Love, Riley: Redemption Highway: Briarwood

by Leaona Luxx

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Come on, Andi Pandi.” Cynthia and Ian walk Andi into the kitchen. I need to bring her by for a visit. They seem to have a good bond.

  “I’ve been meaning to call you but since you gave your other phone back, I don’t have another number.” I swallow past the knot forming in my throat. For whatever reason, my chest fills heavy and fear grips me.

  Tears well in my eyes as I struggle to catch my breath. “Is he… okay?”

  Walker touches my arm, trying to calm me. “He’s fine, hanging in there. He’s at his station.” He smiles.

  “Oh, shit. Walker, you’re never allowed to give me any news.” I bend over, catching my breath. “You got it?”

  “Sorry. This is as new to me as it is you,” he says, pulling his brows together.

  “What do you mean?” I tilt my head to get a good look at his face.

  “Riley’s never asked me to do things like this, check on his girl.” He shrugs.

  My eyes grow wide at his words. “Am I his girl? I don’t remember him asking, ever.”

  Now, it’s Walker’s turn to look surprised. He frowns. “He never said… let’s date. Will you marry me?”

  I giggle. “Every day he asked to marry me, but there was never a ring. I mean, we just started seeing each other. Although, he did say I should take some years from him so it would be longer but I mean, no—we weren’t exactly together. And of course, we had the huge fight and then we broke up. But I guess we didn’t break up because we weren’t dating.” I wince, shut up, Ava. Just shut up.

  “Alrighty.” His lips lay in a flat line. “I guess I’ll get that straight with him.” He grimaces.

  “Wait. You talk to him?” I gasp as my mouth falls open. I grab my chest as my long dead heart thrums.

  He nods, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, he can once in a while. Never a certain time.”

  “He can call for a few minutes, at unusual times and his thoughts are about me?” My heart races.

  Walker’s eyes are drawn down, his lips pulled into a thin line. “He loves you. It’s nothing he hasn’t done every call since he left.”

  “What?” I lay my hand over my heart.

  “Yeah. So, he wanted me to get this to you. He mailed it before they shipped him overseas. He’s already mailed the next one, so if I could get your number, I’ll call you and we can meet.”

  He hands me an envelope, and I grasp it, clutching it to my chest. “What’s it say?”

  “I don’t know, it’s yours.” He chuckles.

  “Of course. So, there’ll be another one?” I know what he said, but I want to hear it again.

  “Yeah, probably, two a month. Unless he mails more than one in a day.” He shuffles his feet like he’s nervous.

  “Thank you.” I rub my hands over the letter, wanting to read it now.

  Andi and their parents’ come strolling from the kitchen, Andi has a red, sticky face. Cynthia hands me a plastic bag with something white in it. “Washcloth for her face.” She smiles as she puts her arm around me.

  “Now, you two girls don’t be strangers. We’d love to have you over for dinner sometime,” Ian adds.

  “Well, Ava told me Riley hasn’t exactly made them an official couple,” Walker announces, thrilling me to no end. Thanks, asshole.

  “What?” Cynthia’s mouth hangs agape.

  I take a deep breath. “Not even before we broke up.”

  “You broke up?” They look from me to Walker and back. Andi takes my hand, holding it tight.

  “Yeah, I mean, as much as two can when they’re not officially dating. I thought you knew.” I grimace, squeezing my eyes shut.

  “But… the airport,” Cynthia stutters.

  “I love him, I do.” I hesitate. “We probably need to talk first.” My eye begins to twitch. I want to crawl under a rock.

  “You’ll work it out,” Walker adds, making me feel minutely better.

  “Yeah, well, I apologize for staying so long. I guess we should be going.” I turn to the door with Andi in tow. “I hope I didn’t intrude.”

  “Not at all, offer still stands. Dinner, soon.” Ian takes my hand, shaking it.

  “Oh, Walker, my number.” I pull my phone from my pocket, reaching it to him. He looks over the old pay per use phone like it might bite him. I snicker.

  “I’ll send myself a text message.” His brows raise, waiting for my approval. I nod rapidly, pleading for him to hurry.

