Memories of Heaven

by Melissa Storm

  Even though Hope had only been born less than a week ago, she had begun to gain strength in her knock-kneed legs. But then the sepsis set in, erasing all the progress they’d made. How much more could the horse’s small body endure?

  How much more could Kate endure?

  Her mind drifted back to her mom and Jack. Over the past week, her mother had gone to visit Jack a couple more times and, just like today, he’d asked if she wanted to join. If it hadn’t been for Hope today, she might’ve finally given in. Still, Kate could sense that her mom didn’t want her there any more than Kate wanted to go, so she normally found an excuse to avoid a shared session.

  They both already knew the truth—and the eventual outcome—of their situation. Sitting and talking about it together just didn’t seem like it would do anything to help either of them. Of course, the private sessions with Jack were greatly improving her mom’s morale, and someday Kate would have to thank him for the kindness and compassion he’d shown her. But that didn’t mean she needed to force herself into a situation where she was not fully welcome.

  She needed to respect her mother’s wishes, even if she didn’t fully understand them yet.

  Besides, Jack’s job was to help however he could, and if her mother didn’t want Kate to be a part of her treatment, then he couldn’t force it. Even with this limitation, he gave her mother and the patients his all, taking his care well beyond the normal obligations of a therapist. Such was the powerful draw of the ranch. They truly had something special here, and Kate just didn’t know what she’d have done without it.

  She pulled her knees in to her chest and rested her chin on them. For a few brief moments, she let her mind wander to the therapist who she had to admit had somehow snuck his way into her dreams at night. It seemed so funny since she’d known him now for a few months, but they’d only really spoken more since her mom moved in and started seeing him.

  Whether it was taking his meals at the big house or walking the paths near the barn, he seemed to turn up everywhere she went these days.

  This was the worst possible time and the worst possible circumstance for her to develop a crush—and she could never act on her feelings—but every once in a while she let herself imagine what if?

  What if we’d met under different circumstances?

  What if Mom had never gotten sick?

  What if Jack harbored secret feelings for her, too?

  What if? What if? What if?

  But, no. Not only was Jack too ethical to ever fall for a patient’s caregiver, he was also far out of her league. He had good looks, good brains, a good heart, and Kate was as average as they came. She had never stood out in a crowd. In fact, she usually tried to stay in the background where no one would notice her. She’d had a few boyfriends over the years, but never anything long-term that made her face light up like Brenna’s did when she was with Matt.

  Kate shook these daydreams from her head and crawled over to lay down beside Hope in the straw. Her body was tired, and the strain of the past few weeks with her mom and now with the premature foal took over. She decided to rest her eyes for a moment, knowing she could trust Elizabeth Jane to take good care of her mother in the interim.

  As her eyes closed, she let herself imagine being held in the warmth of a strong embrace. Jack’s face smiled down at her as he stroked her hair and told her she would never be alone.

  It would never be her reality, but at least she could dream.

  Chapter 7

  “Kate,” a muffled voice called, rousing her from sleep. Slowly she blinked her eyes open and stretched her arms to the side.

  Jack’s image came into focus as he called her name again. “Kate?”

  No, this must still be a dream. She’d never wake up Jack in real life. He’d never call her name so tenderly.

  His warm fingers caressed her cheek, and in that moment it felt so unbelievably real. Then, that handsome smile of his contorted in a frown as he began to back away.

  No, don’t go. I’m not ready to wake up and go back to the real world…

  “Kate, I think Hope needs you,” Jack said a bit louder than before.

  Hope... Hope!

  That did it. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and gave herself a pinch for good measure. Jack stood across the stall, studying her. It was Hope who lay beside her, breathing hot, labored puffs onto Kate’s cheek.

  She struggled to sit up without rousing the foal. She tried her best to compose herself, embarrassed that Jack, of all people, had been the one to catch her sleeping on the job.

  He knelt forward and offered her both hands to help pull her to her feet.

  Kate clasped them tightly but immediately wished she hadn’t as an electric jolt ricocheted right through her. As soon as she was back to a standing position, she let go of Jack and busied herself by wiping all the errant straw from her clothes.

  Jack just smiled and waited for her to be done. “I walked Nancy back to your cabin after our session,” he explained. “When the respite worker there said she hadn’t seen you since she’d arrived, I figured you’d be here.

  “And look,” he said, his eyes glinting playfully. “It seems I was right.”

  “Is everything okay?” Kate’s eyes darted around the barn in search of danger. But all the horses were tucked peacefully into their stalls, which meant she had slept for quite a while and quite soundly, too, since she’d managed not to wake while the horses were stabled for the night.

  “Relax,” he told her. “Everything’s fine. Nancy was a bit tired, but that’s to be understood. She’s getting along great with the respite worker and even asked if I would find you and let you know that you didn’t need to rush home on her account.”

  Kate sighed heavily. “I just feel like I’ve been neglecting her more in past few days since Hope was born. I’ve been so busy here at the barn that I haven’t been able to do much else.”

  Jack shook his head and leaned against the wall of the pen. “You have a job to do and she understands that. You can’t spend every waking hour with her, no matter how much you want to. That simply isn’t possible.”

