Letting You Go

by Jordan Marie

  I can’t.

  Not until Luna is ready for me.

  Bit by bit her body softens under me and I sink deeper inside, but still I’m afraid to move. Then, I feel Luna’s hands slide against my ass.

  “More, Gavin, I need more,” she pleads like a prayer.

  We’re so close, almost nose to nose, and I’m lost to the desire I see in her eyes, her breath feathers out against my lips.

  “I’ll give it to you, Moonbeam. I’ll always give it to you,” I vow.

  Then, I make love to her, using my body, my mouth… my heart and right before I come, I make sure Luna does too.

  I don’t know if I did everything right, but I know—at least for me—coming inside of Luna, feeling her climax while I’m buried deep inside of her, is beautiful.

  And sheer and utter perfection.

  CHAPTER FIFTY FIVE

  LUNA

  “I don’t want to leave.” I stare at Gavin as I say that. They’re simple words, but I feel them all the way to my soul. Last night with Gavin, being able to spend the whole night with him… I never dreamed anything could be that wonderful in all of my life.

  “I don’t either, Moonbeam,” Gavin says, walking to me and wrapping me up in his arms.

  I lay my head on his chest and I can hear his heart beating against my ear and it’s reassuring. If I had my way, we’d just stay like this.

  “I don’t know how I’m supposed to be okay with not having you beside me at night now.”

  “Babe,” he says with a smile, his hand under my chin to pull my face up so I’ll look at him. Gavin, I’m learning, loves eye contact.

  “I’m serious,” I grumble. “I don’t want you to leave.”

  “I know, Moonbeam. I feel the same way. But it won’t be for long and soon we’ll be together all the time.”

  “When we leave Stone Lake,” I tell him, excitement filling me.

  “Exactly.”

  “Where are we going to go?”

  “We’ll just hop in the truck and drive, Babe. Go wherever the road will take us.”

  “What if—”

  “No worrying. It’s just the two of us and together we can tackle it all, Moonbeam.”

  “You sound so sure, I wish I could be…”

  “I will be sure enough for both of us,” he promises.

  “Have I told you yet today that I love you?”

  “I don’t think so.” He gives me a sly grin.

  “Liar. I told you in the shower,” I remind him.

  “Ohhh… yeah the shower. I was distracted at the time.”

  Heat raises on my face at the heat in his eyes. I was still fighting my nerves this morning when we showered together, but Gavin makes me feel beautiful, and the pleasure we found in each other’s arms was definitely worth getting over my bashfulness.

  “I noticed.” His face clouds for a minute and a chill moves through me that I don’t understand.

  “We have to be more careful,” he says.

  “What?” I ask, not understanding.

  “I didn’t use a condom in the shower, Luna.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah, oh. I’m so sorry, Moonbeam. I lost my head.”

  “It’s okay, Gavin.”

  “No, it’s not. We have to be more careful. A baby would ruin everything right now.”

  “Not everything. We’d make it work together,” I reassure him, going to wrap my arms around him. He pulls away, looking at me, I can’t read the emotion on his face, but I know it is one I don’t like.

  “It wouldn’t work, Luna. Don’t you see? If I screwed up and got you pregnant it would mean the end of all of my dreams, of all of our plans.”

  “I… I don’t understand.”

  “I have to get out of Stone Lake, Luna. It’s killing me. Hell, if I stay here much longer, my old man will kill me.”

  “Gavin—”

  “We can’t go on the road with a baby. I won’t be able to get the training and school I need to be a cop or detective. I need that to be able to give you the kind of home you deserve, the life you deserve. Everything hinges on making sure our plans hold so our dreams will come true, Luna.”

  “I don’t really have any dreams, other than being with you for the rest of my life, Gavin.”

  “And you will. I just need to be more careful.”

  “I’m sure it will be fine. You pulled out when you uh… you know.”

