Suzy Spitfire Kills Everybody

by Joe Canzano

  “We surprised them,” Suzy said. “But now the surprise is over. Hey, do you know what you’re doing?”

  “I’m an engineer, not a pilot—but I understand the controls. And I’ve played lots of simulated combat games.”

  Suzy spun the ship in a tight arc. Alice was touching the screen—locking the missiles on target.

  The missiles fired. A ball of fiery light erupted outside as the pirate ship was destroyed.

  Suzy gave her a grin. “Welcome to reality.”

  Ricardo whooped into the microphone. “One down, three to go!”

  “Make it two,” Alice said. Two more missiles fired at the other damaged ship. There was another blast of light and it was gone.

  There was no time to celebrate as the last remaining ships appeared. They were flying together in a tight formation. They took two shots at Ricardo’s ship—and one scored a hit.

  “Dammit!” Ricardo said.

  Suzy swore and dropped down right behind the two pirate vessels, splitting their formation. She stayed with one of them as the other one veered back toward Ricardo’s ship.

  “I’ll be fine,” Ricardo said.

  Suzy felt her heart fluttering. He’s not going to be fine! She switched course fast, looping around like a carnival ride, anticipating where Ricardo was going. The thing about space battles was the three dimensional element. There was no up or down. There was only where you were—and where you were going. And she had a knack for it.

  The other ship was about to destroy Ricardo. But Suzy’s ship appeared directly in front of it—and just before an apparent head-on collision, the pirate ship was blown away by a well-timed missile.

  “Great job!” Ricardo said. Then he added, “Hey, I had it under control.”

  “Right,” Suzy said. “Like a boxer who’s hurting the other guy’s fists with his face.”

  Ricardo laughed. Then she started looking for the last remaining ship. It was closing fast—on the Heartbreaker. The luxury yacht was totally disabled; it would take no effort to destroy it.

  “Damn!” Suzy said. She yanked at the controls and headed for the wounded vessel at top speed. She shouted into her headset, “Ned, you’re in trouble!”

  Back on the Heartbreaker, Ned swore into his headset. “I see it!” he said. The Heartbreaker started to move—but it was slow.

  There wasn’t much that could be done. The pirate ship fired a missile. Suzy let out a shout—there was no hope for the Heartbreaker and her crew. But then the missile exploded against that ship’s deflector shields.

  Suzy started breathing again. “What the fuck? Those shields were gone.”

  “I initiated a few auto-repairs before leaving the bridge,” Alice said. “I like to plan ahead. But it won’t survive another shot.”

  Suzy gritted her teeth. “They won’t need to.”

  She was right behind the enemy now. The ship tried to swerve and spin away—no chance.

  Suzy fired the guns—a hit. She looped up and over and fired again—another hit.

  She swung the ship hard to port and prepared to finish them off. But then there was an explosion.

  Ricardo had ended it all with a missile.

  He was whooping loudly as he did it. “We make a good team, honey.”

  Suzy grinned big—but not for long. The scanner was showing something humongous coming their way.

  She’d suspected there was another ship out there. These small pirate vessels were being used to disable the pirate’s prey, while the main pirate vessel was up ahead—the mother ship. And this was a mother of a mother ship.

  Ricardo’s voice crackled in her headset. “Now where were they hiding this thing?”

  “Probably some kind of stealth shield,” Suzy said. “Or maybe they were just out of range.”

  “Yeah, well, this thing is big.”

  It was grey like a battleship, long like a runway, and resembled a horizontal skyscraper. Suzy skimmed the starboard side of the massive monolith. It went on and on, like a wall.

  She was unimpressed.

  “It looks like a converted tanker ship,” she said. “Most of it’s probably an empty shell. All show and no dough, baby.”

  A new voice came crackling in her headphones. It was not friendly.

  “This is Captain Crush on the Stiletto, you assholes. You are all dead. Do you hear me? Dead!”

  Suzy laughed. “So, Captain, is that your real name? Or were you a DJ before you hijacked this giant garbage truck?”

  “If you come any closer I’ll stick it up your ass!”

