Again for the First Time

by Raven St. Pierre

  “Still think I’m a monster, though, don’t you?” she asked, interrupting the nostalgia that temporarily carried me away.

  I rubbed my chin and then stretched. “Nah… not a monster. You were a kid yourself, going through your own thing. It’s just unfortunate that your solution was to put someone else through hell with you.”

  She put her head down as she considered what I was saying. “Yeah… Maybe one day I’ll get to apologize to her face to face. She didn’t deserve that. I was messed up beyond words back then.”

  I just nodded in response as my phone vibrated.

  “Hello?”

  “Aura and the baby are okay. It’s a girl! You almost here?” Lissette asked through the phone.

  “Already in the building. I’ll be up in a sec,” I replied.

  “Ok. I can’t wait for you to see her!”

  Hearing the excitement in her voice made me smile as the call ended.

  Cat pretended to be engrossed in the episode of Dr. Phil on the waiting room television, but I knew that was a cover. Without her saying a word, I could read her thoughts—she felt torn between knowing Lissette was my wife and that I should be with her at the moment, but she also felt like my place was here beside her… like I’d always been.

  I stood to my feet slowly.

  “Leaving so soon?” she asked.

  “Yeah… I need to get up there.”

  She nodded, but didn’t say anything.

  “Well… update me on your mother’s condition if anything changes.”

  Cat finally looked up, forcing a weak smile. “Sure thing.”

  Nodding, I turned to walk away. Her voice halted me, though.

  “Luke?”

  I faced her, taking note of the sadness in her eyes even though she was trying to keep up that smile. “If we don’t talk again before it comes up,” she started. “—Happy birthday.”

  It didn’t surprise me that she remembered. For so many birthdays she’d been there to celebrate with me, enough that the date had been emblazoned in her mind. Nodding, I thanked her, and then turned to head toward the elevator.

  When I reached the triage, I quickly found the waiting room where Lissette sat beside her father. She saw me walk in and her face lit up. I think mine did, too.

  “Hey!” She said sweetly as she walked to meet me at the entrance.

  I embraced her, being mindful not to kiss her the way I wanted to in front of her family. When her mother gave a polite smile, I waved at her and Lissette’s father. “Did you get to hold the baby yet?” I asked Lissette.

  “Yes, and she hogged her,” Brooklyn interjected, earning herself a playful glare from Lissette.

  “Yes, I held her, but I didn’t hog her,” Lissette corrected with a laugh. “She’s perfect, though. Looks just like Momma to me.” She grinned from ear to ear.

  “Does she have a name yet?” I took a seat beside her.

  “Mallory Christina, and it suits her just right.”

  I looked at Lissette beaming and I couldn’t help but to smile, secretly wondering if today was difficult for her like Aura’s baby shower had been, reminding her of her own circumstance. Looking at her, you’d never guess it if that was the case. Maybe it wasn’t. With her strength, it wouldn’t surprise me if she hadn’t even thought about herself in all this.

  “Oh my gosh, and she’s got so much hair for a new baby. Now I know why Aura had such bad heartburn,” she added, causing Brooklyn to roll her eyes.

  She was so superstitious, and hearing her reference an old wives tale as a source of valid information had me smiling. “Is there, um… any science to back up that theory, or is that just something people say?”

  “No, there’s not an ounce of science,” Delia interjected playfully. “That’s straight-up Lissette-ology.”

  Lissette laughed again, telling her sister to shut up before answering my question. “Actually, no, it isn’t made up. I heard it on this show on TLC a few years ago. They were debunking stuff like that and one doctor said it’s true.” She stuck her tongue out at Delia when she finished speaking.

  I smiled at how lighthearted she was feeling today. She really was okay with all of this. She latched onto my hand and I found so much comfort in the gesture. I felt it anytime we touched.

  “Any word on when Darren’s gonna make it here?” I asked.