  “Yeah, probably. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again. To be sure, we need to get you on birth control as soon as possible,” he says, softening some and taking me back in his arms.

  “I can’t do that. Not here in Stone Lake at least, it would get back to my mom. You know how this place is.”

  “Then, it will be the first thing we do when we leave here. Until then, we’ll just use condoms.”

  “Okay,” I tell him, feeling uncomfortable talking about this. Something about the way he talks about it and the near panic I saw on his face when he realized he wasn’t wearing a condom, makes me feel weird. I mean, I don’t want to have a baby either. Gavin’s right, that would be the last thing we need to happen. But, still, his reaction and words hurt my feelings. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that—at least to myself. “I thought Jules would be back by now,” I tell him, needing to change the subject so that he will quit worrying.

  “I did too. I need to get going, I have work today, but I’m not leaving you here alone.”

  “She was pretty hammered last night. I can call my mom to come and get me. I don’t want to make you late for work.”

  “How about I take you home?”

  “I don’t think—”

  “Just like a block from your house. You can tell your mom you hitched a ride there. I’d just feel better knowing you’re not here alone. I’m not sure there’s anything to the notes that Jules has been getting, but it’s better to be safe.”

  “Okay, if you’re sure.”

  “I’m positive.”

  “Then, I guess we better head out,” I respond with a sigh, hating that I can’t stay with Gavin longer.

  “Tomorrow is Monday, Babe. I’ll be with you at school.”

  “Yeah, but I’m still going to miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you too, Moonbeam, more than you know.” He takes my hand and I follow him out the door as he locks up. Being without him is not going to be easy, but it’s not too much longer until graduation and then we can be together all the time.

  CHAPTER FIFTY SIX

  GAVIN

  “Well, don’t you two look sickeningly happy,” Atticus sneers.

  I tighten up, despite the joy of having Luna back in my arms. I know my brother is only trying to get to me. I should ignore him, but it’s hard.

  “We are,” Luna says, looking up at me with a wink. Despite having Atticus so close, I smile, bend down and kiss her. We’re outside. It’s warm out for a change and I’m on the ground leaning against the trunk of a tree, Luna lying down, her head in my lap, our hands linked lazily against her stomach.

  “Do you want something, Atticus?” I ask him, irritation laced in my voice. I won’t get a lot of time with Luna, and I’d rather not have to share any of it with my fuck-head brother.

  Atticus ignores me, which is not surprising. I twirl Luna’s hair around my finger, biding my time until the asshole leaves.

  “Have you seen Jules, Luna?”

  “I haven’t. She didn’t come to school today. I got a text from her last night that said she was sick, and she’d check in with me later. I figured she was still hung over.”

  “Probably. She was pretty drunk Saturday night. I just wanted to check on her.”

  “I’ll tell her to shoot you a message tonight when I talk to her, Attie.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll catch you later, Luna.”

  “You don’t have to leave, Attie.”

  “Let him go,” I tell her, my gaze locked on Atticus’s. I see the hate that flashes over his facial features, but I don’t really
give a fuck. He was bragging last night about the fact he watched Dad beat me. He left me, not knowing—or caring—if I lived or died. Considering Dad came after me because I defended Atticus, that pretty much did me in. I don’t care what happens to the asshole now.

  “Gavin, don’t,” Luna says, sitting up.

  “Don’t worry about it, Luna. I’m used to Gavin treating me like shit. He may be nicer to you, but eventually you’ll see the real him,” Atticus says, turning away.

  “That’s rich coming from you,” I growl and since Luna is no longer in my lap, I stand up.

  “What’s that mean?”

  “Don’t you ever get tired of the damn games, Atticus? Doesn’t it exhaust you to act like the good guy around Luna when both of us know you’re nothing but a piece of shit?”

  “I’ll tell you what I get tired of, Gavin. I get tired of you acting like you’re so much better than me. You’re not. You’re nothing. One day Luna will realize that and then where will you be? Alone. Probably lost in a bottle just like our father. You’re already halfway there.” He snickers, but I don’t find anything he just said funny.

