Hope's River

by McHeyzer , Margaret

  “Go out with me. Just one date, that’s it. If you don’t want to go out with me again, I’ll back off and promise to never kiss you again.”

  Never kiss me again? Why does that send a spear of panic through me?

  And of course, Elle brings out our breakfast. “Right, then,” she says as she places my plate down, then River’s. “Breakfast.” Elle has got the best or worst timing, ever. I haven’t made my mind up yet which it is. “What’s the worst that can happen?” she throws my own words back at me. I narrow my eyes, burning a huge imaginary hole in her head. She winks before walking away.

  “You have a knack for saying stuff when others are around,” I say to River.

  “One date. One date isn’t going to kill you.” He picks his knife and fork up, and starts eating his breakfast.

  No, one date isn’t going to kill me, but falling for him again very well might.

  Past

  Thursday

  “Hope, can you get the door?” Mom yells from wherever she is in the house.

  No, I can’t. I’m looking at a house plan and trying to figure out how to improve it. “Yeah.” I push up off my bed, take a deep breath before padding down the hallway to answer the door.

  “Hope!” Mom yells even louder.

  “I’m here, I’m here. You don’t have to scream,” I say as I walk past the kitchen to the front door.

  “You’ve forever got your head on real estate sites looking for your first fixer upper.”

  “And one day I’m going to get it too,” I say over my shoulder to Mom. Opening the front door, my mouth falls open as I take a step back. “River?” I squeak.

  He smiles as he steps forward and sweeps me up in a huge hug. “I’ve missed you so much.”

  “What… What? I… What are you doing here?” My God, he looks so good. He’s taller, and sexier, and just…yum.

  “I’m only back for a few days. And I wanted to come and find you.”

  “Who is it?” Mom asks.

  “It’s River,” I answer in a small voice, still surprised he’s on my doorstep. “What are you doing here?” I ask again, unsure if he answered me the first time. I close the door behind me, and walk toward the porch chairs.

  River follows and sits beside me. “I’m only here for a few days. Four actually. My grandparents moved about twenty minutes away and it’s my grandmothers sixty-fifth birthday. She’s having a party, so we’re back for that. We leave early Monday morning to go back.”

  He looks so beautiful. His body is bulkier, and his hair is a little longer, but he’s still perfect. “I can’t stop staring at you.”

  “You look amazing, Hope. Can we go somewhere? Anywhere?”

  Hell yeah, we can. “Give me five.” I jump up out of my seat, and run inside where Mom and Dad are both in the kitchen, working on dinner together. “I can’t stay,” I say as I rush past them.

  “Ah, why not?’ Dad questions as he follows me into my room. He stands at the door, and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

  “River’s back.”

  “River? Who the hell is this River?”

  I go to Dad and give him a huge hug. Stepping back, I start thinking about something to wear. “River. You remember, when I was sixteen, he and I went on a date, and he told me he was moving away because his father is military?” I say in one breath.

  “The boy you cried over for a week?”

  “That’s him.” I rush around my room like a cyclone, trying to find something clean and awesome to wear. Should I wear a dress? Ugh, nope. Maybe just stay in jeans. Oh, what about short shorts. Nope, too desperate.

  “Hope,” Dad says as I’m throwing clothes on my bed.

  “Yeah, Dad?” I don’t stop the tsunami of excitement racing around trying to find the perfect outfit to wear.

  “I know you’re eighteen now, and God only knows how damn determined and mature you are, but are you sure you’re ready to go back there again, with him?”

  I slow down for a second, walk over and give Dad another hug. “He’s only here for four days, I promise, I won’t allow myself to fall for him.”

  Dad huffs, and tightens his grip on me. “Are you sure this is the right thing to do? Especially considering he’s only here for a short time.”

  I kiss Dad on the cheek. “I promise you, Dad, I swear I won’t do anything stupid. We’re just going to hang out.” I cross my heart.

  Dad’s lips press into a thin, strained line. “I just don’t want to see you hurt again.” He backs away. “I’ll leave you to it.”

