Ready for Love

by Catherine Maiorisi

  Constance blew in Renee’s ear and whispered. “Now that you’re really in my bed I want you naked so I can show you what I remember, what I’ve been imagining. Do it fast or I’ll be forced to rip your clothes to shreds.” She rolled off Renee.

  Renee got to her knees and as she threw her clothes off, she remembered what differentiated Constance, Darcy, and Gina from all the other women with whom she’d had sex. With them she felt free. She could be herself rather than playing the role of the cool, giving, expert lover. With other women, Renee was the giver of orgasms but rarely had been the receiver. But with the three women she loved, multiple orgasms were normal. Also, all three liked to take charge, they gave as good as they got, and making love with them was always passionate, playful, and fun.

  Constance toppled Renee and began to explore Renee’s body with fingers like butterflies, followed by teeth nipping gently followed by lips kissing softly.

  “I forgot you were a biter,” Renee panted.

  Constance looked up, grinning. “Nipper, not biter, there is a difference. Want me to stop?”

  “Oh, god, no, don’t stop but I’m close to—”

  Constance’s head popped up. “Oh no you don’t. I haven’t even started.”

  While Constance was distracted, Renee rolled them over so she was on top, quickly unhooked Constance’s bra and took a breast in her mouth. She shifted slightly, used her weight to part Constance’s thighs and eased her fingers between them.

  Constance gasped. “No, wait. Renee. I want…What I’ve dreamed about is making love to each other at the same time. Do you remember what I liked? I want that for our first time. Please.”

  Renee grinned. Something else she’d never done with anyone since their last time. “I remember.” She kissed Constance, then shifted on the bed so her face was at Constance’s crotch, her crotch at Constance’s face. She gripped Constance’s ass, pulled her close and buried her head in the golden triangle.

  Constance sighed as she placed her head between Renee’s thighs. “Thank you.” Constance’s warm breath was followed immediately by her tongue. Renee moaned enjoying the delicious sensations but a pinch to her buttock and a muffled, “no daydreaming,” reminded her this was supposed to be a duet, not a solo. She buried her head and put her tongue and lips to work pleasuring Constance. The vigorous pressure of licking tongues and sucking mouths exploded their already burning passion. As the moans from both sides of the intimate sculpture increased in frequency and volume, their bodies slickened with sweat, their breaths came in gasps, and Renee’s body tensed on the brink of orgasm waiting for Constance.

  As Constance desired, the first time they came, they came together. Then sated, sweaty, and smelling of sex, Renee crawled around until they were face-to-face. Holding each other, they kissed, each tasting herself on the other’s lips, then dozed.

  Constance woke Renee with kisses and made love to her again, then again, as if she couldn’t satisfy her deep need for Renee. With more sleep, Renee roused to make love to Constance. This time they slept wrapped in each other until late morning.

  They spent Saturday, day and night, in bed talking about their lives, making love, and snacking or eating light meals. After they’d made love again Sunday morning, Constance faced Renee and traced her features. “I wish we could stay here forever, but I need to shift into mum mode before the girls get home this afternoon and I won’t be able to do that with you here. How about we shower and go out for brunch, then you go home?”

  “It’s not what I want to do but I know I won’t be able to keep my hands off you, so let’s do it.”

  They showered and dressed, then spent a long time kissing. Finally, Renee broke away. “If we don’t stop now, I’m going to throw you on the bed and make love to you again. And I don’t want to do that to the girls, so let’s go.”

  “Okay.” Constance kissed Renee. “But before we leave, I have something for you.” She went into her closet and came out with a package wrapped in brown mailing paper and tied with string. She handed it to Renee. “I’ve waited a long time to give this to you. I hope you like it.”

  Renee sat on the bed. “What is it?”

  Constance laughed. “I guess you’ll have to unwrap it.” She sat next to Renee.

