Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being Serious

by Richard Marsh

  The Chancellor's Ward

  I.

  One really ought to write, She married him, not He married her.

  "The simple question is, my dear Tommy, are you going to take me orleave me?"

  This was in Hyde Park. They were seated on one of those seats whichare in front of the police-station. Neither of them ought to have beenthere, which, of course, was one of the reasons why they were. Mr.Stanham turned his eye-glass full upon Miss Cullen. Perhaps he thoughtthat that was sufficient answer. Anyhow, she went on:

  "In other words, are you going to marry me, or are you not?"

  "I am; gad, I should rather hope so. I say, don't be too hard upon afellow, Frank."

  "Call me Fanny, don't call me Frank! Don't you know that my name isFrances, sir, which has absolutely no connection with Frank?"

  "That's all right, old man."

  That is what Mr. Stanham murmured. Extraordinary how some men do talkto women nowadays, even to the women whom they love!

  "Then, if you do intend to marry me, Mr. Thomas Stanham, you'll be sogood as to do so on Thursday morning next, before noon."

  Mr. Stanham began to scratch the gravel with his stick.

  "And get seven years' penal."

  "Stuff! They don't give you penal servitude for marrying wards inChancery. It's contempt of court."

  "Yes, I know. Have to wash out your cell at Holloway, and stand at'attention,' with your hat off, while the governor cuts you dead."

  "Then perhaps you will be so good as to tell me what it is that you dopropose to do. Do you imagine that you are the sort of person theCourt of Chancery will ever allow to marry me?"

  "Haven't so much imagination, my dear Frank."

  "Call me Fanny, not Frank! You are not to call me Frank. Then do yousuppose that I'm the sort of girl who's willing to wait, and not tomarry her sweetheart, until she's twenty-five? because if you supposeanything of that kind we must be perfect strangers."

  "It's very good of you, I'm sure."

  "Oh, I daresay. You don't love me that much." Miss Cullen flicked herparasol. "Because a horrid old uncle chooses to say that I'm to be award of the court until I'm five-and-twenty am I to be a spinster allmy life? If you love me the least little bit you'd invite the LordChancellor to come and see you marry me in the middle of Hyde Park,even if, directly the deed was done, he had your head cut off on TowerHill."

  "Thanks, dear boy."

  Of course he married her. On the morning of the specified Thursday shewent out for a stroll, and he went out for a stroll, and they met atthe registrar's, and, as she put it, the deed was done.

  And, when the deed was done, she went home to lunch, and he went, nothome to lunch, but to a private place, where he could swear. Now herethey were, both of them, at Tuttenham. They encountered each other onthe doorstep. She said, "How do you do, Mr. Stanham?" And he said,"How do you do, Miss Cullen?"

  "Nice way in which to have to greet your own wife," he told himself,having reached the comparatively safe solitude of his own apartment.

  Then the Duke got him into his own particular smoking-room. The Dukewas in an arm-chair. Mr. Stanham stood before the fireplace with hishands in his pockets. The talk wandered from Dan to Beersheba. Then, agood deal _a propos des bottes_, the Duke dropped what he evidentlyintended to be taken as a hint.

  "If you take my advice, young man, you'll keep clear of FrancesCullen. She's here."

  Mr. Stanham winced.

  "Is she? Yes, I know. I met her on the steps."

  "Did you!"

  The Duke eyed him. He, not improbably, had observed the wince.

  "Warnings are issued all along that coast. Steer clear."

  "What do you think they'd do to a man if he were to marry her?""Do to him! Tommy! I hope you're not meditating such a crime. She'snot an ordinary ward of the court, any more than she's an ordinarymillionaire."

  "So I suppose."

  "You had a little run with her in town. Everybody had their eyes onyou, as you're aware. And when the Duchess told me she was coming I'dhalf a mind to write and put you off--fact! This is not a house inwhich even tacit encouragement can be offered to a dalliance withcrime. Not"--the Duke puffed at his pipe--"not that she's half a badsort of girl. She's clever. Very pretty. And she's got a way about herwhich plays havoc with a man."

  "Much obliged to you, I'm sure."

  "What do you mean?"

  "For saying a good word for my wife."

  "Your wife?"

  "Mrs. Thomas Stanham--_nee_ Cullen."

  "Tommy! You don't mean it!"

  "You can bet your pile I do, and then safely go one better. I've got acopy of the marriage certificate in my pocket, and I rather fancy thatshe's got the original document in hers."

