The Barbarian Bible

by Ianto Watt

  And we’re going to find out who the next Pope will be too, because I’m betting the current one will take the bait that was offered in this miraculous proposition whispered into his ear. A miracle, no doubt. From Hell. And why is that? Well, it’s because the celebration party that began when the Russkies pulled back from the Vatican, on the command of the Patriarch, is going to get a little out of hand. Just like the ‘victory’ celebration at Troy, on the morning before its destruction, when it seemed that the Greeks had left in defeat. But in reality, they had left at the command of Odysseus. Just like the Russkies have left Rome at the command of The Patriarch of Moscow. So, guess who the new Odysseus is? Like the poem said, Sparta flew east……………..

  And so, we’ve now gone back in time, all the way to the time of Troy. To the time when those sneaky Greeks have finally figured out that deceit is the best way to win. That lying is better than dying, for those who want to live, at any cost. Now we are back before the walls of Troy, and the coast is clear, literally. The troops, whether Greek (Orthodox) or Russian (Orthodox) are seemingly gone, and Troy is no longer besieged for her sins. And what was the sin of Troy? Letting the Palladium get stolen, and allowing the whore named Helen to take her place. And what was the sin of Holy Rome? The wholesale abandonment of her Palladium, the Beautiful Lady, and letting the feminists and faux-femme’s take her place everywhere, from the local parishes to the Inner Sanctum of the Curia.

  And now, as King Priam and the current Pope gaze out across the plain, devoid of those troubling troops of her enemies, they see this incredible sight. They see this giant Black Horse, alone in the seeming vista of victory. A Black Horse. The symbol of Hades, the symbol of Russia. The symbol of military power. And then, in the giddiness of seeming victory, you make the fatal mistake. You order that the gates of the city be opened and the horse brought in. To complete the victory, right? Sure. Bring it on in! It even has wheels, so we were meant to bring it in, right? Wrong! But it’s already too late, because all the people of the city have fallen for this deceit, just as King Priam and the Pope have fallen for it. And they have already begun to dismantle the walls, because this horse is so damn big it won’t make it in through the gates. And now the trap is set, as the Patriarch Odysseus is wheeled in by the men he will betray. But funny things can still happen, grandson. Take heart!

  What do I mean by this? Well, Hell has had its turn, but it’s not quite done yet. And in the ensuing conclave held to elect the new Pope of the truly ‘unified’ Church, and in the euphoria that has enveloped the whole world, everyone drinks deeply of that vintage from 1962. Someone saved a few cases of that aromatic wine from the cellars of Troy, and there seems to be no end to its volume. And soon enough, in the drunken joy of unearned victory, a voice is raised in the conclave to acclaim the Patriarch as the next Pope. And so it is done. All proclaim his strength and mercy, and everyone has forgotten that he has never renounced his auto-cephalous nature. Everyone but the gods.

  And now this celebration of peace and re-unification gets out of hand, when the new Pope is chosen, and his chosen name is Peter. As in Peter the Great. And he has a Russian accent. And he is still dressed like the Patriarch of Moscow. And the High Priest of Jerusalem. And maybe he proposes to move the Papacy to Moscow (or even Jerusalem), in a sign of ecumenical ‘progress’. And everyone buys in, drunk with the idea of the changes that are to come. Married priesthood! Divorce allowed! Wonder of wonders, what else is to come? What, you don’t believe me? Well, in the Orthodox Church, there is a saying, and it goes like this; “Orthodoxy blesses the first marriage, performs the second, tolerates the third, and forbids the fourth”. Wow, talk about strict, right? Can Gay marriage and the Gay priesthood be far behind?

  But wait. I said everyone has bought into this, right? Everyone? Well, almost. Everyone except those 3 pesky kids from Portugal. And their descendants. All those peasants from Portugal, where the doctrine of the Faith will always persevere. Well, so what? What does that mean, a few measly million people in an out of the way backwater that has absolutely no military or economic significance? Who cares, right? Wrong. Because Portugal happens to be the world’s largest Catholic country, and the largest country in South America. What?!! What am I saying? I’m saying that Portugal is where the people speak Portuguese. And that would be Brazil.

