  “Oh, cool it, Luna. You’re just happy because you and Gavin are about to head out together for the whole night.”

  I blush. I can’t help it. Gavin’s arm tightens around me.

  “Can it, Jules,” he warns, and she rolls her eyes at him.

  “Just make sure you clean my house when you’re done having wild virgin monkey sex.” she laughs. “I’m out of here.” She walks off, stumbling slightly.

  “She’s drunk,” I tell them. “Maybe I should insist on taking her home.

  “I’ll see to her,” Atticus says.

  “No, I will. I—”

  “I got this, Luna,” Atticus growls and walks away.

  “This was not how I envisioned prom,”
I mumble at Gavin.

  “Told you, Moonbeam, prom is lame.”

  “I guess so,” I agree, completely disappointed.

  “Of course, I have the prettiest girl here and that pale pink dress you’re wearing is slowly killing me, so I can deal with lame.”

  “Killing you?” I laugh as he takes me into his arms.

  “The thing is cut so low in the back that every time you walk, I know it’s going to dip down and flash that cute little beauty mark above your ass.”

  “Is that why you keep walking behind me?”

  “Well, I do that so no one else can see that ass but me, but if I can see that mark for myself? That’s just a bonus.”

  “What do you say we head out early and you can have an up close and personal encounter with said mark?” I ask, ignoring the heat on my face.

  “You sure?”

  “Definitely.”

  “What about the chances of your mom calling and finding out you’re not where you’re supposed to be?”

  I try to keep the sadness out of my expression, and I give Gavin a small smile, that feels more bitter than anything.

  “When I left, she was sleeping off a bottle of wine. I think we’re safe.”

  “I’m sorry, Moonbeam.”

  “It is what it is,” I tell him, hating that my life has changed so drastically.

  “Then, let’s leave and maybe I can make some of it better.”

  “You always make everything better, Gavin. Always.”

  He leans down and kisses, me taking my hand in his and we walk toward the exit. I’m nervous as a cat, but I’m excited too.

  Tonight is the night.

  Tonight I will finally make love to Gavin.

  CHAPTER FIFTY

  ATTICUS

  “Y our date seems to be getting awful close to Meghan Flint.”