  "You--young blackguard!"

  "Sort of cousin of yours, ain't I, Datchet? It's all in the family,you know, blackguard and all."

  "How did you do it?--And when?--And who knows?"

  "Only you and me, and the lady. That's what's weighing on my mind.What's the good of having a wife if she ain't your wife--or, at anyrate, if you daren't say that she's your wife, for the life of you?"

  The Duke suddenly rose from his seat. He seemed to be in a state ofactual agitation.

  "Tommy, do you know that the Chancellor is coming here?"

  "Who?"

  "The Lord Chancellor. The carriage went to meet him an hour ago. Iexpect him every moment."

  Mr. Stanham looked a trifle blank.

  "I didn't know the ministry was formed."

  "It's formed, but it's not announced; Triggs is to be the Chancellor."

  "And what sort of gentleman may Triggs be when he's at home?"

  "Sir Tristram? Well!" The Duke was walking up and down the room. Heappeared to be reflecting. "He's rather a queer card, Triggs is. He'sbeen a bit of a wildish character in his time--and they do say thathis time's not long gone. He has a temper of his own--a nasty one."Pausing, the Duke fixedly regarded Mr. Stanham. "I should say thatwhen Triggs learns what you have done he will clap you into gaol, andkeep you there, at any rate until Miss Cullen ceases to be a ward ofthe court."

  Mr. Stanham's countenance wore a look of dire consternation.

  "No! She's to be a ward until she's twenty-five, and she's not yettwenty-two."

  "Then, in that case, I should say that, at the very least, you are infor three good years of prison. My advice to you is----"

  The Duke's advice remained unuttered. Just at that moment the door wasopened. A servant ushered in a new-comer.

  "Sir Tristram Triggs."

  The Duke, striding forward, held out both his hands. "Sir Tristram!And how long is it to be Sir Tristram?"

  The other shrugged his shoulders.

  "For a few hours, more or less, I suppose. I don't know much aboutthis kind of thing. I daresay I shall know more about it when I'vedone."

  "When you've done? May that not be for many and many a year! Allow meto introduce to you a friend of mine--Mr. Thomas Stanham."

  Sir Tristram turned. For the first time he appeared to notice Mr.Stanham.

  Physically the new great man was short, and inclined to ponderosity.The entire absence of hair upon his face served to accentuate itspeculiar characteristics. It was a square face--and, in particular,the jaw was square. His big eyes looked from under a penthouse formedby his overhanging brows. As one looked at him one instinctively feltthat this was a man whom it would be safer to have as a friend than anenemy. As he turned a faint smile seemed to be struggling intoexistence about the corners of his great mouth. But directly hisglance alighted upon Mr. Stanham that smile vanished into the_ewigkeit_. He looked at him very much as a bull-terrier might look ata rat. And he said, in a tone of voice which seemed fraught withcurious significance--

  "I have had the pleasure of meeting this gentleman before."

  On his part Mr. Stanham regarded Sir Tristram with a supercilious airwhich, perhaps unconsciously to himself,
was only too frequently seenupon his face--as if Sir Tristram were an inferior thing.

  "I'd no idea that your name was Triggs."

  The Duke, standing behind Sir Tristram, clenched his fists, and glaredat Mr. Stanham as if he would like to have knocked him down.

  It happened, shortly afterwards, that Miss Cullen left her bedroom tocome downstairs. As she went along the corridor she met a gentlemanwho was being conducted by a servant, probably to his own apartment.The gentleman was Sir Tristram Triggs. When Sir Tristram saw MissCullen, and Miss Cullen saw Sir Tristram, they both of them stoppedshort. The great man's complexion was, normally, of a ruddy hue. Atsight of the lady he turned the colour of a beetroot, boiled. She drewherself up to the full capacity of her inches. And she uttered asingle monosyllable.

  "You!"

  That was all she said--then went sweeping on.

  "That horrid man!--He here!--To think of it!--If I'd only known thathe was coming I do believe, in spite of Tommy, that I'd have stayedaway."

  At the foot of the stairs Miss Cullen encountered Mr. Stanham. Thatgentleman had, as he was wont to have, his hands in his pockets. Also,as he was not wont to have, he had a face as long as his arm.

  "I say, Frank, old man, isn't there somewhere where I can have a wordor two with you on the strict Q.T.?"

