Just Breathe

by Célia Pereira

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? There were numerous times where you could have shared your past and you always ran. You never once trusted me, but I trusted you! I told you about Travis and everything that came with him!” I pace in front of her as I try and control my temper. “You’ve seen me at my worst when I’ve had those damn nightmares. I could have ran too but guess what? I fuckin’ told you! I trusted you!” I yell out.

  “Because I didn’t judge you!” she screams back.

  “You trusted me because I never judged you and I heard you out. You, on the other hand, condemned me before hearing my truth.” She glares at me while those damn tears continue to race down her face.

  “I asked you outright about your past and you lied to me! Every time I mentioned it, you always lied or dodged it like the plague! You’ve given me reason to doubt you!” At my words, she flinches as if I slapped her and squeezes her eyes tight before opening them back up and taking a deep breath.

  “There’s nothing left to say. Please get out.” She looks away from me, shutting down any further discussion.

  Nothing I say will make her tell me what’s going on, and maybe that’s all I need to realize that maybe this whole thing between us was one-sided.

  “Un-fucking-believable! Even now you still won’t be honest with me.” I move closer to her and try to get her to look at me but she practically climbs the door to get away from me.

  “Please, just leave.” Her voice is ice-cold as she relays this last sentence.

  “I don’t know what the fuck is going on, and for whatever reason, you feel you can’t trust me enough to tell me. If you want me gone then I’m gone,” I grit the words out as she continues to look anywhere but at me.

  I call out for Zeus and they come running out of Logan’s bedroom and straight to us. Zeus rounds my side and Logan wraps his mom in a tight hug. I take in their embrace and something unsettling sets in the pit of my stomach. This is such a clusterfuck but Bailey won’t tell me anything. That only infuriates me more about this whole mess and pushes me to walk out the door.

  I step farther into the hall and Zeus lets out a few barks. When I look back, he’s sitting next to Bailey.

  “Come on, boy. It’s time to go.”

  She clearly doesn’t want us here.

  He makes no move to come to me and that pisses me off even more because I just need some damn air to think over everything.

  “Zeus, let’s go. Now!” Finally, he makes his way but not before he looks back to them, and this time I connect my eyes with Bailey’s and it’s as if she’s begging me not to leave. I take a step toward her but she quickly shuts the door and locks it. Ending any hope I had of us figuring this shit out.

  Fuck! I just need a minute to think things through and then I’m coming back. There’s just no way what we’ve shared meant nothing.

  I just need to figure out a way to push her to tell me the truth.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Bailey

  I feel like I’m going to throw up. I can taste the bile building its way up my throat. I try and take deep breaths to calm my nerves before turning to Logan. What a mess everything is. How did this blow up so bad? Why didn’t I tell Gavin sooner? I can’t believe he believed that damn piece of paper, although, it did look very convincing. Frank must be mixed up with a lot of bad people that I’m sure could have created that wanted sign. But shit, I just wanted him to at least hear me out before accusing me.

  I should have told him in the end. He practically was begging for the truth.

  It doesn’t matter. He said nothing would ever change his mind about us and look, when there’s an accusation against me he doesn’t even take my side! Just like Frank. Screw it! This is for the best. I should have never stayed this long in this damn town nor should I have gotten involved with him. This is for the best. I’ll pack our stuff and we’ll be on our way once the sun sets. We’ll start fresh in another town farther away and this time I won’t allow myself to give my heart away like I did here.

  God! Why did I have to go and fall in love with him? Why does my life have to be so messed up? I just wish I could go back to this morning when everything was perfect between us and I didn’t have to pack our shit and be on the run again. When will this stop?

  Stop your pity party!

  Right, I don’t have time to wallow in my self-pity. I have real problems to deal with and no one is going to take care of them but me.

  “Mom?” Logan’s soft voice breaks through my thoughts and I turn to him. I must be freaking him out since I’m still leaning against the front door with my head hanging. I make my way over to him on the couch and scoop him up into my lap.

