Again for the First Time

by Raven St. Pierre

  I turned to watch him sleep and smiled again. When I kissed his cheek softly he smiled, too, without opening his eyes. He was clearly awake again, but didn’t move. He sat still and quiet as I carefully undid his tie, slipping it from around his neck when I was done. Next, I unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt, hoping to make him at least a little more comfortable.

  “Wanna go lie down?” I asked.

  He took my hand in his and shifted a little, finally aligning his gaze with mine. I didn’t understand why his expression became solemn all of a sudden, but then it was made clear a moment later when he spoke. “If you want, I mean if you’d be more comfortable, I can sleep on the couch. I don’t mind.”

  The fact that he even offered shocked me. Most men would’ve been sore at the thought of not getting any on their wedding night, but here he was offering to even let me have the whole bed to myself if I preferred it that way.

  I shook my head. “No. I want you to come with me,” I assured him.

  He looked at me for a second to be sure and then followed me to my bedroom after turning off the living room light. I went to my dresser and grabbed out a t-shirt and pajama pants to sleep in. Luke leaned against the door frame and gazed around my bedroom. This wasn’t his first time in here; he’d come in to check on Matt during my family’s dinner, but I guessed he hadn’t really gotten a good look at the time. He let his eyes dance over my makeshift wall art, mismatched antique furniture, purple walls, and the beaded curtains that replaced closet doors.

  This might take some getting used to for him.

  He smiled.

  “What? You hate it?”

  Luke shook his head. “No, it’s just a lot to take in. It’s nice, though,” he assured me. “Very you.”

  I laughed and started toward the bathroom to change. However, when I passed by him in that tux, I decided against it. Walking back to the dresser, I put my night clothes away.

  He stared curiously. “Not changing?”

  I shrugged and walked toward my bed, still wearing the white, cotton dress from the reception. Turning down my covers, I responded. “Doesn’t seem fair to change and you don’t have anything here to put on. You’re staying in your tux, so I’ll keep my dress on, too. That way we’ll both be uncomfortable—not just you.”

  Luke smiled and turned down what would now be his side of my bed. We both climbed in and neither one of us hesitated to get close. I’d actually been waiting for this part and maybe he had, too. Those nights watching him through my computer screen had left me longing for him to be here in the flesh, right beside me.

  And now he was.

  Luke had slipped off his jacket and dress shirt before getting into my bed, now wearing only a ribbed tank and his pants. His hand slipped around my waist and my fingers twitched with excitement as they made a trail down his bare bicep, dipping and rising over every contour. This, lying beside him, was everything I imagined it’d be and then some. He was warm, gentle, and I loved being in his arms. As if it was second nature, I melted into him just a little more. When I did, I scooted my hips against him and released a sigh of contentment into the otherwise silent room. The next second, the feel of Luke inching away made me reopen my eyes, all movement of my fingers on his skin had ceased. He hadn’t gone far, but he’d definitely put distance between us.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to crowd you,” I apologized, thinking maybe I’d made him uncomfortable in some way.

  He chuckled and a light current of air passed between his lips and caressed the edge of my ear before he spoke. “It’s not that I mind; I’m just trying to keep things PG… for your sake,” he said, clarifying.

  Now I understood and my face flooded with heat accordingly. He was horny, and truth be told, so was I. However, I just wasn’t ready to take that step. Not tonight.

  The question on the tip of my tongue made me hesitate to ask, but I just blurted it anyway. “Does it bother you? That I wanna wait?”

  He didn’t even have to think about his answer. “Not at all. I mean… it’ll probably be difficult sharing a bed with you and not having a moment of weakness every now and then, but I’ll be fine.”

  I thought about his response, but he spoke again before I could say anything back.

  “Now, just for clarity’s sake, does this mean that everything is off the table, or… just actual sex?” he asked, sounding somewhat amused when he did.

  I smiled, too, and had to take a deep breath as I imagined the alternative possibilities he was speaking of. “Not sure yet.”

  He didn’t reply, but I could feel him nod slowly from behind me.

