Revival

by Kirkpatrick, S.

  “And on that note, I’m gonna go clean up while you finish here.” Dex laughs, kisses my temple, and makes his way to the dining room.

  Abel stands off to the side, silently watching as everyone embraces me and then heads to their cars. He’s always been like this. The observer, the protector. Always looking out for everyone, regardless if they want it or need it. Lucky for him, I’m really enjoying the extra attention right now.

  The day I got abducted, I was ready to throw down with Abel. I couldn’t stand his constant hovering, his overprotective streak, his incessant need to insert himself in my life.

  But then everything changed.

  The old saying about not knowing what you have until it’s gone is right. I had to accept the fact that I might not make it out of that room. I had to think about my life ending and never seeing my brother again. Never seeing my nieces or nephews. Never being with Dex. And when you watch your life flash before your eyes like that, you can’t help but see every flaw, every mistake, and every missed opportunity.

  A part of you shifts on some deeper level. For the first time in your life, you start to think on a different level than you ever have. When time is running out, when your breaths start to slow, a new part of you emerges. And although it’s enlightening to see things that weren’t always so clear before, it feels like a vise gripping you from the inside out. It’s like this invisible thread, squeezing your last moments from your consciousness before your body gives out.

  I never expected to wake up from that last blow. I accepted my fate. I was prepared to exchange my life for Max’s. I knew what I was doing, I knew what the consequences to my actions would be. But more than that, I knew it was the right choice to make.

  I’ve lived a mediocre life at best. I’ve been too scared to go after what I wanted. I’ve never taken any risks, no matter how great the reward. I’ve lived in constant fear of losing in the end, so I chose to never place a bet, telling myself I would be happier to at least break even in the end.

  But Max…

  She was worth it all.

  That woman is the embodiment of strength and courage. She never cowered, never grew complacent, never gave up. And she always fought. She took a chance on my brother. She risked a lot when she let him into her life. And it’s turned out beautifully for them both. I’ve never seen my brother smile so big, so bright, or so often. I’ve never seen him track another person’s movements so fiercely.

  Even know, I look on, as he watches her like she’s a fragile doll that can break at any moment. Yet he never tries to snuff out her strength. He loves her enough to slay the world for her, but he respects her enough to wait for her to draw her own sword.

  Seeing him protect her that way allows me to understand why he’s always been so hell-bent on bulldozing through my life. It wasn’t the fact that he didn’t think I could handle myself. It wasn’t the fact that he didn’t trust me to make the right decisions. He did it because he gets fulfillment by protecting those he loves. He did it because whether or not he calls us all out on it or not, he understands our fears and never wants us to be backed into a corner where we have to face those head-on.

  As obvious as it might sound, I get it now.

  He does it out of love.

  I know how entirely elementary that sounds, but on some level, I don’t think I ever fully understood what my brother’s love truly meant. But I get it now.

  I see it in the way he tracks each person retreating from me, and the next person who embraces me. I see it in the way he watches my face for signs of pain or discomfort. I see it in the way that he restrains himself from telling everyone to leave so that he can put me to bed.

  Which is exactly what he’s doing right now, if the tick of his jaw is any indicator.

  As Sonya hugs me goodbye, making me promise for a lunch date soon, I see Abel give Max a kiss goodbye. He lifts his head in the direction of their house, indicating for her to head home without him. I know this means my brother wants some one on one time with me. I wouldn’t expect anything less really, we haven’t had any time to ourselves since the day I walked out of the shop.

  I think we could both do for a new, positive memory to take place of that fucking painful day.

  His eyes never leave Max as she walks across the street. He doesn’t take a full breath until the door closes behind her, encasing her in a shell of protection from anything that could harm her. Then, and only then, does he allow his shoulders to relax. You can visibly see the tendrils of tension wash off of him in waves.

  “Do you think you’ll ever stop worrying so much?” I ask him in a low voice, knowing that he has every reason to be wary of every moment that Max is away from his side.

  He exhales, grabbing the back of his neck, the telltale sign that every man possesses when they’re stressed, overwhelmed, or tired.

  I imagine my big brother is all three at the moment.

  “I let her walk to the house by herself, I’m getting better.” He admits, walking up the pathway.

  We both take a seat on the porch swing, knowing it’s time to bring the Cooper’s together again.

  “I bet that couldn’t have been easy for you though.” I tell him, acknowledging that his fears are warranted.

  I can’t even imagine what he must have gone through while Max and I were missing. We haven’t talked much about it. What it must have been like for him. Dex hasn’t talked to me about how it was for him either. I think they’re all afraid to put more stress or worry on me while I was recovering. But truth be told, I need everyone to bare their scars to me so that I can move on from this. I know that might sound really fucked up, but I need it. I need to fully absorb it all so that I can tuck everything in a box and move forward once and for all.

  He grabs my hands and holds them in his, looking off in the distance as he considers his words.