  Right, back to it. Jeans and a t-shirt? Dress? Ugh. I don’t know. Maybe tights and a t-shirt. No, not tights, that’s too casual. Um, no I think jeans is the way to go. I grab a pair of black jeans, and try to find something cute to wear on top. “Why do I have nothing?” I groan through a clenched jaw as I go through all my tops, and shirts. I end up grabbing one of my Nike t-shirts and throwing it on. God damn it, what am I going to do with my hair? Screw it. A high pony it is.

  I run into the bathroom, brush my teeth, and make sure I’m presentable. It’s the best I can do on such short notice. The moment I’m done, I head into the kitchen. “I’m going out for a while. I’ll be home a bit later.” I give Mom and Dad a quick kiss.

  “Home by midnight, you have work tomorrow,” Mom reminds me.

  “Okay. Bye.”

  “Did you take your phone?” Dad calls as I rush to get out the front door.

  Crap, in my haste, I forgot my phone. “I’m just getting it now.”

  “You’re eighteen, you’d think that phone would be attached to your hands twenty-four, seven. Don’t lose it again, Hope. We won’t replace it this time if you do,” Dad warns.

  “Okay. Bye. Love you.” I slip my phone into my back pocket and return to the porch, where River’s waiting for me. “Hey,” I say as I close the door behind me.

  “Hey.” He stands from the chair, comes over, and hugs me. Sweeping me clear off the porch, he twirls then gives me a kiss on the cheek. “I’ve wanted to do that from the moment I saw you.” He places me on my feet, and entwines our fingers together. “Please tell me you don’t have a boyfriend?”

  “Nope, not anymore.”

  His fingers tighten around my hand as we walk toward his car. He opens the passenger door, and waits ’til I get in before running around to the driver’s side. He starts the car, and pulls onto the road. “I have no right to feel jealous of you for having a boyfriend.”

  “Well, quit being an idiot, because I don’t have one now.” He gives me a sideways glance as he drives. “I’m assuming you don’t have a girlfriend, right?”

  “Not for nearly six months.”

  I proudly lift my chin, good. I’m glad he doesn’t have a girlfriend, because I’m not that type of girl. I’d never go after someone who’s taken. “So, what are you doing now? Are you going to college?”

  “Nope. Trade school to become an electrician.”

  “Oh my God! That’s what you wanted to do two years ago. And you’re doing it. I’m so happy for you.”

  “What about you? Did you convince your parents to let you build stuff?”

  I hold up my hands to show the callouses, cuts and bruises. “I’ve got an apprenticeship. One day though, I’m going to buy a house, and flip it.”

  “I have no doubt you’re going to do exactly what you want to do.”

  “So, where are we going?”

  “Mrs. Mac’s diner. I’m craving her chicken and waffles.”

  I sit back and smile, yeah, I’m so happy River’s back. Even if it’s only for a few days.

  Friday

  “Hi, gotta get ready ‘cause River will be here soon. Sorry, can’t talk,” I say to Mom as I pass her on the way to the shower.

  “Wait!” she calls.

  “Don’t have time. He’ll be here in about half an hour, and I have to have a shower and wash my hair.”

  “Wait!”

  The urgency in her voice stops me from heading into t
he shower. “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “Yes, but I want to know what’s going on with you two.”

  I don’t have time for this. “Dad and I went over this yesterday. River’s leaving on Monday to return home. He lives on the other side of the country, Mom. So I probably won’t see him again for ages. We’re just spending time together while he’s here.”

  “Hope.” She tilts her head to the side. “Whatever you do, be safe.”

  “We’re not having sex, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I nearly yell.

  “Look. I know what he meant to you two years ago, and I know you. You can fall hard and fast. But remember he’s leaving on Monday.”

  “I know. And I won’t do anything stupid.” I probably will, and live to regret it.

  “Okay. Well, home by one.”

  “Mom!” I whine. “It’s Friday, and I’m not working ’til Monday. Can’t I be back by two, please?”

