Love, Riley: Redemption Highway: Briarwood

by Leaona Luxx

  My eyes never leave his face nor does my hand break our connection. I stay there as he taxi’s down the runway and lifts off. Leaving me. I push against the glass with both hands, hoping beyond all things I could break it and run after him.

  I sit against the window, clutching my chest as if my heart has fallen from it until Walker picks me up from the floor. He carries me from the building, my life in ashes. Walker sits with me until I regain some semblance of composure. I’m not ever far from plummeting over the edge again.

  “I saw you leave this morning, what brought you back?” he asks.

  “Riley,” I answer with a gasp.

  He nods. “You love him?”

  “I’ve always reverted to self-preservation when in pain.” I croak. “But when it comes to Riley and Andi, I only know they ease my pain. Yes, I love him.”

  “He left this for you.” He places a key in my hand. I have to laugh, I think it’s the only emotion I haven’t felt today. “What?”

  I clutch the key in my hand. “I assume this is to the new house?”

  He nods, switching between my hand and my face. “He went ahead and bought the locks. It’s in case you want to be there.”

  “I left him a key this morning.” I giggle.

  “He left with it around his neck.” Walker smiles warmly.

  “How am I gonna make it without him?” I ask as a shiver runs down my back.

  “One day at a time. Focus on yourself,” Walker says.

  “I need to go, I’ve already missed a class,” I explain.

  “Yeah, he wouldn’t want to you to do that.” He grins.

  “Thanks, Walker.” I place my hand on his hand with a smile. “I need to get moving, and I need to figure out how to live without your brother.

  “Remember to breathe.” His face is crestfallen as he fidgets.

  “I’ll try.” I offer a weak smile as I climb in my car.

  I cry through most of my classes, some watching me closely, others steering clear. When someone gets the nerve to ask, I say the only thing I know. “The love of my life left for deployment this morning.” Several offers their sympathies, others look despondent.

  I make it through the day with less dignity and a red face, but I continue to breathe. On my way to Willow’s, I drive by my place. Thankful it’s still light out, I feel a fraction safer. I unlock the door, walking through, I toss my purse on the couch.

  I stop by the bathroom, grabbing the things I need and then to my bedroom. I stop, taking an overnight bag from it, to throw my things in it. I place it on the bed when I glance up to find Riley’s favorite Panthers t-shirt.

  He left it for me, I know he did. I amble over to it, dropping to the bed when I hold it to my face, breathing him in. My God, how can anyone miss someone this much? My heart has never been in so many pieces. I feel like it’s been a lifetime since I’ve seen him.

  It feels as if I’m mourning. I have to, I’ll never make it if I don’t.

  I dry my face to find a small black box on the nightstand. At first, I think he’s forgotten something, but it soon dawns on me he placed it there, just like his shirt. Opening it, I find a platinum fairy pendant. She has iridescent wings and looks as though she’s praying.

  House fairies!

  I smile as tears well in my eyes, and I put the necklace on, thinking of Riley. I finish picking up what I need, working my way back through the apartment when a white rectangle catches my eye, sitting by the front door.

  Approaching it, I see my apartment key sitting beside it. If I had only known he left it, I would’ve given it back to him. He left with a heart-shaped key I had found in an antique store. I meant to give it to him before we broke up, but it was better this way.

  He owns the key to my heart. I pick up the letter, trembling as I hold it in my hands. I hold my breath as I open it, fear gripping me.

  Ava,

  Leaving you has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t know how to say the things I need to say, the only thing I do know is I love you. It’s the one constant in my life, I’ve always known. Today, I find you have become my new constant. No one knows you like I do, yet I keep learning something new about you every day. Things, some thought a fault, have turned out to be your greatest asset. Your strength. I know you have a hard time seeing it, Ava, but you are one of the strongest people I know. How you’ve learned to live, speaks to your determination for life… for love. I stand in awe of the love you have for Andi, your love for me. I should’ve believed in you, in us.

  I love you, Riley

  A knock at the door rouses me from my self-induced blackout. “Ava?”