  Suzy smirked and decided not to mention her lack of interest in anal sex. Meanwhile, Alice was studying the vessel with jittery eyes.

  “I think we might be overmatched, Suzy.”

  Suzy just shook her head. “This is a cargo ship—typical. Most pirates are a bunch of dumb thugs who steal a spaceship and start doing stickups in outer space.”

  “Yes, but they had all those attack ships, like the one we’re in.”

  “Yeah, I guess these guys are a little more organized—or at least they were. But now they’re just a big target. Unless we want to be nice.”

  She switched on her radio. “Captain, I think you better just take your losses and go home. We don’t want to—"

  Her words were cut short as the vessel fired a series of energy bursts from several guns. One burst smashed into Suzy’s ship hard, and it shook and shuddered from the impact.

  Suzy swore and swung the ship away from the barrage.

  “Minimal damage!” Alice said. But then the Stiletto fired two missiles.

  “Damn!”

  Suzy gritted her teeth as the missiles sizzled toward them. She zigged and then zagged. She heard Ricardo shout—they were in trouble. But at just the right second, she made one final move—and the missiles sailed past, so close to the hull.

  “Great maneuver!” Alice said. “They missed.”

  Suzy wrestled with the controls. “I was lucky. Here they come again!”

  The missiles had turned around. Apparently, these two were designed to keep coming.

  Suzy swung the ship hard to starboard. The missiles were still behind them.

  She accelerated to top speed, but the missiles were closing fast.

  “Damn!” she said. They were closing, closing, closing—with a desperate shout, she rotated the ship 180 degrees and hit the forward guns.

  The view outside erupted in a splash of light. Both missiles were destroyed.

  “Woo-hoo!” Ricardo said. “Nice shot! You are one lucky lady.”

  She didn’t have time to comment on the state of her luck. Two more missiles were on the way.

  Suzy grimaced. No, not this time, she thought. This time she had a feel for them—their acceleration, her acceleration, and the way they moved.

  She roared toward the Stiletto with the missiles gaining fast.

  She heard Ricardo cursing. “Watch out, Suzy!” he said.

  She vaguely thought about her dad—and his typical words about being careful, and how maybe she should change her roaring, risky lifestyle.

  Settle down… Be a good girl... Nod your head and wait to die... No, thanks.

  The missiles were right behind them now, and they continued gaining. The Stiletto was getting bigger and bigger—closer, closer, filling the windshield. Alice screamed and closed her eyes.

  Suzy yanked hard on the thruster, pulling the ship up and away. There was a flash of blinding light as the missiles exploded against the Stiletto’s deflector screens. There was more flashing as the Stiletto’s energy guns fired at Suzy’s ship.

  She’d pulled away at just the right instant. Unfortunately, they’d still been hit—but the Stiletto was worse. Much worse.

  Suzy scanned the readouts. Alice said, “They hit us with a strong burst. Our deflectors are down. Our engine power is at fifteen percent.” Alice gave her a grim look. “We’re done, Suzy.”

  “Damn.”

  She saw Ricardo’s ship coming in fast, fi
ring two missiles of his own—and both of them hit the Stiletto hard. But the Stiletto once again got off a round of energy bursts. Ricardo’s ship was hit. It lit up like a glowing ember—and then went dark.

  “Ricardo!” Suzy said.

  No answer.

  “Ricardo!”

  Still nothing.

  She pumped her finger on the button over and over.

  “Ricardo!”

  “His communications might be out,” Alice said.

  Suzy took a deep breath—of course. That was probably it. I have to stay calm.

  Alice was looking at the data screens. “The Stiletto is in bad shape—four direct missile hits. Deflectors are down. We could destroy them with one shot.”

  “Do we have one shot?”

  “No more missiles. Energy guns at zero power.”

  “So I guess that’s a ‘no.’ “

  “Yes.”

  “Ned, what’s happening over there?”

  “We’ve got minimal power. Minimal maneuvering. No missiles and no power on the guns.”

  “The good news keeps coming,” Suzy said. “So I guess we can all just stare at each other and curse a lot… Ricardo, are you there? Ricardo? Ricardo?”

