Weakness

by Shelley Michaels

  ‘Think Kyle likes you,’ he stops, only when I am in his arms with my hands flattened against his chest.

  ‘He’s a great guy, very perky,’ I comment, tipping my head up to look deep into the pools of blue. ‘Shame about his woman.’

  ‘Yeah, I have a friend in London that may be able to help, I’ll get right on it,’ he announces.

  ‘That would be a lovely thing to do,’ I smile, ‘you want to tell me why you are hugging me right now?’ I question, with not as much bother as I should.

  ‘Because it’s where I want you if you are in the same room as me,’ he notifies me, casually.

  ‘I thought we’d been through the whole, I’m not sleeping with you, thing,’ I remind him, although I know if he moved away I would instantly feel bereft.

  ‘We talked about it, yeah, don’t remember agreeing to anything,’ his lips tip up, ‘besides right now I’m not sleeping with you, but a little while ago, you were sleeping with me, so I guess that rule has already broken.’

  ‘You are trying to tie me up with words,’ I lecture him, half-heartedly. ‘Did you sleep okay?’ I ask, ‘you were out for the count.’

  ‘I slept great until you crept out of my bed,’ he calls down, ‘I woke as soon as you left.’

  ‘I was starving, I haven’t eaten today and guessed you probably haven’t either, I’ve cooked a salmon stir fry if you fancy it?’ I offer.

  ‘I’d rather a cheeseburger and fries,’ he raises an eyebrow in question.

  ‘I’ve already made it, it’s healthy, and It would be a waste if we don’t eat it,’ I reprimand him, although the thought of a cheeseburger and fries right now makes my mouth water. I stare at him for a few seconds, before answering, not as insistently. ‘It would mean us going out,’ I add.

  ‘I’ll get one of the guys to run to Fred’s,’ he releases me to locate his phone, which is on the coffee table. I lean on the kitchen counter, ‘I’ll put the salmon in the fridge, maybe we can have it tomorrow,’ then I wonder whether I’ll be here tomorrow, ‘or you can,’ I add.

  He stops and glances over to me, ‘thought we’d sorted this. If I’m here, you’ll be here,’ he answers, bluntly.

  ‘It depends if Liddy needs me,’ I remind him.

  ‘Cam has a few days off to take care of his family. He’s there. If you want we’ll go over to tomorrow and take the kids out for a bit, give them some breathing space.’

  Well, that was considerate, ‘okay,’ I murmur, my heart swelling at his consideration.

  ‘Hey man, you do me a favour and drop by Fred’s to pick up two cheeseburger specials with onion rings and fries?’ Ben calls on the phone. ‘You wanna drink, baby?’ He calls across.

  ‘Diet root beer, please,’ I grin, ‘large.’

  ‘You hear that? Yeah, chocolate milkshake. Appreciate it.’ He throws his mobile phone on the sofa and comes my way, and I watch him walk across the room, my eyes taking in and marvelling at the way he moves with such grace. He pulls me gently into his embrace and this time I wrap my arms around him. ‘What’s with the root beer grin?’

  ‘We don’t have root beer at home. I found I love it. It makes me happy,’ I declare, soppily.

  ‘Rootbeer makes you happy?’ He echoes.

  ‘Yep! I don’t ask a lot from life,’ I joke.

  ‘What do you want from life, Sasha?’ He queries, and somehow the tone of the conversation turns serious.

  ‘What do you mean?’ I laugh, nervously.

  ‘Marriage, kids, they all on the agenda for you?’ He probes, curiously.

  My gut tightens, ‘not really,’ I stutter. ‘Work, good friends and family are important to me,’ I shrug. ‘Not sure I’m cut out for kids.’

  ‘You don’t see yourself like Liddy and Cam?’ He questions, before adding, ‘you are brilliant with Blake and Kristen.’

  ‘Okay,’ I try to pull away so that I can explain, but he stops me by stepping me back until my back touches the counter. He is gentle with me, and it gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling that I am becoming familiar with in his presence. ‘You know about my mum?’ I recap.

  ‘She died when you and Liddy were teenagers, you and Liddy took care of her,’ he summarises.

  ‘She did,’ I glance up, ‘but she pretty much died the day my dad did.’

  He looks confused, ‘how so?’