  “Yeah,” I whisper.

  Willow asks, “Can I come in?”

  “Yeah.” I sigh.

  The bed moves with her weight as she sits next to me. “How are you?”

  “I’m not sure. I’m hoping if I lay here, the months will fly by and he’ll be here again.” I wipe a tear before it hits the pillow.

  “He wouldn’t want this for you,” Willow says.

  “I know. I just need a few days. I feel as though I’ve lost him,” I murmur through my haze of pain and fear.

  She mutters, “I couldn’t imagine.”

  “I promised him I’d keep going.” Although, he promised me a helluva a lot and here I am, without him. He hasn’t even tried to get in touch, which hurts even more.

  “How? Have you spoken to him?” she asks.

  “No. Only in my heart.” I choke back the sob trying to escape.

  “Okay. One more day, then it’s up. Deal?” Willow pats my back as she stands, not even waiting for my reply. “What’s this?”

  I roll over, looking at her. She holds the box I took from Riley’s. I shrug, “Not sure. I found it at Ry’s but haven’t gathered the courage to look at it. Pretty sure it’s letters to me.”

  “What a good idea.” She sets the box back down, walking from the room.

  I stare at the box for hours, finally finding the courage to get up. I amble over, pick up the box, and bring it back to bed. I sit in the middle of the bed and open the little brown box. Letter after letter addressed to me from Riley.

  I begin to open them; the dates are mixed up from where I knocked it over. Willow knocks on the door again, entering with a tray of food. I grimace at the thought of holding anything down. “Don’t look at me like that, it’s been two days since you’ve last eaten.” She glares at me.

  “Okay.” I offer her a polite smile.

  “What’cha got there?” She stands at the end of the bed.

  “The box of letters from Ry. I knocked them over, and apparently, they’re dated,” I say as I begin to lay them in order.

  She doesn’t say another word, she sits with me and begins to help unfold the paper. After an hour or so, they lay open all over the bed. “Now, what?” she asks.

  “Ummm, this one is from nineteen ninety-nine.” I giggle. “He was six, how adorable.”

  “Riley wrote you a letter when he was six and kept it?” Willow looks at another. “Oh, my gracious. This one says: ‘Do you like me? Check one.’ I think I might pass out from the cuteness.” We laugh as I take it from her, looking at my lover’s note from years ago.

  “He’s… so much more than I ever imagined.” I sigh.

  Smiling as she watches me, she questions, “Have you decided to stay with him?”

  “I’m not sure.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “There’s just so many obstacles.”

  Willow’s brows are pulled together. “Since when do you shy away from a fight?”

  “Huh, never.” I smirk. “If only I could be sure to win this one.”

  She cocks her brow. “There are no guarantees with anything, Ava.”

  I purse my mouth as my belly flutters. “Don’t I know it.” My throat feels as if it’s closing. “I’m scared.”

  “Bet he is, too.” She touches my hand, leaving me with a smile. I can’t bring myself to read past the first few letters, although adorab
le, scrawled in a print with crayon.

  Ava,

  I like you. You can have my Pokeball.

  Riley

  His letters become increasingly cliché, all the better than the ridiculous things we say or do as adults.

  Ava,

  I like you. I know I’m younger than you, but I can’t help it. I like you.

  Riley

  Then, he writes the predictable.

  Ava,

  Do you like me, yes or no? Please check one.

  Riley.

  With each letter, my stomach twists. My face glows red, thinking of the time he wasted. Our time. If he loved me, truly loved me, why wait? Just as he waited to tell me about his job. Which, come to think of it, I have no idea what he does in the military.

  Based on his fatigues, I’m guessing Marines, but what does he do? What’s his job? As I begin to wonder, my thoughts drift to my biggest fear—can I live through this. Is it fair to ask him to not have a family? I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t a factor.

  Yes, I’m angry he didn’t tell me he was leaving. Even livid, thinking he didn’t believe I’d still be here. But neither are things that can keep us apart. As much as I’d like to lay this at Riley’s feet, I can’t. Only my past can keep us from our future.

  Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it makes me angry. Crying myself asleep has become commonplace, not to mention I look like hell. We’ve been broken up almost as long as we were together at this point.

  I wake early the next morning and decide to drive out to the farm to spend some time with Andi. I’ve missed her terribly, and even though Willow has said she can come visit, it’s just easier to go to her. I also don’t have to worry about stalkers.

  I park in front of the house, Torrie already in the porch swing. Andi is playing, so I decide to visit with Torrie for a few minutes before I get my day started. Andi has big plans that include a makeover—I blame Riley for that shit.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Torrie asks.

  “Not sure you want to hear what I’m thinking.” I smirk as we watch Andi playing in the field at the farm.

  “Of course, I want to hear it.” She pins me with her stare.

  I answer with disdain, “I hate he’s gone. I’m beginning to hate him.” Tears build as I bite them back. “How can you hate someone you love so much?”

  “Easily.” She chuckles. “Ask Brannon, I think I have that t-shirt somewhere around here?” She pretends to search.

  “Yes, well, I don’t like it,” I say, trying to cleanse my palette from the taste of truth.

  “It’s not the best tasting thing, that’s for sure.” Torrie rubs her belly as she looks out over the farm.

  “Has Andi decided what she wants to be for Halloween?” I ask, trying to rid myself of the pain in my chest.

  “She hasn’t said a word.” She shrugs.

  “Can I take her to get one?” I cross my arms as my body slumps, and it hits me, Riley and I will miss our first holidays together. Huh, together? I guess we’re not together, are we? Not only is he a million miles away, but we broke up. Now, if someone will tell my heart.

  Torrie eyes me suspiciously. “You know you can. What’s up?”

  Twisting my mouth the same way as my stomach, I answer, “The holidays are coming, should’ve been our first. But then again, we’re not together.”

  “Is that how you feel? Like you’re not together?” She worries her lip between her teeth.

  “There’s so much we didn’t do,” I huff as I stand, walking over to the steps. “Honestly, we never said we were dating. We were just there; I guess he felt I’d be leaving, so why make it official.”

  “I’m sorry. He should’ve done that, asked you.” She follows me over to the steps.

  “It’s alright, I’m angry. Maybe if I hadn’t run, he would have.” I shrug. “I want to blame him, anger helps me cope. But it’s on me, I’m the reason we’re not a couple.”

  Torrie presses me for answers that I can’t explain. “Have you told him?”

  “No.” I sigh. “He needs to know. Whether we stay together or not, he deserves to know why.”

  “Ava, do you honestly believe, you can’t have a future with him?” Torrie asks pointedly.

  “When in the hell have I ever known anything?” I giggle.

  “Why not take time to find out?” She nudges me. “And maybe eat. And sleep.”

  “Hell, I’d feel better if she’d brush her hair.” Brannon smirks.

  “Fuck you.” I return his smirk. “I couldn’t care less what you think.”

  “Dang, you’re rough on a guy.” Brannon grabs his chest like he’s hurt.

  “That’s what I’ve heard.” I sigh. “I’m gonna go play with Andi for a while and then head on home. I’ll make sure she comes in before I leave.” I double time it down the steps.

  “Ava. Ava!” Brannon yells, stopping me in my tracks. I’m not in the mood for lectures, I need a friend. I’m fucking over judgment.

  I turn to him with my arms folded across my body. Some may think it’s in defense, but it’s to keep my heart in my shell of a body. “What, Brannon?” I refuse to look at him.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.” He steps toward me, but I put my hand up to stop him, waving him off.

  “It’s all good. I’m sure lots of people think this is what I get. It’s my penance for all the hell I caused for years.” I take a swipe at my face, knocking away the tears. “Problem is, I think I agree.”

  “No, Ava. You deserve love. He was right about that,” Brannon whispers.

  “So, where in the hell is it?” I whirl around, hurrying away from him. I’m done.