  “I’m not saying I’m gonna make you wait forever,” I said timidly before adding, “… just for a little while.”

  He moved back close to me when he’d gotten himself under control again. “Are you curious at all? About what it’ll be like?”

  I shrugged and tried to be ladylike in my response. “Of course,” was all I said. I didn’t even need to ask if he was.

  “What are you most curious about?” Luke added.

  My heart sped up when he put me on the spot. “Mmm… I don’t know.”

  He laughed softly, his breath hitting my ear again. “Sure you do.”

  “I really haven’t given it much thought,” I lied.

  Luke didn’t let my elusiveness annoy him. “Well, I’ve thought about it,” he admitted, his candor bringing a laugh out of me. “Would you like to hear my thoughts?” he asked with such confidence.

  I gave a hesitant nod.

  “I’m curious how you feel,” he admitted. A surge of heat raced through my entire body. “And I’d like to know if it’ll be different because we’re married. Better because we’re married.”

  I didn’t respond to that either. I couldn’t.

  Luke breathed against the side of my neck instead of my ear this time, unintentionally making me shiver when he added, “Now you.”

  My throat seized up. “Um…..” I paused. “Of course I’m curious to find out if we’re sexually compatible,” was all I could allow myself to admit.

  Ugh… I sounded like an old lady. I was so nervous, though.

  Luke chuckled and blurted, “You referring to my size?”

  Of course I was, but I didn’t want to word it like that. “It’s just a general curiosity,” I said, completely downplaying my thoughts.

  I waited for him to speak. When nothing came out but a short “Hm,” I asked what that meant.

  The fact that he hesitated made me even more nervous. Whatever he was thinking, whatever he was about to say, had even made him pause. “I was just gonna say that… not having sex tonight doesn’t mean we can’t at least have our questions answered.” He laid there, his chest pressing against my back with each breath he took. “Does it?” he added, placing the ball in my court. “You know… if you’re comfortable with that.” He was definitely smiling now. I could hear it in his voice alongside a husky tone that hadn’t been there before.

  “What are you suggesting?” A subtle tremor awakened my body.

  Luke shrugged casually, like none of this was that big of a deal. “You’re curious about me,” he said, moving in a little closer, gently pressing his body against mine. “And I want to touch you, want to know how you feel.”

  I breathed deep. There were a few moments that passed while I wrestled with my thoughts, trying to wrap my mind around the idea of us touching one another in that way. Hugging and kissing were a far cry from… that.

  I was still in the middle of debating with myself, wondering if I was brave enough to tell him ‘yes’, when I was distracted…

  …by the sound of his zipper coming down.

  “Touch it,” Luke whispered.

  A surge of warm air breezed across my ear with the short statement and I shuddered again. My nipples hardened against the lace of my bra while my heart thudded inside my chest. Luke’s gentle command rang in my ears as I questioned whether or not I could really go through with it; if I was bold en
ough.

  “Luke, I–”

  “Lissette… touch it,” he beckoned softly again, this time nearly making my head explode when he added, “—It’s yours.”

  I squirmed a bit, squeezing my legs together at the sound of his words, his confession: It’s mine.

  He’s mine.

  I thought my heart might leap out of my chest as I grew anxious, but curiosity soon got the best of me. Slowly, I reached back and my fingers were met by the smooth, rock-hard flesh of Luke’s erection. It was blazing hot in my hand, against my palm. My bottom lip was clamped firm between my teeth as I explored him—from the soft, low-trimmed hair at the base, all the way to the tip. When I gripped him there, he throbbed in my hand, causing me to suck in a breath—a breath filled with the sting of want and unquenched sexual tension. Before I got too excited, I let him go. I had to. The movement was abrupt and I was pretty sure he knew I’d pulled away because I wanted him so badly. There weren’t even any words to explain how much.

  He chuckled softly to himself, the sound of which was deep and throaty, sending a chill up my back. “And now you know. You satisfied?” he asked.

  I nodded aimlessly, only to have my thoughts scatter when Luke began to snake his hand up my thigh, gathering the hem of my dress along the way. I gasped silently as I realized it was now his turn to have his question answered.