  Kate moved to the edge of the stall to prepare formula for Hope, who was becoming restless as she awaited her meal. Her legs were too weak to stand, but it didn’t stop her from trying as she moved around in the straw beneath her. When Kate had the bottle ready, she crouched back down and let Hope lift her head to drink like she would from her mother.

  With Hope taken care of, Kate returned to the topic of her mother. “Maybe you’re right, but I still should be spending as much time as I can now. It’s not like I’ve got the rest of my life to hang out with her. I need to be there for her while she still remembers me.”

  Jack crouched down beside her, his dark eyes boring into hers. He wasn’t dressed in his usual office attire, and that made Kate wonder if something had changed, something important she didn’t know about yet.

  Today he wore denim, a better kept version of what the cowboys who worked in the stables wore—sans holes, patches, dirt, and otherwise worn-in spots. She had to admit the crisp denim suited him well. Made him more approachable, too.

  “I can understand feeling that way, Kate,” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “But you’ll only make yourself crazy trying to do it all. I mean, look at what you’re doing right now. You’re working full time here at the ranch, you’ve got this little horse here to care for, and you’re trying to be Nancy’s full-time caregiver, too. As much as I know you don’t want to admit it, something has to give. And if you don’t pick where to cut back, life is going to choose for you.”

  He searched her eyes as if checking to see if his words had stuck. “Just enjoy your time with her when you are together. Time is the one thing that is never guaranteed. It’s something you can’t force, either. Believe me, I know.”

  She knew he was right and that he spoke from professional experience. Still, it felt wrong not to be with her mother every second she could manage. She already felt t
orn between Hope and her mother, and guilty that someone else had to be called in to tend to her mother.

  “I try to tell myself that, but it’s hard.”

  Jack eyed her seriously. “Well, not to sound like a broken record, but if you’d come to a therapy session with your mom, we could likely talk about some of these things.”

  He chuckled when she lifted her head to argue with him. “I know, I know. But a guy has to at least try where he can!”

  She hesitated before saying, “It’s not that I don’t want to…”

  “But you’re just not sure how much it will help.” He laughed again as he finished her sentence. “I get it. And I’m not going to push you. I’m fine just talking to you as a friend. If I can help you even a little bit, then that’s all I need.”

  She glanced down at Hope, who was making good progress with her bottle. “Talking about it with you, with her, it just makes it all so real, you know? I know she’s declining. And I know I’m going to have to make some hard decisions soon... I’m just not ready yet.”

  Kate watched as Hope sucked hard on the bottle. She hoped that the strength of her sucking was a good sign, but she also knew this first night was going to be crucial before the antibiotic had a chance to start working. She let Hope finish off the bottle and rubbed her neck as she pulled it away. Hope lay her head in the straw, her big brown eyes watching Kate’s every move. Even with the good meal in her, the horse was still far too weak from the infection.

  “What’s going to happen with her?” Jack asked gently.

  It took Kate a moment to figure out whether he was talking about the filly or about her mother. When he reached out to pet Hope with soft, slow strokes, she knew.

  She closed her eyes and tried to picture Hope strong and healthy, but the image wouldn’t come. Opening her eyes again, she confided, “She’s pretty sick, but I’m hoping that if I can get her through tonight, she’ll at least have a fighting chance. Since the respite worker is here for my mom, I’m going to spend the night down here in the barn and keep a close eye on Hope. I have to do whatever it takes to help her.”

  A smile spread across Jack’s face as he shifted his gaze to Kate. “You’re a good person, Kate. And, lucky for you—perhaps lucky for the both of us—I’m stuck out here at the ranch for the night, so you’ll have some company.”

  Heat rushed to Kate’s cheeks. He considered himself lucky to spend time with her? No, she must have misunderstood.

  “I don’t think you need to stay here, too,” she hedged. “Besides, it’s not like you would be able to do much to help anyway.” Her insides warred as to whether his company would be welcome that evening.

  He rolled his eyes as he pulled himself back to his full height. “I’ll have you know that just because I’m a therapist, it doesn’t mean I don’t know anything about horses. Do you think I just fell into a job on the ranch? I grew up around horses and probably know my way around a barn just as well as any of the cowboys working here.”

  Her mouth fell open she tried to think of what else she could say here.

  But Jack raised his hand to stop her. “You go ahead and check on your mom. I’ll stay here with Hope until you get back. Then I’ll head up to the house and grab us something to eat.”

  Her mouth still hung open, but words wouldn’t come. Even if she could think of a legitimate way to put him off, she sensed Jack wouldn’t back down.

  Not this time.

  Not about this.

  In fact, he’d already pulled his jacket off and settled down onto a bale of hay, waiting for her to get going. Kate couldn’t tell him she needed him to leave because she really had no good reason to make him. And that little part of her in the far corner of her heart might just want him to stay after all.

  Chapter 8

  Spending all day tucked away in the stables with Hope caused Kate to lose track of time. She sat with Hope and stroked her muzzle as the horse dozed between feedings. The antibiotics would be coursing through her now, strengthening her immune system so she could fight off this nasty infection.

  Caring for the little foal seemed so straightforward.

