Again for the First Time

by Raven St. Pierre

  I thought back to how I felt having to watch him sleep through my computer screen. Then, I compared it to how it felt to sleep in his arms for real. Next, I thought of how he showed up here during this storm, right when I needed him. His timing had also been impeccable a couple weeks ago when he turned the corner and found me sitting outside that shop. There were other things shaping my response as it wandered around inside my head—his smile, his charm, and now having his love.

  “No. I’m glad I got you when I did,” I admitted with a smile.

  One corner of his mouth hitched upward when I answered. If I had to guess, I’d say he felt the same way. “Nine: biggest relationship fear?”

  My grandmother’s story came to mind and I didn’t even have to think about my response. “Missing out on who I’m supposed to have. Missing out on the love that’s supposed to be meant for me, all because I’m too scared to go after it.”

  Luke was quiet for a moment while that set in. Now maybe he understood why I didn’t hesitate like he’d expected at the time of his proposal. My grandmother had been given a sign on the day she met Benny, similar to the fortune I got that same evening I met Luke, but my grandmother didn’t get to see how her love story would’ve ended. Fear, and possibly social pressure, had too strong a grip on her. But not me. She taught me to not make the same mistake she did.

  Luke nodded, his expression full of intrigue when he went on. “Ten: best date.”

  “On a whim, someone decided to take me on a road trip. Long story short, I woke up in Florida and we spent the day at Disney World.”

  Immediately, Luke asked, “Gerard?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. Him.”

  Luke was silent for a moment and his ever-present distaste for my ex wasn’t lost on me. I believed it came from me telling him the full story behind our breakup. “Eleven: biggest turn off during sex?”

  I smiled and looked down. “Mmmm… I guess I’d have to say being spanked. I always think the guy has some sort of sick incest fantasy that he’s trying to fulfill or something.”

  The sound of Luke laughing made me look up. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  I frowned. “Ew. You don’t do that, do you?” The question came out quiet, like I was nervous of what his response might be, which made him crack up even harder.

  “No, but if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. Not after that rationale you just gave.”

  I shrugged. “Just makes sense to me. Kids get spanked, not grown women.”

  “Since we’re on the subject,” Luke said, a devilish grin taking over his expression. “Twelve: favorite position?”

  I sighed and stared at the ceiling while I thought about it. “I honestly don’t think I have one. If a guy really knows what he’s doing, he can make any position my favorite.”

  Luke raised an eyebrow and gave a half-smile. Clearly, he liked my answer. “Thirteen: are you for or against oral sex?”

  “Giving it or getting it?”

  He shrugged. “Both.”

  “For it… and for it.”

  That slick smile came back, but he moved on. “Fourteen: when’s the last time you had sex?”

  I shifted in my seat as I thought back. “Six months.”

  He didn’t say anything right away and I imagined he assumed I was speaking about Gerard. Unfortunately, I was.

  “Fifteen: how long do you intend to make me wait?”

  I grinned up at him. “It fluctuates,” I admitted. “My original intention? A month, at least. But when I’m around you… I find myself rethinking that.”

  He chuckled a little and rubbed the stubble on his chin slowly when he looked away. That was the truth. Usually, I’d make a guy wait until we’d been at it a few months before giving up the goods; one if we were really hitting it off. However, the man before me was so incredibly sexy, so irresistible, that I was finding it difficult to hold to that rule. It wasn’t even anything in particular that he did—well, not intentionally. It was in the way his eyes seemed to dim when he’d think about making love to me, which was fairly often. It was his physique, his mannerisms. Hell, even his teeth were sexy to me. I’d had more than one fantasy about soft bites being placed all over my body. The sound of him clearing his throat snatched me from my thoughts.

  “Sixteen: what were you thinking when we were lying in bed last night and I touched you?” He looked me up and down, wetting his lips.

  I released a slow breath and tried to focus on my response instead of my body’s memory of how he’d made me feel, of the effect his touch had on me. “Well… mostly I was self-conscious because you wouldn’t let me freshen up.” He chuckled a little at that and then his eyes dimmed in that way they do. “But once I got over that… I was thinking about how badly I didn’t want you to stop.”