  “Wait, wait. At least let me freshen up first,” I said, thinking the words would halt him. “It’s been a long day and I’ve been sweating and–”

  “I want it just like it is,” he breathed. Instantly, I stopped objecting, shutting my open mouth.

  His hand reached the top of my underwear and pulled the elastic away from my skin. Gently, he eased his fingertips inside them and paused for a moment at the base of my stomach while I panted. To calm me, or maybe to distract me, he kissed the side of my neck—first a few innocent pecks and then long, sensual ones where his tongue danced over my skin, gently sucking in the same spot. My eyes shut and my body relaxed against his.

  And that’s what he was waiting for—my silent surrender.

  Luke ventured down further, careful not to separate my lower lips just yet. He did nothing but lightly trail a finger along the slit, driving me insane. Without realizing it, I opened my legs just a little while continuing to lean my back against his chest, inviting him to put an end to his curiosity. And finally, he did. The finger slipped inside. He added a second and dipped them in twice more. I could hardly stand it, could hardly keep from moaning into the quiet surrounding us. When he stopped, I opened my eyes and he casually pulled his hand free before smoothing my dress back down over my hip. Next, his zipper went up, letting me know he’d concealed himself again.

  “Well…” A long pause ensued when Luke cleared his throat. “—Goodnight,” he said far too casually. There was an air of satisfaction in his tone and I guessed it was due to having his curiosity quenched. He rested an arm over my waist as if nothing had happened; as if his hand hadn’t just been down my panties; as if I hadn’t just felt him up like an impatient, achingly hormonal, teenager girl. I was hot and bothered to say the least, but Luke was obviously trying to play it cool, most likely in an effort to respect the boundaries I’d set.

  Catching my breath was a struggle. To say that I was beginning to fantasize about throwing caution to the wind, letting tonight play out naturally, carnally, was putting it lightly. That thought played on repeat in my mind, the idea of giving in. This man had me ready to go back on all my rules—every single one of them.

  And I wasn’t even ashamed.

  Luke’s unanswered ‘goodnight’ still hung in the air. Swallowing stubborn remnants of the sexual frustration I was now struggling to suppress, I somehow managed to mutter a ragged, “G-Goodnight,” knowing good and well sleep was the last thing on my mind.

  Maybe he wouldn’t be waiting so long after all.

  Maybe I was delusional to think I ever had it in me to make him.

  Chapter Twelve

  Luke

  It felt wrong—no, criminal—to leave such a beautiful woman alone in bed, but I couldn’t toss and turn in the pants to this tux much longer. Matt sent a text a little after midnight to tell me that my car was outside; however, Lissette had made my arm her pillow and I didn’t have it in me to wake her. She looked so peaceful, so comfortable sleeping, her limbs carelessly entangled with mine. From the outside looking in, someone would easily believe we’d done this, shared a bed, a thousand times. There was no way I’d ruin such a moment.

  By 7 a.m. she was back on her side of the bed and I was wide awake. Quietly, I crept down to get my things. When I made it back up to her place, I made sure she was still asleep. She was. Her arm was draped over her eyes, keeping the early morning light at bay, and a bare knee peeked out from beneath the sheet. An instinctive smile caused one corner of my mouth to twitch upward before I forced my own exit, fearing that I’d accidentally wake her if I didn’t. After that, with nothing else to do really, I decided to get a head start on the cleaning I’d talked her out of doing the night before.

  I stood in the entryway of her living room and ran my hand down my face, trying to decide where to start. However, when I made the motion to pass my hand over my nose, I caught a whiff of her—her scent still present on my fingers. The memory of touching her came back the very next second. Now I knew that she felt and smelled amazing, the perfect mixture of her own, unique, feminine aroma with undertones of whatever fruit-laden perfume she wore. All I could do was shake my head at the thought of what it must feel like to have her—not just touch her, but have her. If how wet she’d gotten last night was any indication…

  I won’t lie; I did think there was a possibility that our first night together could be our first night together, but Lissette had a point, though. Married or not, we hadn’t known each other very long. Granted, I’d convinced women to sleep with me in less time, but this was different. She was different. I didn’t want this thing between us to heat up fast and cool down faster. Despite how I felt about it when we first met, despite how skeptical I was, I wanted this to last. For whatever reason, our paths had crossed and I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was all meant to work out.

