Enough

by A L Williams

  Rashawn looked down at my hand and entwined our fingers in his lap. My heart skipped a beat as the warmth from his hand seeped into my skin. It calmed me in a way that was equally frightening as it was wonderful. When had I ever felt so right?

  Never.

  I looked at his face and he met my gaze, expecting to find sympathy. His eyes shimmered with empathy and I swallowed back the pain that threatened to crash into me and make me blubber like a child. I wasn’t emotional. I wasn’t the type to cry, but at that moment I wanted to crawl into his lap and get lost in the sound of his heartbeat.

  A moment later, as if the last few minutes hadn’t happened. A group of men walked by and Rashawn dropped my hand and scooted as far to the other side of his stool as he could. I exhaled and straightened, turning back to the cooled food.

  “Thank you for telling me. How about we met up tomorrow? Do you think you can get her to stay home and talk?”

  “I have to get her in a good mood and then yeah.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “How do you do that?” I had an inkling of what, but I needed to know.

  He looked aside. “I’m sure you can guess.”

  I clenched my jaw. “Is that the only way?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “All right.” I slipped off my stool, no longer hungry. “I have to get back to work. I’ll see you tomorrow at?”

  “Five?” he asked.

  I nodded. “See you then. Good talking to you Rashawn.”

  “Call me Ra.” He smiled and my chest expanded. I returned the smile and then turned and left the pub before I found a reason to stay. He definitely had earned his nickname. That man's smile was like looking at the sun and I wanted to be consumed by him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Rashawn

  I watched Dex disappear out the door. Why had I told him so much? He asked me a simple question and I had pretty much gushed like a child. I was a grown ass man. I shook my head and swiveled in my stool, halting at Barbara’s assessing gaze. Her lips were curled, and I braced myself for the onslaught of questions.

  “So that’s him? Cute. You have good taste even in men,” she said.

  My heart raced and I looked around the room. I leaned in closer. “Could you have said that any louder?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Stop being so dramatic, boy. You act like being bisexual is some newfangled thing. It’s not the eighties.”

  I knew she was right, but there were still people who would give me a hard time and I wasn’t ready for that. This was new and exhausting. “I know.”

  Her eyes softened and she leaned forward. “Just take it one step at a time. I can tell that boy likes you. No rush.”

  My heart skipped a beat. “You think so?”

  She smirked. “You kissed. Unless he was pissed about it, I’m pretty sure that's a sign.”

  I rubbed the back of my head. “Yeah.”

  Barbara crossed her arms in front of her chest. “This is going to be rough. You know that right? That girl is pretty far gone. She’s going to resist you to the very end.”

  I thinned my lips. “I have to try.”

  She exhaled. “I know. I just worry about you. You may not be able to save her. She has to save herself. She’s not a child anymore and she isn’t your—”

  “I have to go,” I said, swallowing around the sand in my throat and jumping to my feet.

  She sighed. “I love you.”

  My stomach tightened. “Love you, too.” I replied, turning away from her pitying gaze and rushing to the door.

  She isn’t your…

  ▽

  When I came down the hall a knock grabbed my attention. I walked over and opened it, finding Dex standing there wide-eyed. His Adam’s apple bobbed. It had only been a day since I had seen him last and it felt like forever. My cock twitched as eyes trailed down my body, chewing his lip as if he were in a silent battle. I could understand. I was caught between dragging him to my bed and taking him apart and slamming the door shut and forgetting about this whole thing.

  He licked his lips and I cleared my throat. Why did he have to be so damn sexy? I forced a smile. This wasn’t the time to act like a horny teenager.

  I reigned in my treacherous body. “Morning,” I offered.

  He stared at me. ” Why do you do that?”

  “Do what?”

  “Put a mask on when you can’t handle a situation.”

  I tensed and gaped at him.” Uh, I don't know.”

  He moved forward. “Well, don't.”

  I didn’t respond, instead stepping aside to allow him in.

  He entered the house and I followed into the living room, refocusing on why I was there instead of what my cock wanted.

  He stopped, so fast I almost ran right into him, and turned to me. “Ready?”

  I swallowed and bobbed my head.

  He stepped closer. “We’ve got this.”

  I relaxed and he turned around. His reassurance shouldn’t have meant so much, but it did. Dealing with Izzy had always been on me and me alone. It was nice to have someone by my side.

  By my side.

  My face warmed.

  When we walked into the living room Izzy sat on the couch with her arms crossed. Her posture was stiff. Defensive.

  This is going to be fun.

  I exhaled a long breath and made my way to the couch. Dex sat next to her and I leaned against the arm of the couch behind him. Izzy glanced up at me, her eyes sharp.

  “You know we care about you right?” Dex asked, ending our stare down. Her frown deepened, but she didn’t respond. “Why can't you understand that we just want you to be okay? We're not saying that what happened with that man was your fault. He was trying to rape you and that’s om him. It’s your drinking that’s getting out of hand. It’s going to get you killed. Whether it be another incident like that, or you get into a car accident. It could be anything. My mother was an alcoholic and she ended up with alcohol poisoning.”

  She looked aside. “I know how much is too much.”