  “Sorry, Bubba. I was just thinking.” I hug him tight and he snuggles into me.

  “How come you and Gavin were yelling so much? Is he never coming back?” I can barely hear him. He’s scared. I can feel it radiating from him. How I wish I didn’t have to be on the run with him.

  “Bubba, sometimes grown-ups argue and that’s okay as long as there is no hitting. Gavin just wasn’t too happy that I told him we have to move to another town.” I wait and let him process all I just said. Although Logan is young, our life has been tough and our main focus has always been to survive. He knows that when I make a move it’s to keep Frank from finding us.

  But he might have already.

  Logan doesn’t say anything just snuggles closer to me and wraps his little arms around me. We stay like that for what seems like ages until his tummy growls and we both giggle. Since it’s our last evening here, I offer to order take-out, BBQ ribs, which he loves. It brings a smile to his face, making me almost forget that in the middle of the night we’ll be back on the road looking for a new home.

  This was home. Gavin was home.

  ~

  “Mom, do we really have to go?” Logan softly asks as we sit on the couch watching A Goofy Movie while waiting for our take-out, after I explained what was going on the best I could without telling him our father had found us. I didn’t want to scare Logan, but he had to know what was happening. I went over the scenarios of what to do in case he showed up, how if I call out his actual name, and not Bubba, that he is to hide in the smallest space he can find and not make a sound until I come for him. That doesn’t sit too well with him but he doesn’t protest. He knows the drill, unfortunately.

  “Yeah, Bubba. It’s for the best.” I look down at him, and I just want to cry. I hate what is happening. I wish we didn’t have to run, but if we stay I won’t make it out alive. He will make sure that I don’t live.

  “I’m sorry, Bubba. I wish I could give you a different life,” I whisper against his hair.

  “Don’t be sorry, Mom. I have the bestest life because of you.” This kid is everything.

  “I love you, Bubba. Always.” I smile down at him.

  “I love you too, Mom.”

  There is a knock at the door. Must be the take-out.

  “That must be the food. Why don’t you go get the orange juice while I answer the door?

  “Yes! Ribs!” Off he goes like we didn’t just have a serious conversation about our survival. Kids bounce back so much better than adults.

  I walk over to the door and look through the peephole to see a man wearing a baseball cap low enough to cover his eyes. Since I see the take-out bags, I begin to unlock the door. When I pull back just a little, the door comes crashing into my face and knocks me back. Everything is fuzzy for a bit, but the dreaded feeling in my stomach has me calling out Logan’s name, letting him know that he has found us and to hide.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Gavin

  Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

  “What the hell just happened, boy?” I whisper as Zeus and I reach the front doors of our building. I make my way to my truck, open the door and call out to him, but he still doesn’t move. I don’t have time for this shit!

  “Zeus! Get in the truck! Now!” Finally, he comes over to me, but before jumping in, he looks b
ack toward the doors and the main road. I look in that direction but don’t see anything.

  I drive around town with no destination while Zeus keeps whining in the back seat.

  Yeah, boy, I get it, but she wouldn’t talk to me no matter how much I pushed her.

  I find myself pulling into the parking lot of the Phoenix. I’m not surprised since this is the only place where I can think clearly.

  How did tonight end up this way? We were fine just this morning. We were perfect! Why can’t she just trust me? I’ve done everything to prove to her that I am all in and that she is in control over how fast or how slow our relationship progresses, but fuck! How could she not tell me about her past, especially when it was chasing after her!

  Fuck!

  I punch the steering wheel a few times while screaming out my frustrations. Nothing helps. I feel like I’m suffocating. She’s not a kidnapper. She can’t be. Logan loves her and she adores him. Anyone can see it. So, what the fuck am I missing here? And why wouldn’t she just fuckin tell me what the fuck is going on?

  I throw the truck door open and call for Zeus. He looks at me but makes no move to jump out.