  “How in the fuck do you figure that?”

  “Sniffing around Luna, knowing she’s too good for you. You only want her because she has money. What’s next, brother? Are you going to knock Luna up? Isn’t that how Dad got Mom? Are you going to pretend to save the day and then leave her miserable too, until one day she just has enough and leaves you behind?”

  “You forget they had you too.”

  “I didn’t forget. I’ll never forget. I know exactly who I am. You’re the one who doesn’t know.”

  “Know what?”

  “That you’re scum.”

  “That’s rich coming from you, brother.”

  “We’re not brothers, we might have the same mother, but that’s it. You’re the reason for all of the shit in my life,” Atticus boasts.

  “Bullshit,” I laugh. “I don’t know what you’ve convinced yourself of, but it’s not true.”

  “It is. That’s what my father told me the night we were fighting. He told me that he used to be a good man, used to have plans, but then he met a woman who he wanted, only she didn’t want him back.”

  “Shut up,” I growl, wondering how he could have made up these stories in his head and believe them.

  “He wasn’t good enough for her, until some drifter left her knocked up and she needed him to step in and keep her respectable. So, you see, Gavin? You’re the reason Dad drinks himself into a stupor. You’re a constant reminder that our father married a whore,” Atticus sneers before he stomps off.

  I’m left standing there, not sure what I’m feeling. I thought nothing could surprise me anymore, I was wrong.

  I’m definitely surprised…. I just don’t know how I really feel about Atticus’s revelation.

  “Gavin? Are you okay?” Luna asks softly.

  “I don’t know,” I tell her honestly, rubbing the back of my neck.

  “I’m going to sign myself out and go hunt down my father, Luna.”

  “Gavin, maybe you should—”

  “I’ll be fine,” I tell her kissing her quickly. “I’ll call you tonight.”

  “Okay…” she says. I can hear the worry in her voice, and I don’t want to concern her, but I’m not sure what I’m experiencing right now. I don’t know how to explain that to her and I don’t know what to do. The thought of Atticus not being my brother doesn’t bother me. I think it’s pretty clear that there’s no love lost between us. Still, the revelation has sent me for a loop. There’s a part deep inside of me praying it’s true. Either way I have to know.

  I have to.

  CHAPTER FIFTY SEVEN

  LUNA

  “G avin, something is wrong, I know it.”

  “Babe—”

  “She won’t answer her phone. It’s been three days and she’s texted me twice to tell me that she’s okay but checking out for a bit. What does that even mean?”

  “Babe, maybe it means just what she said. You know yourself that she hasn’t been happy for a while. Maybe she went out of town with her parents.”

  “She hates her parents and they go out of town for swinger parties. Jules would die before going anywhere with them.”

  “Swinger parties?”

  “Exactly.”

  “There’s a mental image I didn’t need,” he says, wincing. I don’t blame him, I don’t like to think about it either.

  “I’m really worried about her, Gavin.”

  “Did you call her parents? You have their number, right?”

  “Yeah, they said they’ve been in touch with Jules and she’s fine.”

  “There, if she’s talking to her parents—”

  “She’s texted them, like she has with me. That’s it. Don’t you think that’s strange? As much as Jules loves to talk that she’s cut herself off from everyone?”

  “Okay, so what do we do?” Gavin asks, frowning down at me. I look around the hallway, desperate. I keep praying that Jules will walk through the doors and come in yelling and laughing at me for being so scared. I’ve been wanting that for three days. It hasn’t happened and she doesn’t magically appear now either. Out of the corner of my eye I see Darren. I start walking toward him.

  “Luna—”

  I hear Gavin call my name, but I keep walking. Darren jerks his head up to look at me as I reach him. He looks guilty and he should. Meghan Flint is pressed up against him tightly.