  I wander the house, looking for her. Approaching the bedroom, I see her, laying the same way she was yesterday. Her head lulls to the left side, eyes open. She stares at me until I look away. My dad slumps in the corner of the room.

  The blood on the side of his head makes me wince. I know. I’m just a little girl, but I know they’re dead. My dad killed my mom and then shot himself. A sound in the hall startles me. I jump and with the movement, a breeze stirs, picking up the scent of the monster.

  Once again, I wake with sweat running down my back. Fucking nightmares.

  The following weekend, I take Andi shopping for costumes. After finding her accessories for a steam punk look, she talks me into dressing up with her. We both go with the steam punk theme, but Andi has wings.

  We spend the day, running around Myrtle Beach. I think it’s the first time I’ve smiled in weeks. We window shop for a while when I hear someone call my name. “Ava.”

  “Hey, Maisyn.” She brings me into a hug.

  “How are you?”

  “Andi, you want to run over there and get a snow cone?” I ask her.

  “Yes, please.” I hand her a five, and she hurries over.

  “Not good, but I’m breathing.” My mouth’s pressed into a hard line.

  “You have every right to be mad as hell.” She nods at me.

  “I know but, Maisyn, it’s so much bigger than that. I’m not sure if we can even have a family.” My legs feel weak when I say anything about it.

  “Are you going to any Halloween parties?” She changes the subject to my approval.

  “I don’t think so.” I’m not ready for a public outing either.

  “We need to at least do lunch. I know Lea and Thayer could do with a day out. Hardy is a hoot to watch with their baby.” She laughs.

  “I can do that, sounds better than the other.” I wrinkle my nose.

  “Good deal, I’ll text you.” Maisyn hugs me again. Leaning over, she tweaks Andi’s nose. “Bye, ladies.”

  We watch Maisyn jog across the boardwalk to her tattoo place. “Momma?” Andi draws my attention.

  “Yeah?”

  “You think we could talk Dad into letting me put pink in my hair?” She gazes up at me, eyes wide with excitement.

  “How about we ask for Halloween and go from there?” I don’t h
ave the heart to tell her Brannon would die. Besides, she doesn’t have too much longer and she’ll be wanting a tat and a boyfriend. Brannon will not handle that well, I’m afraid.

  “Will it stay?” she ponders, and I can see her wheels turning.

  “Until you wash it.” I play with her hair as we walk.

  She shrugs. “Good enough.” Yes, it is my baby girl.

  Halloween night

  Torrie isn’t feeling well, so I volunteer to take Andi trick or treating. Brannon worries because of the night and tricks being played as it is, but I can take care of us. He reluctantly agrees, to which he earns an eye roll from Torrie and myself.

  “We’ll be fine. I’ll only take her to the people we know, in and around town. And if it’s okay, we’re coming back to Ripley’s for a walk through of their Aquarium and Halloween exhibition.”

  “Sounds good. Call me if y’all need anything.”

  “We will.” I smile as Andi takes my hand.

  “We’ll be fine, dad. Love you.” Andi waves as Bran leans down for a kiss.

  We stop at Maisyn’s, Thayer’s and Lea’s. One tells us to stop by their kid's homes, so we do. Like Willow needed to see me again. I decide to stop in at The Penningtons’, though, I’m not sure why.

  “Hello, Ava. Andi. How are you, ladies?” Cynthia greets us with a big smile. To my surprise, we even get a hug.

  “Good. Torrie wasn’t feeling well tonight, so Brannon’s home and we’re out with the goblins.”

  “We’re going to Ripley’s next,” Andi adds.

  “That sounds great. Please, let me get Ian. I know he would love to see you both,” she says as she backs away.

  “Sure thing.” I nod as Walker joins us. He brings me in with a big hug, squatting to hug Andi.

  “How are you, Andi? Getting lots of good stuff?” She grins as I gaze at her.

  “I am!” she exclaims before squealing when Ian sneaks up, goosing her. “That was scary. I loved it.”

  We all laugh. “Ava.” Ian embraces me as if it’s been decades. “May we give her a candied apple?”