  Ricardo still didn’t respond. But then the Stiletto started moving toward the Heartbreaker.

  Alice stared with wide eyes. “They’re going to destroy our ship!”

  One shot would do it. One missile, assuming they had any more—and they could launch it at any time. But they didn’t launch it. Apparently, they wanted to prolong the agony so Captain Crush could gloat.

  His voice was shrill and sharp as it echoed in the cockpit.

  “Hey, are you listening over there, bitches? This is Captain Crush and here’s the score… Don’t you know that I can monitor your communications? We’ve got no deflector shields, but so what? You can barely move and you can’t shoot for shit... So you’re going to watch me destroy the Heartbreaker and hear me laugh as your friends are vaporized. Or better yet—I’ll blow a few holes in the hull and you’ll watch them get sucked into space. And then if you’re nice, Suzy, I’ll rescue you before you starve to death out there. I’ll turn you in and collect the reward—unless I just end up torturing you to death, which sounds like a fucking good idea.” Then he laughed and said, “So, who’s ready for the fun to start?”

  Suzy ground her teeth. This is not over, she thought. It can’t be. I still have things to do and people to kill. She narrowed her eyes as the Stiletto moved closer to the Heartbreaker. It sailed right by Ricardo’s dark, drifting vessel. She could sense the big ship locking its guns onto the helpless target.

  Suzy held her breath. She saw two flashes as a pair of missiles were fired, and then there was a blinding burst of light—and the Stiletto was gone.

  Suzy’s jaw dropped. She also heard the sound of Ricardo’s voice in her headset. He was laughing as he shouted to the recently deceased Captain Crush.

  “Hey, asshole!” he said. “I do know you can monitor our communications. So I forgot to tell you I wasn’t dead! And that I still had two missiles left!”

  Suzy let out a long sigh as a wave of relief washed over her. Then she said, “Ricardo, you bastard, I thought you were gone forever.”

  He laughed again. “No chance, Suzy. It’s going to take more than a few half-assed pirates to get rid of me.”

  Suzy laughed. She didn’t want to get rid of him. She really didn’t.

  Chapter 24

  Captain Banks didn’t mean to eavesdrop on Blurr, but he was here for official business, and the door to Blurr’s cabin was open. If he happened to hear Blurr sending a message about some shady scheme, that wasn’t his fault, right?

  But he didn’t hear anything like that because Blurr was only sending a message to his wife. They hadn’t been gone that long but Blurr wanted to say hello to the kids. He was responding to a message they’d sent; they missed their dad already. It would take about an hour for the message to reach Earth via a chain of automated relay stations.

  Blurr was recording his message in front of a screen. He was making funny faces and dispensing strict instructions. Apparently, his kids were going to laugh and then eat their broccoli.

  Blurr turned off the screen and spun around in his chair.

  “Hello, Banks. I was just telling the kids to behave while I’m gone. Of course, they won’t—but I feel obligated to make them try.”

  “They seem like good kids.”

  “They are good kids,” Blurr said with a grin. “But good kids are still kids. Are you and Danielle planning to have any?”

  “I don’t know. We’ll see.”

  “Oh, yeah? Is Danielle worried you’ll screw it up? Tell her I said you’re not so bad. At the very least, you’ll keep them out of jail.”

  “Danielle isn’t sure she wants kids,” Banks said. “She helps kids all day long. She pours her heart into her work.”

  “Yeah, I know. She’s doing great stuff. But so are you, now that you’re here with the Agency.”

  “Yeah, I suppose.”

  “I’m sure if you have kids you’ll do a good job. Just do what I do, Banks, and you’ll be fine.”

  Banks frowned. “I’m not so sure if I can do what you do, Blurr.”

  “Sure you can. You’ll make some money and no one gets hurt.”

  “Who says no one gets hurt? Like our prisoner in Diego Tijuana didn’t get hurt?”

  “He was a scumbag.”

  “That’s your opinion—and your opinion doesn’t give you the right to torture and kill.” He gave Blurr a hard look. “I want you to know I won’t stand by and watch any more improper treatment of prisoners.”