  “All we know is he’s on a plane as we speak. Hopefully, he’ll make it back soon,” she replied. “I know he has to feel terrible about not being here, but it isn’t his fault. He tried to tell his boss he couldn’t make this last trip because it was too close to Aura’s due date, but the guy wouldn’t let him off the hook.”

  “That sucks.”

  Lissette nodded in agreement. “It does, but he should be here soon. Lucky for him, Aura has a bunch of overbearing sisters who planned to be in the delivery room with her anyway. She wouldn’t have been alone in there even if she wanted to be.” And I believed that; the James girls were tight.

  Yawning, Lissette sat back in her seat. I watched as a look of amazement crossed her face. “You should’ve seen how strong Aura was in there. She was like Superwoman.” Her eyes glistened when she spoke. There were tears there, but from the look on her face, I knew they were happy tears.

  Brooklyn, sitting on the other side of Lissette, took her into her arms. “You’re such a sap, Liss,” she added with a smile, resting her cheek against Lissette’s hair before letting her go again.

  I reached beside me and grabbed a tissue from the box and handed it over. Lissette accepted it, sniffling.

  Bernadine stood. “Well, I’mma take off. I have to get the kids from school. I’ll probably be back up here later tonight.”

  Delia stood, too. “I’m gonna stay a while,” she replied, hugging her sister goodbye. Brooklyn and Lissette did the same.

  “I have an order to fill by six this evening,” Lissette replied. “So, I’m taking off, too.”

  “Well, with fewer of you to fight off, maybe I’ll finally get to hold my granddaughter,” Mr. James announced, getting a laugh out of his girls.

  “Sorry, Daddy,” Delia said, placing a hand on her father’s shoulder.

  “Ready, Luke?” Lissette asked, her eyes finding mine.

  I nodded. “Whenever you are.”

  I waited by the door while she said her goodbyes to her family. Her dad shook my hand and then Lissette and I walked to the elevator. Once inside, the numbers began to move. When we passed the third floor a fleeting thought of Cat crossed my mind, but I dismissed it quickly.

  Lissette laced her fingers with mine and I stared at the reflection of us standing side by side in the elevator doors, her head resting on my shoulder. Kissing the top of her hair brought a smile to her face and her lips feathered against the corner of my mouth right after. It wasn’t until we stepped out of the elevator and into the lobby that I suddenly felt weighted down. We were nearly all the way to the car before I realized what it was: Cat.

  I immediately began to regret letting guilt, and a hint of worry, convince me to check in on her. Our history together was null and void at this point in my life. None of that mattered present day. The storms we’d weathered together had long since blown over. Granted, if it’d been anyone else here visiting a relative, stopping in would’ve been fine. However, Cat and I had both made it clear that we weren’t friends. In fact, what we were left with in the aftermath of our relationship didn’t even have any semblance of friendship. Because of that, I didn’t owe her anything.

  I was silent as we drove, thinking on how I should’ve probably handled Cat’s phone call when she saw me crossing the lot. Better yet, I just should’ve ignored the call altogether. No, there were no feelings and I hadn’t crossed any lines, but I was still making allowances for more contact between she and I than there needed to be.

  That had to stop.

  That would stop.

  The one bright spot in all this was that the money coming in from the documentary would alleviate s
ome of the debt Cat and I incurred together—our binding tie. Well… one of them, anyway. Either way, I’d be done dealing with her altogether soon, in all capacities, but I’d make it my business to only communicate with her when it was necessary from now on. The only thing we needed to discuss, for the time being,was business. That was it.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Lissette

  Last week when I mentioned making a big deal about Luke’s birthday, he wouldn’t hear of it, but I refused to let it pass without acknowledging him. He was right; I didn’t have much of my advance left after paying on my medical bills and saving the amount we discussed when he helped with my budget, so it worked out that we agreed on a homemade gift. As long as he had something to open, just to show him I cared.