  “For 18 years I looked after you. I watched you grow, mature, love, hurt, cry, and celebrate. I was there for it all. I took pride in all of your accomplishments. Anytime you were hurt, I felt that pain. You’re my one and only sister, Bree. And even though it shouldn’t have been this way, I feel a very fatherly protectiveness over you. But I’ve never once resented that. I was proud to raise you. I’ve always felt honored to be your big brother.”

  I pull one hand out of his grasp so that I can wipe away the tears that are already forming. Abel and I have had heart-to-hearts before but nothing has ever been this heavy between us before. You can feel the emotions swirling between us.

  Pain.

  Love.

  Anger.

  Fear.

  They’re all so palpable, brewing between us like a much-needed rain after a long drought in the summer. Whatever is happening here, I know it will be cathartic. It feels… necessary.

  “We’ve been through some shit, Bree. We got handed a crappy life, but we got through it together. For the first time in my life, I was actually fucking scared. The thought of never seeing you again…”

  I hear his voice catch, and I watch the water pool in his eyes as all the pain he has experienced is brought back to the surface. As shitty as it is to relive, I know we need this. We can’t move on until we work our way through it.

  Abel goes through the story of what it was like for him, for Dex. He spares no detail, he doesn’t deflect his pain, his fears, or his sorrow. He owns his emotions, no shame to be found. I watch my brother relive the worst days of his life in a span of fifteen minutes. With each detail he shares with me, a little more tension eases between us. There’s no more walking on eggshells, there’s no more frustration, there’s no more overbearing big brother or annoyed little sister.

  All that’s left is clarity.

  When he finishes his story and answers all of my questions, I fling myself into his arms, needing my brother just as I did when I was convinced there was a boogeyman in my closet as a child. I need my brother to promise me that everything is going to be alright.

 
But what he gives me is so much better.

  It’s more real.

  It’s so very Abel.

  “I can’t promise you everything will be okay, Bree. I would never promise you something that I can’t control. There aren’t any guarantees in life. But what I can promise you, is that I will never stop loving you. I will never stop looking out for you. I will never stop fighting for you. And I will be here every step of the way, as long as it takes, for you to get through this. No matter what.”

  He hugs me tighter, gripping on to me like he’s afraid I’ll vanish again if he loosens his grip. I cry into his shoulder, releasing everything I’ve held onto since I woke up. His grip sends a jolt of pain through my side, but I can’t seem to care enough to make him stop. I’ve never needed my brother’s love and support as much as I do right here, right now.

  He’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to a father. He tucked me in when I had nightmares, he checked my closet for monsters in the middle of the night. He put band-aids on my knees when I fell off my bike, he cheered louder than anyone in the auditorium at my graduation. As much as I love Dex, right now I just need my brother to hold me and give me his strength as I piece myself back together.

  “You’re so damn strong, Bree. I always knew it, but it’s time you learn it. No matter how weak or how powerless you feel as you overcome all of this shit, just know that I see your strength. I know it’s there. And you are strong enough to get through this unscathed. It will take time, but I know you can do it.”

  My brother has never lied to me. Even when it was ugly, he was always honest. So when he tells me I will get through this, I believe him. I’m just scared of what the journey to get there will look like.

  Chapter Sixteen

  DEX

  I sit in the living room, waiting for my girl to walk back inside. I know how badly she needs time with her brother. As an only child, I was always envious of the relationship they had while we were growing up. It’s obvious, just being around them, how much they care for one another. You can feel the magnetism between the two of them, stronger together than they are apart. It’s what makes them such a force to be reckoned with.

  Growing up, everyone knew the Cooper siblings were a fierce duo that could turn your world upside down in a heartbeat. You fuck with one, you fuck with the other. And let me tell you, no one walked away from those two victorious. It was always an impressive show of devotion. It didn’t take long before the entire damn town of Deacon Hill learned to keep out of their way.

  While I wait for Bree to finish soaking in some time with Abel, I think back on when we were younger. I’ve been doing this a lot lately, honing in on the memories of Bree where I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was in love with her. I guess when you’re scared to death that the love of your life might not ever open her eyes again, you focus in on all the good memories you can in case you never get to make any more.

  I march through the front door, a man on a mission. She’s going whether she likes it or not. I didn’t come here to take ‘no’ for an answer. I don’t care if I have to drag her out of the house kicking and screaming, she’s going!

  I’m damn near sprinting up the stairs, practicing my speech in my head, making sure I don’t forget a single point I plan on making. I know this girl better than she knows herself. I know what I need to say to get her to see reason. She may be stubborn and hard-headed, but I’ve always been able to get through to her. Hell, her own brother calls on my Breezie-Expertise from time to time when he’s struggling to get her to do something. Somehow, someway, I can always seem to reach that part of her that insists on rebelling, for no other reason than just because she can.

  I’m channeling all my strength to go head to head with her, because I’m not leaving here without her, no matter what.

  “Breezie” I shout, as I propel myself off the last step, barging her room without so much as a knock or a ‘how do you do.’ I can’t give her the chance to prepare to shut me down. She’s been holed up in her room all weekend and this shit ends today!

  “Go away, Dex!” She screams through the closed door to the bathroom she has in her room.

