Letting You Go

by Jordan Marie

  “Then load up your crap and head out of town with me. I’ll be leaving at the end of the week. You can finish your diploma through summer school. I can arrange that for you.”

  “I’m not leaving without Luna.”

  “Son, I can fix your record this time. I’ll be honest, I don’t think anything would come of the charges her parents would press, but it would lead to an arrest and your record will be blotted with that shit. I can’t fix that. There’s also a chance that this small town will sew you up because they can. A lot of them are blaming you for the death of the Sampson girl, despite us letting you go. Your face, like it or not, has been made famous with this shit.”

  That fear and panic is back, so heavy that it makes it hard to breathe. I study Dern’s face and I don’t doubt that he’s telling me the truth. I have a choice to make, but there’s no real choice. I need Luna to breathe, but can I risk the fact that having her may destroy me?

  Without Luna I was never really much to begin with…

  “I can’t leave Luna behind, Mr. Dern.”

  He frowns at me and I can see the disappointment on his face. He reaches out his hand to me. “If you change your mind, you have my number.”

  I nod, my throat too clogged with panic and other emotions to form a reply. I shake his hand and follow him out of my cell.

  I have only one plan.

  I’m going to load my truck up and grab Luna and get the fuck out of Stone Lake forever.

  I hope doing that doesn’t get me locked back up in jail…

  CHAPTER SIXTY ONE

  LUNA

  “Well?” Attie asks from behind my locker door.

  I scream. I can’t help it. My nerves are on end and I feel like I’m dying inside. “Attie, you shouldn’t sneak up on me like that.”

  “Sorry, I’ve just been worrying about you. Did you find out yet?”

  I frown. I don’t want to tell him. I need to tell Gavin first, but Atticus is all I have right now. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t even know for sure….

  “Thanks for buying…that for me.”

  “What did it say?”

  “It’s the first test I’ve passed in weeks,” I tell him, refusing to look him in the eye. I’m too lost in my head. I’m scared—terrified and I haven’t seen Gavin in what feels like forever. I need him… desperately.

  “Luna, does that mean…”

  “Keep your voice down,” I growl. “I’m pregnant.”

  “Fuck.”

  “That was my reaction. Oh, Attie, what am I going to do?”

  “There’s a clinic—”

  “No!”

  “Luna, it would be the best thing for—”

  “I’m not getting rid of my baby, Attie. It’s not happening.”

  “Okay, fine. So, what are you going to do?”

  “Have you seen Gavin? Can you get a message to him for me?”

  “He came home last night and packed up his crap. I don’t know where he’s at.”

  “Shit.”

  I really don’t want to cry, but I can feel the tears gather in the corners of my eyes. It just all seems so hopeless. I don’t know what to say to Gavin. He made it clear he didn’t want a baby, and I can’t say that I blame him. How will he react when he finds out that I’m pregnant? Will he be mad at me?

  Will he hate me?

  I know it involved both of us, but most girls my age are on birth control, or at least have an idea of what they’re getting involved in when they have sex. I should have reminded him to put the condom on. I should…

  “Luna? Can I talk to you?” I look up to see Wally standing there.

  “Luna’s busy right now,” Attie says, but I ignore him. He’s trying to be protective right now, but Wally is a good guy—plus he’s one of Gavin’s only friends. Maybe he can tell me something about Gavin…

  Anything.

  “What’s up, Wally?”

  “Can we talk for a minute? Privately?”

  “Luna doesn’t want to—”

  “I’m fine, Attie. Can you give Wally and me a little privacy?” I ask him. His eyes narrow and I know he’s not happy. He nods his head stiffly and stomps off, clearly upset.

  “Sorry about that. Attie has become protective of me after everything that has happened.”

  “He’s something alright. You do know that he’s one of the main ones that testified against Gavin, right?”

  “He didn’t really have a choice, Wally. His father threatened him. I don’t know how much you and Gavin have talked about Mr. Lodge, but—”

  “We’ve talked enough, but I am just warning you, Luna. Don’t trust Atticus.”

