Whispers of Hate

by Sanchit Garg

Back to the task, the one from whom I required permission was my father, as he was the head of our family. But I knew that going straight to him was going to be scary and may not work at all. I went to my mother, knowing that she would surely help me out. But, with her, it was always like she would know when I was lying, she always did. But still, I went to her as I knew that two people saying the same thing had a higher chance of being taken as telling the truth.

  My mother was working in the kitchen, so I walked up to her and found her to be alone at that time.

  “Mother! I am planning to go to the city to meet my friend, Vinod. I think I need a change of air, to make my mind at peace. Also, he has good sources there, so maybe I can discuss with him on how to expand our business. One more important thing, maybe there is someone in the city with whom I could discuss what our situation was and get some help. What do you say?”

  “That would be good. But, I would come with you, and probably everyone else can go and enjoy it too.”

  “No, mother! I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s better if this remains a secret because I will be going to a lot many places and it’s better if I go alone. We can go to the city on some other day, all of us, but not this one time. I hope you can understand. There’s a lot at stake.”

  “I don’t, but okay. You can go. Just don’t try anything scary. I am always there for you and stop overthinking.”

  I nodded, “So, can you ask Father to let me go there? Like, I would go ask him, and you can walk in between the conversation and add from your side.”

  “Okay! Go to him. I will reach there within 5 minutes.”

  My father was reading the newspaper in the drawing-room. Morning for him, mostly started by reading the news-paper for around half an hour and then freshening up and eating breakfast. Well, I was not much of a reader, so I just occasionally looked at it from time to time. I walked into the drawing-room and up to him.

  Trying to be in a confident tone, I asked, “Father! I am planning to go to the city tomorrow. My friend, Vinod, is there and he has some good contacts there who can help us grow our business. I know this is a long shot, but there’s nothing wrong with trying. What do you say?”

  “Okay!”

  What! OKAY! He didn’t even question me. Looks like he’s in a great mood today and, an awesome day for me.

  By this time, I was about to go to my room, to have a mystical laugh when my mother bumped into the room and was about to speak and destroy all the events that just happened.

  It felt to me like a situation where you make a decision, but then some other people come to you to say to do it too, and then you get fed up of everything and just don’t do it at all. That kind of a situation.

  I quickly shuffled near her and touched her elbow from behind. Looking at her, I gave her a side glance to make her understand the situation, but it looked like she didn’t understand what was at stake.

  “I was thinking about…”

  Oh No! She’s going to ruin everything. Please no, Mother. No! Don’t say anything. Don’t do this.

  “...What would you like for breakfast?”

  I finally took a deep breath, and a sigh of relief came on my face. Wow! I knew she was smart. Well, that’s how I turned this smart, but I wasn’t expecting this soon a response. I smirked and walked out of the room. I knew now that she wouldn’t damage it at all.

  The whole day I was in a happy mood. I performed well at work. There was a smile on my face all day, and every customer looked at me with strange eyes as if I was laughing at them and trying to belittle them, which I wasn’t. I was glad, knowing that tomorrow I was going to the city, that I would finally get the chance to read those books, understand the whole situation and get our life back to normal. Not back to normal, but at least out of the mayhem. Hopefully, one day, we can have kids again. But right now the thought of that was too much to endure on anyone.

  At night, Nandana came up to me.

  “Today, Purnima asked me about Jai and Amira.”

  “She did. So, what did you tell her?”

  “I couldn’t tell her that they are no more. With a pain in my chest, I told her that they used to fight a lot and so we got both of them admitted in a boarding school. Did I do the right thing? What would you have done?”

  I turned my head down, “Nandana! I am sorry for making you lie. I know how much you hate lies, but you still did it for her. And, you did the right thing for her. You are so smart. If I were there, I would have destroyed everything. Please tell me that you won’t leave me alone? I don’t know what I would do without you. You complete me.”

  She smirked, “Maybe I would. Who would want to live with an idiot.”

  I nodded, and she smiled.

  The next day, I woke up at 5 in the morning. Nandana had already found out I was going to the city and she just stared at me from the sidelines with baby eyes, as if wanting me to ask her to tag along. Well, I knew she would have loved to go out for a long drive and have some fun, but I couldn’t. Because then she would know what I was up to and I would have to tell her everything. So, I am happy if she hates me now, someone who she loves too. Because, even if she loves me just 1%, that’s enough for me as I can then love her 99%. I don’t want to be nonsensical and love her 100%, that would be a lie. So, I just ignored her.

  I didn’t know what to do, living every day was a challenge, to continue with the lie to protect her and everyone else or tell them the truth and jeopardise their mental health. Hell! I didn’t even know if what I felt was true or not. Maybe, it was all just my imagination. I didn’t fear them laughing at me or thinking of me to be a liar, but even if one per cent they believed me, doubted the thing and something terrible happened to them too, what would I do then?