  "Certainly--the library. There's never a soul in there."

  One would not like to libel Tuttenham so far as to say, with MissCullen, that the only tenants the library ever had were the books.But, on that occasion, it did chance that the pair had the whole placeto themselves. Mr. Stanham perched himself on a corner of the table,still with his hands in his pockets.

  "There's going to be a pretty kettle of fish, dear boy."

  That was what the gentleman observed.

  "My dear child, what do you mean? What is the matter?"

  "The Lord Chancellor's here."

  "No!--How do you know?"

  "Datchet just introduced me to him."

  "Oh, Tommy, I say, what fun!"

  With a little laugh the lady clapped her hands. She appeared to begifted with a keener eye for comedy than Mr. Stanham.

  "I don't know what you call fun. It happens that the new LordChancellor is a man who, I have good reason to believe, would give atidy trifle for a chance of getting his knife into me."

  "Whatever for?"

  "I'll tell you the story. Last year, when I was at Canterstone for theshooting, I was placed next to a man whom I had never seen in my life,and whom I never wanted to see in my life again. What Charlie askedhim for beats me. I believe, if he knew one end of a gun from theother, it was as much as he did know. I doubt if there ever was hisditto as a shot. I wiped his eye over and over again. I kept on doingit. I couldn't help it--I had to. He never hit a bird. But he didn'tlike it any the more for that. We had something like a row before theday was over. I fancy that I said something about a barber's clerk.Anyhow, I know I walked off there and then."

  "You nice, agreeable child! It's my opinion that all you men are thesame when you are shooting--missing links. And, pray, what has thispleasant little sidelight on the sweetness of your disposition got todo with the new Lord Chancellor?"

  "Only this--the new Lord Chancellor's the man I called a barber'sclerk."

  "Tommy! How horrible!"

  "It does seem pretty lively. You should have seen how he looked at mewhen Datchet just now introduced us. Unless I am mistaken in thegentleman, when this little affair of ours leaks out, and I'm broughtup in front of him and he sees who I am, he'll straightway consign meto the deepest dungeon, and keep me there, at any rate as long as he'sLord Chancellor. It's only a cheerful little prophecy of mine. But youmark my words, and see."

  "My poor dear boy! Whatever shall we do?"

  "There's one thing I should like to do, and chance it; I should liketo kick Sir Tristram Triggs!"

  "Kick who? Sir Tristram Triggs! Tommy! Why would you like to kick SirTristram Triggs?"

  "That's the beggar's name."

  "The beggar's name? Can it be that Sir Tristram Triggs is the new LordChancellor?" She threw out her arms with a gesture of burlesquemelodrama. "Tommy! Kiss me! Quick. Before I faint!"

  "I never saw a chap like you for kissing."

  "That's a pretty thing to say! Although we may be married, sir, wehave not yet been upon our honeymoon."

  "I'll kiss you, if you like."

  "Thank you kindly, gentle sir!" She favoured him with a sweepingcurtsey. "Tommy, even you have no idea of the ramifications andcomplications of our peculiar situation." Mr. Stanham had removed hishands from his pockets. They occupied a more agreeable position roundthe lady's waist. "See if I don't snatch you from the lion's jaws."

  "Does that mean that you will help me to escape from Holloway?"

  "It means that you will never get as far as Holloway!"

  "Am I to die upon the road then?"

  "Don't talk like that, don't! You don't know what a wife you've got!You don't know how she loves you, worthless creature that you are!Tommy, do say that you love me, just a little bit! There, you needn'tsqueeze me quite so tight. I can't explain to you all about it. I willsome day! There's going to be a duel, perhaps to the death! betweenthe Lord Chancellor and yours to command; and if that augustpersonage, in the figure anyhow, of Sir Tristram Triggs, is notworsted and overthrown, I will give you leave, sir, to say that you donot admire my taste in dress. Tommy, don't."

  II.

  After dinner Miss Cullen, strolling about the great glasshouse, allalone, came upon Sir Tristram, also all alone. Although not, probably,more than half an inch taller than the gentleman, she looked,--yes,down at him, as if, comparatively, he were but an insect at her feet.

  "Well, Sir Tristram, what amends do you propose to make to me?"

  "Miss Cullen?"

  "Sir?"

  She gazed at him; and this famous lawyer, who had been more than amatch for the _olla podrida_ of the law courts, and the champions ofthe political ring, quailed before a young girl's eyes.