  The breeze felt amazing when it blew across my face. It was just enough to keep me awake. I was determined to stay up until Luke made it home, so here I sat outside on my building’s stoop, watching traffic pass, playing games on my phone to pass the time. He said he’d be back by nine so I only had another half hour to wait. I baked him a cake this morning after he left for work so we could celebrate his birthday—our first together.

  I had the apartment all set up. The cake was in the middle of the table with small saucers for us to use, and his gift was nicely wrapped and sitting in the middle of my bed… our bed.

  The sound of tires slowing on the pavement caught my attention and my eyes lifted from my screen just as Luke pulled up.

  I smiled when my gaze locked with his. He looked exhausted but happy to see me nonetheless. When he approached, I stood and hugged him, probably too tight, but I couldn’t help myself. I missed him. Always did when we spent time apart. He placed a few kisses on the side of my neck and then my lips.

  “I’m so sorry, I’m late. Work’s been crazy.”

  “No, it’s fine. You gotta do what you gotta do, right? I just wish you didn’t have to be there all night on your birthday.” My smile grew. “Speaking of… I have a surprise waiting for you upstairs.”

  “Like what?” he asked.

  I gave a coy grin. “Well… I’ll give you a hint: it’s beautiful and tastes amazing.”

  Luke cocked his head to the side and I got lost in his eyes when he looked me over. “So my surprise is you?”

  My cheeks warmed when I smiled back, hearing his compliment ring inside my head. “Or maybe I was talking about a cake.”

  He laughed and released me from his embrace before following me up to the apartment. Inside, I already had the lights low and his cake was sitting on the table with candles waiting to be lit. The smile that appeared on his face when he saw what I’d done for him, warmed my heart. Now, usually I’m not one to bake, especially not from scratch, but he’d told me about his mother baking him a homemade cake for his birthday every year since as far back as he could remember. I knew I couldn’t replace his mother, but seeing as how she and Mr. Valente still weren’t speaking to Luke, I figured I’d fill in for her this year until she came to her senses. Hopefully, the gesture wouldn’t make him sad, though. That was the opposite of what I wanted to happen.

  At the side of the table, Luke stopped and stared at what I’d made for him, seeing his name scribed in blue over a white backdrop of frosting. I watched him carefully to make sure he was okay with it.

  He found my hand without taking his eyes off the cake, warming my fingers with his. “You’re so good to me,” he said under his breath, so softly I barely heard him. There was a smile there, a faint one, but it was there as he added, “Thank you.”

  I gave his fingers a squeeze. “That’s my job, right? To be good to you?”

  Luke leaned down to kiss me again and I pulled away to go get matches. He sat at the head of the dining room table and watched as I lit all twenty-seven of his candles before taking the seat beside him.

  “Close your eyes and make a wish,” I whispered.

  At first he looked at me like I was crazy, but then the expression was replaced with amusement as he shut his eyes and decided to do as I asked. He thought for a moment about what he wanted and then blew the candles out with one breath.

  “Happy birthday,” I said softy.

  Luke met my gaze and I was taken in by his gentle expression, one of contentment and adoration. “I’m happy every day.”

  I touched my lips to his cheek and then reached for the knife resting on the table. I cut him a sizable piece and one about the same size for myself. I watched when he bit into it, waiting to see what he thought.

  “Is it good?” I asked, feeling a bit anxious as I recalled what a great homemaker his mother was from the one time I visited. I was sure her cakes were awesome, so I had some pretty big shoes to fill.

  Luke chewed for a moment and then nodded, the look on his face reassuring me. “Better than good. It might even taste better than my mother’s.”

  I smiled at that and finally tasted my piece.

  “I don’t think there’s anything you can’t do,” Luke said as he went in for more.

  I watched for his reaction when I answered, “I can’t dance, remember? Does that count?”

  A thoughtful look crossed his face and I imagined he was recalling the time he’d caught me trying in my bedroom. When he let out a husky chuckle, I knew that was exactly what he’d envisioned. “Yeah… that definitely counts.”