  Mom rolls her eyes, shakes her head then gives me a crooked smile. “Only because he’s leaving on Monday.” I scrunch my mouth, and am dreading to ask a little favor. “What?”

  “Tomorrow it’s his grandmother’s sixty-fifth birthday, and I’ve been invited. It’s at a function center somewhere. Can I please be home by three? Just tomorrow? I promise, I won’t ask for a late curfew ever again.”

  Mom smirks. “I’m sure you will at some stage.”

  “Please?”

  Mom huffs. “Fine. But Sunday, you’ll have to be home by midnight because you have work on Monday.”

  “I know, I know.” I give Mom a quick kiss, and rush to my bedroom, where I start getting my stuff ready. “Thanks, Mom,” I yell.

  “Yeah, yeah,” I hear her say.

  I strip off my clothes, and get in the shower at record speed.

  River’s lips are soft, yet strong. I love kissing them. Parked at the beach, we’re making out in his car.

  Both front seats have been moved as far forward as they go, and we’re an entwined mess on the back seat. He’s peppering kisses up my neck, softly licking my tingling skin as he makes his way to my ear, and sucks my earlobe into his mouth.

  “Oh God,” I whisper as I close my eyes and let the sensation take over.

  “Hm, I love the way you react,” he replies. His hand is on my breast, squeezing and playing with my nipple. I can feel how excited he is.

  “River.” I pull away from him, and the moment there’s some space between us, I already miss him. “You live on the other side of the country. A good five-hour flight. What are we doing here?”

  He lays his head back, and closes his eyes. “I don’t know. But whatever it is, I don’t want it to end. I know it’s going to be hard, but we can make it work.”

  I sit further back. “What? You mean a long-distance relationship?”

  “Yeah, we can make it work. It won’t be that hard. I can fly out once every six to eight weeks and spend the weekend here. You can come visit me too. We can do this, Hope.”

  I shake my head. My heart wants to leap into this, but I’m fairly logical, and I know long-distance relationships usually don’t work. But I want River. With every fiber of my being, I want River. Finally, after what feels like forever, I say, “We can try.”

  “Here, give me your phone.” He holds his hand out. Searching for it, I find it under the front seat. Ugh, how did it get there? I unlock my phone, and give it to him. “Under my phone number, I’ve added my address. I have your address, so we can’t lose touch.” I take my phone, and toss it on the front seat. I’m so skeptical. I don’t want him disappearing again, and us losing touch. It hurt me so much when he left two years ago. “Don’t worry, we’ll work.”

  I smile as I move and straddle his hips. “I know, we will.” He pulls me down on top of him, and starts kissing me again. He drags his fingers through my hair, then down my back. Slowly he lifts my t-shirt, and draws lazy circles on my back before moving his hands up toward my bra. “I’m not ready for this, River,” I say as I pull back.

  “Okay. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

  I lay down again, this time with my head on his chest. Although I feel like a pretzel in this uncomfortable position, it’s nice. Because we’re close together. “I have to tell you something,” I say.

  “What is it?”

  I close my eyes, tensing for the worst. “I’m a virgin, and I don’t want to have sex in the back of a car.”

  His chest rises higher as he sucks in a deep breath. “I’m a virgin too, Hope. And I don’t want to have sex in the back of a car either.”

  I sit up, looking at him. “You’re a virgin?” Wow, talk about being surprised.

  He chuckles. “Yeah, I am.”

  “But you had a girlfriend!”

  “And you had a boyfriend. Does that mean you had sex with him?”

  “I suppose not.”

  “It works the same for me. I didn’t want to have sex with her. She was pretty superficial, and it didn’t last long.”

  “Superficial, how?”

  “She was more into her phone than spending time with me.”

  “I keep losing mine. My Mom told me if I lose it again, they’re not replacing it.” River laughs. “What?”

  “That’s what I love about you, Hope.” Love? “You don’t care for things like how many likes can you get on social media. Or make-up, or having your hair done a certain way. I mean, that’s fine for most girls, but I like how you care about those things. You’re real.”