  The smile slowly faded and his teeth clamped the side of his lip while he thought. I could feel my pulse throbbing behind my ears while I watched him watch me.

  “Seventeen: do you touch yourself?”

  As uncomfortable as the question made me, I had to answer because he didn’t shy away when I asked him the same thing. “Sometimes.”

  “Eighteen: fingers or toys?” he asked, adding a whispered, “Please say fingers,” as he flashed a smile that left me weak.

  I inhaled a sharp breath and tried desperately not to look away from him. Nervous, I scratched the side of my neck. “I don’t have toys.”

  His teeth sank into his lip again as he stared at me without even a hint of a smile. The dimness returned to his eyes, leaving me to feel naked under his gaze. “Nineteen: what do you fantasize about when you do it?”

  I exhaled and started feeling dizzy. “Lately? Just you.”

  He nodded slowly as if he’d known the answer before I’d even given it. “When you asked me about pleasuring myself, you had a look on your face.”

  “A look?” I asked, half-dazed.

  He nodded, still keeping his eyes trained on me. “Like you were curious.” He paused, but only for a second before asking his final question—a question that stole the breath I’d just inhaled.

  “Twenty: would you like to watch?”

  A chill ran down my spine and again I shifted in my seat. He stared back at me with a dead-serious look on his face, waiting for me to respond. His eyes carved away at me, digging to the root of my subconscious, drawing out the answer he wanted to hear… the answer I wanted to give.

  “Yes,” slipped freely from my lips, entangled with a long breath.

  Luke looked me over, lust heavy in his expression as he stood from the couch. He disappeared in my bathroom for a few seconds and casually walked back into the room carrying something in his hand—my baby oil from the counter. The mental image that came to mind had me breathing heavier and he hadn’t even done anything yet.

  Without saying a word, Luke sat back down beside me and his eyes locked with mine—confident, intense. Slowly, with my full attention set on him, he pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor. Another sharp breath filled my nostrils as I took him all in, letting my eyes drift over the solid muscles of his chest, the toned ripples of his firm abdomen, and finally coming to rest on the thin trail of dark hair that started at his navel and disappeared beneath his waistband. While I sat, envisioning the part of his anatomy I’d explored for the first time last night, Luke inched his hips forward on the couch, slouching against the back cushion.

  The candlelight flickered in the background as he casually undid his belt, the button on his jeans, and then his zipper. I now stared at the front of his boxers, resting my eyes at the evidence of our conversation turning him on.

  He was so hard.

  The storm outside had calmed to a lulling torrent, continuously beating against the window beside us. I sat watching him, my hand lightly clutching the front of my neck while my heart raced inside my chest.

  The top to the baby oil opened with a snap when Luke pried it up, pouring a generous amount into his hand. With the one not doused in oil, he pulled hi
s boxers down to the base of his shaft, letting it spring to life once he finally freed himself. I sucked in a breath at the sight, fighting to hold my composure.

  I wanted him.

  Bad.

  Slowly, staring directly into my eyes, he coated his erection in the oil all the way to the tip, spending a few seconds massaging the head. I squeezed my legs together and watched him intently. A long, slow breath of air left his lungs as a look of pure relief swept over him. I imagined what it would feel like to have him deep inside me as I stared at the orange, glowing light that shimmered off his lubricated flesh. He let the back of his head fall against the couch and closed his eyes. In an unhurried motion, his hand slipped up and down his length over and over and over again. It intrigued me that he could be so comfortable knowing he had an audience. Actually, he seemed to enjoy me watching him.

  The muscles in his arm flexed and released with each motion. Every time he came in contact with the sensitive tip, his stomach tightened, but his breathing remained steady. I felt the seat of my panties dampen. He looked so good touching himself. Some of the tension left my body and I relaxed into the cushion, too, while I observed. I wanted to touch him, and I knew he wouldn’t mind if I did, but I still had reservations—admittedly, not as many now that he’d admitted to being in love with me.