  “Why?”

  “Ask Gavin.”

  “That will be kind of hard, since I don’t know when I’ll see him again.”

  “He’s at school today.”

  “He is?!?! Where? I haven’t seen him. Can you take me—”

  “The principal is keeping him out of the classrooms. He’s been doing his work in the office. I got to see him at lunch. He wanted me to get a message to you.”

  “What message?”

  “He asked if you could meet him out by the concession building on the football field during the awards ceremony Saturday night? I told him the only place your parents have allowed you to go is to the senior events and that they’re always close by.”

  “I… yeah. I’ll be there. It will take me a bit to get away from my mom. The ceremony starts at seven. Can you tell him I’ll be waiting for him around seven thirty?”

  “Yeah. Do yourself a favor and don’t tell Atticus that, Luna.”

  “You really don’t trust him.”

  “And you shouldn’t either.”

  “I won’t tell him,” I promise, wondering what Atticus has done that has set Wally so against him. I know Gavin has issues with him, but maybe it’s deeper than I realized.

  “Good. Later, Luna.”

  “See ya, Wally,” I tell him, but it doesn’t matter, Wally is already walking away.

  CHAPTER SIXTY TWO

  LUNA

  “Hello, Miss Marshall.” My head jerks up when I hear that voice. I know it.

  “Agent Dern? What are you doing here? Is something wrong with Gavin?”

  “Not exactly. I was wondering if we might talk a moment.”

  “What do you mean, not exactly?”

  “Gavin is fine, at least for now.”

  “Oh…” I respond, his comment kind of weird. “My father is waiting for me. If I don’t get to the car—”

  “I have his permission to speak with you. Will you sit down with me in the cafeteria for a minute?”

  “I… I guess… Where is Gavin?”

  “He and his friend Wally left a few minutes ago. I waited until he was gone to seek you out.”

  “Why?” I ask.

  He doesn’t answer at first. Instead he leads me from the hallway into the lunchroom. It’s eerily quiet and completely empty. Agent Dern grabs the first table we pass and pulls out a seat for me. I sit down, frowning as he does the same.

  “You’re meeting with Gavin Saturday night,” he says, surprising me.

  “How do you know that?” I kind of evade.

  “Gavin told me.”

  “Oh,” I respond breathing easier. “You’ve spoken to Gavin. Is he okay? Does he know that I still believe him? I haven’t been able to talk to him at all. I’m worried. The last time I spoke to him he—”

  “He’s fine, Luna. Can I call you Luna?”

  “Yeah…”

  “He’s fine. He has a very big decision in front of him.”

  “He does?” I whisper, my hand going to my stomach. Agent Dern can’t see that, it’s hidden by the table itself, but what if he knows.

  Surely that can’t be what he’s talking about.

  “I’ve offered Gavin a place to stay and to help make sure he gets through school. He wants to work in law enforcement, and I’d like to see that happen. I see a lot of potential in Gavin.”


  “Oh my God! Gavin will be so excited. That’s all he’s ever wanted,” I almost squeal. I grab Agent Dern’s arm and hold onto it in my excitement. “He has to be so happy. I can’t believe this. Thank you, Agent Dern. Thank you so much.”

  “He turned me down, Luna.”

  “What? No way. Gavin wouldn’t do that. This is his dream. You must have misunderstood.”

  “He turned me down because of you.”

  “Me? I don’t understand. I won’t stand in Gavin’s way. I want him to have his dream.”

  “But he won’t leave Stone Lake without you, Luna.”

  “Oh… and you don’t want me to be with him. I mean, I get it. That’s okay. Gavin and I can still see each other and once he’s out of school we can—”

  “It’s not so much that as the fact that if he tries to take you with him, or pursue any kind of relationship with you, your parents will prosecute him. You were there the day your father warned me of that.”