  His phone buzzes, and he checks it with a grin, handing mine back to me. “Gotta make sure we stay in touch.”

  I jerk my phone from him, glaring at him. “Yeah, we’ll see, after I read this one.”

  He smirks. “Sounds good.”

  “I’m leaving. Thank you again, bye.” I wave, walking out the door. “Tell them bye, Andi.” She waves.

  I help Andi in the car as the Penningtons’ wave from their porch. What was I thinking? “What is it, Momma?”

  “Nothing, baby.” I grimace. “I shouldn’t have come, I’m sorry.”

  “Because of Ry? Where is he, I miss him.” Well, fuck. I haven’t even told her. Again, worst mom ever.

  “He had to leave for work, he’ll be back around April. Hopefully.” I look in the mirror at her.

  “He’ll be okay, don’t worry.” How in the world does she know?

  “Thank you.” Our drive into town is quiet.

  I find a prime parking spot, close to the building. I reach for her hand—I know she’s getting older, but it’s Halloween. After a few steps, I scan the crowded street. Something feels off like I’m being watched. Therefore, I’m not watching when I run straight into Dax. Fuck.

  “Hey, gorgeous.” He pulls me into a hug before I can protest. I lay my hand on his chest in time enough to hold him off; no pressing your junk into me dude. Not today.

  “Hi, how are you?” I fake a smile, and Andi cocks her brow. There it is, that’s my girl right there.

  He narrows his eyes. “Great. You okay? Heard Riley’s departure didn’t go over well.”

  “Without a hitch. We talked till dawn and went with the fam to see him off.” A little white lie never hurt anyone. Besides, I’m pretty sure this would be Riley approved.

  “Hmmm, I thought you had broken up.” He shifts from foot to foot.

  “Nope.” Andi glares at me, and I flash her a smile.

  “Oh, well. I wanted to ask you out if you were single.” Dax drags his eyes down my body, and I instantly regret wearing my matching costume.

  “Dax, let’s be honest. You couldn’t care less if I’m with Ri-ley or not.” I fidget, really wanting to cover my chest from his perusal.

  “Well, you’re right there.” He bites his lip when he ogles my body. Gross, I could yack.

  “Oh, alrighty then. We need to get going, Brannon expects us soon. See ya, later.” I wave over my head as we walk away.

  Andi tugs at my hand for my attention. “Yes, baby?”

  “You told two lies.” She openly gapes at me.

  “I know. It was terribly wrong of me, but he’s mean to Riley and I don’t like him.” I shake as a chill runs up my spine.

  “He likes you.” She regards me for a moment. “But you love Ry, and he loves you. It’ll be okay, you’ll be fine.”

  This child. I shake my head as we stroll into the exhibit. We take our time, looking at all the Halloween-themed activities. Walking across to the aquarium, we spend the rest of the time checking out turtles.

  We head out to go home when I notice something off with my car. I have a flat tire, this quick? Shit. I pull my phone out, not sure who I’m going to call. The first number I see is Walker’s. I hit dial, and he picks up on the second ring. “Hey, it’s Ava. I have a small problem.”

  I don’t have the money to go back in Ripley’s, so Andi and I sit in the car, waiting for our help. I keep a watchful eye, praying no one messes with us. Andi looks through her Halloween haul, sharing a few pieces with me.

  In what
feels like forever, Walker pulls up twenty minutes later, and Andi is elated. “Thank you, God.” I roll down the window, and she yells, “Hi, Uncle Walker.” Geez!

  I spin in my seat to glare at her. “Andi, we spoke about this.”

  “Momma, he’s gonna be my uncle, get over it.” She folds her arms with a huff, falling back into the seat. I roll my eyes, turning back to Walker, who stands there snickering.

  “What?” I snarl at him.

  “He’s got her in the palm of his hand.” He smirks.

  “She’s the only one,” I huff. “Are you going to help us?”

  “I am. Pop the trunk.” He tilts his head to the back of the car.

  I get out to offer my help. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “No, I’m good. Thank you, Ava.” Walker stares at my tire for a little longer than he should. “Ava, you can help me.” He drags his keys from his pocket. “I’m gonna get my air compressor to fix your tire. Try to remember if you ran into anyone tonight.”

