Letting You Go

by Jordan Marie

  “They’re just dancing, Attie,” Jules responds, downing the rest of her drink.

  “What are you drinking?”

  “Just punch.”

  “Yeah, right. If that’s punch, then I’m the King of England.”

  “If that’s true, then England is doo…” she breaks off to hiccup. “…oomed.”

  I reach over and take her drink.

  “Hey give that back,” she cries.

  “It’s empty,” I remind her.

  “Oh. I’ll have to get another one,” she says with a sigh looking around.

  “You need to lay off of it. You’re wasted, Jules.”

  “So? What does it matter? You don’t care, neither does Darren. My parents sure as hell don’t care. About the only person that’s ever gave a damn about me is Luna and she’s too busy all up in Gavin’s ass to worry about me.”

  “Poor little rich girl,” I snarl, sick of Jules’ attitude. She has it made and doesn’t even appreciate it.

  “Fuck you, Atticus,” she seethes, but it would carry more conviction if she wasn’t drunk off her ass and her head wasn’t lolling to the front at an odd angle. I think I even see drool leaking from the side of her mouth.

  “You’re such a bitch. You have it made. You’re all poor pitiful me and why? Because your parents set you up in a killer house with a pool, pay your bills, buy you a car, and give you your own fucking credit card? You’re pathetic.”

  “You don’t know anything about my life!” she yells standing up, but she doesn’t quite make it because her dress gets tangled up in her chair and she falls back down.

  “I know you have it made. You’re just feeling sorry for yourself because your parents are never around to dote attention on you, like the princess you try to pretend you are.”

  “Fuck you. You don’t know what it’s like if no one cares if you live or die!”

  “Maybe they would care if you weren’t such a whore who only cared about herself.”

  “I care, I’d do anything for Luna.”

  “Is that why you let Gavin and Luna use your house tonight? You’re disgusting. You’re only trying to turn her into a whore just like you.”

  “Are you jealous, Attie? Poor Atticus Lodge, always wanting to make the high school’s most popular girl fall in love with you. But she’ll never see you as more than a faithful dog she can pat on the head and praise sometimes.” She reaches out her hand like she’s going to touch me, and I step back. “Good dog,” she slurs.

  “Fuck you, Jules.”

  “Go chase your own tail, little puppy. Your brother is getting the homecoming queen’s cherry tonight and once that’s done, you’ll cease to exist for her, even as a pet.”

  “You’re a mean drunk, Jules.”

  “Just leave me alone, Attie. I don’t want to play with you tonight. You’re not even that good in bed. Your dick is so tiny I barely can feel it inside of me.” She snorts and covers her mouth as she hiccups.

  I walk away from her. She disgusts me. She’s the reason Luna is growing away from me.

  It’s all her fault. Her and my fucking brother.

  CHAPTER FIFTY ONE

  GAVIN

  I let us in Jules’ house and lock the door behind us. We changed our clothes at a gas station and Luna grabbed a water, but she has barely spoken since. I’m afraid she’s changing her mind...

  “Alone at last,” she says, turning around to smile at me.

  “Are you having second thoughts, Moonbeam?”

  “No… I’m just…”

  “Just what?” I ask her, closing the small distance between us and taking her in my arms, holding her so she can feel me. I need her to know that I’m here, and I’ll always be here for her.

  “Nervous. I’m so nervous, Gavin and I don’t know why.”

  “We don’t have to do this tonight, Luna.”

  “No! I want to. It’s not like that…”

  “Then, what is it?

  “What if I’m no good at this?”

  I look at this woman who apparently has no idea how much I love her. She’s grasping her hands so tightly they’re white. She looks up at me, her face so scared and earnest that maybe I shouldn’t, but I smile.

  “Babe,” I murmur, shaking my head.

  “Gavin, I’m serious—”

  “Don’t you get it yet, Luna?”

  “Get what?”

  “Baby, I love you so much. There’s nothing about you that could ever disappoint me. Fuck, Luna, I’m over here praying that I can eventually be good enough for you.”