  “Buddy, you either come in with me or you’re staying here. Now, let’s go, boy.” He growls at me but finally jumps down and follows me. I get it. I really do. He’s grown attached to them and is as confused as I am about how this all blew up in our faces.

  “Gavin!”

  Shit! I turn around and come face-to-face with Ashton and Hunter. Great! I just need some fucking space to think!

  “Dude, what is up with you? Why the fuck are you punching your steering wheel? I thought you were going home to your girl.” Hunter questions.

  “Nothing. Just need some time to think,” I grumble out quickly and turn to open up the shop’s door and get inside. Of course, they follow.

  “What did you do?” Ashton pipes in.

  What the fuck?

  “Why would you think I did something wrong?” I spit out angrily while I get in her face. “Ever think it was Bailey who fucked up?” I shout.

  “Back the fuck up away from her or you’ll be sporting a busted lip.” Hunter shoves his way between us and pushes me back. His fists are balled up and the vein on the right side of his neck is bulging out. A clear indication that he is pissed and ready to take me on.

  Good, because I don’t give a fuck right now!

  “Stop it! We don’t have time for your macho bullshit, and, Hunter, I can take care of myself. Now what the fuck did you do?”

  “I didn’t do anything! I found a missing child’s alert on my windshield, for Logan, and Bailey is listed as the main suspect. I confronted her and asked for the truth, but surprise, she shut down like her usual self and then told me to leave. That’s what happened!”

  Ashton pins me with her ice-blue eyes that, over the years, I have learned is her tell when she is fuming and about to explode.

  “Let me guess, you didn’t ask her to explain what you saw, you accused her of being the one to kidnap Logan, didn’t you?” she says in disgust. Before I even have a chance to respond, Ashton continues, “She didn’t kidnap Logan, you idiot! She ran away with him to protect him and her from their father! Who, if you want to know, is a piece of shit who offered his only daughter up for sex trafficking to pay his way out of a debt!” she says in exasperation as she throws her hands up in frustration.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” I feel my heartbeat begin to accelerate as panic settles in my stomach. I am not gonna like what I’m about to hear. I can feel it.

  Zeus begins to bark uncontrollably, so much so that I have to go to him and sit with him in reception so he can calm down. He is way too agitated with this whole situation.

  “Ashton, explain to me what the fuck is going on,” I say through gritted teeth as I try and control the storm of emotions that are brewing inside of me. “Please.” I look up at her and plead with her.

  Something in me tells me I went about this whole situation wrong and I need to know what I’m dealing with so I can fix it. There is no way I’m letting Bailey or Logan go. That was never my plan, even though I left. I was giving us both some time to calm down and think things through but I was going back to push her for the truth. I wasn’t just going to let her slip away.

  “You better crawl back on your hands and knees to that woman and grovel for her forgiveness.”

  “Please,” I whisper.

  “Angel, tell us what’s going on. If Bailey and Logan are in any trouble, we need to know so we can call Uncle Marcus and protect them.” Hunter speaks softly to her and I see the moment she breaks under his gaze.

  “Grovel, Gavin McKnight. You better grovel for her forgiveness.” Ashton sits on one of the chairs in the reception area and for the next fifteen minutes I hear of another nightmare that puts mine to shame.

  “That piece of shit excuse of a human!” I roar as Ashton finishes telling me all about the shit that Bailey has lived through.

  That piece of shit! How could he blame her for anything? How could he lay a hand on her?

  What if he’s the one that left the missing child’s alert? What if he’s already found her?

  I thought I had experienced fear when Travis told me he had enlisted in the army. But right now, fear isn’t a strong enough word for what I’m feeling.

  “You guys call Uncle Marcus and explain what’s going on and meet me back at Bailey’s place. I’m going back there. Even if I have to break down the damn door to get to her, I’m not letting her out of my sight until we find that bastard and he’s behind bars.

  I rush out the front door with Zeus hot on my heels. He’s been non-stop pacing while Ashton told us about Bailey’s past. It’s as if he senses something evil is near.