  “Do you?” Dex asked. “Even if you do, what about your liver? Cirrhosis of the liver kills hundreds of thousands of people every year. Do you understand how dangerous it is?” He stopped, waiting for her response. I looked at her. She chewed her lip as an internal battle raged.

  Her expression went hard. “I understand that you care about me,”she said. “But this is my life and my choice. Neither one of you are my parents. I don't have parents.” I flinched at the bitter tone. “I would appreciate it if you two would please stay out of it.”

  My blood began to boil, and I stood. “Izzy, you need to listen. We’re trying to help you.”

  She scoffed. “No. You’re trying to control me…the way he did.”

  I flinched. “How could you say that? I’m not—”

  “No. Ever since I met you, you’ve tried to control everything I do. Nothing I did was good enough. You’re not my fucking boyfriend. Let me live my life. I should have known this was why you fucked me last night. Fucking asshole. And you call me manipulative.”

  The hairs on my arms stood and I took a step towards her. She jerked back and I paused when her eyes flash with fear. I shrunk back. “I—”

  Dex sighed and moved between us.“Could you please just think about it?”

  “Can I go, or do you have any more lectures to give me?” she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

  Dex frowned. “No, we're done. For now.”

  She turned and left the living room. A moment later a door slammed shut.

  Dex fell back on the couch and dragged his hand down his face. I looked around at the floor, lost. She had been scared of me.

  Of me.

  All I had ever wanted was to protect her and she thought I was like—like him. My mind spun and my chest ached as my throat started to close up.

  Suddenly hands were on me, pulling me close. My vision was blurred, but I could tell it was Dex.

  “Ra, breathe for me. Breathe. In an
d out.” His soft words settled over me as I followed his instructions, latching on to his voice, the only thing left to ground me. “That’s it,” he said. I shifted closer, needing him in that moment more than I had ever needed anything or anyone. I ducked and kissed him, the touch only a brushing of lips at first. He tensed for an instance and then deepened the kiss. Our tongues danced and my heart hammered in my chest, but for a different reason. My cock started to fill as I pressed closer to him. I pulled back, sucking in much needed air and leaned down, kissing and nibbling on his neck.

  “Ra,” he moaned, which had my cock rock hard in an instant. I wanted him to say it again. I wanted to hear it all day every day. This was what I needed. I needed him.

  All of him.

  Loud music blared through the house out of nowhere and Dex jerked back. I blinked and frowned. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. You need it. We both did.” His cheeks flushed.

  We fell silent, staring at each other. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t ignore how much I wanted him.

  Not anymore.

  I also needed to focus on helping Izzy not trying to shove my tongue down Dex’s throat.

  “I should go,” he said. I guided him to the front, unsure of what else to say. He stepped out the door.

  “Hey!” I said.

  He tensed and turned around. “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for coming. I do appreciate it. I don't think I could have done this as well as you.”

  “I didn’t change anything.”

  “No, but the conversation lasted longer than it would have with me,” I offered. The smile he gave me almost stole my breath. I returned it. He turned to leave.

  “Uh, wait.”

  He looked over his shoulder. “Yes?” I ignored the amusement in his tone.

  I needed to get this out before I chickened out. “Would you want to go on a date with me?” I held my breath, feeling hot even with the cool breeze wafting my face.

  He beamed and I saw the dimples in his cheeks which only served to make him look cuter. “I’d love to.”

  My stomach fluttered and I grinned like an idiot. “How about tomorrow night? Seven p.m. at the pub?”

  He arched a brow. “Will your friend be there?”

  I chuckled. “No. That’s hers and Larry’s date night. Another bartender will be there.”

  He nodded. “See you then.”

  I pushed down the urge to drag him into a hug.

  Take it slow.

  I think you’re way beyond that.

  I waved as he climbed in his car and pulled out of the driveway, my body buzzing with excitement.

  ▽

  It took forever for the next night to come around. That was until suddenly it was, and I was freaking out.The only dates I had ever been on were when Izzy would set some up when she wanted group sex. Other than that, I have never actually been on a real date and I was forty years old. That’s why I was standing in front of my closet, eyeing all the clothes I had. I had an assortment, but they all were jeans. I was a construction worker. I had no need for fancy clothes.

  In the end I decided on jeans and a polo. We were meeting at the pub. There was no reason to make this more complicated than it needed to be. I was already confused on how I should act.

  When I pulled the outfit from the closet, I threw them on the bed, pulling my sweats off. I had been out enough times with Izzy to know how to treat a woman, but how did one go on a date with a man? It wasn't like there was a manual on it. Maybe we should have just fucked. At least there was porn for that.

  That I know for sure. Especially after the searches I had done last night. I didn’t know if I was ready for that, but I was curious. I watched guys do all sorts of things I had done with Izzy and a few others I hadn’t. After twenty minutes of watching a guy rim another to orgasm, I was so embarrassed I considered closing the website and never looking again.