  “Ha. Then close your eyes.”

  “I’m serious, Blurr.”

  “I’m sure you are—but let me ask you a question, Banks. If you could get your hands on the guy who molested your wife when she was a kid, what would you do to him?”

  Banks stiffened like he’d been shot. “How did you know about that?”

  “I looked it up. Background check.”

  “Her past shouldn’t be part of my background check!” Banks snapped.

  Blurr said nothing; he just offered a little smile.

  “The guy’s been dead for a while,” Banks said.

  “Really?” Blurr’s eyes blazed with mock amazement. “And the guy was also her father, right? And from what I understand, he abused her for years… Don’t you think he deserved a worse kind of death?”

  “Yeah—I do. But you’re asking me about a situation that’s too close to me. That’s why there’s a system in place. That’s why I say he should’ve been put on trial.”

  “Sure. But isn’t every victim ‘too close’ to someone?”

  “I suppose. But the system still has to be that way. For me, for you, and for the prisoners we’re going to bring back to Earth.”

  “It doesn’t have to be that way,” Blurr said. “Go ahead, imagine yourself killing that evil fuck. Haven’t you ever imagined yourself killing that guy?”

  Banks looked away and said nothing.

  “Sure you have,” Blurr said. “And it felt good, right? Danielle’s a tough girl to get through all that stuff, and now she spends her days helping others who’ve been through it. She’s a special lady, and I’d like to see good things happen to her—and to anyone who’s ever had to deal with that kind of bullshit. I’m sure you’ve done a lot to make her happy.”

  “I’ve tried.”

  “Good. I’m sure you’ll keep on trying. As for the people we’re chasing, don’t worry about it. We might not be catching them. There’s been no response to our response, so maybe something went wrong.”

  “Really?” Banks needed a second to collect his thoughts. “That’s interesting. What could go wrong?”

  “I don’t know,” Blurr drawled. “Maybe someone got drunk and let them escape, or maybe Suzy killed them all.”

  “That would be terrible.”

  “Not really. They’re a
bunch of assholes, and I hope she blew them to bits.”

  “Then why are we offering them a big reward?”

  “Because sometimes a good asshole can be useful. Just ask any gastroenterologist.”

  Banks left Blurr and went up to the cockpit, where an officer was piloting the ship. She was a young African woman who reminded him of Danielle. Banks stared at her for a few seconds and went back to his cabin.

  He was going to send a message.

  Chapter 25

  Suzy could barely concentrate as the pirate vessel’s navigation system guided the ship back to the Heartbreaker. Luckily, the autopilot did a fine job of docking them at the main airlock. As the ship clamped itself into place, Ned’s voice crackled in their headsets, requesting that Suzy and Alice come to the crew lounge.

  Despite their exhaustion, Suzy and Alice found some metal restraints and got to work on the unconscious pirates who they’d shot when they’d commandeered the pirate vessel. There’d been no time to take care of them during the battle, and they were still sprawled on the floor of the ship—but they’d been lucky compared to the pirates shot with the MECHS; those people were lying dead in the ship’s gym. Suzy snapped on the restraints and tried not to think about any of it. She really just wanted to sleep.

  But the crew had other plans. This bunch loved to party, and while the close-up encounter with death and violence had caused a solid shock among them, they still thought some kind of celebration should happen. After all, Suzy and Ricardo were heroes. About a dozen people were waiting for Suzy and Alice as they came through the door of the lounge. Most of them were still dressed up like the cast of Hamlet.

  There were cheers and bursts of applause, followed by hugs and kisses. Suzy forced a smile onto her face but felt distracted. She found herself scanning the room, waiting for Ricardo to appear. Then Maria gave her a warm hug and Suzy returned it. As they embraced, Suzy kept looking over Maria’s shoulder, searching for her brother.

  He wasn’t far off. In fact, he was already back on board and came bounding into the lounge. Someone had given him an Elizabethan hat; it was black with a wide brim, a red band, and a purple feather on top. Suzy wondered what kind of unlucky bird had died for something so ridiculous.