  ‘My mum idolised my dad, to the point she always put his needs before her own. In fact, she also put his needs before me and Lydia’s. When dad died, she fell apart.’ I shrugged. ‘Not just in a way someone does when the love of their life dies, but to the detriment of all around her. Namely, me and Liddy. From that moment on, she refused to get up, get washed or get a meal on the table for when we got home from school. She drank, like a lot and would pass out and not make the bathroom, me and Liddy used to clear that up too. We were children, but we were never allowed to be children. Liddy managed to hold on to her optimism for life and found her dream man and idyllic life. I was younger and more impressionable. I swore I would never put myself in a position where I would lose myself to another human being.’

  ‘That’s seriously how you see it?’ Ben frowns, appearing perplexed by my logic. ‘I’m sorry that your Ma let you down, Sasha, and can see how her being the main role model in your life that would hurt you, but that isn’t how the real world works, darlin’. And, I may not have known you long, but I know you well enough to say you wouldn’t be the kind of woman who would expose your kids to any of that shit.’

  I lift my shoulders up to my ears, ‘love is a weakness.’

  ‘Jesus, fucking Christ, baby, love is not a weakness,’ his face hardens. ‘Love is having someone to wake up to that makes your day start off with a smile, someone to take your back when there’s no one else there. The very last thing it is, is weak!’

  ‘Okay, well that’s your opinion,’ I lift my chin higher, ‘I have my own.’

  ‘It’s warped! Is that what all that was about with Kyle?’ He voice is unsympathetic and incredulous.

  ‘It’s not bloody warped!’ I argue, twisting to get away, but is futile. He is stronger than me by a million miles. ‘I’ve lived it, Ben!’ I accuse, ‘I watched my mother fade away until there was nothing left, nothing!’ This time when I push away, he allows me to.

  ‘Baby,’ he calls to me as I turn and walk blindly to the sofa, sitting down in the furthest corner.

  ‘I’m entitled to my own opinions, Ben, and I don’t appreciate, you mocking them,’ I announce, moodily.

  ‘I’m not mocking them, look around you, Sasha. Look at Cam and Lydia, that man would lay his life down for his family,’ he explains, passionately.

  ‘That there,’ I point at him, ‘that is exactly the point,’ I laugh, sardonically, ‘why should he? We are individuals, we all have lives to lead. You get that tied up in love, and it encompasses you until you can’t breathe without that person being in the world. You cannot tell me that is a healthy relationship!’

  Ben sits beside me, ‘Sasha, you saying you’ve never been in love?’

  ‘I tell you that, you going to mock that too?’ I ask, sternly.

  He smiles, ‘no, baby, come here,’ he holds up his arm, like he does, for me to duck under.

  ‘I can’t, that’s my bad side,’ I mutter, lowering my gaze to my lap where my fingers are fidgeting as humiliation cloaks me. I have never been so honest in how I feel about men and relationships before, and although it’s cathartic, it’s revealing. I feel myself being lifted into the air and down again, only this time on Ben’s lap with my healthy side leaning against him. I snuggle my face into his neck and inhale the scent that is all him, and it immediately calms me.

  ‘My Queenie’s a delicate little morsel, underneath all that attitude,’ he whispers into my hair.

  ‘I am not food, Ben,’ I complain.

  ‘And yet all I can think about it eating you,’ he purrs against my ear. ‘Been a week, baby, since I tasted you, I’ve missed you.’ That’s all it takes, and my
body is almost pulsating with need. My lungs feel hollow of oxygen, and I am forced to take a deep breath as I fidget on his lap. ‘And now all she can do is think about my mouth on her wet pussy,’ he hums. Jesus!

  ‘Ben,’ I breathe into his neck.

  ‘Give me your mouth, Sasha,’ he orders.

  ‘When are you going to stop bossing me?’ I test, but there is no depth to my complaint.

  ‘Mouth,’ he prompts.

  I gaze up into the lazy ocean blue eyes and know there is little point in resisting. I plant my lips softly against his, but I don’t kiss him, I just breathe in his air, and it is so sensual. I can feel my body buzzing with the sensations flowing through it. Our eyes are locked, and our breaths mingled as we communicate through that one touch.

  ‘I nearly lost my shit knowing someone had taken you,’ he whispers against my lips.