  The most bizarre part was the men were good looking, especially the slightly feminine ones, but I felt nothing. The sight of their dicks rubbing together and their sweaty hard bodies did nothing for me. When I almost gave up, I ran into a video with a man who looked similar to Dex and the thumbnail alone had me rock hard at the thought of Dex bent over a chair taking my cock like the guy. I couldn’t help myself once the video started to play and I shoved my hand in my jeans and I jerked myself to completion with the memory of Dex’s moans replacing the guy’s in the video.

  I’d done anal plenty of times with Izzy and I liked it. I liked it and she didn’t complain. She loved getting her ass rammed.

  Would he?

  I groaned and pressed my palm against my growing cock, now tenting my briefs. I needed to rein this arousal in. As much as I lusted after Izzy, I had always maintained a level of control over my libido. Not with Dex. No, my cock would perk at the simple thought of his name. It was insane.

  I finished dressing and a knock came at the door. I turned as Izzy sauntered into the room, dressed in a thin spaghetti strap shirt and shorts that could almost be panties. She eyed me. “Where are you going?”

  I could smell the booze on her breath across the room. I rushed past her. “Out.” I continued to the front door.

  “Hey!” She grabbed my arm.

  I yanked it back. “Not right now, Izzy. I need some time.”

  Her eyes widened. “You need some time? What the hell did I do? I’m not the one who treated you like a child.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose. I wanted to tell her that she was a drunk and I wanted nothing to do with it even if that was a lie. I could never leave her. So instead I met her gaze. “You jerked away from me in fear as if I was—” I stopped. “I need time.”

  She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it, crossing her arms. “Fine. I’ll find someone else to fuck then.”

  I tensed, but surprisingly it wasn’t because of jealousy. “Be careful.”

  She glared at me. “I’m not a child.”

  I clenched my jaw, holding back my retort and failed. I grabbed my jacket. “I’ll be back later, try not to drink yourself into a stupor.” I left before she could say anything. Maybe I was running into the arms of another to get away from her, but at the moment that was all I could do.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Dex

  “You’re going to look sexy as fuck when I’m done.” Ava said, running her gelled hands through my hair. I sat on the toilet seat in my bathroom in a pair of dark jeans and a soft button up that Ava had brought. When I called her for some advice, she had insisted she would come over and ‘sexy me up,. I didn’t know what that entailed but I needed help. I had been freaking out since I had left his house. I had been on plenty of dates, but with a man... No.

  “Would you stop? You're going to wrinkle easily if you keep making that face.”

  I blinked and looked up at her. She stepped back and studied her work. “Fabulous! You look hot. He’s going to want to fuck you right then and there.” My face heated. “You’re so adorable,” she said.

  I looked aside. “Could we please stop focusing on how adorable I am and how I’m supposed to do this?”

  She rolled her eyes. “You’re making this far more complicated than it needs to be. Get out of your own head. I have been on dates with men and women. It's pretty much the same. Guys are just easier to get in bed.”

  I tensed. “I'm not—we’re not—” She started laughing so hard she leaned on her knees. I glared at her crossing my arms over my chest. “This is not funny.”

  “Yes. This is hilarious. The look on your face. Are you afraid of a little ass play?”

  “No. he’s not small—” My face grew hotter. “I—can we just stop talking about this, please.” She burst into giggles as I glared.

  When she stopped laughing and moved closer, wiping tears from her eyes. She knelt in front of me. “I’m sorry. I’m not making fun. You just need to calm down. Dates are meant to be fun. You want to go right?”

  I nodded.

  “
Okay then just relax. Whatever happens or doesn’t happen will be because that's what you wanted. He is just as inexperienced with men as you are. I doubt he’d just jump in the sack without talking about it or doing research. I mean you two don’t even know who’s the top, bottom, or you could be very.”

  “What’s vers?”

  “You like both topping and bottoming.”

  “I don’t remember seeing that.” I widened my eyes, realizing what I said.

  Her eyes flashed. “Were you watching porn Mr. Dex?”

  “Maybe.” I said, looking away. She was enjoying this way too much. Yes, I had gotten curious and looked some stuff up. Ra and I had only kisses and pretty much dry humped. Anything beyond that was far outside of my headspace. So I looked. What I found had my face hot and my cock hard. The idea of Ra doing any of those things had me on the edge of coming before the video was even over.

  “You do know that porn is unrealistic. Most of those people are acting and are well-trained in the art of sex. “

  I poked out my lip. “I know.” All the ridiculous moaning women did in the porn I had seen, as a kid, made that clear. Especially when I started having sex. I assumed male porn stars were no different. Still I wanted him to bend me in half and take me apart. I shuddered at the image of him covering me with his large body.

  Ava began cleaning up the mess she made of my vanity and sink. “Ava?” I murmured.

  “Yes?”

  “Does it hurt...I mean I know it hurts, but how much?”

  “You mean—?”

  I nodded, hoping that stopped her from saying it. I was a prude but saying that I wanted him to fuck me in the ass made it real. Too real. I wasn’t quite ready to face that.

  “It does, but it fades quickly as long as your partner is careful and preps properly. Haven’t you fucked a woman in the ass?”

  “No.”

  Her eyes grew wide. “Really?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Not all women like it and I was never interested…”

  “Until now.”