  Get sick, take medicine, get better.

  If only everything were this simple.

  Perhaps one day scientists would discover a cure for Alzheimer’s. It could save so many others from the slow pain of losing a loved one even before death. Others, but not Kate and her mother. By the time they found a cure, her mother would have already lost her fight.

  Would she be in Heaven looking down?

  Kate refused to think of any other possibility. Someday soon her mom would be living in eternal paradise. Kate would be the one who’d need to forge a way on her own as she fought the bleak world left behind.

  These thoughts were interrupted by a cold breeze as Jack pushed through the stable door, his arms loaded with small bags. “Hey,” he whispered as he sat down next to her. “I hope you’re hungry, because I’ve got two containers of stew, a couple roast beef sandwiches, some fresh buns, and some donuts… Those came courtesy of Brenna. And, the piece de resistance, a jumbo thermos of coffee.”

  He wiggled his eyebrows as he lifted the shiny metal thermos high into the air like some kind of holy relic.

  Kate took one of the bags from his hands, chuckling at his goofy gesture. “I would have been fine with just the coffee and donuts. You know that, right?” she said, but she already had one of the sandwiches unwrapped and her stomach leapt with anticipation.

  “Yeah, uh-huh.” He smirked and set the thermos onto the ground beside the bale they’d decided to use as their seat. “I would have been, too, because let’s be honest, donuts are pretty much my favorite food ever. But Brenna insisted we needed some proper food, too.” He made air quotes around proper and raised his voice in a spot-on impression of their shared friend.

  Kate chuckled between bites of her sandwich. How had she not realized how hungry she’d gotten until now?

  Jack watched her eat with a far-off smile on his face. “They’re having a bit of a campfire jamboree up at the house. I guess that’s a good way to ride out the storm, and I think Brenna might’ve mentioned that she would run some s’mores out to us when they got to that part of the festivities.”

  “You know,” she said, forcing herself to slow down so she wouldn’t get a stomachache from speed eating. “I’m starting to suspect that Elizabeth Jane and Dorian don’t improve the roads specifically so they can get snowed in.”

  “Maybe.” Jack chuckled and finally reached into the bag for a donut. “I’m afraid I wasn’t able to grab regular silverware, so hopefully plastic sporks and knives will do.”

  She fought back a surge of embarrassment. Truth be told, she hadn’t planned on using any silverware. But maybe it would be better if she didn't slurp stew straight from the container when seated beside a sophisticated man like Jack.

  “It’s perfect,” she murmured appreciatively. “Thank you. I really haven’t been eating very well the past few days. Trust me, this meal looks like heaven. Tastes like it, too,” she added, realizing she was already half done before Jack had even gotten the chance to start.

  He devoured his donuts in two big bites, then unpacked a container of stew for each of them. Steam wafted into the air the moment Kate lifted the lid, and her stomach immediately rumbled with delightful anticipation. She swallowed hard, hoping he hadn’t heard it.

  Jack raised an eyebrow and smiled in jest. “Well, I think your stomach will be glad I brought more than donuts.”

  “Yeah,” she said with a nervous laugh, then shoved a heaping spoonful of the thick gravy into her mouth to avoid having to say anything more. “Oww,” she cried as her eyes teared from the sudden shock of pain that overwhelmed her mouth.

  Jack clucked his tongue and handed her a napkin. “It’s still hot, Kate.”

  She glared at him, bringing her fingers up to press against her burning lips. “You know, with smarts like that, you should be a doctor or something,” she teased. A
t least she’d been able to save face with a good comeback.

  Despite her desperation to choke down her food as quickly as possible, sitting here with Jack didn’t feel forced or strange like she’d feared. She felt mostly at ease with him, and he seemed to fit in well with the barn. She’d never have guessed at this new laidback side of him, and discovering it now only made her like him more. Her crush on him before had been based mostly on his looks and the kind way he treated her mother, but little by little, she was beginning to learn just how compatible the two of them may actually be.

  A tomboy herself, Kate had always been drawn to the kind of man who would get down in the dirt and be willing to muck out a stall. Now she realized that Jack had secretly been that type of guy all along.

  Of course, none of that changed the fact that a relationship between them would be impossible, especially as her mother still required so much extra care.

  And even though she enjoyed having his company, she saw the danger in allowing herself to become too friendly with Jack.

  She fixed her eyes on the far wall of the barn and said, “You really don’t have to stay here, you know. I’m sure Liz would give you a room for the night to save you from having to sleep in the barn.”

  He bumped her gently with his shoulder. “So it’s good enough out here for you but not for me?”

  “That’s not what I meant,” she argued.

  He stared at her with a knowing expression and a smile quirking at the outer edges of his mouth.

  She shook her head and tried to hide the smile creeping across her own face as well. “Okay, fine. It’s what I meant.”

  He gave her that classic gotcha expression, then shrugged. “I know I have other options, but this is the one I want. I want to be here for Hope, and I want to be here for you, too. With you, I mean.” A slight blush rose to the apples of his cheeks and he coughed before popping a spoonful of stew into his mouth. Then he coughed some more when he realized firsthand just how hot it was.