  "I fear, Miss Cullen, that I fail to apprehend your meaning."

  "Is it possible that you are an habitual desecrater of that law whichyou have sworn to uphold, and that, therefore, the details of yourcrimes are apt to escape your memory? More than three months haveelapsed since you committed your crime. So far as I know you have notsought as yet to take advantage of any occasion to offer meatonement."

  Sir Tristram faced round to her with something of the bulldog lookwhich had come upon his face when he had found himself in front of Mr.Stanham.

  "May I inquire, Miss Cullen, why you go out of your way to uselanguage of such extravagant exaggeration? It would be grossabsurdity, amounting almost to prostitution of language, to call theoffence of which I was guilty, if it was an offence, a crime."

  "Perhaps it is because you are a lawyer that you are unaware that notso very long ago a man was sentenced to six months' imprisonment forexactly the same thing."

  Sir Tristram fidgeted. He seemed not to have complete control over histongue.

  "Miss Cullen, I trust that I may never be found lacking in respect toa lady. If I have been so unfortunate as to have offended you Iproffer you my most sincere apologies, and I humbly entreat for yourforgiveness."

  Miss Cullen remained, obviously, wholly unmoved.

  "When a criminal expresses his contrition, is he held, by so doing, tohave sufficiently purged himself of his offence?"

  "What is it that you require of me?"

  "I am told that you are to be the new Lord Chancellor. I am a ward inchancery."

  "I learn the fact with the greatest pleasure."

  "Do you? Then your pleasure bears a strong resemblance to my pain. Iam to remain a ward till I am twenty-five."

  "Indeed?"

  Sir Tristram began to rub his hands.

  "Yes, indeed! I had an objectionable uncle who was so foolish as tosuppose that I could not be a better judge of my own life's happinessthan--a num
ber of elderly gentlemen."

  "Hem!" Sir Tristram coughed.

  "If I was willing to overlook your offence"--Sir Tristram smiled--"Ishould require a _quid pro quo_."

  "And what, my dear Miss Cullen, would be the nature of the _quid proquo?_"

  "I should want you to consent to my marrying."

  "To consent to your marrying?--Ah!--I see!--If the matter is laidbefore me in due and proper form--it is possible that you have acertain individual in your mind's eye whom you are willing to make thehappiest of men--and I was satisfied that he was a fit and a proper,person, and every care was taken to safeguard your interests--then, mydear Miss Cullen, nothing would give me greater pleasure than to givemy consent to your being happily launched on what, I fear, is toooften the troubled sea of marriage."

  "That's not the sort of thing I want at all."

  "No? Then what is the sort of thing you want, may I inquire?"

  The young lady tapped her foot against the floor. For the first timeshe seemed to be not entirely at her ease.

  "The fact is, I'm married already."

  "Married--already? With the consent of the court?"

  "Bother the court!"

  "Young lady! Are you aware who it is to whom you are speaking?"

  "I am perfectly aware. I am speaking to the person who kissed meagainst my will."

  "Miss Cullen! I'm the Chancellor!"

  "That for the Chancellor!"

  She actually snapped her fingers in his face. He seemed to bespeechless; though, perhaps, he only seemed so. When he did speak itwas as if he were suffering positive pain.

  "I find myself unable to believe that you are capable of realising theposition in which I stand, the position in which you stand too.Personal misusage I might endure. But, in this matter, I amimpersonal. Take care! I represent in my poor person the majesty ofEnglish law."

  He turned as if to go. If he supposed that he had crushed her he wasvery much mistaken.

  "Is that your last word, Sir Tristram?"

  "Miss Cullen, it is my last."

  "Then, now, be so good as to listen to my last word. The Duke ofDatchet is a magistrate. I will go straight to him and demand from hima warrant for your arrest."

  "A warrant for my arrest? Girl!"

  "I presume that it is because I am a girl that you are enough of a manfirst to assault and then to bully me."

  Taking out his handkerchief Sir Tristram applied it to his brow.

  "Am I mad, or you? Are you utterly impervious to any sort of reason?"

  "Not more than you are. I have yet to learn that, because you are LordChancellor, you cannot be made to answer for your crimes, exactly likeany other criminal. Forgive my husband, forgive me, whose only crimehas been that we love each other, and who have not offended in thesight either of heaven or of earth, and I will forgive you, who haveoffended in the sight of both. Decline to do so, and, unless there isone law for the great and another for the small, in which case theworld shall hear of it, I promise that you shall learn, from personalexperience, what it means to go to gaol."