  I’m so sorry, Bailey. I’m a fucking idiot. I should have never left you. Please don’t let it be too late.

  Chapter Thirty

  Bailey

  Blood runs down my face from the gash on my forehead when the door smashed into me. I feel dizzy and my vision is a bit hazy, but not enough that I can’t see exactly who is in my apartment. Frank. He seems a lot thinner since the last time I saw him. To most people he wouldn’t seem like a threat, or at least he would be easy to fend off. That’s where they’re wrong. When you deal with a man who blames you for his wife’s death and all his misfortune in life, he reveals a strength as powerful as the Hulk.

  We stand there, facing each other without saying a word. That’s the scary part. He barely ever speaks. He has always liked to show me rather than tell me how much everything is my fault. I can feel my heart pounding, making my chest hurt from its uncontrolled thumping. The ringing in my ears intensifies and my body draws a cold sweat. You know what’s going to happen. You have to fight back this time! If you don’t, he will kill you.

  I try to think of what I can use as a weapon against him, but the only things that are sharp enough are in the kitchen, and there is no way I’m going in there and chancing him finding Logan. I pray he heard me call out his name and was able to hide somewhere. Then I remember the lilies Gavin gave me and how I placed them in a vase out on the coffee table in the living room. I’m not that far from it. I just can’t allow him to notice it and have him use it against me.

  “You know, you’re not as stupid as I thought,” he begins as he slowly steps in my direction. I don’t move back, it will only infuriate him and have him attacking me before I can reach for that vase. I slightly turn so that I’m still facing him. Placing my back to the coffee table.

  “I never thought you had it in you to pick up and leave, especially taking what’s mine.” He moves closer, never taking his eyes off of me. “It took me this whole time to find you, and I bet in your stupid little head of yours, you thought you were in the clear, huh?” he questions, but I know better than to answer.

  “You could have been since you changed your last name. Smart, but you didn’t remember to change the plates on the truck.” He lets out a cackling laugh tha
t sounds like nails screeching on a chalkboard. I grimace and take a cautious, slow step back in the direction of the coffee table.

  “You’ve caused me a lot of trouble. Trouble that has me in hiding because you took off and fucked up my payment plans,” he shouts.

  I know I’ve run out of time. I try to make a run for the coffee table, but I’m jerked back by my hair. I can feel my scalp stinging from the force of his hold and automatically reach up to grab his hands.

  “You’ve pissed off a lot of people who now want me dead!” he shouts in my face, and the overwhelming stale breath of cheap alcohol makes me gag.

  “I didn’t do anything!”

  “You did everything! Everything is your fault. Everything!” He shakes me roughly, and his tight grip on my hair pulls even more and has me letting out a scream.

  “Shut up!”

  I feel it before I see it. My head snaps back from the force of his punch, and a metallic taste overflows in my mouth. I spit the blood out so I don’t choke, but that only grants me another hit, this time a slap, which causes my lip to split. He throws me to the floor and kicks me repeatedly in the ribs, and for the life of me, I try to suppress my screams so he won’t keep kicking, but the excruciating pain has me ready to throw up. I gasp for air, but the more I gasp, the more the pain spreads like wildfire inside, trying to consume me.

  “You think you have a right to scream in pain? You don’t know pain!” he roars and kicks my stomach this time.

  I try everything in my power not to make a sound. He paces in front of me while mumbling to himself. I take the opportunity to drag my broken body toward the coffee table. I’m not that far but my body screams in protest for me just to stop and curl up into the fetal position. Keep moving, Bailey! Don’t you dare give up!

  “It was supposed to be you. Not her, you! You should have been the one to die. That’s pain. The pain of having to live with the murderer of your love!” he spits out while he continues his pacing before stopping in front of me and landing another kick to my ribs. I can’t stop the scream that comes racing up my throat. The pain is just so unbearable. It feels like an inferno has spread inside of me. He grips the back of my neck and forces me to look at him. I look into the eyes that Logan and I inherited and try to figure out when I stopped being his daughter.