  “That’s crazy,” she says shaking her head.

  “No, it’s not, Luna. Look at you. You’re so far above me that I shouldn’t have even tried to be in your world.”

  “I’m glad you did,” she responds, softening in my arms.

  “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

  “Because now you are my world, Gavin.” Her words are so sweet, and I can tell from the look in her eyes that she means them. I bend down and pick her up, cradling her against my body. “What are you doing?” Luna laughs, her arms looping behind my neck as I carry her up the stairs.

  “Showing you that you’re my world too,” I tell her, which isn’t a lie. But I will admit, it’s a tad more romantic than telling her that I’m taking you to bed because I’m dying to be inside of you…

  “This isn’t Jules’ room,” she says when we finally get there. I let her slide to the floor then lock the bedroom door. I know Jules said she’d be out all night and most of tomorrow—but it’s better to be safe. I don’t want anything ruining this night for Luna—for either of us.

  “It’s a guest room. I wanted… tonight to be special. I was going to get a hotel room…”

  “This is better,” she says looking up at me. “There are so many roses…”

  “I might have gone a little overboard,” I mutter, feeling uncomfortable. Still, I move around the room lighting the candles—I might as well make a complete fool of myself. When I’m done, I turn out the overhead light and the room softens with the muted glow from the candles.

  “You went to a lot of effort here…”

  “Luna, if you’re still not ready, you don’t have to feel pressured. That’s not what this is about.”

  “I don’t feel pressured,” she says walking toward me.

  “Good, that’s the last thing I want. I don’t want you to feel like you don’t have a choice—”

  “Gavin?”

  “Yeah, Moonbeam?”

  “Shut up and kiss me.”

  I look at her smiling up at me and like that the nerves disappear. She wants this. She wants me.

  Now, I have to make sure she never regrets it.

  CHAPTER FIFTY TWO

  LUNA

  “I’m a little nervous, Gavin, but I want this. I want to belong to you.”

  “We’ll belong to each other, Luna. From this moment on, that’s just the way it will be. You and me against the world.”

  “I like that.”

  I step away from him then, our gazes remaining locked.

  “I’m not sure what to do here…”

  “What do you want to do, Moonbeam?

  “Hide under the covers,” I tell him honestly, seeming way too exposed and I’m not even undressed yet.

  “Then, do it.”

  “Really?”

  “Tonight is all about what you want, Luna. If you want me to undress you under the covers then I’ll do that.”

  “Have I told you that I love you, Gavin?”

  “I’ve heard it once or twice,” he jokes. “Do you want me to blow out the candles?”

  “No… I like the candles… it’s nice, but still… kind of dark,” I tell him, and I know I’m blushing, but I doubt he can see that in this light—something to be thankful for.

  “Do you want me to undress under the covers, too?” he asks and my heart melts. I don’t know much about being in a relationship—at least one where sex is involved—but, I doubt other guys wo
uld be this understanding. That reinforces the fact that I’m doing the right thing giving him my virginity. Gavin is the one and whatever is ahead of us, it will be okay because we will be together.

  “It’s probably a double standard, but…”

  “But?”

  “Can I watch you?” I mumble and then I remember what we did the last time we were together and heat fires through my body—along with desire. “Undress I mean. Not what… not what we did before. I mean I liked that—liked it a lot, but I was hoping it would end different this time and I just, I thought—”

  “Go get in bed, Luna,” Gavin says, smiling at me.

  “Oh,” I respond, backing away. “I’ll just… I’ll just get in bed now.”

  “Good plan, Babe.”

  Maybe I’m silly, but I love when he calls me babe. My heart feels like it is beating a million miles a minute. I kick off my shoes and socks, feeling all kinds the idiot. Jules told me to pack a sexy nightie and I didn’t. It felt weird. I wore a bra and panty set that I liked, they’re a soft pink and I think they look good on me, but now that I think about it, Jules was probably right. Gavin probably thinks I’m so lame, that’s all I can think as I slide under the cover, still fully clothed in my white shirt and soft blue skirt.