  “Well, yeah. But I’m eighteen and—”

  “There have been witnesses that say you were only sixteen when the relationship began and was consummated.”

  “But… that’s crazy,” I accuse.

  “Maybe, but they’ve all signed affidavits.”

  “Who?”

  “That’s not important, I just—”

  “Who?” I growl, my hand clutching tightly against my stomach.

  “Gavin’s father—”

  “He’s just a jerk.”

  “Jules’ Mom and Dad.”

  “Come on, they’re not even in town most of the time!” I snap.

  “Gavin’s brother.”

  “Atticus?” I ask, remembering Wally’s warning now.

  “And a couple of classmates. A Larry Reynolds and a Darren—”

  “Just stop,” I murmur, sick to my stomach.

  I’m going to throw up. I’ve been doing it all the time lately. I’ve lost fifteen pounds because I haven’t been able to eat. That’s what made me check to see if I was pregnant. I swallow the bile back down, hoping I can get control of it in time. I don’t want Agent Dern thinking I’m weak or realizing I’m pregnant. I need to be the one to tell Gavin.

  “You see the problem.”

  “Not really. They can’t prosecute him on that, surely. Not when I’m eighteen and willing to testify to the truth.”

  “They might not, then again, maybe they will. Either way it doesn’t matter. Another arrest on Gavin’s permanent record will pretty much ensure that the FBI will pass him over.”

  “Pass him over?”

  “By choosing you, Luna, Gavin is giving up his dream. He’s giving up his one chance for a future—a good future. I don’t want to see that happen.”

  “What do you want me to do?” I ask him, but I know. I know and suddenly I hate Agent Dern. I hate him more than anyone I’ve ever met.

  “I want you to let Gavin go, Miss Marshall.” His words are softly spoken, and I can see the pity in his eyes.

  His words destroy me.

  CHAPTER SIXTY THREE

  GAVIN

  “L una.” I grab her, pulling her behind the building, before she even finishes walking to me. I take her into my arms, pressing her against me, burying my head in her neck and breathing in her scent.

  “Gavin—”

  “Fuck, Moonbeam, you feel so good in my arms. I was scared I’d never have that again.”

  “Gavin,” she sobs, her body shaking, but finally she softens against me, her hands going around me to hold onto me tightly.

  Finally.

  “I’ve missed you so damn much.”

  “I’ve missed you too,” she replies, her voice muffled because her mouth is against my shoulder. I move a hand to her neck, holding her gently, tilting her head up, and capturing her mouth in mine. It feels like a million years since I’ve kissed her.

  Once we pull away, I stand back, keeping my hand on her neck and look at her.

  Really look at her.

  “You’ve lost weight.”

  “It’s been a rough month.”

  “God. Has it been a month since we’ve seen each other, Moonbeam?”

  “Longer,” she murmurs.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. How about you? I know it had to be horrible there. I wanted to see you, but they wouldn’t let me.”

  “It was hell. I was in county lock up for a while. Once Lawrence got there, he had them bring me back up to the Sheriff’s office. That was better.”

  “Lawrence?”

  “Agent Dern. He said he met you.”

  “Yeah, we’ve met,” she says. Her face goes pale and I feel her tremble in my hold.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I… I’ve not been feeling well.”

  “You’re sick?”

  “It’s nothing. Probably a stomach virus or something.”

  “Luna, I want to leave right after graduation. We need to plan, especially since we don’t get to see each other.”

  “Gavin—”

  “You can start sneaking things you want to take with you to school and Wally will get them to me.”

  “Gavin, I don’t…. it’s not going to work.”

  “It’s not ideal, Moonbeam, but it will be okay. We have a little time before graduation. How long do you think you have before your Mom comes looking for you?”

  “Not long,” she says, her head going down to look at the ground.

  “Hey, look at me,” I urge her, tilting her head up to look at me. It guts me when I see the tears in her eyes. “Don’t cry, Babe. It will work out. I’ll take care of you, I promise.”