  Sir Tristram looked about him as if he wondered why the earth did notopen to swallow her. He seemed to gasp for breath.

  "Miss Cullen, I beg that you will not suppose that under any possiblecircumstances I could listen, even for a single instant, to what, tome, are your hideous insinuations. But one possible solution I do seeto the painful situation in which you stand. If the person whom youhave illicitly and improperly married----"

  "Not improperly married,--how dare you!"

  "In the eyes of the court, Miss Cullen, certainly, in the eyes of thecourt. Hear me out. If this person should prove to be a fit and aproper person, of good character, of due position, and so forth, then,taking all the circumstances into consideration, I might be moved toleniency. What is the person's name?"

  "He is of the highest lineage."

  "So far, so good."

  "He is a gentleman of the noblest character."

  "Still better."

  "He would be showing honour to any lady in the land if he made her hiswife."

  "Hem! Precisely! I asked you for his name."

  "Thomas Stanham."

  "Thomas Stanham!" Sir Tristram's countenance went as black as athundercloud. "Thomas Stanham!" He turned to her with a look of furyon his face, which took even Miss Cullen by surprise. "That vagabond!"

  "How dare you speak so of my husband, sir?"

  "Your husband? Girl, you are a fool. You, the owner of prospectivemillions, have thrown them, even before they are in your actualpossession, into the lap of that pitiful adventurer. You ask me toshow him leniency? I will be lenient to you at least. I will protectyou from him in spite of yourself."

  He spoke with a degree of dramatic intensity which threw a lurid lightupon the cause of his success in life. Miss Cullen was silenced afterall. She stood and watched him as he strode away, with a degree ofdignity in his bearing which seemed to have suddenly made him taller.

  "Tommy must have wiped his eye!"

  That was what she said to herself when she was alone.

  "Well, old man, have you had it out with Triggs?"

  Turning, Miss Cullen found that Mr. Stanham had approached frombehind. He stood in the doorway--as usual, with his hands in hispockets.

  "Yes, young man, I've had it out with Triggs."

  Miss Cullen had a little flush on her cheeks and an added light in hereyes, which superfluities, it might be said, unjustifiably heightenedher attractions.

  "Softened his adamantine breast?"

  "Well, hardly. Not what you might call quite. In fact, I should saythat, if he remains in his present frame of mind, he will send you,for a certainty, to something much worse than penal servitude forlife."

  "Is that so? Very kind of you, I'm sure. I knew you'd make a mess ofit, my love."

  "Wait till the play is over. There's always a muddle in the middle.The third act has not begun."

  III.

  "Triggs, this is the deuce of a nice state of things!"

  The latest ornament of the woolsack was seated in the privacy of hisown apartment prior to retiring to rest. But the cares of his positionhad followed him there. He was working his way through a mass ofpapers when his host appeared at the door.

  "To what state of things does your Grace refer?"

  The Duke looked round as if to make sure that they had the room tothemselves. He seemed to be in a state of considerable agitation;indeed, the abruptness of his entry had in itself suggested agitation.

  "Of--of course you know that I--I'm a magistrate."

  "Certainly I know it."

  Something in the other's tone seemed to have a soothing influence uponthe Duke, possibly because it roused the spirit of mischief that wasin him. He sat in an arm-chair. Crossing his arms upon his chest,stretching out his long legs in front of him, he regarded the toes ofhis evening shoes.

  "Triggs, I have had an application made to me for a warrant for yourarrest."

  The Chancellor went a peony hue, as we have seen him do before.

  "Your Grace is joking."

  "I wish I were. I found it anything but a joke, and I am afraid thatyou are not likely to find it one either."

  Sir Tristram removed his glasses. He held them in his hand. His facebecame hard and stern.

  "May I ask your Grace to be more explicit?"

  The Duke turned. Placing one elbow upon the arm of his chair, helooked at Sir Tristram as he leaned his chin upon his hand.

  "Triggs, Miss Cullen has applied to me to issue a warrant against youfor assault."

  "Surely such an application was irregular?"

  "I am not so sure of that--I am not so sure. Anyhow, I told her thatit was. The only result of which, so far as I can judge, will be thatshe will make the application, in more regular form, either to me orto someone else to-morrow. But that is not the point. Triggs, did youdo it?"