  Lame.

  “Get that look off your face, Luna,” Gavin says, and I jerk my head back to look at him. He has his shirt off already, and my mouth goes dry.

  “What look?” I ask, watching as he kicks off his boots. Somehow his socks come off easily and the way he does it, it seems sexy—nothing like how I’m sure I looked. I stare down at his bare feet wondering how he manages to make even them look sexy. Gavin says I’m out of his league, but it’s clear that he’s out of mine.

  “That one that says you’re worrying too much,” he says, softly, as he pushes his jeans down his body.

  Heat moves through my veins at the sight of him standing there in nothing but his boxers. I guess guys aren’t supposed to be beautiful, but he so is. I let out a dreamy sigh, because I can’t stop myself. Gavin laughs, and I know he heard me. I would probably blush, if my skin wasn’t already as red as a tomato. I force myself to drag my eyes back to his face and take in his smile. When his hands move to his boxers, it feels like I’m being hit with a thousand volts of electricity.

  I’m not sure I’m ready for this…

  “Umm…maybe keep the boxers on for now?” I mumble, my voice sounding as freaked out as I probably look because my nerves are definitely getting the better of me.

  He walks unhurriedly to the bed, the same gentle smile on his face, and he gets in the bed with me.

  “You’ve got to quit worrying, Luna. Everything is going to be okay,” he murmurs, as I lean up on my elbow to look at him. His hand snakes under my hair to hold the side of my neck and then he kisses me.

  I gasp, inhaling and breathing him in as his tongue takes over my mouth, my lungs are filled with the earthy, musky scent of Gavin, and I relax into his kiss.

  He’s right.

  Everything is going to be okay.

  Better than okay.

  Gavin will make it amazing…

  CHAPTER FIFTY THREE

  GAVIN

  G od, there’s something about kissing Luna that makes it feel like I’m flying, soaring high above the clouds. Her mouth is so sweet, her moans so tempting and sexy, her actions tentative and heated with desire… she’s everything I could dream of and so much more. There’s no way to put what she does to me in words.

  I just know she owns me.

  I kiss her until she’s squirming against me, her body moving, pushing into me, wanting more. My breathing is ragged, because I’m as hungry as she seems to be. When our lips break apart, I kiss down the side of her neck, raking my teeth against the soft skin. Her head tilts to give me access, as she whimpers my name. Her fingers bite into my sides, so harshly that it’s almost painful—but then, that’s a welcome pain. Luna hungry for me? Holding onto me tightly while her eyes are closed, letting me do whatever I want to her?

  Definitely welcomed.

  “Gavin,” she moans when my hand reaches under her shirt to cup her breast.

  I squeeze it gently, feeling her nipple pressing against my palm. My cock is so hard that I’m surprised it doesn’t rip through my boxers. I need to hold on until I make sure Luna gets pleasure from this, but I better start moving faster. If I don’t, I’ll end up coming just like this and that can’t happen.

  “I’m only going to do what you’re comfortable with, Luna.”

  “Gavin—”

  “I mean it. You’re the one in control here, Moonbeam.” I watch as she fights her nerves and nods her head in agreement. “Can I take your shirt off?’

  “I’m such a freak,” she mumbles, reaching down to grab her shirt. In the end, we both lift it over her head, and I let it fall to the floor beside the bed.

  “You’re perfect, Luna. So fucking perfect.”

  “I’m a mor—”

  I kiss her so she’ll quit feeling bad. I don’t want that. Tonight is only about making her feel good. She gets lost in the kiss and I fight to keep my head, needing to make sure she’s completely lost in passion. I undo her bra during the kiss, my movements uncoordinated as I work blindly under the covers.

  “Gavin…” Luna whispers as we break apart.

  “Close your eyes and just feel, Luna. Just feel.”