  Playfully, I smacked his arm and then took another bite of cake. I’d been so embarrassed about that incident, but the feeling quickly subsided when Luke seemed to think it was cute despite how bad I knew it really was. Dancing really wasn’t my thing. Never pretended it was. Now Luke knew that, too.

  We finished in silence and then moved to the living room couch after cleaning up. Luke seemed a little distracted this evening, but I was pretty sure it had something to do with not hearing from his parents. To me, they were taking this thing too far. I mean, if ever there was an opportunity to mend the fence that’d been broken, it was today. Wishing their son ‘happy birthday’ would have been an excellent icebreaker for Mr. and Mrs. Valente, but already it was after nine, which meant they probably weren’t going to call.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  Luke looked up when the sound of my voice pulled him out of his thoughts, smiling probably just to convince me that he was fine. “Yeah… I’m cool.”

  I knew better, but left it alone. To distract him, I went to my bedroom and grabbed his present off the bed. When I came back into the room and handed it over, he read the tag dangling from the bow, which read: To the “tall, mysterious stranger” who changed my life forever.

  He smiled, remembering those words from the fortune I’d gotten the night we met. I watched as he tore away the paper and found a small notebook with heart stickers plastered all over the outside of it. He looked it over and laughed.

  “Thanks, I think?”

  I snatched it from him and turned to the first page, showing him what was written inside. “They’re coupons. Since you wouldn’t let me buy you anything, my gift to you is me,” I said, smiling. I pointed at the first coupon that I’d handwritten and decorated myself. In fact, I’d done that with all one-hundred-twenty sheets.

  “One-hour massage,” he read out loud.

  I nodded. “Yup. I gave you ten of each coupon. Ten for a massage, ten for me to cook your favorite meal; I even made some for if you want me to watch a game with you, but I only gave you five of that one. A girl has her limits.”

  He took the book back and smiled as he looked through it. Leaning in, he kissed my forehead. “Thank you. This is very sweet.”

  I laughed, trying to ignore how easily I got swept away by the simplest of gestures when it came to him. “I would’ve preferred to have bought you something, but this was the best I could do unless you wanted me to make you a purse or some jewelry.”

  He laughed, too. “No, this is perfect.”

  I watched him gather the wrapping paper and asked, “Did Nick and Matt remember to call you today?”

  He nodd
ed. “Matt called me around lunchtime and Nick remembered about ten minutes before I made it home tonight,” he said before chuckling. “Speaking of, you mind if I hang with them Friday night? They wanna take me out for drinks. I figured that’d be a good time for you to go help Aura with the baby for a while if you wanted to.”

  The thought of spending time with my niece brought a smile to my face. I’d been to see her almost every day so far in the week since she’d come into the world. Friday would probably be no exception, but I’d go earlier in the day rather than waiting until the evening when Luke went to hang out with his brothers.

  “Of course I don’t mind, but I’ll probably go to this art symposium I read about in the paper while you were out. I figured that’d be a good networking opportunity for me. Either way, you go and have a good time.”

  He smiled. “I’d invite you, but it’s supposed to be a guy thing. That’s what Nick said, anyway.”

  I rolled my eyes at him and laughed. “Go and have fun.”

  Luke leaned in and kissed me lightly on my lips with a breathy “Thanks” hitting the air before one kiss led to another. And then another.

  “You know… I don’t think you really got a good look at your gift,” I interrupted briefly.

  Luke dragged his lips away from mine, taking them to the side of my neck. “I didn’t?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “Nope. The ones in the back are… interesting.”

  My response intrigued him, so much so that he pulled away altogether, stopped touching me. He took the book from the coffee table where he’d set it and flipped to the pages in the back, a slow smile spreading across his face when he did. I grinned and tried to guess what freaky task was written on the one he ripped out. He handed it over and I chewed the side of my lip when I read.

  Luke stood from the couch and disappeared in the kitchen for a few seconds. When he came back wearing absolutely nothing but a devilish smile and carrying the leftover can of frosting for his cake that I’d left on the counter, I burst out laughing.