  “Nice try, Breezie. You and I both know that can’t stay locked in there all night. I’ll get Abel’s tools and take that damn door off its hinges if that’s what it takes. Get out here!”

  It’s a bluff and she knows it. It’s why she went in there. She knows me as well as I know her. She’s calling me on my shit before I ever even get the chance to even put up a fight. She must’ve heard me bounding up the stairs and took the chance to hide behind the one door she knows I won’t open.

  There are two things my Mama taught me when it comes to handling women that I make damn sure that I always remember. Number one, don’t ever go through a woman’s purse. If you want or need something in there, you bring it to her and ask her to get it for you.

  She told me that if a man is ever stupid enough to go digging through that thing on their own, then the woman has every right to knock you upside the head with it. And if every woman’s purse is as heavy as my Mama’s, that’s a concussion just waiting to happen.

  Number two, don’t ever go into a bathroom when a woman is in there without her permission. You may not like what you see. I paid enough attention in health class to know I damn sure don’t want to take any chances on that one. That’s a one-way ticket to a therapy session I just don’t have the damn time or money for.

  “You wouldn’t dare Dex. I’ll call your Mama and she’ll come after you with a switch and you know it.”

  The victorious way the words filter through the doors lets me know that she’s standing proud in the middle of the tiny bathroom with her arms crossed over her chest and one foot pointed out in front of her. I don’t even need to have her in my line of sight to be able to see her form clear as a summer day at the beach. She’s predictable, that’s for damn sure.

  A smile plays at my lips as I envision the saucy brunette on the other side of the door, determination setting her indigo rimmed eyes ablaze. As crazy as it sounds, she’s a fucking vision when she’s angry. I pick on her sometimes just to piss her off, allowing myself to linger in the whirlwind she becomes. It’s stupid and immature, but I never claimed that just because I turned 18 that I actually grew up.

  But I know that pissing her off will only backfire on me this time. I have to stick to the plan. I have to stick with this fucking speech I’ve been practicing since she started dodging my calls and stopped even letting Abel in her room. She’s never missed a surf day before and she hasn’t been to the beach all weekend. I never thought I’d see the day she bailed on the chance to get on her board and I gotta find a way to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

  The pain that settles in my chest at the thought of not riding out to Kure Beach with her hair blowing in the wind, shitty music blaring, and a big bright smile plastered across her face slices its way through me. The force of it physically makes me ache. Together, she and I live in our own world out there. A Bree and Dex bubble where there’s no expectations or misery, just waves, and smiles. I couldn’t give that up any sooner than I could gnaw off my own limb.

  I clutch my chest where the pinching of my muscles has suddenly appeared. It’s right over my heart and pulsating, forcing me to ready myself to end whatever this is that’s threatening to take away the things I hold onto so dearly.

  “Breezie.” I whisper into the door. “I can’t for the life of me understand why you would leave me out to dry tonight. You Cooper’s are notorious for keeping your word and you promised me you’d be there. You’ve been avoiding my calls for days, you’ve been leaving school before I can pick you up. You haven’t even been by the shop to pick up the new CD I burned for you. You left me stranded at Kure beach without any decent competition. Something’s going on and I get it if you don’t want to talk to Abel about whatever it is, but I can’t for the life of me understand why you would hide something from me. It’s me Breezie
… Throw me a bone here.”

  I count to ten and take two steps back from the door. There’s something about the bond that she and I have. The thought of letting the other one down seems like too big of a burden to shoulder. But knowing she’s hiding something from me…

  It kills me.

  It infuriates me.

  It eats away at me.

  The door cracks open and I hear her sniffle. Her head is bowed down, refusing to meet my eye. That’s how I know whatever she’s hiding has more to do with her than it has to do with me. My anger subsides slightly, replaced by the worry that something might actually be wrong and she didn’t come to me so that I could fix it.

  All her life she’s known that she can come to me with anything and I’ll do everything in my power to take care of it for her. She knows that whatever she asks of me is between us, and I’d never tell Abel without her permission. We never really talked about it, it’s just something that happened without either of us needing to speak about it. It’s just one part of the connection that we share.

  She may be too young to realize what it is, but I’m not. And even though I refuse to speak of it, I know what it is. I know that no matter what happens, it will never go away. It may be wrong, but I love this girl and nothing will ever change that.

  Except for the life her brother would choke from my body if he ever found out that his best friend was in love with his baby sister.

  She takes a tentative step towards me, still refusing to meet my eyes. By the way she’s fidgeting, I can tell she feels my gaze burning into her, silently begging for her to open up to me like she’s always been able to do.

  I make slow, cautious steps towards her until I’m close enough to wrap my arms around her, pulling her into my body so I can smell the distinct citrus scent of her favorite shampoo. Her body sags into mine, her tiny arms slowly circling my torso.

  For the first time in days, my world feels right again. I may be the jokester and the guy always out for a laugh with the guys, but when I’m with Bree, she brings out a totally different part of me. A better version of who I ever thought I could be. It’s only ever her that sees this side of me. She’s the only one I want to know this version of me.