  She again tried to come in front of me, like wanting to but not able to speak up. It was better for me this way as I could just pretend to snub her. Well! If she had asked me, it would have been tough to make her understand and ultimately, lead to making many bogus excuses to her. So, this way, it definitely worked for me. I just had to ignore her every time she did this. I went to my room, and there was a small bag packed up and ready for travelling. I could feel a tear rolling down my eyes, but I just couldn’t take her with me. I knew she was going to hate me a lot more after this, but I still couldn’t. After having breakfast, my mother packed me food for the day, even though I told her not to, but she still did it nonetheless.

  I went ahead with her wish, and after taking everything with me, I bid goodbye to everyone except Nandana. I moved out of the house, un-parked the car and drove off. Though I was happy to finally move in the direction which would lead me to unlock the missing link, I felt sorry and heartbroken to do this to Nandana.

  There is this mental illness that was eating me every day. Is there no solution to this? I wanted to grow old with Nandana, but why is it? Why are my views, my thoughts, so conflicting that it’s like nothing feels right, just darkness within, emptiness which wants itself to be heard? Why can’t I just tell her the secret? It’s not like she won’t believe me. She definitely would. But there’s this irresolution that I should not. Like it would not be good for her at all.

  It took me around three and a half hours to reach the outskirts of Delhi, which was some 95 kilometres from my home. It would have taken me a lot less time if it was not a bustling day like Monday.

  I reached Vinod's house at around 10:30 am. I went ahead and knocked on the door.

  He came out and was astounded to see me. It was like a surprise for him. More like someone accidentally banging on your door, an uninvited guest. But, it was not like that with us because whenever we made any plans, they always failed. We used to try an impromptu game, just get the idea and do it.

  He squinted his eyes, “Rameshwar! You! I am not dreaming, right?”

  I was still standing outside the gate with a smile on my face. Then a smile came on his face, and he speed-walked towards me, opened the gate and hugged me.

  “How many years has it
been?”

  I smirked, “I believe some 5-6 years. And you look different already. When did you adopt a tummy?”

  He laughed hysterically, “I pray to God that you get one, too, soon.”

  With a sad face, I pleaded, “No, you don’t! I beg you not to.”

  “Come inside. We were just about to have breakfast.”

  “But I already had breakfast.”

  He disputed, “So, you don’t want to come inside?”

  “No! I do want to come inside.”

  “Don’t worry! You won’t get a tummy today. My wife cooks great food.”

  We went inside. He sat on the sofa, and I accompanied him.

  He called out, “Reema! Rameshwar is here. Do bring some snacks and tea.”

  Well, I had only met her at the time of their wedding, and she may hardly remember me.

  She walked into the room and called out my name, “Rameshwar Bhaiya!”

  “You remember me, Bhabhi?”

  “Well! Most of the days he’s always talking about you, so even if I want to, I just can’t. Sometimes it feels to me like you were either his girlfriend or his child.”

  I laughed, “Yes, he’s like that.”

  He pouted with a baby-like face.

  Hearing loud voices, his kids came out into the room. They were two twin boys, almost alike. The only difference that I could find out was that one of them was a bit more salubrious than the other.

  “Hey, boys! Come and greet your uncle.”

  Both of them were in sync, “Namaste, Uncle!”

  And saying this, they ran back to where they came from.

  He laughed, “They are too shy. It’s like they are enough for each other. Stay for a few days, and they will be your best buddies and turn your life into a breathing hell.”

  I pondered, “Is it?”

  Seeing them, it felt so good, and I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t, not in front of him. I recollected how much I missed my children, their laughs and their demands.

  “Okay! Then I would stay the night if that’s not a problem.”

  I was hoping to move out the next morning as late-night travel on the route back to the town was not safe, and there were chances of getting robbed by bandits as a lot of deserted places fell in between, the perfect hiding place for these creeps.

  He happily nodded. It looked as if he was waiting for the night to come and then he would discuss everything that had happened in our lives, both good and bad. A lot of time had passed, and it felt as if something was amiss, like we knew each other, but not enough now.

  Reema served the dishes and then went back inside, to the sound of the children fighting with each other.

  “Hey! Have some. Don’t be demure.”

  “As if I am going to be.”

  I had totally forgotten about the food my mother had packed me, and it kept lying in the car.

  He inquired, “So, what happened with the case.”

  With a sad face, I answered, “Well! Nothing happened. I lost the books.”

  He yelled, “What!! You, idiot. How did you lose them?”

  I lied to him, “There was a lot of shifting at the new place and somewhere within all the cleaning and moving stuff, they either got buried somewhere or thrown out. I tried hard to look for them, but couldn’t find them at all.”

  “Okay! But you need to take more caution. You should have kept them somewhere safe. No problem. As you have come here, maybe you can go visit the library and get a new set of those books.”

  “Also, there’s a very well-known baba in the market area, if you have some time, give him a visit too. Though I haven’t personally gone to him, one of my colleagues speaks highly of him.”

  “Yes! I think I would do that. They may need some professional help, too. Do tell me the name of the baba and the library. I will check if there are more books in there."

  He laughed, “He’s known by the name- Radhey Baba, and the library’s name is Delhi Public Library. Let’s talk to the bottom of our hearts during the night.”