  And besides those crazy Latino’s, there begins to be a whisper among the next largest group of Catholics. The Mexicans. You know, those other crazy guys who were also visited by The Beautiful Lady, back in 1531, the same year Henry VIII went nuts. They call her Our Lady of Guadalupe. And they too aren’t really sure if this new Pope Peter is really on the up and up. Now before you say I’m totally insane, please remember this- that the original nation of Portugal included parts of what is now Spain, and vice-versa. The two are not wholly separable, either in the Old World, or in the New World. And don’t forget all those Portuguese possessions in southern Afrika, where the Church has also made vast inroads over the centuries. And both of them, the Portuguese and their Spanish cousins from the New World, they start to ask hard questions. Dogmatic questions. And now things are getting tense. The whole idea of moving the Papacy to Moscow (or Jerusalem) gets put on hold while the new rulers of the Vatican begin to explain themselves. But the explanations of the new changes aren’t gaining any traction amongst these peasants, who hold stubbornly to the Faith and the prophecies of their past. All of it.

  So, what is the new Pope to do? He can’t have Putin nuke anyone in these Holy Roman countries, because that would negate his newly won image as the man of peace, right? And Inquisitions are no longer allowed, since no one has any ‘secrets to conceal’, as Zimmerman would say, correct? No, the problem for the new Pope, if indeed he is a Pope, is that he must rely on two things; persuasion and license. If he can’t persuade you (because no one can think straight anymore, in the euphoria), then he can always give you something his predecessors couldn’t and wouldn’t. Like serial marriage? Gay marriage? Women priests (or even Cardinals)? But this still won’t budge the ancient ones, that last group of peasant holdouts, who can’t be satisfied with anything less than the Old Truth. Thank God for peasants!

  And why is that? Well, it’s because these peasants aren’t looking for satisfaction. They are looking for approval. Approval from their ancestors. In other words, they want to keep the Old Faith. They aren’t looking for the new and improved version. And this new Pope can’t offer that, because he doesn’t have any of that Old Truth that these simple people in the New World want. And besides, those who do want the new Pope, for what he actually represents (innovation), they don’t want the old faith. So no matter who he tries to placate, he enrages the other side. So what is this new Pope to do, if he is to gain the totality of world approval that he needs to consolidate his power?

  Well, let’s think here a minute. What are the three weapons any Pope has at his disposal? First, of course, is excommunication. He can declare an individual or group to be outside the fold. Or in the case of a bad ruler, he can impose an interdict upon a ruler’s jurisdiction, denying the sacraments to all who inhabit it (thus angering the people against the ruler). And finally, he can remove the people’s duty to peaceably endure a ruler’s reign, thus opening the legal door to righteous rebellion.

  Now logically speaking, the first problem the new Pope has is that it is the people who are the problem, not the rulers of New (and old) Portugal and New Spain. So that eliminates the third weapon, the removal of loyalty. So then, will he excommunicate them? Maybe. But more likely, he will declare an interdict, thus depriving the people of their spiritual food and shelter. But he will quickly find out that this only hardens these people’s resolve not to go along with this new ‘progressive’ version of the Church.

  But that’s not his only problem. No, he still has the problem of the Muslims, and how to handle them. He can’t give Putin a free military hand without damaging his image as the peacemaker, but then again, he can’t let the Muslims remain f
ree in Europe as things currently stand. So, what is to be done, comrade? And now, the new Pope has the same problem the Western Emperor had at the beginning of this whole string of events. What is it that he can do that won’t destroy himself in the process? So, What is to be done, comrade? Whatever it is, he must move quickly, if he is to contain this growing dissent and discontent. And now comes the funny part, because he is rapidly getting boxed in. He has grabbed the reins of power, yet he can’t control the horses. And so, he is now a prisoner of his own making. He reached for something he could not hold. But he cannot let it go, for he will destroy himself if he does. And yet, he must make a decision, and soon, or the Church will split apart and his Orthodox victory will be hollow. Remember this grandson – be careful of what you wish for!