  Luke opened his eyes for a second, taking in my expression before closing them again. Doing so only confirmed my suspicion; he did like that I was watching. There was a certain amount of pleasure to be had from taunting me, showing off what he had to offer, what I was too afraid to take—although it was practically being handed to me on a silver platter.

  The sound of the oil moving over his skin as his hand slicked up and down made me even wetter. I stared at him, at all that was going to waste, and sighed heavily. I imagined myself stripping down and just climbing on top of him, riding him until the sun came up—as if either of us would even last that long.

  Luke let out a deep, throaty moan and flexed his legs. His expression tensed and his pace quickened just a little. My whole body tingled as I observed the look of pure enjoyment on his face. Attempting to hold to my rule, I crossed my legs, thinking that would lessen the throb between them. When I moved to do so, the sound of the couch creaking caught Luke’s attention. He turned to look at me, eyes low like he’d been smoking. His hand continued to work even as he spoke.

  “Take your shirt off,” he commanded softly, practically whispering.

  While he watched, I slipped my t-shirt over my head and let it fall to the floor, revealing my bare breasts to him. This was going against my general dating standards, but then I reminded myself… we weren’t just dating.

  Luke drew his bottom lip inside his mouth and gripped the head of his dick as his breathing quickened.

  “Can I touch them?” he asked, focusing a longing gaze on my breasts, as if they were the equivalent to water in a desert. Call me crazy, but it turned me on even more that he didn’t just assume I’d let him grope me. Exhibiting impressive restraint, he asked.

  With an unspoken, ‘Hell yeah,’ that made it no further than my thoughts, I nodded, granting him permission.

  His free hand reached toward me, warming my flesh with those lengthy fingers. My tight nipple grazing his palm sent a wave of excitement through us both, hidden parts of my body vibrating with need as he continued to touch me.

  “Take the shorts off, too,” was Luke’s next command.

  Hesitantly, I did as I was told, but left my panties on. There was no objection when I didn’t strip down completely, so I assumed he didn’t mind. I watched as he ran his fingers wantonly down the valley between my breasts and flattened his palm over my navel, continuing downward. When he reached the waistband of my panties, I sucked in a breath. With a feather-light touch, Luke stroked one finger over the imprint of my slit through the material, awakening my sex even more than before. There was no doubt that he could feel the wetness through the thin cotton. When he grew tired of teasing, my panties were pulled aside and my lower lips were parted with one finger—a finger that rapidly sank inside before I could catch my breath. My chest heaved as I struggled to decide which sight was more gratifying—Luke pleasuring himself, or Luke pleasuring me.

  Definitely watching him pleasure himself. I vowed not to let my eyes close for even a second; I wanted to see him come.

  He stared and caressed me inwardly. “You’re so wet,” he panted.

  And you’re so sexy, I thought to myself, watching as he firmly gripped his glistening, swollen head again. I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take, the teasing. I had to keep talking myself out of jumping on top of him, finishing us both off.

  Luke moaned and shut his eyes as all movement ceased; however, he never released the grip he had on himself. I watched intently, thinking he was getting ready to come, but instead a trickle of clear liquid seeped from the tip of his dick and ran down the back of his hand. I felt the throbbing in my clit become a rhythmic pulsation that matched my heartbeat. Luke started stroking again, slowly this time. I was beside myself, wanting him more than I remembered wanting anything ever before in my life. Watching him had tested my patience, pushed me beyond my limits.

  “I want…..” The sound of my own voice shocked me and I pressed my lips together, unable to recall the moment I decided to speak my thoughts aloud.

  Luke stared when the broken sentence rolled off my tongue. “You want what?” he asked softly. “Say it.”

  I wanted to give in, but I somehow willed myself to stay silent, well… mostly. The only sound that escaped me now was that of deprived moans and frantic, labored breathing. He had me against the ropes and he knew it. Removing his fingers from inside me, he toyed with my clit. I could hardly keep my eyes open as he lightly stroked it.