  Renee hefted the package. It was two feet by two feet and fairly heavy. She undid the string and slowly peeled the paper off. She was looking at the back of a framed painting. She turned it slowly. It was a remarkable likeness of the two of them at Stanford, sitting up in bed, hair tousled, sheet covering their breasts, obviously having just made love. They gazed at each other with eyes filled with love. Renee was overwhelmed. The tears rushed to her eyes. It took a few minutes for her to be able to speak. “This is gorgeous, Constance. When did you paint it?”

  Constance caressed Renee’s face. “I sketched it the morning after we last made love. It was how I knew I needed to leave immediately or I’d never let you go. That sketch and the canvas I’d started were just about the only things I took with me when I flew to London that night. One of my friends packed and shipped everything else later. When I arrived in London I was distraught but I couldn’t tell anyone why. I locked myself in my room and worked feverishly to finish it, as if capturing that moment would tie me to you. And in a way, it did. I can’t tell you how much time I spent staring at it in the last sixteen years. And not just when I was masturbating. Do you really like it?”

  Renee ran her fingers over the images. “I love it. And I love you. Are you sure you want me to have it?”

  “Yes, though I hope one day soon it will hang in our bedroom.”

  Renee laughed. “Did you just propose to me, Lady Constance?”

  Constance gazed at the painting. “Yes. Yes, I guess I did. Is that all right? I don’t want us to be separated again.”

  Renee grinned. “It’s more than all right. It’s fantastic. I accept.”

  Constance wrapped her arm around Renee’s shoulder. “But I’d like to take some time before we tell the girls or anyone else, if that’s all right?”

  “Yes. But let’s not wait too long because I want you and the girls to come to Paris with me for New Year’s Eve. Will you?”

  “Yes.”

  “We leave Saturday night. I thought we’d spend Christmas with my family as well as New Year’s Eve and Day. But if you want to pop over to London for Christmas or in between, that would be fine too.”

  Constance seemed shocked. “You made reservations not knowing?”

  She’d paid extra for refundable seats but she wanted to be sure they could be together if they wanted to be. “I made them weeks ago, just in case. Does that freak you out?”

  Constance caressed her face. “And you’re ready, Renee?”

  “I am so ready, my love.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “So I’m here to say, mission accomplished.”

  Olivia looked amused.

  “I haven’t given Darcy a thought in weeks. And I’m head over heels in love with Constance.”

  “And Constance returns your feelings?”

  Renee leaned forward. “Constance definitely feels the same. She gave me a gorgeous painting of the two of us based on a sketch she did the morning after we made love, the day she ran back to London. It was the sketch that made her realize she had to leave immediately or she’d never be able to go. Oh, and, she proposed to me.”

  Olivia was silent for a moment. “Interesting. The proposal sounded to me like an, oh by the way, rather than an excited engagement announcement. How did you respond?”

  Renee was surprised at the questions. “I’m really excited about the painting and I said yes of course.”

  Olivia pressed. “No second thoughts? No fear of commitment?”

  Renee was annoyed. Was Olivia trying to put a damper on her news? “No. I love her. This is what I want.”

  “Have you set a date?”

  “It happened so fast that we really didn’t discuss it. And actually, at first I thought she
was kidding.”

  “And her daughters are okay with your relationship?”

  “I’m sure Chloe and Cara will approve but we, uh, haven’t told them yet.”

  Olivia nodded. “Why not?”

  “I knew you’d ask that. It just happened yesterday.” Renee ran her fingers through her hair. “I don’t know why Constance asked if we could wait but she agreed to go to Paris with me, the three of them, so we’ll have to tell them before we leave Saturday night.”

  “Don’t you think it’s strange that she asked you to marry her but she doesn’t want her daughters to know?”

  Renee raised her hands in front of her. “Stop it, Olivia. I’m sure. She’s sure. We’ll tell the girls this week.”

  “And what about being biracial and not feeling part of your family, are those issues resolved?”