  What? I follow him to the back of his truck, Andi sits in the back seat of my car, right beside us, outta earshot of our conversation. “What’s going on?”

  “I think someone let the air out of your tire.” He scans our area. My hair stands on end, and my eyes flash to Andi.

  “Who? I mean, why?” I hurry back to my car, standing by it to keep an eye on Andi

  “Did you see anyone or run into someone?”

  “Dax. We ran into Dax.” I shake my head as my body trembles.

  “I wouldn’t think it would be him, but he’s sketchy as hell,” Walker growls as he inspects my tire closer. “Yeah, they let the air out.”

  “Fuck.” I cross my arms over my body. “I’ll keep a better watch from now on. I’m sorry, Walker, for having to call you.”

  His eyes snap to mine. “This wasn’t your fault.”

  “I don’t have the mace Ry bought me.” I bite my lip.

  “I have it.” I jerk my head to him. “What?”

  “He gave me your things in case you needed them.” His mouth twists as he squints.

  Narrowing my eyes, I say. “Just the mace, please,” I mumble.

  “Okay. Just the mace.” Walker fixes my tire and gives me my mace.

  I hug him tight; he’s becoming such a good friend. “Thank you for rescuing us, I appreciate it.”

  “Riley asked me to. And I wanted to.” He smiles, opening my door. “Ava, I know you have your reasons for putting some distance between you and Riley. I’m not questioning it, but I do want to say it’s good having you around. You remind us of Riley and Sallie. Not meaning for that to pressure you, just wanted you to know where we’re coming from.”

  “I have a lot to figure out, Walker. We may love each other, but it doesn’t mean we’re supposed to be together.” I hug him and step into my car. He closes the door, watching us drive away.

  I drop Andi off at home and head to Willow’s. I know exactly what I want to do when I get there. I sneak away with Riley’s letter, opening it with care. I don’t think I’ve ever had mail from another state. I grab my box of letters and settle in the middle of my bed. I think I want to read a few of the old letters and then his new one.

  Ava,

  I know I’m younger than you but I like you. Like, like you.

  Riley

  Ava,

  You don’t know I watch you. Not in a creepy way, but I do. I want you to know, I think you’re beautiful, and I like you.

  Riley

  I can tell by his handwriting he was a little older when he wrote these. I’m blown away with the care it took from him to keep these; why would he do that? I rub over the top of the box, the way he would scribble my name with accents and details amazes me.

  I open the letter Walker gave me. Riley hadn’t been shipped out yet. When my stomach flips, I gasp. It rolls and with that, I feel a wave a nausea comes over me. I steady my erratic breathing, trying to calm my overreaction. Unfolding the paper, I read it slowly, in hopes my heart will withstand what’s written.

  Ava,

  I can’t lie, when I woke up this morning and you were gone, I hated you. Or so I thought. I was angry, didn’t want to see you again. I told myself I was done trying with you. No matter how hard I try to make you love me, it’s not happening. I refuse to push you into a life you don’t want. A love you feel forced into isn’t good for either of us. For years, I imagined a life with you, one full of love. This morning, for the first time in my life, I hated you. Because you could walk away and not look back. You were capable of making love to me and making a clean getaway.

  You are the only person I’ve ever wanted to make love to, I did that last night. On my terms, in my bed. You lie under me, eyes full of want, for me. You felt our love for each other, I know you did. That’s why there were no words needed. You knew what we were doing. You knew, and you wanted it.

  Yet, when I woke up to an empty bed, I was angry. Angry as hell. At you, my job, life. All the things that have conspired against us over the years. I was angry at myself. I spent so much time thinking I wasn’t enough for you, I wasted years we could’ve spent together. Years passing by which we could’ve built a future together. A life.

  And then, the minute I think it’s all gone, I sit, looking out at my family waving at me to see my brother pointing to his right. I was stunned. To see you press your hand against the window, drying your face; trying to be brave. For me. Yourself. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. I thought you were a dream, my memory has never done you justice. That’s how I knew you were real.

