Again for the First Time

by Raven St. Pierre

  The worst.

  “Oh my God!” she yelled, nearly falling when she realized I caught her.

  I doubled over laughing, unable to stop despite the look of extreme embarrassment on her face. She turned bright red and sat on the edge of the bed with both hands over her eyes. I couldn’t even breathe to apologize for spying.

  “You could’ve said something!” she yelled, trying not to smile.

  The wall was the only thing keeping me from falling out on the floor. I didn’t even flinch when she flung a pillow across the room as hard as she could.

  “That’s so rude! We’re gonna have to set some ground rules!”

  I still couldn’t respond because I was too winded.

  She rolled her eyes and accidentally let a laugh slip. “You know I’m gonna get you back for that, right?”

  I stood upright again and tried to settle down. “Don’t be like that. I thought it was cute.”

  Once she got over the embarrassment, she stood to finish making the bed. “Whatever.”

  I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist while the music continued on in the background. She stopped what she was doing and placed her hands on my forearms, still damp from the shower.

  “Oh my gosh! Why’s your skin so cold?” she asked.

  I grinned, not feeling the least bit embarrassed that she was about to know what great lengths I’d gone to in order to respect the boundaries she’d set. “A cold shower tends to have that effect.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “I’ll survive,” I added, unsure of what she was thinking.

  She let me hold her for a while, seeming more content in my arms. Her head rested on my shoulder, her soft hair against my skin, and I held her tighter.

  “You smell so good,” she said softly.

  I remembered her scent on my fingers and replied with a suggestive, “So do you.”

  Lissette released a breath and pressed her cheek against my chin as her eyes drifted shut. I watched her, watched the way she chewed the side of her lip sensually, how her nostrils flared just a little when I squeezed her. My body came to life beneath the towel, rising up, becoming solid against her. I knew the moment she felt it, the unrelenting erection brought on by thoughts of no one but her. All of a sudden, her eyes opened, full of awareness. I anticipated her next move; she’d try to ease away, wanting to keep the vow she’d made to herself—the vow that she’d make me wait.

  “Don’t,” I whispered against her hair when she attempted to slip away. Immediately, she halted, but didn’t lean her body against mine like before. I inched my way closer and waited for her to relax, wanting her to get accustomed to the way my body, every part of me, responded to her. There was no way she could expect me to behave all the time. Some things were out of my control.

  “I thought you said you were cool with waiting?” she asked, sounding as if my holding her here was actually breaking her will. I assumed that to be the case based on the shakiness of her voice. She was weak; weak for me. Still, I gave her question some thought and realized she was right; I’d agreed to wait until she was ready. So, with that, I backed off.

  Lissette’s eyes were on me as I crossed the room to where I’d set my bag by the closet. I opened it and pulled out the dark jeans and tee I planned to wear, setting my boxer-briefs on the bed, too.

  “Are you mad?” she asked.

  I smiled at her, surprised she’d even thought that. “Of course not. I respect your decision.” And I totally did, but that didn’t mean I had to make this easy for her. While she watched, I dropped my towel to the floor and turned facing her, offering an eyeful as I casually swiped deodorant beneath each arm. I expected her to turn away, but to my surprise, she didn’t. However, she may have just been stunned by my lack of discretion. Either way, as far as I was concerned, this, everything I had to offer physically, was hers. She may as well get used to looking at it.

  Her cheeks tinted red again as I pulled on my boxers before sitting on the edge of the bed. When Lissette left the room, she eyed me until she couldn’t anymore. I watched as she disappeared inside the bathroom and I had to smile to myself, willing to bet money that the shower she took was ice cold… just like mine.

  *****

  Whenever we made eye contact that day, she got worked up—either chewing the side of her lip like I was beginning to love watching her do, or she’d quickly look away. Matt got to her place at around noon to get some footage for the film. Lissette and I carried on like we would’ve if he hadn’t been there. He filmed me putting a few of my things in one of the drawers Lissette had cleared out for me and filmed her making me lunch. There was even a solo interview with me while he and I rode to drop my tux off at the cleaners for Nick’s wedding tomorrow. He asked personal questions regarding how I expected to adjust to being married and sharing my space. That was pretty much our day.

  By eight, it was time to head out to Nick’s party. I freshened up and changed my shirt before coming back out to the living room. Lissette sat at the dining room table with the sexy-teacher glasses on, working on a jewelry order. She looked so serious, serious and hot as hell.

  “All right, well, we’re out,” I announced while Matt put his shoes on at the door.

  Lissette looked up from what she was doing and smiled. “K. Have fun.”

  That was it. No hesitancy. No worry in her tone. Not even a presumptuous glare. Maybe she didn’t know what kind of party this was going to be. Part of me thought she was only pretending to be okay with me going because she didn’t think she’d been in the picture long enough to object. Either way, she grinned innocently and then went back to work.

  “I um… I was wondering if you wanted me to stay at my place tonight so I don’t wake you when I come in. It’ll probably be late.” Did I say that right? Should I have just asked if she minded me coming in late?