  "Is it necessary that your Grace should ask me?"

&nbs
p; "You didn't kiss her?"

  Sir Tristram took out his handkerchief. He actually gasped for breath.It is to be feared that at that moment the representative of Englishlaw almost told a lie. However, it was only almost; not quite. Hemerely temporised.

  "The whole affair is a pure absurdity."

  "How do you mean? Is the charge unfounded?"

  Sir Tristram drew his handkerchief across his brow.

  "Supposing I did kiss her?"

  "Supposing! Triggs? Good heavens! I remember your leading for a womanwho brought exactly such a charge against a man. I remember howclearly you pointed out how, under certain circumstances, such anaction might be, and was, an offence against good morals. Didn'tPickum give the man six months?"

  The lawyer's resemblance to a bulldog became more and more pronounced.He all but showed his teeth. "I don't know, Duke, if you are enjoyinga little amusement at my expense."

  The Duke sprang to his feet. His bearing evinced an accession ofdignity which, in its melodramatic suddenness, almost approached tofarce.

  "It is not my habit, Sir Tristram, to regard my magisterial duties asoffering much scope for amusement. Situated as I am--as you are--as weall are--our party!--in the eyes of the nation, it seems to me thatthis matter may easily become one of paramount importance. Of suchimportance that I have come to you as a friend to-night to ask you, ifthere is a chance of Miss Cullen's charge becoming so much aswhispered abroad, to seriously consider if it would not be advisablefor you to place your resignation in the hands of the Prime Ministerbefore your appointment to the Chancellorship is publicly announced."

  Sir Tristram's jaw dropped open. His resemblance to a bulldogperceptibly decreased.

  "Duke!"

  "I am not certain, in coming to-night, that I have not allowed myfriendship for you to carry me too far. Still, I have come."

  "Your Grace is more than sufficiently severe. If you will allow me toexactly explain my position in this matter I shall have no difficultyin making that evident. I fear that Miss Cullen is a dangerous youngwoman."

  The Duke shrugged his shoulders.

  "You, of all men, ought to know that, under certain circumstances,women are dangerous--and even girls."

  "Precisely. That is so. But I think that after I have made myexplanation you will allow that Miss Cullen is an even unusuallydangerous example of a dangerous sex." He paused--perhaps forreflection. When he continued it was with a hang-dog air. "Some shorttime since I did myself the honour of asking Miss Cullen to become mywife. I fear that--eh--circumstances induced me to take her answer toomuch for granted. So much so, indeed, that--eh--while I was waitingfor her answer I--eh--I--eh--kissed her. I do not wish to lay stressupon the accident that the kiss was but the merest shadow of a kiss.But such, in fact, it was."

  "In plain language, Triggs, you kissed her against her will."

  "I had no idea that it was against her will, or I should certainly nothave done it. Her behaviour after--eh--my action filled me with themost profound amazement. She jumped up. She addressed me in languagewhich I can only describe as more pointed than elegant. And--eh--shewalked away, leaving me, I do assure your Grace, dumbfounded."

  "Well?"

  The Duke's back was turned to Sir Tristram, possibly because there wassomething on his Grace's face which bore an amazing resemblance to asmile.

  "Well, I heard nothing more of the matter. Indeed, I have heardand seen nothing of the lady till I met her here to-day. Thisevening she has alluded to the matter in a manner and in terms whichfilled me with even more profound amazement than her behaviour onthe--eh--original occasion."

  "But, man, didn't you apologise?"

  "I apologised in terms of almost abject humility. But that did notcontent her. I will be frank with your Grace. She made me aproposition which----"

  The Duke waved his hands. He cut Sir Tristram short.

  "I have heard too much already. Triggs, I have allowed my friendshipfor you to play havoc with my discretion; let me hear no more. Myadvice to you is compromise, compromise, at almost any cost. You don'twant to have your career ruined by a girl, and for the mere shadow ofa kiss. To consider nothing else, think of the laughter there wouldbe. As you say, the young woman can be dangerous, and, if nothinghappens to change her purpose, you may take my word for it that shemeans to be."

  Before Sir Tristram could reply the Duke was gone. The newly-appointedrepresentative of the majesty of English law was left alone with hispapers and his reflections. These latter did not seem to be pleasantones. Words escaped his lips which we should not care to print--wefear they referred to that undutiful ward of his lordship's court.Inwardly, and, for the matter of that, outwardly, he cursed her withbell, book, and candle; certainly never was heard a more terriblecurse. And so thoroughly did he enter into the spirit of the thingthat he was still engaged in cursing her when the door opened, and infront of him was Miss Cullen with the handle in her hand.