  “Just so you know.” I take a deep breath. “I love those things about myself too.” I crack a huge grin.

  River laughs, grabs me, and kisses the hell out of me. “We’re going to make this work.”

  “I know.”

  I keep kissing him, and I can feel exactly how excited he is to have me sitting on top of him.

  Saturday

  There’s a slow song playing, and River and I are on the dance floor, swaying from side to side to the beat of the song. We’re close together, with my cheek up against his chest. “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” he asks.

  “I thought you weren’t into girls who do their hair and make-up and stuff.” Smirking, I know he loves the figure hugging dress I’m wearing. He’s already told me, about forty-five thousand times. Okay, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration.

  I feel his lips against my forehead. “I’m into you wearing this dress.” His fingertips gently run over the thin straps and down my bare shoulders all the way to my lower waist. He rests his hands just above my butt. He leans down, and in a soft voice he whispers, “I really like you wearing this.”

  Pulling back, I look up at him. “I wish you didn’t have to go back tomorrow.” Shit, I can feel myself falling hard for him. The tears welling in my eyes the most obvious proof. But the ache in my heart and the strong desire to claim him will make it hard to let him go.

  He cradles my face in his warm palms, leans down, and places his lips to mine. “I wish I didn’t have to either,” he mumbles against my mouth.

  “Then stay, we can move in together. Make this work,” I say. But even as the words leave my lips, I know that’s not only impossible, but illogical too. Before River says anything, I lift my hand and place it to his mouth. “I know, we can’t. We’re both only eighteen, and you’ve got your trade school to finish. I’ve got an apprenticeship and neither of us would earn enough to do that until we complete our training. I’m being stupid, that’s all.”

  “I wish I could be here with you. But I can’t. Not yet.” He kisses me softly again.

  “I’m being stupid and emotional. It’s okay. We’ll make it work. I swear, with you coming back every second month, and me coming to see you too, we’ll see each other as much as we can.”

  We keep moving to the song, and everything else falls away. Our hearts belong to one another; we’re meant to be together. It was obvious two years ago, and it’s even more apparent now.

  Damn it, I made a promise to my he
art to not fall for him. But I know I’m breaking that promise.

  Sunday

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” River asks.

  There’s a fluttering in my belly, and my heart is racing. River’s rented a hotel room, and even though I know I need to be home by midnight, I want to make our last night together something special.

  Reaching for his hand, I have a strong desire to touch him. Feel him. Taste him.

  I swallow back the words I want to say, letting my actions speak to River instead. Maneuvering on the edge of the bed, I straddle his hips, and kiss his lips. “I want this,” I whisper.

  “I want this too. So much.”

  I push him down on the bed, and take my t-shirt off, throwing it to the floor. His eyes widen as he watches me in awe. This feels so awkward, but so right. Hesitantly, I lower the straps from my bra. I’m not sure if I’m doing this right.

  “Hey,” he says as he sits up in bed and hugs me close to his body. “If you’re not ready, we don’t have to do this.”

  “I want to, River. Really, I do. But I’m not sure what I’m doing.”

  He tries really hard to hide the smirk. “Remember, neither do I. And I don’t think the porn I’ve watched is anything realistic to go on.”

  I move off him. “Eww. You watch porn?” I ask.

  “Ah, yeah. I’m a guy. I watch porn. Like most other guys. Haven’t you watched any?”

  “No.” I sit next to him. “What kind of porn do you watch?”

  River’s cheeks flush red. Oh my God, he’s embarrassed. How cute. “You know,” his voice cracks, and I laugh.

  “Come on, tell me. What kind of porn do you watch?”

  “I like, you know…” He stands from the bed, and starts pacing. River runs his hand through his hair. “It’s just…you know,” he splutters.

  “No, I don’t know, which is why I’m asking. Maybe there are some tips on what we can do. Come on, I’m sure you’ve watched enough to know a thing or two.”

  He stops pacing the room and turns to stare at me. “You want to watch some so we can recreate it?”