  The fog inside my mind cleared and I made myself focus on cleaning instead of contemplating the things I wanted to do to her. There were empty shoeboxes thrown everywhere, plastic bags and wrappers piled up on the coffee table, and hangers on the floor and couch. Lissette and her sisters had torn through her place like a tornado trying to get ready for the wedding. Moving around as quietly as I could, I straightened the living room completely before heading to the bathroom to shower. While the water ran down my back, I smelled all of Lissette’s bath gels and shampoos just because. I suppose my reasoning was that there wasn’t anything I didn’t want to know about her, no matter how tedious the detail. While I washed, of course I thought of her. I found myself fantasizing about the day she’d be comfortable enough joining me in here, letting me touch and care for her in the many ways I wanted to.

  There was a soft knock at the door that brought me back to reality. “Come in.”

  The door creaked open. “I’m sorry…” Lissette giggled, her voice sounding a little raspier and softer than usual when she added, “But um… I need to pee. I tried to hold it, but I can’t,” she confessed with another laugh.

  I smiled at the sweet, childlike way she explained herself. “Go ahead. Promise I won’t look.”

  She laughed at that, too, leading me to believe she’d gotten out of bed in a really good mood. “Thanks. I won’t be long.”

  There was a pause and then I heard her humming to muffle the sound as she used the bathroom. I shook my head at yet another of her subtly funny antics, and then made myself focus on my own thoughts, attempting to offer her as much privacy as possible. She flushed, washed her hands, and opened the door again.

  “You sleep okay?” I asked, hustling to find a way to keep her from leaving. I don’t know why—just look
ing for any excuse to have her around, I guess.

  “Mm hm. You?”

  I shrugged. “Not really, but that was mostly because of the tux.”

  “Mostly? Was the bed uncomfortable?”

  She didn’t miss a thing. “I was uncomfortable in… other ways. I’ll just leave it at that.”

  She was silent and I imagined the expression she might be wearing as she caught on to what I was saying. “Well, you weren’t the only one.”

  The corner of my mouth hitched. I wasn’t? Good to know.

  “Oh! And thanks for cleaning up for me. That was sweet,” she added.

  She had no idea how badly I wanted this to work, wanted us to work. If doing things around the house would keep her happy, I’d do that.

  “No problem,” I replied.

  There was another pause—a pause that made me completely aware of being naked in her presence. I wasn’t sure, but I imagined her suddenly thinking about the same thing. Nothing but the translucent shower curtain separated us, and I was pretty sure she could at least see my silhouette through it. Did I mind? No, but all of a sudden she decided to excuse herself, which didn’t surprise me. I wasn’t shy, wasn’t uncomfortable with nudity, but I got the feeling she didn’t share the same mindset. Her exit was swift, but not swift enough. I managed to peek out from behind the curtain in time to steal a look at her. The dress from the night before had come off and she now wore a turquoise, terrycloth robe.

  What I’d give to know if there was anything underneath.

  I switched the water to cold when one dirty thought led to another. It was all I could do to shock my body into submission, to make myself not think of her in that way. The sound of rushing water eventually ceased with a twist of the knob, and now music floated in from Lissette’s bedroom. I grabbed a white and lime green, striped towel because it was the closest thing to manly that I could find. Wrapping it loosely around my waist, I stepped out into the hallway. From where I stood, I could see Lissette mouthing the words to whatever freaky Rhianna song flowed from her speakers while making the bed. Without her noticing, I stood in the doorway and watched. She bounced clumsily to the beat and did some sort of awkward hip roll. I stifled a laugh by covering my mouth. Before this, I would’ve assumed, based on the otherwise soulful vibe she gives off, she had rhythm. Our slow dance the night before had even fooled me. However, standing there, watching her now, I realized I’d guessed wrong. This was by far the worst dancing I’d ever seen.