  She looked charming, and by that we mean even more charming thanusual. She had changed her dress for a _peignoir_, or a dressing-gown,or something of the kind. Beyond question Sir Tristram had no notionwhat the thing was called. It suited her to perfection--few men had abetter eye for that sort of thing in a woman than he had. There is nofathoming feminine duplicity, but no one ever _looked_ more surprisedthan did that young woman then. She had thrown the door wide open andrushed into the room, and half closed it again behind her before sheappeared to recognise in whose presence and where she really was.

  "I--I thought--isn't this Mary Waller's room? Oh--h!"

  As struck with panic she turned as if to flee. But Sir Tristram, whowas gifted, before all else, with presence of mind, interposed. Herose from his chair.

  "Miss Cullen, may I beg you for one moment?"

  "Sir! Sir Tristram Triggs!" Miss Cullen's air of dignity was perfect,and so bewitching. "I had something which I wished to say to Lady MaryWaller. There has been some misunderstanding as to which was her room.I must ask you to accept an apology."

  "Unlike you, Miss Cullen, I always accept an apology."

  "Indeed! Then my experience in that respect has, I presume, been theexception which proves the rule."

  "May I ask when you apologised to me--and for what?"

  "This evening,"--the lady looked down; her voice dropped; thrustingthe toe of her little shoe from under the hem of her skirt, she tappedit against the floor--"for becoming a wife."

  The grim man behind the table regarded her intently. Although he knewthat the minx was worsting him with his own weapons, she appealed to,at any rate, one side of him so strongly that he was unable to preventthe corners of his mouth from wrinkling themselves into a smile.

  "May I ask, Mrs. Stanham----"

  "Sir Tristram!" She threw out her arms towards him with a prettylittle gesture. "You have set my heart all beating! You have broughtthe tears right to my eyes! You are the first person who has called meby my married name."

  He moved his hand with a little air of deprecation--as if the thingwere nothing.

  "May I ask, Mrs. Stanham, if Mr. Thomas Stanham is related to the Dukeof Datchet?"

  "Related?--Of course he is!--He's his favourite cousin."

  "His _favourite_ cousin?" We doubt if she was justified in her use ofthe adjective, but the simple truth is, she _was_ a dangerous youngwoman. "I see. The plot unfolds. May I ask, further, if this littlecomedy was rehearsed in advance?"

  "And in my turn may I ask, Sir Tristram, what it is you mean?"

  They looked at each other, eye to eye. They understood each otherpretty well by the time Sir Tristram's glance dropped down again tothe papers on his table. His tone became, as it were, judicial.

  "Well, Mrs. Stanham, I have been considering the matter of which youspoke to me this evening, and, having regard to the whole bearing ofthe case, to the social position of Mr. Thomas Stanham, and so forth,speaking, of course, _ex parte_ and without prejudice, I may say that,as at present advised, if proper settlements are made, the marriagemight be one
which would not meet with the active disapprobation ofthe court."

  Sir Tristram raised his eyes. The lady shook her head--very decidedly.

  "That won't do."

  "Won't do? What do you mean?"

  "What I say. I'm not going to have Tommy bothered about settlements.I'm settlement enough for Tommy. What you have to do is to sit downand to simply write this: 'My dear Mrs. Stanham,--Speaking as LordChancellor, it gives me much pleasure in assuring you, as a ward ofthe court, that your marriage with Mr. Thomas Stanham meets with myentire and unreserved approval.--Yours faithfully, Tristram Triggs!'"Sir Tristram glowered--he might! But she was undismayed. "You willhave to do it, sooner or later--you're a very clever man, and you knowyou will!--so why not do it at once?"

  He did it at once. Actually! Possibly because the whole affairappealed keenly to his sense of humour--one never knows! She read thepaper, folded it, and then she said--with such a pout! and with suchmalice in her eyes!--

  "Now you may kiss me again, if you like."

  "I am obliged to you, but the costs in the suit have already been tooheavy."

  "Then I'll kiss you!"

  And she did--with some want of precision, just over the right eye.Then she fled to the door. When she was half-way through it sheturned, and waved towards him the hand which held the paper.

  "You are my guardian, you know."