  “What happens if we leave and my parents go after you?”

  “How can they?”

  “They have witnesses lined up against you, Gavin. They are saying that I—”

  “I know, Agent Dern told me,” I inform her, stopping her from talking. I don’t even want to hear her say that shit. I step back, rubbing the back of my neck, wondering how to reassure her, when I’m worried myself. “It doesn’t matter, Luna. We’ll be far away from Stone Lake, living our lives. No judge is going to listen to that bullshit.”

  “But what happens if they arrest you, Gavin? You know my father won’t give up. He won’t.”

  “Then, we’ll weather it until the judge hears the whole story. You’re mine, Luna. I love you. We belong to each other. We can face all of it, Moonbeam. We just have to face it together.”

  “Gavin—”

  I see the sadness, the pain in her face and I see the bleakness in her eyes, where once I saw happiness and hope. Desperation fills me. I feel Luna slipping away and I don’t know if I can live if that happens. She’s rooted so deep inside of me that I think if you cut me, she’d be in my blood. She’s the best part of me.

  “Don’t you love me anymore, Luna? Are you done with me?” I question her, and I can’t keep the pain out of my voice. I don’t even try to. I let her see it.

  “Of course I do. Gavin, I love you so much. I’m just trying to protect you,” she cries, tears streaming down her face. “I only want to protect you,” she adds, the words coming out like a moan that are torn from her.

  I pull her back into my arms, our gazes locked, tears coming from both of us, her body shaking from her tears, mine from the sheer effort of breathing.

  “Then, don’t leave me, Luna. If you did… I don’t think I’d survive. You’re my reason to keep going, Moonbeam. You’re all that’s keeping me sane.”

  I’m begging. I know it. For Luna, I’d get on my knees and beg without shame.

  I stand there looking at her, holding her and knowing my entire life hinges on this moment. Her eyes close and her head goes down, her body softening, and a small spark of hope comes to life.

  She’s going to choose me… Choose to fight with me…. This won’t be the end.

  She loves me as much as I love her.

  CHAPTER SIXTY FOUR

  LUNA

  I’m breaking.


  Torn apart. I look down to make sure my feet are still on the ground. I’m amazed, but somehow despite the pain, I’m still standing. Agent Dern’s voice rings in my head. I don’t want to cost Gavin his future. I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t get to reach for everything he wants. My hand goes defensively to my stomach.

  Pregnant.

  My parents are going to kill me. If Gavin is here, it will be one more reason for them to try and strike out at him. If I show up in court in support of Gavin, the judge will take one look at me with my belly swollen with Gavin’s child and it might be a nail in Gavin’s coffin—despite the fact that I’m eighteen now.

  “I can’t do this, Gavin.”

  “What?” he asks, his voice hoarse, and I have to force myself to look up and face him. He starts to blur before me, but I stem the flow of the tears. I can’t indulge in them now.

  Later.

  Later I can cry. Later I can self-destruct and let the misery win.

  Not now.

  Not when Gavin can see. This is too important.

  God, how am I supposed to do this? How can this even be expected of me? I need more time. Time to make my parents understand. Time so they can see how happy Gavin and I can be. Time so they understand he’s nothing like they think… Time for Gavin and me to plan our lives around the baby…

  I just need time.

  “I’m not ready to leave Stone Lake, Gavin. I want to stay here.”

  His face goes white. He stumbles back like I’ve hit him, and I guess in some ways I have. My body is trembling, but I can’t be sure if it’s noticeable from the outside, it’s all coming from within.

  “We’ve talked about this. You said you wanted to leave with me, Luna,” he pleads and his voice is so quiet, so filled with hurt that it takes my breath.

  “I’m not ready. I need… time, Gavin,” I tell him.

  In my head I keep thinking about everything. I think, if I keep my pregnancy hidden as long as possible, my parents will give up trying to go after Gavin. They need time to get to know him, to see that he’s nothing like his father and to see what I do… that Gavin and I were meant to be together.