  I absorb his words and ignore the pain in my chest, ‘unhealthy,’ I breathe, alluding to our conversation.

  His eyes flicker before his tongue comes out and strokes gently across my bottom lip. ‘Need to taste all of you, baby,’ he mumbles.

  When I open my mouth and suck on his tongue, I ignite as we immediately go up in flames. I move up and straddle him as one of his hands runs under my t-shirt dress and dives between my legs. His fingers plunge deep, I throw my head back and begin to ride them, grinding down, over and over.

  ‘Mouth,’ he demands again. I tip down and kiss him hard at the same time as taking what I need from his fingers. ‘Careful, baby,’ he murmurs, ‘your bruises.’

  ‘Fine,’ I manage to pant out as I feel it already building, his thumb comes out and puts pressure on my clit on my next grind down I instantly cry out my release, as I continue to slide up and down through my orgasm. By the time I have recovered, Ben has already released his throbbing cock and is gently encouraging me down onto its length.

  ‘Oh, yeah,’ he growls, ‘slowly, Sasha,’ he holds onto my thigh, as I slither up and down his thickness just as I did his fingers not minutes ago. He palms my jaw, ‘so beautiful,’ he slows me down, as his eyes hold mine. I drop my lips to his and kiss him again, but I do it slowly, seductively as I circle his hardness over and over, and what started out as a fierce fire was now a gentle flicker as it takes hold slow and steady. Every nerve ending in my body is at the surface, which means I am totally and utterly in tune with Ben’s slow strokes. I feel him quickening and I know he’s going to come, I move my fingers down and slowly rub my sensitive nub, ‘that’s it, baby,’ Ben growls, thrusting up to meet me with a desperate need. When I start to feel it, I throw back my chin and breathe raggedly through my climax as it shudders through my core as he joins me, a feral sound tearing from his lips as he plunges once and halts, emptying his seed deep inside.

  ‘That feels unhealthy to you, Queenie?’ He whispers against my lips.

  ‘That feels damn fine,’ I admit, breathlessly.

  The door buzzer interrupts us, and Ben grins, ‘close call,’ he mutters, lifting me off him. ‘Get cleaned up. I’m starving.’

  ********

  Chapter Fourteen

  Okay, I have to say the twenty-four hours I spent at Ben’s after the attempted abduction was sweet, he was sweet, a word I would never expect to be used in connection with the abrupt, impassive man I met all those weeks ago. We always had a good time, but this time around he was more attentive than ever and attuned to my needs, we ate, we had lots of hot sex, but sex that was gentler because of my bruises, but no less enjoyable, and we talked. We talked about everything, from Ben’s grandfather to his mother.

  I asked in a quiet moment whether he had ever been in love, and he had told me about the first woman he loved when he was seventeen years old. He had thought they would be together forever and spent every waking moment that he wasn’t studying, with her. Then one day she woke up and told him she was moving to New York to be a writer and he wasn’t invited to come along. Ben had thought his world had ended, I pointed out my case about it being a weakness, and he had said although he thought he would never recover from the blow, four months later he was banging everything in a skirt. Then we argued whether it could have been true-love if it was so easy to recover from? Then we ended up having more make-up sex on the living room sofa.

  The next day, after visiting Ben’s mum in the care home, we took Blake and Kristen out for the afternoon to an adventure playground that had recently been erected the next town over. It had zip wires, and climbing ropes and the kids loved it. Due to the current condition of my body, I opted out of the dangerous stuff with Ben and Blake and took Kristen to the tamer side of the park.

  By the time we took them home, after a stop off at a pizza restaurant, they were both dead on their feet. Kristen was nodding off in the back of Ben’s stunning matt black Range Rover, which I had no idea he owned. Apparently, the Audi was more for summer months, but seeing as it only had two seats, Ben brought out his winter vehicle to carry the kids. Talking about winter, Denver weather, what was that about? Yesterday, I was in flip-flops, and today I needed socks and boots.

  When we had first arrived at Liddy’s to pick up Blake and Kristen, I had changed into something my sister called yoga pants, in London we called them leggings and I wouldn’t typically be seen dead in them. But, my side was still tender, which meant I couldn’t bear the thick denim of my jeans digging in, I wore them with a tank under a blue shirt, also of Lydia’s.