  Well, this is what miracles from Hell bring. A worse state than the beginning, at least for those on the tip of the spear they once wielded. And so now, it’s Heaven’s turn. Because if something doesn’t happen soon, it’s looking ugly for someone, if not everyone. But before I tell you what I think will happen, let me tell you a little story. A story of what happened to me once, many years ago. It’s the story of how I said something I never thought I would say. And truth be told, I never agreed to say it, but nevertheless I did.

  I was a parishioner (prisoner?) at a parish that could only be described as ‘progressive’. The doctrines were never openly defied. They were simply ignored. And the single greatest evidence of this, in my Barbarian eyes, was the constant presence of a particular publication in the vestibule of the Church. It was a vile rag, and in my Barbarian indignation at this idiocy, I was moved (by a less-than-holy spirit) to steal them. Every week. Every copy. I did it openly, of course, as any Barbarian would do. I answered only to myself in this deed, justifying my action as a necessary one, since the pastor refused to remove it. And so the pattern continued, but it was not unobserved. And one day, as I entered the church vestibule and walked past the pastor’s office, he called out to me.

  Now, I was in a bad mood, which wasn’t unusual, but I did like the man, personally. He was actually a captive of his congregation in many ways. Anyway, I stepped into his office, expecting to be rebuked, and I was mentally preparing my response. It was not going to be a charitable reply, to be sure. And that was my usual mode of operation, as anyone who knows me will attest. And as I stepped into his office, he said to me ‘Ianto, you must quit stealing those papers’. And as I opened my mouth fully expecting to hear the words I had rehearsed, castigating him for his failure to lead, I heard the most stunning thing come from my own lips. It was these two simple words; ‘yes, Father’.

  We both froze. I couldn’t believe my ears, and neither could he. There’s no way ‘Hell no!’ could be heard as ‘Yes, Father’. I rolled my tongue over, retracing its last steps. I ran the tapes back, looking for the splice that surely would show that I had been had. But it wasn’t there. And I could see, by the mystified look of amazement in his eyes, that I had said it indeed. And he equally saw the look of pure animal confusion in my eyes. We seemed to stand there for an hour, if not an eternity.

  Now I can’t tell you how it happened, I can only tell you that it did. I had absolutely no intention of saying that, or anything remotely close to it. And yet I had. Like Balaam’s ass and Calchas the Greek Seer, I had spoken the words put on my tongue by a force greater than I. In any event, both he and I were stunned beyond words, and we fell silent. Then, finally, his paralysis melting before mine, he said, ‘go on then, Ianto, go and pray’. And mutely I left and did as he said. I was still in a daze. So was he. But when I came back the next week, the publication was gone. For good. And again, I was stunned. I still am, every time I think about this. I still can’t explain how those words passed my lips, because they certainly never occupied my brain or my heart. But when I didn’t fight them, in spite of my iron will in the previous instant, they became mine, by default.

  Now why am I telling you this? Because, grandson, I want you to understand what can and will happen, I believe. I believe this will happen again, but to another strong-willed Barbarian. A Russian cousin, who has no intention of caving in, to anyone. And just as he is being cornered by the unexpected resistance to his plans by those three pesky children and their spiritual descendants in All-Portugal, just as Artus Santos was cornered almost 100 years ago in Fatima, the new Pope will do as I always have. He will prepare to answer this resistance by upping the ante in this high-stakes poker game. Escalation. It is the Barbarian way.

  And so I think this (un)Orthodox Pope will plan to do what any good Barbarian would do. He will seek to distract everyone with a boogeyman, before he moves in for the kill. He will try to divert everyone’s attention from his current situation by doing what so many of his predecessors have done. He will call for a Crusade. Against the Muslims, of course. He will seek to loose the dogs of war on those who are outside the Church. Or at least, he will intend to. But when he goes before the microphone to announce the decision that he has rehearsed a thousand times in his heart and mind, he will find that he too can become Balaam’s ass, just as I did.