  She glanced up casually again, her expression giving nothing away. “No, it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

  When Lissette didn’t ask any pressing questions, I shrugged, slipped into my shoes, and walked back into the dining room. She glanced up at me with warmth in her eyes when I leaned in and kissed her forehead.

  “Be careful,” she called out once I was out of sight.

  “Will do.”

  “And, Luke?” she added the second I reached the door. “Be good.”

  The words brought a smile to my face. There it was, the concern I’d been expecting. With those two words, ‘be good’, she’d gotten her point across.

  “How cute,” Matt said under his breath, mocking me.

  “Shut the hell up and go,” I whispered back in response to his comment, shoving him out. My smile turned into a full-blown laugh as I closed the door and followed him down the hallway.

  The party was already in full swing when we got there—just twenty minutes after it started. Loud music and smoke filled the air and I assumed Nick’s ex who hooked him up with the room must’ve told the staff to give him a break on the noise. Otherwise, there’d be no way the cops wouldn’t have shown up by now.

  More than half the people in the suite were strangers to me. Every now and then, I’d see a familiar face as I made my way to the balcony where I spotted Nick. His eyes drooped low and were about as red as his shirt. When he saw Matt and I, he lifted his hands high into the air, spilling a little of whatever was in his glass in the process.

  “Whadduuuuuup!” He grabbed me into a rough hug, already reeking of expensive liquor and cheap perfume. To his left and his right, two half-naked girls were hanging all over him.

  “Look, make yourselves comfortable. Food’s in the other room over there. We got drinks. Leo brought the weed.” He put his hands up again. “It’s just like old times!”

  Just like old times.

  I nodded and forced a laugh, wondering if, in his drunkenness, he’d forgotten that I quit smoking cigarettes months ago and weed hadn’t been my thing since college. Either way, I wasn’t interested. We left him t
o do whatever he was doing and headed toward the buffet. I filled up a plate with wings and sat across from Matt at the table. From what I could tell, all the ladies were paid to be here—unless Nick knew chicks who regularly showed up to parties in lingerie. I put my head down and focused on my food and not the array of breasts and bare skin scattered about the room.

  Matt’s kick beneath the table prompted me to glance up at him as he gestured toward the other side of the room. Half-thinking he was pointing out a girl, I hesitated to turn around. However, when I did, that wasn’t the case at all. From where we sat, we had a clear shot of Nick out on the balcony. I shook my head as I watched him tongue down the blonde he was holding on to. I couldn’t see the other girl at first, but then noticed her face-down in Nick’s lap, her head bobbing up and down while he stroked the back of her hair—petting her like she was a dog.

  All I could do was shake my head and turn back to my plate, still trying to understand why he was even getting married.

  “This guy’s gonna catch something one of these days, I swear. And when he does, Mel’s gonna kill him, so I’m putting in dibs now for his baseball card collection. That thing has to be worth a fortune by now,” Matt rambled before taking a bite. “Kind of makes me feel like a hypocrite standing up in his wedding tomorrow, though. You know?”

  I nodded. “Not our business. Mel knows what she’s getting herself into. She knows there’ve been other women, but takes him back. Her choice, I guess.”

  Matt shrugged and wiped his hands. “I guess. But what about you? You and the missus seem to be settling into married life pretty well already.”

  I thought of Lissette and my natural reaction was to smile. “Yeah… we’re good.”

  “That’s what I wanted to hear. She seems cool.”

  I nodded in agreement. “She is. She’s wound a little tight, but I’m working on that.” During the break in conversation, I thought of the many methods I could employ to help her relax, unwind.

  I was still daydreaming when some random girl rested her almost completely bare backside in my lap—no material touching her lower half other than the thin string she was trying to pass off as underwear. Snatched from my thoughts, I looked up into the eyes of the pretty brunette grinning at me. She didn’t hide the fact that she was checking me out.

  “Dance with me,” she beckoned softly. Not asking me, but demanding me.

  I didn’t say anything.

  My silence made her smile. “Or, if you want, I could just dance for you right here.” The sultry smile on her lips grew at my persistent silence.

  When I failed to answer either one of her requests, she stood, turned to face me, and then straddled my lap. She met my gaze with her large, blue eyes and started grinding the heat between her legs against my crotch as a mask of lust covered her otherwise innocent face.

  Thinking she had me, she leaned into my ear and whispered a new proposition. “Me and my girls have a room of our own down the hall for the night. Meet me there in five. I’m already paid for; may as well let me put a smile on that tense face of yours.”

  Matt brought his fist to his mouth and coughed the word, “Herpes,” into it.

  This whole marriage thing was new to me. Other than Lissette, I’d only committed to one other woman in my life and when we were on one of our many breaks or pauses, I pretty much did whatever I wanted. In other words, it wasn’t like I wasn’t in the habit of throwing caution to the wind and listening to the wrong head on occasion, but I was surprisingly strong in my resolve when it came to what this girl was offering. It wasn’t happening. I didn’t want her, didn’t want anyone but the woman I’d made my wife.