  I hadn’t brought many winter clothes from home and would have to visit the mall to stock up on warmer clothes as soon as I started to work again. The savings I brought, along with the money that I earned from Honour, wasn’t a lot and Ben had informed me in no uncertain terms that I wouldn’t be doing any more shifts until the blackmailers are apprehended, so it had to last. I didn’t want to argue about needing the money as I guessed he probably wouldn’t understand anyway, being a millionaire and all.

  To be fair, I didn’t need a lot of money. It wasn’t as if I had bills to pay here, and at the moment I wasn’t even paying for food as I was eating with Ben. But, I didn’t feel comfortable living off others and would be suggesting either I do a grocery shop, if I was staying at his loft, or buy the next round of burger and fries.

  Lydia looked tired when we dropped the kids off. Cam said she hadn’t had a good day and had slept a lot of it away. I got the thermometer and took her temperature, it was bit high but not dangerously, so I helped her to bed and laid with her while the men put the kids to bed.

  ‘How’s it going?’ She asked she meant Ben.

  ‘It’s okay,’ I assure her, ‘don’t be worrying about anything, sister,’ I scold her. ‘You need to concentrate on getting through the next few weeks. Ben is taking care of me, they think they may have a lead, so hopefully, all this will be a thing of the past, soon enough.’

  ‘That would be good,’ she yawned, ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can’t stay awake.’

  ‘Go to sleep, Honey-bee, you want me to stay here tonight?’ I ask, anxiety curling in my gut at my sister’s current health. ‘Not sure if we will shake the big guy off,’ I roll my eyes, ‘but we can both stay here if you need me?’

  ‘No, Cam’s here, you go and have lots of sex,’ she grins. ‘Cam thinks it’s hilarious how Ben reacts around you,’ she adds.

  ‘What do you mean?’ I probe, having a sudden urge to know.

  ‘Ben is always respectful to the women in his life, in Cam’s words he feeds them before he fucks them, but he’s never seen Ben lose his shit over a woman. He went mad on the phone when he saw your bruises,’ she smiles, a light in her eye twinkling.

  ‘Yeah, I heard the other end of the conversation,’ I can’t help but smile at the idea of Ben never before losing his shit over a woman. ‘Don’t look too deeply into it Liddy. He is only different with me because of the blackmail threat. I think he feels guilty.’

  ‘That’s the thing, Ben would ensure any woman wrapped up in his dramas was taken care of, by protecting her with securit
y, but he certainly wouldn’t make that security himself, or take them home and refuse to be parted with them.’

  ‘I don’t know about that,’ I mutter, quietly, ‘he knows I’m going back to London at some point, I’m no threat to his man-whore lifestyle.’

  ‘What if he asked you to stay?’ Liddy probed, unexpectedly.

  I laugh, ‘he wouldn’t and I wouldn’t, you know I love you, sister, but my life is in London, and my friends are in London. You can romanticise this as much as you want, but the reality of it is that Ben and I are great in the sack, we have been brought together through a mutual love of you guys. I also appeared at a very vulnerable time for him, losing his Pop, it’s natural for him to cling onto something, where normally he would let it go.’

  ‘No, I don’t believe that,’ she contends, adamantly. ‘I’ve seen you both together, even tonight, you look like you belong together and I love that you can put Ben in his place, without hesitation. Not a lot of people do that to Ben, his size and demeanour intimidate a lot of them.’ I think back to our first meeting, he intimidated me then, but after bumping into him at the hospital, his mask has slipped and stayed that way for me.

  Cam appears at the doorway of the bedroom, ‘she okay, Waspy?’ He looks worried, and my heart melts, it must be an anxious time for him.

  ‘She’s fine,’ I smile at him as I sit up, kiss my sister and walk over to him. I wrap my arms around him, ‘she just needs a cuddle from her husband,’ I kiss his cheek. ‘You guys okay with us leaving? I did tell Liddy we could stay if you are anxious?’ Cam puts his arm around my shoulder and squeezes.

  ‘No, you go, your man is pacing, seeing as you are out of his sight,’ Liddy laughs and Cam grins, ‘we’re fine, you’re a phone call away.’

  I roll my eyes at them and leave them chuckling amongst themselves. ‘Thanks for taking the kids, Waspy,’ Lydia calls behind me, and I wave a casual hand in response.