  And what words will he utter? Something like this; ‘Men of Earth, listen to me. There is only one thing that can save us from the coming chastisement which we all so richly deserve”. (Note; he will be referring to the coming of Sharia Law in Europe, if a crusade does not prevent it first – and then here come the words he will be shocked to hear); “And that one thing is to consecrate the nation of Russia to the Immaculate Heart of Mary, the Beautiful Lady”. And then he will stand there, mute and astounded, like me, stunned by what he has heard. But no one will notice, because everyone else will be stunned too. Those who had opposed him will now silently be for him. And those who had elected him will now be speechlessly opposed. But what can they do now? They can’t possibly resist the call of a Russian Pope to consecrate his own nation to the Beautiful Lady without being seen as apostates. Or idiots. Or both. Hahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha! Deo gratias!!!!!!!!

  And so, Hell’s miracle of an Orthodox Pope is answered by Heaven’s unorthodox conversion of that same Pope. Hahahahah! What? You think that isn’t possible? You think God cannot do such a thing as to make a man speak what He wills? Well, why not? He’s all-powerful, right? He did it to Balaam. He did it to Calchas. He did it to me. Why not do it again? Foursquare makes fair!

  Besides, if you have read the lives of the previous Popes, you would know that this can happen, indeed. Huh? Yes, many times it has happened that bad men have been elected Pope, but then a funny thing happened on the way to the Forum. They turned out to be good Popes. Or at least, they didn’t try to overturn the dogma of the Faith. Why? Because they got scared, likely. Scared that maybe this thing that they had tried so hard to gain, this throne, was something that had an effect on their soul. An unsettling effect. Even a fear. A fear that maybe, just maybe, this thing was more than they had bargained for. That maybe it was more than a path to human power. And that maybe there is a Hell, and that they would go there if they tried to debase the throne for their own use. Just remember this, grandson- being elected the Pope doesn’t make you an automatic saint. Even Popes have to go to confession. And if you repent of your sin, you too can be saved.

  And, if this Pope doesn’t back up on his words calling for the consecration of Russia, then that will be a humiliating repentance for him. And that is all he will need to be a legitimate Pope, regardless of how he gained the Throne of Peter. And then we will all reap the rewards of this miracle. And what will be the reward for this true act of humility? After all, that is exactly what this will have been- a humiliation for the man this Pope used to be. A proud, self-thinking (auto-cephalous) Pharisee, who has now effectively asked for forgiveness (and conversion). And he will surely receive it, and so will we. How can I be so sure? Because this Beautiful Lady delivers on her promises. Just ask Artur Santos.

  But there is still a problem, it would appear. The problem is that the promise the Beautiful Lady made to those
three children at Fatima, those three kids that brought down the Socialist regime of Portugal, was that there would be a period of peace after this consecration. And the conversion of Russia.

  Now let’s take these two things separately. First, how can there be peace when the Muslim problem still confronts the Western world? These guys are still hopping mad at what happened to Pakistan (East and West), and they still represent a potent Fifth Column throughout Europe. How can there be peace when there is still war in the hearts of these people? A war of Jihad that will earn them a place in their Islamic Heaven? All they have to do is rise up, and the European weaklings will collapse, making open war with the Russian occupiers inevitable, destroying everything. But they don’t care, as this will guarantee them a place in Islamic Paradise, right?

  Well, that’s where this problem intersects with the next one, the promise that Russia will be converted. Just because the Pope said that the bishops should consecrate Russia doesn’t get the task done automatically, does it? No, I think there is something else that is coming. And what is that? I think we can expect another visit from the Beautiful Lady. In Russia? No. I think it will be in Mecca, or somewhere near. Or else in Fatima. But regardless of where it takes place, I think she will return for an encore. And just like her appearance in Mexico City in 1531 (the same year Henry VIII went whacko), it changed everything. All of the sudden, the Indians of Mexico who had resisted the call to conversion for almost 40 years since Columbus came, suddenly converted en masse, when they saw her image on the tilma (cloak) of Juan Diego the peasant, and they instinctively understood the universal truth of her title as ‘Mater Dei’, the Mother of God.