  Renee listened closely for any condemnation in Olivia’s voice but didn’t find any. She gave it some thought. “I’ve explored being biracial with you and talking about it with friends helped me clarify my feelings, but I know it’s still a crucial issue for me. I think allowing myself to love and be loved is an indication that in some ways I’m no longer crippled by those things, but I feel there’s additional work to do on both issues. And I hope you’re willing to let me come back to work on them.”

  “Congratulations.” Olivia smiled. “I’ll be happy to see you in January. And, I want to hear all about New Year’s Eve.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Renee had been busy trying to wrap up things before she left work for two weeks. But she was worried. She hadn’t spoken to Constance since they parted early Sunday evening, almost four days. Each time she called, Constance said, ‘I love you’ then rushed her off the phone with a promise to call later but she hadn’t followed through. If they were going to speak to the girls together, they should do it soon to give them time to work out their feelings before leaving for Paris in two days.

  She tried to contact Constance on her cell and her landline to invite them all for dinner, not necessarily to speak to the girls but to make sure everything was all right. When she couldn’t get through all day, she left work and went to Constance’s apartment to see what was going on.

  She greeted the doorman when she arrived at Constance’s apartment building.

  “Hi, please ring Ms. Martindale’s apartment to let her know I’m on the way up.”

  The doorman frowned. “I’m sorry, Ms. Rousseau, the Martindales left for England last night and I was told Ms. Martindale wasn’t sure whether they’d be back.”

  Renee felt as if she’d been sucker punched. Her blood drained and she started to collapse. Strong arms caught her and dragged her to a chair in the lobby. Someone handed her a cup of water. Her head was spinning. This is exactly what happened the last time they got close.

  “Are you okay, Ms. Rousseau?”

  She sipped the water. “Yes, sorry, I haven’t had much to eat today. I guess I got faint. If I can just sit here I’ll be fine in a few minutes. Please get me a taxi.”

  How could Constance do this again? She thought she might vomit.

  “Your taxi is here. Can I help you out?” The doorman looked worried.

  “Thank you but I think I’m okay. Did I hear you correctly? Ms. Martindale left last night?”

  “Yes. Apparently it was a last-minute thing so they were rushing to the airport.”

  She stood. He took her elbow, escorted her to the cab and helped her in. The sound of a throat being cleared caught her attention. She looked up. The driver was glaring at her in the rearview mirror, obviously waiting for instructions but she couldn’t think of what to do. After a few minutes, the driver turned and yelled, “Hey lady, the meter is up to ten dollars. You wanna go someplace or what?”

  Her head shot up, suddenly clear. She needed to talk. “East Side, Buonasola Restaurant, please.”

  By the time the taxi pulled up to the restaurant, she was starting to feel angry.

  It was still early so Tori and Elle were able to sit with her and listen. Talking about it dissipated her anger and she ended up feeling helpless again.

  Tori broke the silence. “Wow. I get why you’re upset, Renee, but think about it. You know she’s in love with you. She gave you that painting showing her love. And she pretty much proposed. She must be scared shitless.”

  Renee glared at her. She hadn’t expected Tori to take Constance’s part.

  Elle took Renee’s hand as the waiter arrived with their wine so they were silent as she poured.

  “Tori isn’t abandoning you, Renee, I think she’s trying to tell you maybe you don’t have to worry, that it’s a natural reaction for someone like Constance who has loved you and dreamed about being with you for years, to panic when it becomes real.”

  Renee sipped her wine. “I don’t understand. This is the same thing she did at Stanford. If she wanted it so badly, why run?”

  Tori laughed. “Why did you run from Darcy?”

  Renee pushed back from the table. “What does that have to do with Constance?”

  Her two friends didn’t respond. Renee considered Tori’s question. The depth of her love for Darcy, the intensity of their passion, had scared her. And, saying she was too young to be tied down, she’d run. And had kept running for twenty plus years. The only difference between her and Constance, was that Constance didn’t give her an excuse. She’d just run from their love and the intensity of their passion. She nodded slowly. “I get it.”