  “Have you heard from Jules?”

  “No, why should I?”

  “Because the two of you are dating?” I question, my voice full of sarcasm as I give Meghan a dirty look.

  “We’re not. We broke up at prom. I haven’t talked to her since.”

  “You broke up with her?”

  “She was drunk off her ass and accusing me of cheating on her. I don’t need that kind of drama.”

  “Drama. Right. I guess she was imagining the way you were hanging all over Meghan then. Oh wait, but here Meghan is, right?”

  “So? It’s not like her and Darren were married,” Meghan whines. “Not that it’s any business of yours Marshall, why don’t you step back?”

  “You haven’t heard anything from her since prom?” I ask, ignoring Meghan, even though I’d like to take my frustration out on her.

  “Why would I?”

  “Shit,” I mumble turning back around to look at Gavin. “I’m telling you something is wrong, Gavin,” I tell him, my voice trembling. He takes me in his arms, his hands combing through my hair reassuringly.

  “It’s going to be okay, Moonbeam. We’ll find her,” he says, and I want to believe him…

  I just don’t think I can.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be laying all this on you. I know you’re upset right now yourself,” I utter as he pulls me back down the hall and away from Darren. We haven’t really talked about the things Atticus laid on him Monday, but I know it’s still bothering him. He’s been really quiet and sometimes when we’re talking, it feels like he is a hundred miles away.

  “I’m fine, just got a lot on my mind right now,” he confesses.

  “I wish you would talk to me about it. Maybe I can help,” I offer.

  “Gavin, son, I need you to come with me,” the principal says, coming up behind us and surprising me.

  There’s something in his tone that worries me. I study him noticing there are three deputies standing behind him. My hold on Gavin tightens. Something is going on here and whatever it is, it is not good.

  “What’s up,” Gavin asks, he might sound relaxed, but his body is tense against me.

  “You need to come with me,” the principal says again. All around us people are gathering, knowing something is up. I ignore them and instead focus on what is in front of me.

  “Tell me what’s going on here,” Gavin argues and that’s when the deputies move up beside the principal.

  “You’re Gavin Lodge?” one of them asks.

&n
bsp; “Yeah,” Gavin answers, confused.

  “We’re going to have to ask you to come down to the station with us.”

  “What’s going on here?” Atticus asks, appearing behind us. Gavin ignores him, and I don’t have time to look at him. My heart is beating crazily in my chest and my palms are damp with sweat. I keep holding on tightly to Gavin, afraid to let him go.

  “Come with us son, it will go easier that way.”

  “What will go easier? What in the hell is happening? I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on,” Gavin growls, anger bleeding through his words.

  “We’ll explain it down at the station,” the deputy says.

  “You’ll explain it now. I’ve got the right to know what’s going on.”

  “We were hoping to do this privately, but you’re not leaving us any choice.”

  “Any choice on what? I don’t understand—”

  “Gavin Lodge, you’re under arrest,” the deputy announces, jerking Gavin from my arms, and twisting his hands behind his back. Gavin lets him, his head twisting to find me, his face looking bleak.

  Oh God, this can’t be happening…

  “What am I under arrest for? You could at least tell me that!” Gavin growls.

  “You’re under arrest for the murder of Julie Sampson,” the deputy responds.

  My heart feels like it stops mid-beat. My body flushes, but with a cold heat that seems to chill me all the way to the bone.

  Jules…. Dead…

  I hear screaming, and I barely register the sound is coming from me. My legs give out and I’m dropping to the floor. I feel arms go around me, but I ignore them.

  Jules… Dead…

  I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I. Can’t. Breathe.

  “Luna, I didn’t do this,” Gavin yells over his shoulder looking at me. I can barely make him out through the tears in my eyes as sobs wrack through my body. “I didn’t do this,” he yells again, and then he’s lost to someone screaming in pain…

  And this time I don’t even realize it’s coming from me.