  The brunette in my lap rubbed her face against the side of my neck and started grinding again.

  “All right, that’s enough,” I said about as politely as I could, releasing a heavy sigh when I grabbed her waist to hoist her off of me. Shaking her head as she backed off, the girl mumbled something under her breath, probably insults to stroke her own ego after being turned down.

  A rumble of thunder shook the entire building and I turned to look behind me just as Nick and his harem came running in from the balcony, escaping the rain. My thoughts instantly went to Lissette. Looking around, I accepted the fact that this wasn’t where I wanted to be tonight. I showed up, made an appearance for my brother, but strippers? Prostitutes? Drugs? There was a better way to spend my evening.

  “I’m gonna cut out,” I said to Matt, making the decision on a whim. Aside from not really being up for this type of party, I had a feeling Lissette was at home freaking out because of the storm. Unlike Nick, I knew I had no business being here. I surveyed the room again. Half the guys that I recognized were either married or supposed to be committed. It was crazy that they were carrying on like this. I knew better, though. The image that flashed in my head was of Lissette working, probably trying to ignore the heavy rain and thunder, waiting for me to come home.

  Home. That word struck a chord. She was my home now. Wherever she was—her place, my place, Nova Scotia—it didn’t matter.

  “Already?” Matt protested. “We just got here!”

  I straightened my clothes when I stood. The girl I’d just dismissed gave me the side-eye as another roll of thunder ripped through the sky.

  “Yeah. Lissette doesn’t like storms,” I added. “I need to go. I don’t want her to be alone.”

  Matt seemed confused, but nodded anyway. The brunette quickly turned her sights on him now that I was no longer a prospect.

  “How about you? You down to have a little fun?” she asked, prompting Matt to hesitate when he got ready to take a drink from his bottle of water, but he’d only paused to laugh.

  After taking the drink to his lips and swallowing, he finally answered, a heavily sarcastic grin on his face when he looked everywhere but at the girl. “No thanks, doll. Just got tested last month and I came out clean. Plan on keeping it that way,” he said, not caring if he hurt her feelings or not.

  I quieted my laugh and felt my pocket for my keys. “All right, man. I’ll call you later. You should probably drive Nick’s car home anyway. He’s wasted,” I added.

  Matt looked at Nick barely able to stand in one spot because he was so disoriented, and then nodded in agreement. I looked at the brunette again as she stared back, silently making her offer one last time, and then I took off down the hotel hallway, walking quickly as the storm worsened outside.

  By the time I reached my car in the parking structure, the severe weather sirens were wailing. I drove quickly to Lissette’s apartment and ran inside the lobby just as the power went out, meaning I had to use the stairs. I was a little winded when I reached the door to her apartment, searching for my key. Just as I found it, though, the door flung open and I was staring into a set of sweet, and yet terrified, brown eyes. Fear was plastered all over her face. I had no idea where this phobia came from, but I didn’t realize until now how serious it was. I was right to come back.

  Relief washed over her when she saw me standing there and she didn’t hesitate to find her way into my arms.

  “Don’t think I’m crazy, but… I knew you were on your way back to me,” she whispered against my neck. I could feel her heart racing in her chest. Without letting her go, I walked us inside and shut the door, propping my umbrella against the wall. Everything was pitch black.

  “You all right?”

  She nodded, pulling away when embarrassment set in. “I’m fine.”

  I kissed her forehead and held her hand as we walked over to the couch where I pulled up the blinds to let in at least a little bit of light. “You got any candles?”

  She pointed me toward the China cabinet in the dining room. I remembered seeing a bunch of them mixed in with her books the first time I visited. I took out six, set them on the coffee table, and then grabbed a box of matches from the kitchen. Lissette watched while I lit them and then came back to sit with her. She hugged herself, seemingly ashamed for reacting the way she did.


  “Yeah, I heard the thunder and just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  She smiled shyly, but wouldn’t look at me. “Thanks. I feel bad that you’re missing Nick’s party because of me, though.”

  She wouldn’t if she knew what kinds of guests he’d invited.

  “Were you having a good time?” she asked.

  I shook my head. “Nah, not really.”

  Silence filled the room until another rumble of thunder startled Lissette, causing her to flinch pretty hard. She really wasn’t kidding.

  “Come here.” Without hesitation, I pulled her over to my side of the couch so I could hold her. She was trembling. “Why’re you so afraid?”

  There was such a long pause that I wasn’t sure she’d even answer.

  “I hate acknowledging that I’m scared, but I guess there’s no other word for it. Back when I was little—like eleven or twelve I think—I was at home by myself. My parents were still at work, Bean and Delia had afterschool jobs, Aura had softball practice, and Brooklyn was at a friend’s house. But anyway… I was there alone and I just remember the sky turning, like, completely black. It looked like night time in the middle of the afternoon. The trees were blowing like crazy, the power went out, and then the emergency sirens started.” She crossed her arm over mine for comfort, letting her back rest against my chest more easily, more relaxed. “I was petrified,” she added.

  “What’d you do?”