  Tori patted her hand. “The question, Renee, is what are you going to do about it?”

  “What choice do I have?”

  Tori squeezed her hand. “Really, that’s all you’ve got? Poor me, I’m helpless. She doesn’t want me?”

  Renee pulled her hand back and started to stand. “Fuck you, Tori. I thought you’d understand.”

  Elle took both their hands. “Ladies, this is not the time for dramatics. Tori, you need to stop being provocative. And, Renee, are you going to let the woman you love, the family you love, just walk away?”

  Tori jumped in. “And waste another twenty years passively sitting around waiting for her?”

  “Tori.” Elle’s voice was a command to shut up.

  Renee rubbed her forehead. “It’s okay, Elle. Tori’s right. I need to fight for her, to make her come to her senses.”

  Tori grinned. She raised her glass to Renee. “That’s my girl. Go get her. We want to see you all in Paris.”

  The three of them drank to that, then while the restaurant owners tended to their business Renee ate dinner and thought about what she needed to do to get Constance back. After she paid for dinner and the wine they’d shared, she hugged Tori and Elle. “You two are the best. I can’t thank you enough for helping me with this. I hope to see you in Paris with my three girls in tow. Wish me luck.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Renee decided to give Constance some time to think about things, and hopefully, realize she’d made a mistake, so she canceled the three tickets to Paris, but feeling optimistic held on to the three returns with her the week after New Year’s. She went to Paris as planned and spent a few days before and after Christmas with her family, renewing her bonds with her brothers and sister and her nieces and nephews. Observing the family dynamic with new eyes, she saw how she was the one who acted as if she didn’t belong, not the other way as she’d imagined. Of course. She was the baby and as she interacted with them, she remembered how they’d all doted on her, at least until she turned into a bratty, withdrawn teenager who batted everyone away. For the first time since she was eighteen, she connected with her brothers and sisters, who seemed happy to have her with them.

  Christmas Day, sitting around after dinner with her parents and brothers and sister and their spouses, she grabbed a framed photograph off the wall and cleared her throat. All eyes turned to her. “Mom, Dad, Miriam, Alexandre, Auguste, and Nicholas, we all refer to this photograph as the family picture.” She displayed it so everyone could see. “Ha
ve you ever noticed that I’m not in it?” There was a burst of laughter and then excited conversation as one of her sisters-in-law took the picture, examined it, then passed it around.

  Maman answered the unasked question. “That’s true, Renee, you weren’t born when it was taken. Dad and I discussed taking another when you were about five but by then your sister and brothers were spread out over the world and it was impossible. It wasn’t because we didn’t love you.”

  Renee hugged her mom. “I know that logically, but I think somewhere inside of me I’ve always felt that not being in the photo considered the family picture was symbolic, that I’m not really part of the family.” She put her hand up to hold off the protests. “The adult me knows that’s not true. I feel very loved and close to all of you, especially this Christmas, but I hope you’ll humor me. I would like to have a new family picture taken of just the seven of us. And then I would like for us to have a photograph of the entire family taken each year.”

  And just like that, a sitting with a photographer was arranged for the next evening. The photographer, a family friend, suggested all seven wear black clothing, and promised she would have framed copies ready before Renee left for the States. They also scheduled a sitting for the entire family New Year’s Day when everyone would be in Paris.

  Later Christmas night, after her brothers, sister and their families had left, Renee and her mom sat in front of the fire having a nightcap. Feeling her mom’s eyes on her, Renee grinned. She’d wondered when the inquisition would begin. “So, Renee, you look different this trip, and I’m happy to say, you were unusually loving with your sister and brothers. What’s up?”

  Renee sipped her whiskey. “It’s Christmas.” Deflection rarely helped but you never knew.