  “All you have to do is say it,” he added. “It’s yours anyway.” That statement, those words, sent me into a tailspin, pulling me apart at the seams, scattering my senses all over the room like rogue marbles. He made it clear yet again that he, all of him, belonged to me.

  I was still determined to hold out, so I said absolutely nothing.

  When I failed to answer, a slick smile touched his lips. Although he’d fallen silent, I was positive there was much, much more he wanted to say. When his touch returned, I was entranced by him once more, squirming against his hand, rolling my hips to match his movements.

  “I won’t push you,” Luke uttered along with other breathless promises. Even in the throes of lust, at the possibility of his own needs going unmet, he was respectful of my boundaries; however, I was the only one who knew just how far those walls had tumbled down.

  I looked up when he pulled away again, immediately feeling deprived. He sat up straight on the couch and leaned in, one hand sinking deep into the cushion beside my hip. He came close, dangerously close. At first I thought he’d kiss me, but his lips never came near mine. Instead, a stare lingered between us for a few seconds and it became clear that Luke wanted to take the reins like he was probably used to doing. In all honestly, if it was permission he sought, he didn’t need it anymore. I’d all but given him the go ahead, although I had yet to spell it out. My guess was that he’d already sensed my guard being down. Still, his promise rang inside my head: ‘I won’t push you’.

  Slowly, cautiously, Luke’s mouth lowered to my breast. A warm current of quivering breath covered my skin, but contact was never made. His oil-slicked hand gripped my torso and I stared down, watching the conflict between the brute within him warring against the gentleman I’d grown to love. The thought of there being yet another side to Luke, more to explore, I couldn’t help but to smile. That’s when I realized I was done pretending, done telling myself that we needed more time. Tonight would be the night, the first ever that I’d give myself to a man so quickly. And surprisingly, I knew I wasn’t making a mistake.

  My fingers worked their way through his dark hair, grazing his scalp, gripping the back of his head. At first, Luke only hovered above,
seemingly unsure of whether it was okay to follow his instincts, questioning whether he’d already gone too far. There was a clear concern for me and my feelings about what was happening. I sensed it in his reluctant touch, his stare. Because of that, because he’d allowed me to be the one to call the shots thus far, it was on me to show him that the game had changed. With gentle pressure, I brought Luke’s mouth closer to my flesh. Once he caught on that there were no longer restrictions, my nipple was hungrily drawn into his mouth and I watched him devour it, sending painful jolts of pleasure coursing through me. I held him tighter, pulled him closer, encouraging him to take whatever he wanted.

  Whatever he wanted.

  Parting my knees willingly, he settled between them and squeezed one breast while continuing to savor the other. I ran my leg up his, feeling the roughness of denim jeans first, and then bare skin where his pants had been pulled down halfway. I envisioned him pleasuring himself again and pressed my heel into his buttock while he hovered above me, forcing his hips downward when I did. I moaned and arched my back as the tip of his erection separated the folds of my sex. He hadn’t gone deep because my panties acted as a barrier, but he’d penetrated just enough to feed the fire already blazing inside me. I wanted him so badly I could taste it, ached for it. He had to have known.

  My reaction inspired him to press into me again, only entering an inch or two because of the thin obstruction between us. He tongued my nipple softly now, the gentleness contrasting the force he’d used only seconds before while sucking. I put one hand on top of his while he massaged me. When I did, I found wetness there, the fluid his body had released a moment ago. My heart sped up as I found myself wondering how it would taste, how he would taste. Determined to satisfy my curiosity, I lifted the back of his hand toward my mouth and dragged my tongue across it, letting the sweetness he’d left behind fill my senses.

  Luke nearly stopped breathing as he zeroed in on what I’d done. Absolute stillness. Dead silence. There was a wild look behind his eyes as he stared into mine. Air finally entered his lungs again, only this time in rapid, choppy puffs. The next second, our lips met with violence like we’d been thrown together by a slingshot. His hot shaft rested against me, but only for a moment before kissing his way down my body.