  I kiss down her neck then lower, seeking her breast and latch onto her nipple. I’m rewarded with her moan, her body softening underneath me. My hand moves down her stomach, teasing the soft skin as I flatten my tongue and stroke it against her hard nipple.

  “That feels good.” Her moan makes me smile almost as much as when I feel her fingers push into my hair and she pulls my head downward against her breast, needing more. I take that as my cue that she’s ready.

  I slide my hand under her skirt, pushing her panties to the side. I suck hard on her breast, as wet heat meets my fingers. Her pussy is coated with her desire, pooling against the lips, and running along the inside of her thighs. I can feel my hand tremble as I slide my fingers inside of her, not deeply, but teasing her. She opens for me, another signal she wants more and fuck, am I grateful. I’m not sure I can hold on much longer. I work her, sliding my fingers in and out, each time sinking a little deeper—deeper than I ever have before. My thumb pushes against her clit, grinding against it. I can feel her orgasm rising between us—hear it in the heated gasps of air, the way she moans my name and in the restlessness of her body. Her head tosses from side to side, and I feel her body tense right before she falls over the edge, my name on her lips.

  It’s beautiful and we’ve only just began…

  CHAPTER FIFTY FOUR

  GAVIN

  I move quickly and the next few minutes are a blur of kissing Luna, pulling off clothes, clumsily putting on a condom and positioning myself over her, my cock pressed against her entrance.

  It would have been so easy to push inside of her, taking her virginity before she even came down from her orgasm. Maybe that would have been better, because I know no matter what happens, she’s probably going to feel pain—but, that’s not what I want.

  I’ve tried to research on ways to make it easier for her—but, the truth is there’s not a lot of ways to find things out unless I just start asking around and I wasn’t about to do that. Whatever happens between me and Luna will always stay between us.

  “Luna.”

  My voice is hoarse with hunger and the sound comes out almost like a groan. I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life. I want her to remember it.

  It’s special—Luna is special.

  I bend down to kiss her neck, making a path to her ear. Biting on her lobe and sucking it into my mouth, I’m rewarded with her whimper, her body trembling under me as a shudder from her orgasm moves through her.

  “Moonbeam, look at me,” I beg, pulling back to see if she does as I ask.

  Every second seems to ta
ke a lifetime. I don’t even realize that I’m holding my breath until her beautiful green eyes open to look at me. They’re filled with pleasure—pleasure I gave her.

  “I love you,” she says and the emotion behind those words squeeze my heart. Until Luna, I don’t think anyone ever gave a damn about me. Then again, until her, I never really gave a damn about anything.

  “I need you to look at me, Luna. I want you to keep your eyes on me the entire time. I want to watch you as I claim your virginity. I want you to watch me as we become one. I don’t want either of us to forget anything about this.”

  If possible, her face softens even more, and I know that my words mean something to her. Luna understands how special she is to me. How special this is—at least I hope she does.

  “I’m never going to forget, Gavin,” she promises, her voice gentle but full of conviction. Moving her fingers into my hair, she leans up to kiss me, her lips sweet like candy.

  I deepen the kiss then pull away to watch her face.

  “Now.” I mouth the words, I can’t be sure I actually voice them because my heartbeat is echoing loudly in my ears. Slowly, I push inside of her, not far, but deep enough that her muscles are clamped down on me, her body tensing at the invasion. “I love you, Luna,” I promise, my hand going down to massage her clit. I don’t know why. Instinct, I guess. I only know I need to make this good for her.

  “Gavin…” she gasps my name and it ends up on a cry, our eyes locked, as I tear through the barrier of her innocence.

  “God, Baby,” I moan, my heart stuttering in my chest, as I realize that Luna is finally mine.

  Completely mine.

  I don’t move, afraid I’m going to hurt her as I see tears gather in the corner of her eyes. I lean in to kiss them away, taking their salty flavor into me.

  “I love you…. I love you… I love you…” I repeat those words with each kiss I place along her neck and down to her breasts. I’m dying to move, but I don’t.