  I laid my hand on the glass, touching yours, connecting to you in every way possible in that moment. As the plane began to move, I forced myself not to jump up, running from it. I needed to hold you as much as you needed me, too. I wanted to take you in my arms, chase away your demons, and love you forever.

  I can do that for you, Ava. I’ll replace all the bad, loving you for who you are. I want to love you. The image of you falling to your knees with your hand connected to mine will forever be imprinted on my heart and in my mind. It’s the day I finally brought you to your knees. I don’t think you even realized I’ve been on bended knee from the day I met you. Hold on to us, Ava. When the nightmares come, run to me. If doubts fill your thoughts, come to me. When love calls, answer—it’ll be me.

  I love you. Riley

  November

  The second week of November brings a chill to the air that’s unusually cold for us. My mind wanders to Riley, whether he’s cold or not. I find myself googling where he could be, what the temperatures are like. He’s probably in the Middle East, looks as though he’s warm.

  What am I thinking, he’s probably nowhere near there? I’ll ask Walker. If he is there, he’s seeing some action. Which means trauma. I don’t think I want to know, I can’t think about that. I close the computer, putting it out of my mind.

  I gather my things, ready for my appointment. I park by the entrance; it’s becoming a habit more than self-preservation. I continually scan my surroundings as I enter the building. I sit in the corner, keeping my eyes peeled for anything.

  If Riley was here, I wouldn’t have to worry. My dreams don’t even come around when he’s here. When I’m called, I stand, wrapping myself in my arms. A shiver runs down my back as I step through the office door.

  “Hi, Ava. How are you?” Flora asks as I sit down.

  “I’ve been better.” I kick off my shoes, curling my legs under me as I sigh.

  “Why is that?” She stands, walking around to sit beside me.

  “Nightmares. They’ve come back with a vengeance.” I pick at my nail, pausing to reflect, and gather my thoughts. “Even after waking up, if I fall back to sleep, they come back.”

  “We need to identify your trigger. You were young; it’s hard enough to pinpoint, but you’re a little tougher,” Flora explains.

  “I’ve tried to figure it out.” I shake my head. I rub my chest, trying to ease the pain.

  “Why are y
ou rubbing your chest?” She glances at me.

  “Hoping to make it stop hurting,” I say, honestly.

  “Why is it hurting?” Flora studies me.

  “I miss Riley. I’ve ripped myself apart about us. Not being together is breaking my heart, but if being with him triggers my dreams, that’ll tear us apart more. I’ll end up going mad.”

  “Why can’t you be together?” She leans forward, listening intently.

  “He’s in the military, special forces, just like my dad. Talk about a trigger,” I exclaim.

  “That’s not a trigger.” She reaches for a tissue, handing it to me. “Triggers aren’t characteristic.”

  “What? I’ve never been told that, ever.” My eyes are wide as I search my memory.

  “Triggers are related to sights, smells, and stress is a huge part of that. What stress have you been under?”

  “Life. Riley leaving. Although, when he’s around, I don’t have dreams. Well, once, after the assault.” I nod as the wheels turn.

  “So, what is triggering your dreams?” She hesitates. “Ava, you’ve never acted out. The only hurt you’ve done has been to yourself. Has Riley ever hurt you? Apparently not, or your dreams would trigger with him around.”

  “So, I need to think about my environment in a whole as to where my trigger lies.”

  She nods. “Yes. Rule out character traits. This is internal, that’s why it’s sensory.”

  “Okay. Thank you.” I stand slowly. “So, it’s not his job or me?”

  “You’ve never hurt anyone but yourself, Ava. Why would you lash out now?” I twist my mouth. “I’ll see you in two weeks, unless you need me before then.”

  Leaving my appointment, I’m in a daze, thinking about what was said. Her point, I’ve never hurt anyone but myself. It’s true. But I’m still left wondering what in the hell is triggering my memories. My nightmares have raged the last few months.

  I drive in automatic back to Willow’s, trying to forget about everything. That proves to be tougher than I thought; Riley is always right here, the source of my pain. Oddly, it’s not a devastating pain, it’s more of a yearning.