  I had breakfast, and then, I bid him goodbye for the day to go to the market and talk to some business prospects. It was Monday, and I didn’t want to disturb his daily schedule. I had already planned to spend the whole day at the library. All I had to do was to inculcate the baba and the business in between them. I had to go back to town the next morning, so the time was of the essence.

  fter driving a distance of 11 kilometres, I reached the market area as per the directions Vinod gave me. I parked my car in a nearby open field and then started walking on foot. I thought it would be a good idea if I dealt with the baba first. I looked for someone who could help me get directions to him when I found a passer-by. I stopped this person.

  “Hey, mister! Do you know a baba by the name of Radhey?”

  “Radhey Baba! Everyone knows about him.”

  He pointed his hand towards a billboard. I looked at it, and in big words, the baba’s name was written on it.

  “So, could you help me with the directions to him?”

  “Sure. Go 20 steps straight, then go right and take another 40 steps, then turn left and walk 10 steps more and his house would be, as in his office would be next to the Peepal tree on the right. Just go to the 1st floor, and that’s where he works.”

  He looked at my empty hands and gave me a strange look. Ohh! How could I forget this? It’s was my first time going to this person’s place, I should have brought something with me. I thanked him, and he walked away.

  I looked around for something, and there was a fruit seller nearby. I walked up to him and purchased 2 kilograms of apples and a dozen bananas. Holding them both my one hand, I started walking towards the baba’s place. I did as he asked, and it was easy enough to get there. It may have taken me hardly five minutes, and I was there near the Peepal tree. The area was decent and clean. There were a few shops here and there. Nothing out of the ordinary except the tree in the middle of nowhere. The stairs were next to the tree, so I just walked up to them to reach a door on the first floor.

  I knocked on the door, and someone yelled from the inside, “Come in! It’s open!”

  Pushing the gate in, I walked inside. It was a big room of around 20*20 square feet with hardly any furniture, except a table and a chair near the gate and a few cotton mattresses lying on the floor. Just opposite the entrance was a person in his mid-40’s, in sadhu attire, sitting on an elevated platform and nearby him were seated three people- two men and a woman who were talking to the person and laughing. It felt to me that he was the one I was looking for. I placed the fruits on the nearby table, walked close to him and sat behind the people already sitting.

  They kept on speaking with each other for another five minutes before stopping. The baba looked at me.

  “Child! Come forward.”

  Hearing this, the people too gave way by shifting a little, and this felt awkward to me. It was okay for me sitting in the back, but now I had to go into the limelight with everyone looking at me. So, I just moved a bit to the front.

  He further asked me, “So, tell me, how can I help you?”

  I didn’t say anything at all. I was a bit reluctant. A lot hesitant for that matter. After a minute or so, he started on his own.

  “When I look at people, I can sense a sort of aura around them. A coloured outline based on how long that person will live and believe me when I say this, you would live very long. Like in your case, you are surrounded by a solid green hue, which means that you have plenty of time left. If it were yellow with a tinge of orange, it would lead to some tragedy sometime in the future. But if it were red, it would have meant that you were a walking spotlight. They are the ones who get murdered or kill themselves.”

  Listening to this, I got a bit happy and felt calm.

  “So, speak up, child. I believe this is your first time here, and you may be a bit hesitant. Okay, let me share with you a situation that the man sitting next to you went through. He had his firstborn child die due to some my
sterious happening and then he came to me and asked for my help. I told him what to do in such a case, and now he has three healthy kids and see, he still comes to me whenever possible. So, you can tell me anything, and I will help you out in the best way I can. That’s what I am here for. Let’s start with your story. Everyone present here has a story with them. So, don’t be frightened at all.”

  In front of all these scary people, not frightening but like peeping toms, I just couldn’t tell him the whole story. I needed to come up with something that got him the point and still didn’t make it awkward. Everyone looked eagerly at me, waiting for a new story as if something interesting might happen. I finally started after pausing for a few seconds.

  “I am going through a nasty phase in my life. I had a family of seven people with two kids of mine which are both dead now. As of now, only five of us are alive. But since they died, I am having eerie dreams daily. The same dream keeps on repeating itself. We used to live in the village before, but we left it and moved to a nearby town hoping everything would be ok now. But it doesn’t seem to improve at all. I know I am not crazy, but it’s destroying me every day, so I need your help in this.”

  “See, it wasn’t hard. Right. I am sorry for your loss. Had you come before to me, when the first incident happened, your kids would still be alive but don’t worry. If it is something otherworldly, I would definitely help you out. So, did you cremate your children’s bodies?”

  “No! We couldn’t even find their bodies. One day they just vanished and were never found again. I think there is a haunted house in my old village which is responsible for this. Please help me, I don’t want anyone else to die. It feels to me like the house was cursed and wants something from me, but I don’t know what.”

  The Baba paused for a few seconds.

  “I got your point. So, tell me, do you still have something that belongs to you from the old place?”

  “Something that belongs to me? But we shifted everything out. Hmmm... Hmmm… Oh! Yes… We still own the house there even though we moved all our stuff out, it is still there.”